Was in a line at Ben Gurion airport waiting to catch an Olympic flight back to Athens after a 10 day tour to continue with my 'Grand Tour' leave. First time to the Old Places and Europe. Travelling on an open ticket to get sub-load, and with a beard (back then), the check-in staff were going through my documents with a fine tooth comb, and consulting each other.
A little old lady with an American accent next in the queue said
"Why did you have to be in our queue?"

Beaver - I must be branded for life then.

At least he didn't ask what movie would be played on board! Then it would have been a choice between Jumanji or Twister!

Haha, when passengers ask if if I want to be a commercial pilot someday I usually reply no I prefer to fly people around the bush just for fun

Pax: "Do you want to be a commercial pilot one day?"

Me: "I wanted to, but I'm not a very good pilot....."

(Works best after take-off!)

I used to say, "still learning this is my first flight cross your fingers for the landing, I've heard it's not that hard"

I was greeting passengers as they boarded a metro, one pax says " geez thats a big engine, how many cylinders is that? I replied "one" and left it that enjoying the rather confused look on his stupid face..

After arriving at Halls creek a passenger asked "why does the altimeter say we are at 1360 feet when we are on the ground?". I told him it was because we were 1360 feet above sea level. After flying back to Broome the same passenger asked "why does the altimeter now show only 50 feet" ???

I once flew a very senior federal politician to Ayers Rock. He insisted in getting right up the front, got very close and personal and said "how's your medical?".
I told him I had a current class one medical certificate.
Not long after that trip, he died.

So the moral of the story is NOT to get up close and personal with bushy?:ok:

Passenger, nervous "How often do these things crash?"

Me, deadly serious "Only once"

I learned the hard way not to be too nice to over enthusiastic PPL passengers and let them sit up the front beside me.

Apart from the camera in your face and the questions (which i'm more than happy to answer and usually enjoy answering) at critical phases of flight.... this one took the cake.

We had our own set of maps and wiz wheel and things I didn't even know existed.... all which got an airing at various times during the flight..... I guess he thought he was helping me..... then to top it all off my self proclaimed co-pilot for the day turnes around and tells the passengers that it's ok if I have a heart attack or die because he is a private pilot and he will be able to take over and get them all back safely.:ouch::ouch::ouch:

I love Bus drivers
 

Hey Ules I am with you on that but when questioned about what time the bus leaves I said in five minutes with a straight face. Bugger me if the girl behind the till didn't say that will be 5% of your bill we like to look after bus drivers as that way they come back!!!

Not myself but a pilot I knew flying 206's in Botswana after a long tiring day got the normal joke from the pax whilst loading.

Pax " What film is showing on the flight" ha ha

Pilot " Its called shut up and look out of the window"

Another guy very bush pilot looking got the normal " What meal will you be serving" he answered " do I look like a F@#$ing air hostess.

Flying would be great without the passengers!

Tales From the Terminals of the Damned
 

Cool thread. :ok:
Personal favourites, in case anyone thought morons were confined to GA flights.

"Is this the Qantas terminal?"
No, it's the Ansett terminal. Thanks for asking. We just hang up that enormous Qantas sign, park all those Qantas aircraft out front and dress everyone in Qantas outfits to fool people.

"But I was only driving the car."
Explanation as to why pax failed to declare a criminal conviction for armed robbery to Immigration.

"...but I always take me rifle on the bus".
Rural pax in an effort to take his rifle as carry on luggage, in the early days of LCCs.

P.S. don't kick or run away from sniffer dogs as it only attracts attention. That said, watching some poor goof tearing around the baggage area with a happy labrador after him brightens up many a staff member's day. :}

I used to often get this comment when flying a small charter A/C many moons ago.
"Do you want to be a commercial pilot some day"?:ugh:...............used to cringe at first but got used to saying ...........nah am happy to fly around just on my car license!:ok:

Off story a little but what some people believe when it 'appears' to make sense.
Dated a lovely (dumb) gal many years ago now (many many years actually!:{) whom honestly believed one day when we where down at the beach that large steel ships actually went long the water on rails much like a train does due their weight. I backed this story up by saying steel is heavy right? Yes she said I know it is & I said well throw a steel bolt into the water & it goes straight to the bottom so there you go a steel ship can't float so needs wheels to hold it in place. I further bolstered my BS story to the blond wench by saying see those rails over there in that yacht club that lead down into the water? (slip launch rails)Well what do you think they are used for? That's how they launch the boats/ships in the first place!:}
True story...............never married her, thank GOD!:}

Wmk2 ............who still got caught with the wrong one at the end of the day anyway! .....ship ahoy!!!........karma I guess!!!:{

Wish you could see the photo published years ago of 'Phil the Greek' at the controls of the Royal Flight HS 748. He turns round to the camera with a bemused look on his face. The shot took in at least half of the panel. The 'caption courageous' had him saying "Either the left engine has failed, or it's it's a quarter past two."

At an airshow once back in my US Navy days and the Blue Angels were putting on a display. There were "Navy" emblazoned aircraft parked all over the place as well as Navy recruiting signs galore.

About half-way through the display and standing with a few other friends (all of us in uniform including a few flightsuits) a Budweiser-holding numpty lady pointed to us and said to her numpty children in a half-taunting way "Look at the sailor boys checking out the Air Force action."

Awesome stories :ok:

I guess everyone in GA gets the "so do you eventually want to become a commercial pilot?" crap... but so far the replies we've all used have been mediocre... surely someone out there has an awesome comeback to this annoying question?!

How about.............

..........WOT!!! Commercials??? And become a pinup boy for BOTY :E

Flying for the RAAF VIP squadron in the Sixties. The VIP was Sir Robert Menzies - the Prime Minister at the time. It was his custom that on engine shut down at destination, he would always visit the cockpit and thank the captain for the trip.

On this occasion, I was F/O in the Convair 440 Metropolitan as we landed at Essendon from Canberra. Runway 35 in use -winds gusty northerlies. The captain was the Commanding Officer of the squadron who was a Wing Commander. This particular captain had a habit of floating the Convair down the runway to achieve a smooth touch down.

Over the fence for Essendon 35 a gust caused the Convair to balloon. The Wingco was caught high with power on and started to see-saw the stick to put the Convair on the runway. The aircraft floated past the control tower then fell out of the sky. It was a real bastard of a landing. The Wingco hauled full reverse and hit the brakes which resulted in galley cupboards flying open and bottles of wine, dishes, cakes and other catering goodies smashing all over the cabin floor making one hell of a liquid mess.

The Wingco was tight-lipped as we taxied to the VIP terminal towards the fleet of waiting Commonwealth cars. I said nothing, but privately thought you really stuffed that one,boss. The Convair came to a smooth almost imperceptible halt and after setting the park brake and cutting the engines, the Wingco opened his side window and placed the PM's flag in its holder so that it fluttered gaily in the northerly breeze. He then turned in his seat to await the Prime Minister's visit to the cockpit to say good-bye.

The cockpit door was opened by the RAAF steward, and the PM walked in. He didn't say the usual well mannered "thank you" this time. I remember he was wearing a trilby hat and overcoat and I could see his well known bushy black eyebrows under that hat. In a grave voice and with a hint of sarcasm he said "Thank you Wing Commander - we arrived safely, despite your efforts". With that, he turned and stepping across the galley area with its debris of broken glasses and wine bottles, made a dignified exit to his waiting limousine. The Wingco gave me a black look when he saw my grin. What he said to me was :mad: