"Its either me, or your Pilot Training"
 

Hello fellow wannabes and pilots alike,

I've been accepted into the Jet Pilot Programme for the 43 air school today. Its supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life as I've always dreamt of being a pilot since I was a child. All my friends and family couldnt be any happier for me.

But, my girlfriend of 3 years is not happy about the prospect of me being away training for nearly a year in total.

So I've got an ultimatum which you've probably worked out from the title.

Anyone else had to manage a situation like this? If so, advice is greatly required.

How old are you may I ask?

You may. I'm 28

girls will come and go, but this is a career for life.

go for the air training! plenty of air stewardesses at 35,000ft :)

JB

Question is; how old is she. :}

Hey sorry to hear about your situation. In my opinion I think you should do do the training program its been a dream of yours for a long time, you will be kicking yourself for the rest of your life if you don't take the chance, its a risk you have to take. As a girlfriend she should be supportive, yes it is hard being in a long distance relationship but if two people want to be together the distance won't be a problem. I know I have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years I lived in Canada she lived in Poland, I moved to Poland last year and we are still together. If you decide to go for it, remember to call a lot, e-mail. Its all based on thrust. Hope you make the right decision

my 2c
 

Hi Oveur

Sorry to hear about your situation. It's not something i would not even wish on my worst enemy !

It is important that your girlfriend/wife supports (or at least tolerates) your decision to fly for a living. If she cannot support you being away for the training - will she be able to cope when you are a full-time pilot - away from home for long periods ... ?

I cannot tell you what to do, though - YOU have to decide. But being accepted at 43 is an amazing opportunity. I for one would sacrifise a lot for that !

I'm inclined to suggest that she is being manipulative and you can do without a girlfriend that does that sort of thing. Surely it's not out of the blue that you were applying, and that that would mean being apart for a year? And it's not a year of 365 days none-stop - you would be able to see her from time to time? Also, if all goes well and you get your licence, the next thing will be working using it - surely that will involve you being away a lot as well?

Heidi Hi,

I was in the same boat in October....

I've also been with my girlfriend 3 years, passed the CCAT Assessment day and after the selling spiel from the Integrated team up at Cranfield I went away and thought, bugger it, I have to go integrated and I'll be moving up to Cranfield for a over a year!

Went home and spoke to the mrs.....the words heavy led balloon come to mind! After weeks of rowing about it she gave me the same ultimatum and I said that if she really wanted to be with me then she was going to have to accept that this is what I am going to do. If she couldn't then it's a great shame but hey ho. This shocked her back into line and I would suggest you try the same mate! In the end I came round to the thought that if I didn't do this because of her I would resent her for the rest of my life and we would end up breaking up anyway so better now than later!

I suspect that if you've been with her for 3 years its pretty serious and it would take alot more than that to split you up. Im training Modular at Cabair BOH now but that had nothing to do with the mrs and everythig to do with the repayments at the end!

Im off to Canada in March for 3 months and thats going to be hard on both of us but its short term pain for long termgain and I personally made the decision to let nothing stop me from getting to that RHS. Selfish attitude to have? Maybe but there are times in life when you have to put yourself 1st!

Hope this helps but PM me if not.

CS :ok:

Hi,
in my opinion (as already nearly all of us have already said) is that you have to follow your heart.... flight of that girl....

You have to establish which life you will consider colorless without either of the two options :ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:

Good look (I would directly say.... FLIGHT:):):):):):):))

Bin her.

If she's complaining now then just wait until you start your training. It's a full time commitment and she has to be in on it.

If you 'pick her' then you will just become bitter towards her later on for missing out on a dream you had while she goes off on a career direction of her choice.

You never know she might be bluffing and will come crawling back if she realises your not going to back down (this never works for me)

There are a lot of factors that come into her response I am sure, however, if she loves you, surely she would support you, it is not as it is forever is it?

Its also interesting that you have been together for while and she must have known your amibition. Reminds me of my situation. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, and I remember sitting her down when we got together and putting my cards on the table about my amibition in life to become a pilot. And I can say, she has been so supportive, to which I am thankful for.

I guess another thing that needs to be considered, is how will she react when you new roster is published, and you only have 10 days in one month at home? It may be worth sitting down and discussing it and addressing what you both want from life?

Anyway, only my 2 pence worth, hope you can work things out.

any chance of dragging her along? I'm planning to move to the UK to do my training after I finish my degree and my girlfriend will be tagging along.

Sounds harsh and cold, but consider letting her go . . . she's more interested in herself than in you, and sounds like she doesn't want to budge from her comfort zone - or want you to, either.

Scenario from my own past: Get rid of your business and get a job working for someone or I will leave . . . so I did . . . accepted a 75% cut in income so she could be comfortable with a much smaller but regular weekly paycheck . . . a few months later, she left anyway . . . then I got to start up my business again and make a decent living (again).

Relationships come and go, your pilot's license is for life. If she's given to ultimatums, you're likely better off without her. Men usually take about six months to get over a relationship, women take about a year.

If you cave on this, which is something that really means a lot for you and your future, what's next? Do you really want to wind up like Mr. Bouquet on "Keeping Up Appearances"?

See if she's willing to demonstrate any flexibility, reach some kind of a compromise arrangement, but if she says "airplanes or me", she's history.

/end marital advice mode

Best Regards,

Echo Mike

Short answer:

"don't let the door hit your bum on your way out"!..

Seriously, if someone can't support you in your career choice then maybe they're not the person for you.

can you post a pic of her?

Show her the door as she walks slowly, kicking cans down the street, yell "Toodle-f***ing-pip you selfish (insert expletive here)".
I've got 4 words for you, Air Stewardesses Air stewardesses.

In the words of Gordon Ramsey (or in the style of)

Girl, Out, flying career, in, money, in, air stewardesses, on, start cycle again. Done.

Regards

CR

I pretty much agree with all of the above. If you really think there is something special between you then try and bring her around. If not, then consider a parting of the ways. I could say much more but I won't, except to leave you with this thought .........

How will you feel if you don't take up this opportunity and then in 6, 9, 12, or 24 months time, she turns around out of the blue and finishes with you !?

Good luck and don't look back in anger !!

Ultimatums
 

hi there

tough one to be in, however i was placed in a similar situation when one of my previous babes told me to stop jumping out of aircraft(been doing it since i was sixteen) or else.... i kept jumping and the following week i joined a flying school and started doing my ppl too:) ... few more threats came about and eventually she posted her keys through my letter box.
now doing my atpl theory(almost done) and have a new woman who supports me 100% and far sexier:ok:.

DONT GIVE UP YOUR DREAM. YOU WILL BE SORRY.

G LUCK

Just got to like Tomasz's final comment, :E:E:E

She either supports you or she doesnt. Hit her with that one

Guys,

I appreciate all the good advice here. You're all a great help and I'm glad I'm not the only one to go through this. You're all dead right about being supported 100%. And right now I've go no support at all from her.

Its a fair point that I would resent her if I chose her over piloting. She really needs to see things in a different light. It shouldnt be a girl vs career competition. There has to be a way of having both.

I'm meeting her in an hour for "talks" so I'll let you all know how it goes.

(btw ROFL @ rosco's air stewardesses line)

God i wish i could land that kinda gig or afford integrated so i could move away from the missus and maybe return one day to an empty house and an atpl.....you dont know how lucky you are being shown a way out.
Im off feeling sorry for myself :ouch:

Plenty of fish in the sea mate. RHS, now that's another story :}

Drop her for flying every time!

My misses of 7.5 years is supportive (in fact pushing me) to do my flight training. I said I'd either do it locally within 100 miles or I'd go to Florida for 18 months. No prizes which she thought was the better option but she said she'd support me either way.

Good luck buddy.

Ditch the bitch.

If you make this sacrifice for her, you will resent her and regret it for the rest of your life, and who knows in the future she might just F:mad: Off and leave you anyway.

You will have a blast down in SA, it will be one of the best years of your life and you don't want it being ruined by some selfish cow back home who is making you feel guilty with every phone call and email.

There are plenty more chicks out there, especially in the airline industry and a few of the guys from the UK that were at my club in Port Elizabeth actually ended up meeting local girls and stayed down there !!.

If you are into this girl, tell her you ARE going and she either deals with it, or you will see her in 12 months if/when you get back.

If she is hot, give her my number and I'll look after her whilst your away - no strings either !!.

:E :ok::\ :}

Go for the training hehe.

Seriously, girls will come and go, but chances like the one you have been given do not happen daily.

Dont EVER allow a girl to define you, unless she is that proverbial "one", and if she were...

you wouldnt be on here asking a bunch of strangers for advice... ;)

go see the world as PIC from FL360

(The bitterness comes from being a promising young footballer once, before I had "distractions" :p)

Think Dartangion hit the nail on the head, post a pic and we will be able to give you better advice, we could even organise a poll among the wannabe's!!!!

All joking aside, women have totally messed up my flying training. I originally wanted to go to FTE and I came home one night to the g/f in tears, and being told to "just F*** off to Jerez then". Needless to say I went modular at the local flying school, still at it due to the wx here. Then, yes you guessed it I come home and she says she met somone else!!!!! biatche!

Next up met another lass and moved in with her, she told me that moving in meant moving in so I wasn't allowed to even stay one night in my own apartment even if I was on the lash and out with the boys. So no chance of going away to do training. Eventually I ditched her as she was too clingy.

At this point I was single, no ties and enjoying my flying more than ever. Had booked to do my IR away from home. Guess what? I meet a girl about 3 weeks before IR starts, She doesn't want me to go or at least come home at weekends. Had to make the obligatory 3 hour phone call every night when she blurts out that she was pregnant!!!! OMG, put IR on hold and came straight back. Turns out a false alarm. Eventually took me about 4 months to finish IR.

I am single now and intend to stay single for a long time now, just hanging about now waiting on the wx for the CPL and I'm done. If only I had went to FTE I would have been finished 2years ago. I don't resent the girls for it but myself for letting them dictate to and manipulate me. Yes girls will come and go but the LHS is a more difficult nut to crack.

So oveur, from my experience I would change my route and have gone with my original plan of action, your g/f may be able to compromise. Remember to factor in the cost of phone calls from SA back to home and limit it to 10 mins every night. It cost me an absolute fortune in my 3 hour phone calls every night. Good luck.:=

Haha, To be honest, your Girl doesn't look like shes really wanting to spend her life with you if shes giving you such a hard choice.
(sorry if i was unnecessarily judgmental).
I am currently in a long distance relationship where my girlfriend lives in Sydney, and I in Brisbane, and Its hard to start with, but tends to get easier, but you can't keep an eye on her if she was to be unfaithful or anything, but then you ask yourself if she is the right girl if you have to ask those questions.

But anyway, can't you organise to take out a weekend every month or something to go see her for a bit?

I personally think that if a girlfriend gives you a choice between you and her dream, she probably isn't the right girl.

(Mine has a 'thing' for pilots :P, and I'm just training to be one :D)

Yep - ditch her.

What happens if you split up anyway in 6 months/a year or so? No pilot licence, and no girl either.

If she's not going to support you, you're better off without her.

Remember - if it flies, floats or f**ks - you're better off renting it. :ok:

Turn the ultimatum back on her as sugggested here!

I was in the position a long time ago and unfortunately chose the girl and gave up something I loved at the time and wanted to follow to the commercial side(diving). I have regretted stopping ever since, have about £10k worth of gear lying around and she is now long gone!!!!

