The Funny Things Instructors Say and Do
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Not so much funny as bizarre at the time but "Bl@@dy cold in here isnt it" - at least five times in fairly quick succession on a long mid winter navex.
Eventually I got fed up with this and said "What do you expect me to do about it?"
His response was that he was checking how I would look after a passenger and the least I could do was put the heater on.
Duh! I was converting from gliders and the concept of a heater in an aircraft had simply not occurred to me - what luxury.
g45
Eventually I got fed up with this and said "What do you expect me to do about it?"
His response was that he was checking how I would look after a passenger and the least I could do was put the heater on.
Duh! I was converting from gliders and the concept of a heater in an aircraft had simply not occurred to me - what luxury.
g45
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On my first ever finals approach in a taildragger (Citabria).
"This is your first ever approach in a taildragger, and you've got your elbow out of the window. I'm sorry but that is just too fukcing cool!"
(The Citabria has side windows that can be latched open in flight. If one rests ones arm on the window aperature, one can control the throttle simply by flexing ones wrist.)
"This is your first ever approach in a taildragger, and you've got your elbow out of the window. I'm sorry but that is just too fukcing cool!"
(The Citabria has side windows that can be latched open in flight. If one rests ones arm on the window aperature, one can control the throttle simply by flexing ones wrist.)
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On my first ever trial flight (having just qualified as an instructor), the young lady asked if I'd ever have a student throw up whilst flying with me...
I confidently responded that I had never had a student be sick when flying with me.
She was most relieved (as she didn't know that she was the first ever student I'd flown!) and she enjoyed the flight. I was delighted that she wasn't sick!
I confidently responded that I had never had a student be sick when flying with me.
She was most relieved (as she didn't know that she was the first ever student I'd flown!) and she enjoyed the flight. I was delighted that she wasn't sick!
Join Date: May 2006
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How about the FI who pom poms to himself to whatever tune is inside his head. Many years ago, out of Cambridge, it meant "you've forgotten something and you will know when I eventually tell you" (thanks Doug). Later, from a field outside Lichfield, it means "I'm relaxed and happy with your flying". Is psywar legal?
My instructor delights in giving me increasingly bizarre reasons to throw approaches away. Current record:
"Oh look! There's a giraffe on the runway!"
<carb heat off, throttle fully open, safe speed, positive rate of climb...>
(Four ground-bound weeks, and counting, I do not recommend crashing motorcycles as a pastime)
"Oh look! There's a giraffe on the runway!"
<carb heat off, throttle fully open, safe speed, positive rate of climb...>
(Four ground-bound weeks, and counting, I do not recommend crashing motorcycles as a pastime)
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The one I heard about was the instructor that use to take his student in an aircraft which had wooden sticks that could be removed to aid getting in and out. The stick slid into place in a metal square beneath the seat.
Well the instructor was well known for getting the novice student to do a T and G on the field or a low level pass, at which point, with great flurry he would throw his stick out of the aircraft. He would tell the student he had no alternative but to land the aircraft himself next time around, of course knowing full well that he simply had to ask the student to slide out his stick and pass it over if the need arose.
Well one wag knew the procedure well and so also threw his stick out immediately after the instructor proclaiming that he assumed the instructor was demonstrating what he wanted him to do.
You can imagine the instructors ashen face realising that they didnt have a stick between them and no way of controlling the aircraft.
Fortunately the student had secreted another stick by their side.
It was the last time the instructor tried that one.
Well the instructor was well known for getting the novice student to do a T and G on the field or a low level pass, at which point, with great flurry he would throw his stick out of the aircraft. He would tell the student he had no alternative but to land the aircraft himself next time around, of course knowing full well that he simply had to ask the student to slide out his stick and pass it over if the need arose.
Well one wag knew the procedure well and so also threw his stick out immediately after the instructor proclaiming that he assumed the instructor was demonstrating what he wanted him to do.
You can imagine the instructors ashen face realising that they didnt have a stick between them and no way of controlling the aircraft.
Fortunately the student had secreted another stick by their side.
It was the last time the instructor tried that one.
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Me, to a trail lesson student: 'If you tell me where you live, we can fly by your house'.
Student: 'Why?'
Me: 'Well, some people like to see where they live from the air'.
Student: 'No, I said Wye, it's about 20 miles from here'.
Student: 'Why?'
Me: 'Well, some people like to see where they live from the air'.
Student: 'No, I said Wye, it's about 20 miles from here'.
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Funny thing my instructor says? Anything he says right after touching down on a touch and go... 
I'm trying to regain the centre line, get the flaps up, power back on, re-regain the centre line, lift nosewheel, screw the centre line 
, get back in the air... As if I'm gonna be taking in any post-landing critique at that point! 
He's still an outstanding flight instructor tho'...
I'm trying to regain the centre line, get the flaps up, power back on, re-regain the centre line, lift nosewheel, screw the centre line , get back in the air... As if I'm gonna be taking in any post-landing critique at that point! He's still an outstanding flight instructor tho'...
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Just started my PPL and was practising landings with trees on the approach.
Aircraft bounced all over the place.
Me: Eeeek!! What was that?
Instructor (deadpan): We've either run over another aircraft or it's the downdraft from the trees.
Aircraft bounced all over the place.
Me: Eeeek!! What was that?
Instructor (deadpan): We've either run over another aircraft or it's the downdraft from the trees.
Last edited by Viola; 14th Oct 2007 at 19:56. Reason: too much waffle
The Original Whirly
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Funny thing my instructor says? Anything he says right after touching down on a touch and go... I'm trying to regain the centre line, get the flaps up, power back on, re-regain the centre line, lift nosewheel, screw the centre line , get back in the air... As if I'm gonna be taking in any post-landing critique at that point!
He's still an outstanding flight instructor tho'...
He's still an outstanding flight instructor tho'...
Why do so many students insist that their instructor is wonderful no matter what he does to prove otherwise? 
Sorry for the thread creep. Please just ignore me and carry on.
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Originally Posted by Whirlybird
Sorry for the thread creep. Please just ignore me and carry on.
It's one quirk in what is otherwise an outstanding instructor.
Now we can carry on.
A few tales from my student days...
One of the first times my instructor chops the power to simulate an engine failure:
Instructor: "Where are you going to land?"
Me (after looking around): "That long grass field over there."
Instructor: "The one with the high voltage power lines in it?"
Me: "Errr....."
===========
Another time, unbeknownst to either of us, the battery in the plane had been changed recently but not hooked up properly, so wasn't recharging. I preflight the plane, contact ground, then the tower, check that controls are free and correct, etc..
My instructor noticed something was wrong, but waited until I started my takeoff roll (on a long runway) to casually ask about the fuel gauges (or something else that required electrical power.) I look, see it's reading zero, and quickly decide to abort the takeoff.
The instructor had me taxi over to the tower so they could explain why we stopped talking to them.
============
I became a little more observant by the time I started cross country training flights. I'd meticulously explained my planned route to my instructor in advance, which involved going near Travis AFB in Northern California.
I'm flying along on a lovely day and make a rather abrupt 30 degree turn to the right.
Instructor: "Why are you turning?"
Me: "Because we were on a collision course with that C5 up ahead."
Instructor: "Just checking."
(I think they saw it... We were in uncontrolled airspace.)
One of the first times my instructor chops the power to simulate an engine failure:
Instructor: "Where are you going to land?"
Me (after looking around): "That long grass field over there."
Instructor: "The one with the high voltage power lines in it?"
Me: "Errr....."
===========
Another time, unbeknownst to either of us, the battery in the plane had been changed recently but not hooked up properly, so wasn't recharging. I preflight the plane, contact ground, then the tower, check that controls are free and correct, etc..
My instructor noticed something was wrong, but waited until I started my takeoff roll (on a long runway) to casually ask about the fuel gauges (or something else that required electrical power.) I look, see it's reading zero, and quickly decide to abort the takeoff.
The instructor had me taxi over to the tower so they could explain why we stopped talking to them.
============
I became a little more observant by the time I started cross country training flights. I'd meticulously explained my planned route to my instructor in advance, which involved going near Travis AFB in Northern California.
I'm flying along on a lovely day and make a rather abrupt 30 degree turn to the right.
Instructor: "Why are you turning?"
Me: "Because we were on a collision course with that C5 up ahead."
Instructor: "Just checking."
(I think they saw it... We were in uncontrolled airspace.)
I knew a good looking young woman who changed instructors because the first one kept hitting on her and trying to ask her out on dates during her flying lessons.
Her explanation?
"I don't need to PAY someone to flirt with me!"
Her explanation?
"I don't need to PAY someone to flirt with me!"
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C152 Driver: Silly reasons? Check out the thread below!
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthr...hlight=giraffe
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthr...hlight=giraffe
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On an instructing course where we had to do spinning in CAP10's
Instructor says while he is briefing us on the procedure in a slight pakistani accent
"If I say eject... and you say 'what?'.... you are talking to yourself"
Couldn't stop laughing for hours
Instructor says while he is briefing us on the procedure in a slight pakistani accent
"If I say eject... and you say 'what?'.... you are talking to yourself"
Couldn't stop laughing for hours
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I got a good one at one point. FI "The next landing is mine" I asked why he said cause your showing me up and I need to practise cause your better than me.
david
david
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Hands free!!!!
Was showing this thread to a mate in a bar in HK. Not to be outdone, he recounted the story about his mate flying circuits in a meteor with IP. They made a reasonable approach but the landing was without flare and rather hard. As they rolled down the runway the IP said, "that wasn't one of your best!"
Haha said the pilot. "Not one of YOUR best you mean!"
"my aircraft" said the IP...
class!
Haha said the pilot. "Not one of YOUR best you mean!"
"my aircraft" said the IP...
class!
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Heard from a USAF basic flying instructor before my T-37 ride:
"If it all goes bad and we have to get out, you'll hear me say "Bailout, bailout, bailout!", but the third one's gonna be an echo."
same guy, same briefing, slight variation on earlier post:
"When I tell you to bailout, I'm not waitin' around to make sure you do it. If you're not gone by the third call, you'll be loggin' solo time as pilot in command!"
And what a great ride it was!!
"If it all goes bad and we have to get out, you'll hear me say "Bailout, bailout, bailout!", but the third one's gonna be an echo."
same guy, same briefing, slight variation on earlier post:
"When I tell you to bailout, I'm not waitin' around to make sure you do it. If you're not gone by the third call, you'll be loggin' solo time as pilot in command!"
And what a great ride it was!!
