Wanting to quit aviation
 

This is my first time here so sorry if I've this in the wrong place, but I'm just wanting some opinions/guidance.

Im a pilot in OZ and have been training full time for a while now, and am getting pretty close to my CPL (in about 15 hours if we go by the minimums).

When I first started training I absolutely loved it, I loved getting up in the air and doing any kind of training, whether it be circuits or just practising turns or stalls I loved it all. But over 130 hours down the track It just a'int the same, every time I strap myself to that aircraft it seems like a chore and a burden, and I'm starting to hate it. The passions just gone, and I very really get a kick out of heading up anymore, it doesn't seem to much of a difference what I'm doing (although I'm mostly doing upper air work in preparation for my CPL) or if I'm with an instructor or solo.

There is a word I could use to describe how I'm feeling starting with a "D" but I was told early in my training to never talk about feelings like that (especially to a DOC) , at risk of losing any chance of staying in this industry. (I would just like to say that no I'm not going to do anything stupid or place anyone in risk or danger I would NEVER do anything like that, and I don't feel like that in any way.)

Anyway after completing my CPL I'm meant to be going and doing Instrument work to finish of my qualification/training, however I feel that I don't want to be flying aircraft anymore.
Im not sure if I should just push on and try and complete my training or chuck it all in now (what I feel like I want to do).

It might be worth me adding that I have now have a sizeable loan from the the GOV, and if i pull out now it will affect my eligibility to get a GOV loan and do any training in any other industry in the future as I have not completed this course. And if I do leave the training now I will have nothing to show and a massive loan to payback (already north of 50K) with no other qualifications and virtually no earning potential. If I were to continue at the moment if would feel like only a means to an end, and to have something to show that would hopefully lead to job and a way to pay back my loan.

So what does anyone think? Has anyone else felt like this and wanted to turn there back on aviation, if so what did you do, did you enjoy it again?

Thanks, and any advice greatly appreciated

Mate, there are truisms in both sides of your dilemma.
My Dad used to say "Life's too short to dance with ugly women"
Translate that into "If you aint happy doing what your doing, find something else"

Probably true, but from what you say you started out loving your journey.
Its a very tough road to travel to achieve success in this industry, the pressure is extreme.
For some people that pressure can dampen the joy and diminish that sense of pride when you cut your slipstream in a perfect steep turn, kiss the ground in exactly the right spot after a perfect approach, but as time goes by, and the pressures intensify, the adrenalin boost to the ego diminishes and for a lot of people the question gets asked "What the hell am I doing this for?".
Maybe you just need to reconnect with the sheer fun that soaring in the clouds can bring..to use another old adage "Stop and smell the roses"

I've been in aviation for over fifty years and sure there's been ups and downs, but in the end I've managed to reconnect with the fun and sense of achievement where I can't imagine doing anything else.

Maybe if things feel so bad for you, some professional help would help set your mind straight, there's no shame in seeking help, we all could do with some sagely advice every now and then, wish I had done so, would have saved me from a lot of grief on more than a few occasions.
Life's too short old mate, take care of you.

This doesn't sound like YOU are I control here...

Finish off your basic CPL or you really do have nothing to show for your money... you are so close now. Do this, take a small break and re-assess. Don't throw money at IFR as it's more difficult and dry and will certainly put you off more than what you are doing now.

Difficult situation and completely understandable.

If it is the big "D," things may improve after you get some assistance and you may rekindle your love of the skies.

Lost Pilot 22, if you don't complete your training you will be 24 in two years time, if you complete your CPL, IR and ATPL frozen you will be 24 in two years time and what a great qualification to have!
We all go through periods precipitated by peers or personalities. Never give up!
P M me if you wish.

My humble thoughts, offered from someone who understands a bit about the concept of being in a dark place regarding the nexus between the personal and professional:

Firstly, I suspect you may be a bit professionally "flat" - that is to say that you are losing the joy of flying because you are looking at your training as a long journey that you simply wish to complete, rather than an adventure to be savoured. Perhaps the way your training is presented or the environment in your training organisation needs to be looked at to assist you?

When I go through low patches, I really try to just look out the window when I fly at all the wonderful colours and interesting things for a bit - think less on technical aspects (within reason!) and more on how awesome things look from the unique perspective of an aircraft. Simple things, but often they are the best.

I would offer that you ought to consider not going beyond your CPL at this point. Finish it off, then head north and pick up a job flying VFR singles (all you will get to begin with anyway), then revisit the IR, etc later when you have some experience, proficiency and more importantly, confidence in your abilities and clear direction regarding your path forward.

I wish you the best, mate, but if you can't identify the specific source of your concern, then bust a move and change up your circumstances to possibly root it out - bit you can do this without throwing completely away your investment Andy efforts so far.

Good question to ponder and maybe the start point of your deliberations - why did you REALLY start flying?

If you initially got a buzz out of flying, it may be worth thinking about what that buzz came from. If it was because you loved flying and aviation, rather than just the idea of the job (being a pilot), if you liked learning new skills and polishing your ability, I think there is a good chance you can get it again by doing some fun flying stuff.

The CPL process can be a drain - particularly when added to the mix is the big financial outlay. Often same type of training plane each day, all focused on ticking boxes, slow progress at times, pressure and criticism. Watching money go out the whole time. Wondering when it will end - do I do more training to get IR etc (and coming across jaded people in the industry, or hearing CPLs with hard luck stories, all complaining so you start to wonder if it is a career you actually want).

It doesn't have to be that way.

Aviation though can be more than flying A to B and back and ticking boxes to meet certain requirements.

Maybe worth thinking about if you can afford it, (and assuming you haven't done this already), book in some time to get an aero's endorsement or a TW endorsement on a fun plane etc. Do some flying for its own sake - with an aeros endorsment, a 40 minute flight every fortnight or so can be a great release, similarly, jumping in a tailwheel and shooting 0.5 of cross wind circuits can be great fun.

See if you can work out what the buzz used to be and try and get some of that back. Just because you are doing a structured CPL course doesn't mean you can't add in some extra curricular flying - flying that is both fun and will polish your skills and broaden your aviation experience so is not wasted time.

I guess that all hinges on if you can afford it though. :( That is the kicker.

The cost these days of getting a CPL is something I don't know how young people cope with. I thought it was bad when I did it a long time ago, I realise now I was fortunate.

Beaten to it by jonkster. Go and fly purely for fun for a weekend, close any textbooks and forget your CPL for a minute, go and hop in an aerobatic aircraft or tail dragger for a couple of lessons with a new instructor, preferably away from Bankstown or Moorabbin (assuming that's where you're training)

Hopefully you'll come back having remembered why you started in the first place.

Wait a minute? Is this PPRuNe? There's only been positive and sensible posts - Can't be PPRuNe! Good replies so far, so all I'll say is - that feeling when you've just completed the CPL flight test ... I can't recall anyone not feeling on top of the world after that flight (and can remember the feeling many years later)... probably do wonders for your state of mind ... and confidence, but I agree with other posters here that going straight into IR could be the wrong direction for the moment.

Everyone reaches peaks, troughs and plateau's in learning and that can affect mood. I agree with previous posters, go do some aero's and have some fun. Short of that, talk to your instructor and nut out where the fun went. Enjoy your achievements, but don't get down because every flight you ever do can be improved on.

Nothing to stop you taking a break and getting out in the real world to regain a sense of relativity.

I suspect after a few months working construction/ mining/ primary industry or insert crap job of choice here your approach may have regained a renewed sense of urgency...

I'm not a professional pilot, but my feeling would be that if I were only 15-20 hours away from a CPL I'd persevere and get the qualification. The additional amount of money will not be that much in the grand scale of things; you will feel better with yourself if you can see it through and so will future employers, whether or not you stay in the aviation industry. We're presumably talking a few thousand dollars and a month or two?

If you need to take a break first, so be it. If you decide ultimately that it isn't what you want to do, then so be it. I can't speak for aviation, but medicine is another profession where people often find they're not well suited to it after they've invested large amounts of time and money. Few have the guts to leave, but those that do often go on to do very interesting things.

It's good that you have the insight to realise that you're depressed. If you ever do get to the point that things are getting out of hand, then you should obviously go and see someone professional about it. However, make sure that you're getting some time to do non-aviation things. See your friends/family and make sure there's someone you can talk to about how you feel. Exercise is also very good for depression. Try jogging or cycling for half an hour a day.

As an 'old fart', (retired), I would recommend as others have said, that you finish your CPL qualification, then think a little more about the IR - which has to be renewed at great cost if you are still without a flying job - and maybe just relax after gaining your CPL and perhaps take up some 'aeros' to break the cycle, improve your skill, and put the fun back into it all.....

If all else fails, and you decide to give it away, then you have the qualification, and perhaps you might consider using your CPL as a qualification for a career in ATC...??

Its good money and a good 'Super' scheme.....and you will get paid EVERY fortnight..!!

Good Luck
Cheers.... :ok:

I reckon if I flew 150 hours of lessons and navs I'd be feeling the same. You just don't get the social aspect or the enjoyment of flying somewhere, hoteling it or camping etc. That's the part that makes aviation fun.

If you can think about what might make it more fun like taking your significant other or a family member somewhere and heading into town, happy days. Hanging around airports can be quite depressing.

My thoughts; I've been doing it for about 25 years and have had two or three low periods where I was 'over it' but for whatever reasons ( I don't know) I kept at it and I'm happy now.
There is some good advice above so all I'll add is that either way, stay or go, it's not the end of the world. Problems like this can seem overwhelming but the reality is you can have a happy life if you carry on, and you can have a happy life if you chuck it in and see what life offers up next.
Who knows, the flying part of your life might just be an interesting dinner story when you are the head of a global charity or a famous sportsperson or even better, Jo Bloggs earning average money with a healthy happy family.
When I was 22 I wrongly attached my identity to aviation. ( I think this is quite common with young people) . As you get older you realise that your identity is other things, how you look after your family, how you contribute to your community, whether people can trust and rely on you, whether you give as much as you take from relationships, that sort of thing is much more important than which way you choose to bring money into the household.
So, my rambling opinion is, it doesn't matter mate. Make the best decision you can and then don't look back.
Cheers
( also, share your concerns with someone , doesn't matter who, but have a chat about it.)

Maybe go to Thailand for a week, relax a bit. Then return and knock over that CPL.


Then re asses your future, I am not a pilot but been playing this aviation game since 1985.

It has its ups and downs, but if I am honest many more ups than downs.

Working other countries was certainly an up (most days), but I almost chucked it all in as an appy also.

So close to the CPL, I would just do it - but think if 1/2 way I would advise "run".

Not a great deal to add and agree with everything so far.

I love flying but I didn't enjoy training, I did a 150hr syllabus and they managed to suck all the fun out of it. Pressure and less than desirable attitudes from some instructors/school staff can have a large effect on your mood and enthusiasm. I also don't like line training or checks, it's just part of the industry. I DO love the 'job' though, but it has its days still where you want to throw it away, you just need to move past them.

I recently enough did some private flying, probably the first time I had ever really done it as I was always on schedule during training and didn't get much choice as to where I flew, and it made me feel like a kid again. Could go wherever and whenever I wanted and that's what flyings about right? My favourite flying would be a full moon night in good WX, it's about as good as it gets for me, you just need to find your favourite, maybe it's aeros as mentioned, maybe it's TW and so on. Also consider doing some RA time, that's a lot of fun and some good skills to learn.

Also ask yourself if you were feeling 'bad' before starting to fly, it may actually have nothing to do with aviation but the pressure of it bringing to the forefront other issues.

Best of luck finishing your CPL, which I recommend and as stated the day you pass will be one of the best in your life, I vividly remember passing mine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mxmFCw-Dig

Is a wonderful watch.

Surely the goal of aviation is to have an exactly equal number of ups and downs!

Lost Pilot - you said that you've got maybe 15 hours to go on the CPL if you go by the minimums. How realistic is that? Are you going to be ready to do the test after 15 hours more flying? Or is part of the problem that you still feel like you've got loads of work to do before you reach the appropriate standard?

If it's just 15 more hours, I'd stick that out. At a few hours per day you'll be done within a week, or at a few hours each weekend it's only a month. Even if you never use the CPL it'll do no harm on a resume for other jobs as an example of dedication to a task, ability follow instructions, performance under pressure, etc. As others have said, once it's finished you can take a holiday, do some "fun" flying, and reconsider your future plans.

If it's "minimum 15 hours but realistically 50+ hours" then it's probably time to cut your losses - at least temporarily. Take a holiday, and if you come back from that still feeling like it's a bad idea, then abandon it and find some other work. Exactly the same situation as if you continue now, although without the nice "CPL" to put on your resume.


Looking to the future - is there something that you would like to do? Someone else mentioned a career as an ATC; I'd imagine that there are a range of other flying-related jobs that would benefit from the practical experience but do not actually involve any hands-on flying - and may be more suited to your interests. There are jobs opening up in the UAV space, and a CPL (or even a PPL) gives you an advantage there because it means you've completed a required test and you understand most of the rules. Flight training involves some flying, but not a terribly large amount where you're actually in control (ideally you're just supervising a student after the first few lessons) and plenty of ground work too. Or you can do something else entirely, and you'll probably still find that some aspects of flying (like the ability to decipher regulations) are useful - although of course the further you stray from aviation the more work you'll have to put in to pick up appropriate skills.

Considerations...
 

First and foremost congratulations on actually asking for help and advice. You are well on the way to being someone worthwhile, not only as a human but as an employee, showing a great deal of maturity and self awareness which is one of the critical life skills that a lot of people I still know find hard to grasp.

Just my 2c.

I have had some hard times and faced off a couple of times with bosses that paid what they paid 15 years ago, and failed about 5 times as many interviews than what I have passed, including some that I grew up with stars in my eyes for. The point I would like to make to you is that I felt the worst at these times when flying was part and parcel of my identity.

I think it is very easy to get caught up in the swell and final push to get a big shiny jet job and move on to the best company, and get you IFR done asap. But is this going to make you happy?

What drew you to aviation in the first place? Have you heard the stories about bush flying? Have you met any pilots that have done a wet season or two single and ready to mingle... life past the CPL stage opens up a door to you to be used and abused. It is not nice starting out in the industry, and for those of you that will tell you it is, are going to be selling you a dream (that is unobtainable for most,) or a flying school course!

Here there is a dilemma. You didn't do this for the money, so what aspect of flying really thrilled you to begin with?

What I can promise you from experience of what all above me have said and personally if you want to PM for a chat, is that these feeling towards flying all passes, you have to work through it, there are going to be ebbs and flows in all jobs and parts of your life. The experiences you get from dealing with this boredom is not known to you at this time, but may come in handy again (like trying to scrape together the night hour req for an ATPL)... The best part about this though, is that if and when you do get that piece of paper from CASA, you will find a great bunch of guys and girls whom if you work along side of you will have a great time with.

I am long passed caring too much about the flying aspect of my job anymore now, and salute the flagpole every morning for my employer, but I now have responsibilities and wife/kids/and capital city house debt. I need to tow the line and I have come to hit the glass ceiling.


The hope I keep now in my back pocket is the chance of winning lotto, so I could go back to the position you will be in a couple of months (when you finish your CPL - cause you don't sound stupid, and it would be a stupid waste not to push though). I wish if I won lotto to rock up to work in a place like Hamilton island where shorts and barefoot where the only requirements in the uniform guide.


Best of luck, and always feel free to reach out via pm if you need a chat.

MP.

It must be terrible for you, Lost Pilot 22. A first post on such a profound question.

So are you from Avmed or are doing some research for a thesis?

Slatye, that is not a goal but a fact - some latter will be determining if there is another former.

I and others were taking life in aviation, not take offs vs landings.

Lost Pilot 22, I can only understand as someone who was in a very similar position - except it occurred for me after I finished my CPL at 22.

I got a job in a separate industry to pay for all my flying - then found I loved it so much that I only flew every 3 months to keep my currency up after my CPL flight test. For a good 6 months it was confusing, annoying and downright frustrating that I had wanted to fly for so long but now didn't. I found going to a few airshows and taking a few friends flying brought the bug back. I've decided to get the most out of my current job and when I feel ready, move back into aviation. There will always be planes to fly.

As everyone has said, go ahead and finish the CPL. For what it's worth, you might never fly commercially but to have that level of knowledge and training for the rest of your life will be beneficial if you decide an aviation career is not for you and to fly privately for fun. If one day you want to move into the industry, then having your ticket in hand will make things much easier.

Good on you for reaching out mate! PM if you'd like to chat about anything else.

I am not at all surprised. In your case have a good hard look at the ratio of your dual instruction as against your solo flying. Ideally it should be 50/50 by the time you reach 100 hours but it will probably more like 80 dual and only 20 solo. Much depends on your flying school policy. CFI's rarely closely supervise their junior instructors and CFI's generally don't regularly look at students progress reports and notice if the dual to solo ratio is heavily biased towards dual and if why is this so. Instructors make money on dual hours so say no more. Solo hours are always enjoyable. Dual hours not always so, depending on the quality of your instructors. Especially if they are inexperienced.

If possible consider training at a well regarded country school where ATC delays are less and the training area is close. But regardless of where you are training, you need to insist on more solo than you are probably currently getting. Solo hours are invaluable in increasing your personal flying skill, decision making and self confidence. Your early enthusiasm for flying will then quickly return.

Then if you are training at a capital city airport like Moorabbin, Essendon or Bankstown look at the ratio of ground time (taxiing, holding and run up time etc) and it is probably about 15-20% of your actual logged flight time. Yet you are being charged the same rate per minute whether flying or holding on the ground twiddling your thumbs waiting as others fly huge circuits and long finals.

Sounds like your training program may not have been the best choice for you? I was in a similar position a few years ago during training, the school went under just after I left.
Get your cpl complete then head north, you will learn more and have more fun in the first week at work than what you did in your 150 hours of training.

You've come this far, don't quit now mate.

Lost pilot, sorry to hear that it's not going great for you at the moment. From what I can tell, it is less likely that you have any kind of depression, more likely you have a case of training fatigue. Every time you fly, it's all high pressure and it's been taking the fun out of it and now you don't even remember why your doing it. My suggestion would be that you just chill for a bit, and if you can afford it, get a few mates to chip in and go for a nice adventure. Flying for fun for a little while will remind you why your doing it, and it's unlikely the passion you started with has actually disappeared, it's just temporarily buried.

The only other suggestion I could recommend is it may be time to consider changing schools. Whenever I instruct I work under the idea that this is supposed to be fun, if it's not then something is being done incorrectly. CPL is a long journey and it's very easy to focus on the end goal and forget to enjoy the journey along the way. Stick in there mate, it will all come good soon enough, good luck and with a bit of luck we may fly together one day in some kind of fast exotic piece of machinery.

Hi Lost Pilot.

First of all, good on you for seeking out information and trying to solve your dilemma.

Second of all, there's been some excellent advice already. Like REALLY, REALLY good.

Third, my humble opinion:
1. Slatye has hit the nail on the head. If you're actually only 15 hours from the standard, just persist. Have a chat to the CFI, if he thinks you're still a long way off, maybe shelve it for the time being. Ask for a different instructor - it can make ALL the difference.
Even the CFI might do a few flights with you to ease your mind. The friendliest, MOST FUN instructor I've ever flown with was my CFI.
2. The financial pressure can be a real burden, but remember it can be paid off. Even if you finish the last 15 hours and decide to work outside of aviation for a while, if you're disciplined and work hard you'll pay it back quickly. I paid my CPL and MECIR off in under two years. Turnbull can wait, he's got enough already.
3. Regarding the big D, the best advice I can give you is to go and see someone. I've seen a few mates struggle at times, and every single one has delayed seeking help. They've torn themselves to pieces for a very long time, and yet once they've finally looked for help - the improvement has been very strong and fast. Every person I know that has been down this road has eventually regretted not seeking help much earlier.

21st century men are no longer expected to dampen their feelings, pretend it's okay when it's not - or concern themselves with what their mates might think. Anyone who doesn't support you when you're struggling isn't a mate anyway.
If you see your GP then they can talk to you about it, and if further investigation is warranted medicare will pay for up to ten mental health sessions so you can get back on the right path. In the event help isn't needed, it will ease your mind that you're okay which is a huge step towards feeling better.

a) Go and see your CFI, that's what they are there for
b) Go and see your GP, if for nothing else than to tick a box and confirm that you are coping okay
c) You don't need an instrument rating for your first job. Worry about it later.

Sounds to me like the 50K debt is the problem.
This might lift your spirits!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m63I...ature=youtu.be

I think that the shiny brochure schools that offer "CPL in 150 hours" and the lure of "free money" via government loans are actually giving people very unrealistic expectations and leading to disappointment as well as a crippling debt that will haunt you for many years to come in an industry with poor start wages and very limited job prospects. I wonder how many others feel this way but haven't been brave enough to speak out.

How can any instructor can say "you will be ready for test in 15 hours time" . "You will have competed the 150 hour set syllabus" maybe, a very different thing. Another unrealistic expectation.


CPL training can be tough, I expect most of us have felt like packing it in somewhere along the way. There is no easy way no matter what the sales pitch says but taking a step back sounds like a good idea.

My advice, walk away for a bit, earn some cash and finish off non integrated if you still want to do it, don't throw good taxpayers money after bad if you have decided it's not for you. If you decide you don't want to do it then you will probably ask yourself why you didn't walk away sooner.

Good luck.

Haven't read the whole thread but did see some good advice.

I would suggest getting the CPL knocked off so you have that qualification squared away. You might then go and get another qualification (another industry) and during that time/process find what you really want.

I suspect the D might be influencing the whole thing. You are pretty young and what seems like a huge deal today is long forgotten tomorrow.

All the best. I'm sure in the end things will work out.

Here I was saying how helpful everyone has been, but PPRUNE has proven me wrong again.

BS. It's VERY realistic to expect any flying instructor to be able to project standards and timelines for progress. I would never have employed an instructor who couldn't determine when and if someone was going to meet the grade. Failure rates in CPL test are very low. If instructors or flying schools couldn't determine with a high level of accuracy when people will be ready for flight tests, the pass rate wouldn't reflect it. Any flying instructor knows the syllabus and flight test standards. Putting the two together is not rocket science. It's also why students' training is overseen by a CFI.

Bravo. Way to build up a guy who needs some positive reinforcement in a difficult time. FN unbelievable.

I really hope this thread ain't a wind up, LP22 please ACK.

From a business world perspective, if you want to be seen as less of an employment risk in whatever you choose to do with your life then you must be able to show you can finish something big-ish, be it a degree, elite sportsman, or CPL - just finish it, that's all.

And if things are looking grim, there is always IT.

Good luck.

As you will have seen from my earlier post, I am very sceptical of first time posters who hint at psychological issues. I may be being unkind - and if so I apologise unreservedly to LP22 if s/he is genuine - but I've seen a number of fishing expeditions recently on PPRuNe that were obviously about the regulatory and medical intervention 'opportunity' created by Germanwings.

Following on from LB, lost pilot is not competent to diagnose that he (she?) is suffering from clinical depression.

My advice would be to get the CPL ticket and then reassess the situation. Maybe you need to lie on a beach for a while after finishing. You might find there are nooks and crannies in the world of aviation that suit you very well and where a licence is very useful even if you aren't flying regularly.

The grass is always greener... I just finished 20 years in IT and started a new career today, was happy to get out of it!

Slippery Pete, as you know aviation is a tough gig with a reality gap between the sales pitch and the job market.
Sugar coating it isn't going to help anyone.
It sounds like the OP has a realistic grasp on it and that is why there are doubts creeping in.
BTW I have been training CPLs for 20+ years. Some people get quite far along and decide it's not for them. I would never recommend taking out a massive loan to do it for that reason.

Lost Pilot, I certainly hope the previous posters have given you some comfort and help in coming to a decision. It can be a hard road. Many a wide body pilot has said the greatest experiences were had in their formative GA lives. It can become just a job after some time in, and you can find a kernel of truth to cover almost any pro/con argument in the following. For me it was always a feeling of communing with nature, seeing it at its best and worse, and nothing beat being airborne watching a sunset/sunrise. And I got paid for indulging in what would otherwise have been an expensive hobby.

One fine hot Summer’s afternoon saw a Cessna 150 flying circuits at a quiet country airfield. The Instructor was getting quite bothered with the student’s inability to hold circuit height in the thermals and was getting impatient at sometimes having to take over the controls. Just then he saw a twin engine Cessna 5,000ft above him and thought "Another 1,000 hrs of this and I qualify for that twin charter job! Aaahh.. to be a real pilot.. going somewhere!"

The Cessna 402 was already late and the boss told him this charter was for one of the Company’s premier clients. He’d already set MCT and the cylinders didn’t like it in the heat of this Summer’s day. He was at 6,000ft and the winds were now a 20kt headwind. Today was the 6th day straight and he was pretty damn tired. Maybe if he got 10,000ft out of them the wind might die off... geez those cylinder temps! He looked out momentarily and saw a B737 leaving a contrail at 33,000ft in the serene blue sky. "Oh man" he thought, "My interview is next month. I hope I just don’t blow it! Outa G/A, nice jet job, above the weather... no snotty passengers to wait for.. aahhh."

The Boeing 737 bucked and weaved in the heavy CAT at FL330 and ATC advised that lower levels were not available due traffic. The Captain, who was only recently advised that his destination was below RVR minimums had slowed to LRC to try and hold off a possible inflight diversion, and arrange an ETA that would helpfully ensure the fog had lifted to CATII minima. The Company negotiations broke down yesterday and looked as if everyone was going to take a damn pay cut. The F/O’s will be particularly hard hit as their pay wasn’t anything to speak of anyway. Finally deciding on a speed compromise between LRC and turbulence penetration, the Captain looked up and saw Concorde at Mach 2+. Tapping his F/O’s shoulder as the 737 took another bashing, he said "Now THAT’S what we should be on... huge pay packet... super fast... not too many routes... not too many sectors... above the CAT... yep! What a life...!"

FL590 was not what he wanted anyway and considered FL570. Already the TAT was creeping up again and either they would have to descend or slow down. That damn rear fuel transfer pump was becoming unreliable and the F/E had said moments ago that the radiation meter was not reading numbers that he’d like to see. Concorde descended to FL570 but the radiation was still quite high even though the Notam indicated hunky dory below FL610. Fuel flow was up and the transfer pump was intermittent. Evening turned into night as they passed over the Atlantic. Looking up, the F/O could see a tiny white dot moving against the backdrop of a myriad of stars. "Hey Captain" he called as he pointed. "Must be the Shuttle. "The Captain looked for a moment and agreed. Quietly he thought how a Shuttle mission, whilst complicated, must be the be all and end all in aviation. Above the crap, no radiation problems, no damn fuel transfer problems... aaah. Must be a great way to earn a quid."

Discovery was into its 27th orbit and perigee was 200ft out from nominated rendezvous altitude with the commsat. The robot arm was virtually U/S and a walk may become necessary. The 200ft predicted error would necessitate a corrective burn and Discovery needed that fuel if a walk was to be required. Houston continually asked what the Commander wanted to do but the advice they proffered wasn’t much help. The Commander had already been 12 hours on station sorting out the problem and just wanted 10 bloody minutes to himself to take a leak. Just then a mission specialist, who had tilted the telescope down to the surface for a minute or two, called the Commander to the scope. "Have a look at this Sir, isn’t this the kinda flying you said you wanted to do after you finish up with NASA?" The Commander peered through the telescope and cried "Ooooohhhhh yeah! Now THAT’S flying! Man, that’s what its all about! Geez I’d give my left nut just to be doing THAT down there!" What the Discovery Commander was looking at was a Cessna 150 flying circuits at a quiet country airfield on a nice bright sunny afternoon.

Lost Pilot
 

I was saddened to read your predicament..
It must have been so exhilarating when you first started out and progressed to becoming a pilot. Where you are now is not a good space and is obviously hurting and distressing you a great deal.

You mentioned the "D" but did not talk about your general life.
Are you still active with friends, interests, hobbies etc,i.e. life in general? If so, perhaps you have just run out of interest and aviation is not your true calling after all?

However, If not and the "D" is pervasive, I think you need to put aviation on the back burner and it's far more important for your health and future to consider the overall picture and get some assistance.

Psychiatrists are specialist Dr's. They thrive/ rely on prescribing medication to seek a solution. Not a good idea in your chosen career I would think.

Psychologists are not Dr's and do not use medication. They rely on simply talking things through. Perhaps you could consider them similar to a mentor (the good ones!) ...

Feel free to PM me if you wish..

Best wishes

Octane

LP22,

I felt much the same during my military flying training, compounded in my case because of stop/start progress due to bouts of chronic barotrauma I suffered at the time. The medical officer who was supposed to be supporting me told me to stop flying.

That was almost forty years ago. I ignored his advice and have been flying for a living ever since.

I didn't really enjoy most of my PPL/CPL training at all, the sausage factory schools manage to squeeze all the fun and joy out of VFR, and you don't really see the point of 200 hours of stalls and steep turns and map reading when you just want to fly an Airbus.

But I stuck with it because I was mostly sure when I got to the big stuff, it wouldn't be like that. And it wasn't.

Everyone has that crisis of confidence somewhere in their late CPL when the pressure really starts piling on and they realize it's only going to get worse. Although when I got there, I actually really enjoyed the IR more than the VFR training because it was more structured, more numbers to crunch, a lot more black and white. Maybe just the way my aviation mind is wired.

Not much else to add except everyone goes through ups and downs of enjoying it. Even after 20+ years and 10,000+ hours. You'd be mad to not at least complete the CPL, you're only a few days away. Then take a few days off to recharge your batteries and get completely away from aviation. You'll miss it soon enough ��

Clare P;


"as you know aviation is a tough gig".


Why is it and why should it be?


I always wanted to drive a Locomotive and at my age is probably more adventurous, achievable and pays better. But they only carry 1,000 pax at a time or 80 tonnes per carriage in cargo. One wonders at the medical, educational, and emotional standard of a typical NSW suburban train driver.


But I wonder about a lot of things these days...