Luckily I now have someone very supportive who whenever I ask her something just tells me to get on with it :)

Dont give up or else you will be as p1ssed off as I was at the time and prob hate her for making you give up anyway!!!

J.

There's a psychological technique for getting your own way called anchoring. Suggest to your girlfriend something that appears to be a bigger commitment than flight training that she would absolutely never agree to like I'm going astronaut training in Azerbaijan for 5 years because thats my dream. Once she regects that say that you'll comprimise by just doing flight training for a year she'll be so glad you're not going away for 5 years that she'll agree to anything. It's got the thumbs up from Paul McKenna.:ok:

******* brilliant opportunity to turn the good old female line around on the enemy so sieze it. Sit her down and say....

If you love me you'll let me go for it!

Then watch her face and I bet you anything that somehow it'll be different!lol :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Like I said earlier, its very difficult but unless you have someone supportive behind you then it aint gonna work. I presonally agree with the notion of posting a pic and we shall decide whether shes worth it for you! :E

I've never known any woman to like guy that they have under the thumb! Sure they may like to brag that they have you there but in reality they dont find it attractive and actually want you to be your own man. Lay down the law and she'll soon come running! Good luck!!!

CS :ok:

Its the opportunity of a lifetime to do that, you will be kicking yourself forever if you don't give it a try.

If she point blankly refuses to co-operate and help find a modus vivendi for the two of you during the year then perhaps you should consider letting her go.


So go for it

The real reason behind her ultimatum could be insecurity and fear that you will play the field once you get two VOR stations away. I won't attempt to tell you how to crack that nut.

Smith's post reminds me of a nephew who went off to Uni while his GF was still finishing A-levels. She ended up pregnant (though allegedly on the pill) and he ditched his dreams to follow her halfway across the country. They never married. When the kid arrived, she left him at home to take care of the boy while she partied and screwed around. Now he moved back to his old neighborhood, she has the kid who is probably being dumped with relatives so she can party and he only sees his son 1-2 times a year. I just hope she goes so totally off the rails that he can get custody and hopefully before she messes the boy up beyond repair.

You can't win with an unsupportive and/or insecure woman, so I tend to think giving her the ultimatum and following through with the boot if she wavers is the most likely way to avoid enormous regret.

As for the phone bills, ever hear of Skype or video chat with MSN, AOl or an iMac?

okej, now lets finish this pilot soapopera :}..
what happened?!

A mate of mine was in exactly the same position a few years ago. He ditched her and is now an A320 skipper and beating off women with a !!!!ty stick.:E

You'll soon forget her when you've done your first solo, picking up your blue book, earning your green book, putting on your fanny magnet or setting cruise at FL360 etc etc etc etc.

My missus would be more annoyed with you than your possibly soon to be ex because she hates women like that who treat their men like wusses and are only interested in them selves and then let them away with it.

I told my wife from day one that i wanted to be a pilot and dont even think about trying to stop me.......in fact the opposite was true in that i wouldnt be flying now without her.

So in summary and without trying to be too flippant with your dilemma ditch her and book the first ticket you can to SA get your licence and get the life you want.

Good luck with your decision but i think you've made it already and just need to hear it from your piers

Right I'm back from the talks. I put my foot firmly down on the subject. I told her I'm going ahead as planned and nothing would stop me now, so you have to support me 100% or 0%. No in between. I said I didnt want to listen a girl crying on the end of the phone when I'm balls deep in exams and studying.

We can always pick up where we left off when I come back. This year will be nothing but a memory in 20 years when we've raised a family together.

She piped down after that, so it looks like we've sorted things out.

I'm not posting a picture but believe me this girl is worth the effort. She's a beautiful 22 YO Italian.

So to all the men who've posted on this thread a big thanks :ok: All of the advice helped

Oveur

Well done mate it seems like you can have your cake and eat it too.

You really wont regret it when your up there looking down rather than looking up feeling bitter.

Good luck with your ATPL's as they'll make this little spat seem like a nice day out.:ok::ok::ok: