Quite possibly one of the funniest things a passenger has ever said...
 

Last week on an extended charter we were preparing to depart a CTAF out in the sticks bound for port hedland. When I arrived at the holding point the passenger beside me asked about radio operations and who is controlling airspace in the sticks so I went through the CTAF procedures and how that when we cruise we monitor BN CTR which is a frequency that jets use to make position reports etc. Anyhow with a C210 on finals, the passenger in the back yells out "How did the pilot know there was a plane on finals?" The bloke beside me turned around and said "He tuned up Brisbane centre and they told him there was one comin in". It was just one of those moments I thought i'd just let that one go having a good laugh to myself.

Anybody else have anything similar

Once when explaining the round-out and the role that ground effect played I mentioned that the wing was incredibly efficient when within 1.5 times the wingspan of the ground. My "co-pilot" pax asked why we didn't just fly in ground effect the whole time since it was more efficient. Pretty easy explanation from there of course but funny none-the-less.

FRQ CB

meat bombing, as i'm strapping on my pilot rig under the wing, the tandem masters walk up with their jumping pax, and the pommy middle age bird says to us "where are the engines?"

She was quite genuine about it too.



We were using a 182.

Landing a 210 a passenger remarked 'that was a good landing, but it's all autoland these days isn't it?'

Another passenger once frantically grabbed the controls to turn a corner taxiing to stop me from taxiing off the taxiway (didn't know you use your feet to taxi)

A middle aged pommy passenger asked how is the engine connected to the wheels when it is at the front and the gear legs are so skinny?

So when are you going to be a commercial Pilot? (tapping me on the shoulder while in the process of flaring for landing)

I came to the conclusion that most passengers lose their common sense once entering an aeroplane!

:eek:

A mate in IT who's on $300k "You guys get paid like $500 grand dont ya?" :{

and I love this one

"Soon you wont even have a job, everyone will be flying around in cars!" Good luck with that. :ok:

"All you blokes are glorified Bus drivers, got the easiest job in the world, it's all auto-pilot, all you do is turn on the GPS and go." :mad:

Perhaps they could introduce in-flight entertainment covering the real life of a pilot, so there's a bit more appreciation of the responsibility and numerous hoops required to jump through.

Never gets old that one, does it? :ugh:

Hey Aeroo, do all your passengers think they are going to die? :}

Best one I ever had was a phone call... "what time does the midday plane leave"? After much deliberation (and when I stopped laughing) the best I could come up with was, err..."12"! :E

A friend has a relative who works at NCAR. She mentioned being shown through one of their test aircraft, "it was only little", "a golf-air or something".

http://icingalliance.org/meetings/le...reamG5_600.jpg :ugh:

After landing and unloading my passengers bags from the C310, one lady passenger asked me "So was that one a single or twin engine plane?"

With the straightest possible face I simply replied "twin"

I still don't know if she was joking.

Was having dinner with some friends (with no aviation background) just before I left for China to instruct and was explaining to them about the license conversion process.

Me: "Well I have to sit three written exams and do a checkride to convert my Australian license to the Chinese CAAC license before I can fly over there".

Friend: "What do you have to do to convert it back to an Australian license when you return?"

Me: :confused:

At the servo the other day buying a pie and the guy working there says "I didn't know pilots ate meat pies."

Your problem is you are just too good looking to be a real pilot! ;)

heheheheh...........Now how do I know that! :}

Keep Up the Good Work Girl! :ok:

J

Number of years ago as a relatively experienced pilot in the RFDS-'Are you getting hours up for your Commercial Licence." A bemused smile and a non-specific 'not exactly' was my best response.:}

In the good old days when pax were allowed into the cockpit for a look-see, kid about 12 years old full of curiosity asked how high we were. 'About 10,000 meters'. A few questions later spied the escape rope. 'What's that for ?' 'So the crew can get out in an emergency'.... Silence while he thinks about it then: 'Wow, that must be a long rope!'

But the howler of all time actually came from a relatively new F/O who had been an ATCO in the RAAF. I was doing his line training and because we did international charter work somehow we got into a discussion about the relative merits of the metric system versus the imperial and US systems of measurement. Russia, China, USA and Europe and all that stuff. QFE, QNH blah blah.
Dead serious, he asked if we used statute feet or nautical feet.

Hey Swift he must have known you were a biccy thrower in a past life ey??

Was at Avalon Airshow around a decade ago showing people through a brand new C-130J-30 Super Hercules.

Individual walks up and asks (pointing at Super Hercules) "So is that what they call an aircraft carrier?"

<< I seriously considered saying "Yes, Yes it is!" out of ease >>

(As a side note, what was with the bogan women pointing their children towards the flight deck then leaving for the next 30 minutes.... "No.. don't touch that please.. <slap> it's an engine Fire Handle.. <slap>.... <slap>..")

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. We're passing through some turbulence, nothing to be alarmed about, please remain in your seats until we're through it, in about 5 minutes time and I'll turn the seat belts off."

Little old lady next to me : "If he'd just drive a little slower it wouldn't be this bumpy ...."

Great thread.
I was standing in line at maccas, wearing my uniform, epaulets name tags with aviation company name and logo etc, a group of tourists (for vineyards) approached me and asked me where i parked the coach and how long till the coach leaves. :rolleyes:

Was in a line at Ben Gurion airport waiting to catch an Olympic flight back to Athens after a 10 day tour to continue with my 'Grand Tour' leave. First time to the Old Places and Europe. Travelling on an open ticket to get sub-load, and with a beard (back then), the check-in staff were going through my documents with a fine tooth comb, and consulting each other.
A little old lady with an American accent next in the queue said
"Why did you have to be in our queue?"

Beaver - I must be branded for life then.

At least he didn't ask what movie would be played on board! Then it would have been a choice between Jumanji or Twister!

Haha, when passengers ask if if I want to be a commercial pilot someday I usually reply no I prefer to fly people around the bush just for fun

Pax: "Do you want to be a commercial pilot one day?"

Me: "I wanted to, but I'm not a very good pilot....."

(Works best after take-off!)

I used to say, "still learning this is my first flight cross your fingers for the landing, I've heard it's not that hard"

I was greeting passengers as they boarded a metro, one pax says " geez thats a big engine, how many cylinders is that? I replied "one" and left it that enjoying the rather confused look on his stupid face..

After arriving at Halls creek a passenger asked "why does the altimeter say we are at 1360 feet when we are on the ground?". I told him it was because we were 1360 feet above sea level. After flying back to Broome the same passenger asked "why does the altimeter now show only 50 feet" ???

I once flew a very senior federal politician to Ayers Rock. He insisted in getting right up the front, got very close and personal and said "how's your medical?".
I told him I had a current class one medical certificate.
Not long after that trip, he died.

So the moral of the story is NOT to get up close and personal with bushy?:ok:

Passenger, nervous "How often do these things crash?"

Me, deadly serious "Only once"

I learned the hard way not to be too nice to over enthusiastic PPL passengers and let them sit up the front beside me.

Apart from the camera in your face and the questions (which i'm more than happy to answer and usually enjoy answering) at critical phases of flight.... this one took the cake.

We had our own set of maps and wiz wheel and things I didn't even know existed.... all which got an airing at various times during the flight..... I guess he thought he was helping me..... then to top it all off my self proclaimed co-pilot for the day turnes around and tells the passengers that it's ok if I have a heart attack or die because he is a private pilot and he will be able to take over and get them all back safely.:ouch::ouch::ouch:

I love Bus drivers
 

Hey Ules I am with you on that but when questioned about what time the bus leaves I said in five minutes with a straight face. Bugger me if the girl behind the till didn't say that will be 5% of your bill we like to look after bus drivers as that way they come back!!!

Not myself but a pilot I knew flying 206's in Botswana after a long tiring day got the normal joke from the pax whilst loading.

Pax " What film is showing on the flight" ha ha

Pilot " Its called shut up and look out of the window"

Another guy very bush pilot looking got the normal " What meal will you be serving" he answered " do I look like a F@#$ing air hostess.

Flying would be great without the passengers!

Tales From the Terminals of the Damned
 

Cool thread. :ok:
Personal favourites, in case anyone thought morons were confined to GA flights.

"Is this the Qantas terminal?"
No, it's the Ansett terminal. Thanks for asking. We just hang up that enormous Qantas sign, park all those Qantas aircraft out front and dress everyone in Qantas outfits to fool people.

