The truth.
 

Why not just say "I am a commercial pilot, and this is a commercial aeroplane"
The idea that only scheduled airline flights are commercial is VERY WRONG.

Because that wouldn't be as much fun. :=

Years ago when I was flying in Tanzania, I used to always get "whats the movie" from some smart ass yank that wanted to get a laugh from fellow pax.
"Tanzania's worst aviation disasters" was my answer. Shuts em right up.
Used to get this one all the time as well.
"Are you the pilot"
"You're a bit young to be a pilot"
"What is that", pointing to some switch. I always replied "flux capacitor".
Someone posted earlier that pax leave their brains at home when jumping on a plane. So very true. :ugh:

Aeroo, thats :mad:en funny.

Looking at a gravel airstrip 800m in length - "so what's the biggest jet you could fly in here?" :/

ive been asked the engine setting for a PFL before.

:}

as operating cabin crew flying back from europe the choice of meal was lamb or pork. young lady when informed of choice replied "i'd love a pork". my reply "lucky you asked me and not her" (young hostie on the other end of the cart). hostie bolted back to galley, boyfriend beside pax almost in tears laughing. naturally every pax in earshot when asked choice replied that they would like a pork as well. eventually the hostie returned but had great difficulty not cracking up each time she offered the choice of meal!

I have used this one before...."I would love to become a commercial pilot but unfortunately my narcolepsy condition precludes me from obtaining the required medical."

Usually shuts them up for a while.:ok:

I had a very positive experience with a passenger the other day - I landed in the 210 and waited for the Navajo and 402 to show up to take the rest of them (something like an 18 person group) and while I was waiting this guy just started asking about the plane. He didn't ask any stupid questions, he didn't talk about imaginary licenses and deathtrap light aircraft, just seemed to have a genuine interest in the aircraft, what my job is like and why I do it. Nice bloke. :ok:

Of course, I've dealt with all the usual crap too. My favourite is when they find out how old I am (22). Scares some of them witless. :}

I had a guy like that once...

After explaining to him all about the aircraft and showing him how it flies and explaining what everything does, I finally asked him what he did for a living..

"Oh I fly MD-11s for Finnair..." :D

Had the same thing happen a while ago too...he was a Cathay Captain and had been for 26 years :ok: good thing I didn't crap on.

There's also an aircraft with City of Wagga Wagga painted on the side of the aircraft and every single flight I ALWAYS get is this plane going to Wagga? I thought we were going to (destination).

To which I usually reply. Yep going to Wagga via Perth then all stations to (destination). :ugh:

When the dynosoars roamed the earth, I used to fly a Vtail Bonanza and was always getting queries about the unusual tail. So I said "yeah, the fin and rudder got broken so we took it off and hammered the tailplane up. It works fine."
But I had to stop saying that, as it appeared that some believed me, and that was not good for business.

I used to fly a lot of miners around in a Chieftain.

Part 103 of the old Coal Mines Regulation Act used to say something to the effect that "the operator of any machine or vehicle will conduct such checks and inspections as required to ensure it is serviceable before use." Hence all pre-use checks were (and still are) referred to in the mining industry as "doing a 103"

I wasn't to know that of course, I are a pylut.

So one of the busted-arse drillers was up the front banging on about how much money he made for the company and telling me that flying was a lot like directional drilling, that he could be a better pilot than me because he was a driller, and that I was an unnecessary wart on the company's arse paid for by the honest sweat of blokes like him. :hmm: :ugh:

Then he started asking about the maintenance etc on the aircraft and he asked me:

"You do a 103 on it every day, dontcha?" to which my answer was (of course):

"What's a 103?" :confused:

Same bloke later arranged a charter for me east coast to west, originating at regional airports because the clients didn't want to use major airports, no names on the pax manifest and the whole job ($18,000) paid for in $50 notes. :rolleyes:
Evidently the money he made drilling holes wasn't enough for him :=

While leading my passengers out to the aircraft "So where is the pilot?" :hmm:
Or my personal pet hate "You look to young to be a pilot" to which I respond, 'fake id, gets me into the pub too'

macca, in a few years time you'll long for the days when someone told you that you look too young to be a pilot. You may get 'you look too young to be a Captain' for a bit so you can still look forward to that.

Sadly I don't think that latter statement is going to affect anyone in QF for quite a while. :{

One flight nurse used to love saying "was that a landing or did we just crash".

My bosses when I was just starting out and looked pretty young 26 or so years ago in the Terrirory. Used to love to say when queried by a passenger as to how young I looked-Oh don't worry he's on work experience.
Now I have little hair and what I do have is going grey :{

"Do you want to be a Commercial Pilot one day?"

"I used to be one but got fired for beating up passengers"

Whilst waiting at the holding point in a PT6...

Passenger leans over to talk me 'Ahh you gotta love the sound of a big V8...'

Employee fitter said to our boss, just as well we have a green aircraft,

???? Why said the boss??

Matches the Pilot,

and he was pretty close to the truth, long time ago, 350 hours, first job on a 210, the 4 seat version, small wheels etc.

:hmm:

Classic!!!

When answering engine comments with the PT6 I just tell them "It's a jet engine driving a propeller through a reduction gearbox" - always results in an impressed 'Oh!' with raised eyebrows and an inaudible 'swish' as the comment soars over head... :D

Had a (young) student once who was doing circuits and progressing reasonably well apart from a some bouncing problems for a little while. After one lesson I commented that the rubber under the (dirt) runway seemed to be a a bit problematic for him. A week later in a subsequent de-brief with Dad there to hear the progress report he brought it up again, "You mentioned something about the rubber under the runway not helping..." I had to explain that I was only kidding. Poor kid was a bit embarrassed with Dad standing there and all...! Oh to be young and naive again eh?! :}

Synonyms for Naive: youthful, adolescent, green, inexperienced, raw...