"But I was only driving the car."
Explanation as to why pax failed to declare a criminal conviction for armed robbery to Immigration.

"...but I always take me rifle on the bus".
Rural pax in an effort to take his rifle as carry on luggage, in the early days of LCCs.

P.S. don't kick or run away from sniffer dogs as it only attracts attention. That said, watching some poor goof tearing around the baggage area with a happy labrador after him brightens up many a staff member's day. :}

I used to often get this comment when flying a small charter A/C many moons ago.
"Do you want to be a commercial pilot some day"?:ugh:...............used to cringe at first but got used to saying ...........nah am happy to fly around just on my car license!:ok:

Off story a little but what some people believe when it 'appears' to make sense.
Dated a lovely (dumb) gal many years ago now (many many years actually!:{) whom honestly believed one day when we where down at the beach that large steel ships actually went long the water on rails much like a train does due their weight. I backed this story up by saying steel is heavy right? Yes she said I know it is & I said well throw a steel bolt into the water & it goes straight to the bottom so there you go a steel ship can't float so needs wheels to hold it in place. I further bolstered my BS story to the blond wench by saying see those rails over there in that yacht club that lead down into the water? (slip launch rails)Well what do you think they are used for? That's how they launch the boats/ships in the first place!:}
True story...............never married her, thank GOD!:}

Wmk2 ............who still got caught with the wrong one at the end of the day anyway! .....ship ahoy!!!........karma I guess!!!:{

Wish you could see the photo published years ago of 'Phil the Greek' at the controls of the Royal Flight HS 748. He turns round to the camera with a bemused look on his face. The shot took in at least half of the panel. The 'caption courageous' had him saying "Either the left engine has failed, or it's it's a quarter past two."

At an airshow once back in my US Navy days and the Blue Angels were putting on a display. There were "Navy" emblazoned aircraft parked all over the place as well as Navy recruiting signs galore.

About half-way through the display and standing with a few other friends (all of us in uniform including a few flightsuits) a Budweiser-holding numpty lady pointed to us and said to her numpty children in a half-taunting way "Look at the sailor boys checking out the Air Force action."

Awesome stories :ok:

I guess everyone in GA gets the "so do you eventually want to become a commercial pilot?" crap... but so far the replies we've all used have been mediocre... surely someone out there has an awesome comeback to this annoying question?!

How about.............

..........WOT!!! Commercials??? And become a pinup boy for BOTY :E

Flying for the RAAF VIP squadron in the Sixties. The VIP was Sir Robert Menzies - the Prime Minister at the time. It was his custom that on engine shut down at destination, he would always visit the cockpit and thank the captain for the trip.

On this occasion, I was F/O in the Convair 440 Metropolitan as we landed at Essendon from Canberra. Runway 35 in use -winds gusty northerlies. The captain was the Commanding Officer of the squadron who was a Wing Commander. This particular captain had a habit of floating the Convair down the runway to achieve a smooth touch down.

Over the fence for Essendon 35 a gust caused the Convair to balloon. The Wingco was caught high with power on and started to see-saw the stick to put the Convair on the runway. The aircraft floated past the control tower then fell out of the sky. It was a real bastard of a landing. The Wingco hauled full reverse and hit the brakes which resulted in galley cupboards flying open and bottles of wine, dishes, cakes and other catering goodies smashing all over the cabin floor making one hell of a liquid mess.

The Wingco was tight-lipped as we taxied to the VIP terminal towards the fleet of waiting Commonwealth cars. I said nothing, but privately thought you really stuffed that one,boss. The Convair came to a smooth almost imperceptible halt and after setting the park brake and cutting the engines, the Wingco opened his side window and placed the PM's flag in its holder so that it fluttered gaily in the northerly breeze. He then turned in his seat to await the Prime Minister's visit to the cockpit to say good-bye.

The cockpit door was opened by the RAAF steward, and the PM walked in. He didn't say the usual well mannered "thank you" this time. I remember he was wearing a trilby hat and overcoat and I could see his well known bushy black eyebrows under that hat. In a grave voice and with a hint of sarcasm he said "Thank you Wing Commander - we arrived safely, despite your efforts". With that, he turned and stepping across the galley area with its debris of broken glasses and wine bottles, made a dignified exit to his waiting limousine. The Wingco gave me a black look when he saw my grin. What he said to me was :mad: