The wierd and annoying habits of Pax!
 

Seriously...what is it with some of them! It seems to me the moment they go near an aircraft their IQ takes a 50% dive...

From loudly chatting away to their mate whilst you're giving a safety brief, to covertly spewing (or worse!) into and seat-back pocket, (onto the clearly visible and waiting sick-bags...and then not mentioning anything at the other end!) :yuk:

I'm sure everyones got a story...so share it, before I'm compelled to eject the next one overboard into shark/croc infested waters! :E

Freight work never looked so good...:hmm:

The business-traveller-in-window-seat "throw two newspapers over the lap of the passenger in the aisle seat into your seat while boarding, then grunt at the nearest flight attendant to collect your jacket without eye contact or a word of thanks" routine. Then push past the knees of the aisle passenger, and bury your head in the Financial Review during the safety demo because "I'm a seasoned flyer and observing the safety demo is beneath me as a corporate giant". Followed by "get up and start removing bags from the overhead locker with 30m of taxi still remaining before the gate, because that's how important I am, and I know the CSM won't ask me to sit down due to the magical "CL ONEWORLD EMERALD" printed on my boarding pass, which entitles me to god-like status and the right to ignore any instructions I so desire".

Annoying habits
 

Threatening Cabin Crew or other passengers because they make 200k digging holes and didn't finish Yr 12 so effectively the law doesn't apply to them

The worst I had was a guy who sat beside me in the front of a cessna doing a scenic.

For most of the flight he took his shoes off and proceeded to pick the skin of the soles of his feet and eat it...

I had a Dr. once that was insistent on the front seat. As soon as we were airborne, he pulled out his broadsheet newspaper and opened it right up with the paper and his arm in my face!!!

He got a bit snippy when I politely enquired how he would feel about me doing the same to him in his operating theatre...

:E

Another really annoying habit that pax will soon grow out of is paying for tickets to fly around the country on discretionary travel.

Most cabin crew will be relieved to know that they can soon avoid the great traveling unwashed as they will be forced to find employment somewhere else.:ok:

I swear I could write a book about the black fellas, some of it was so unreal you'd think it was not fair dinkum! :ok: mudslinging, poo jabbing, pant wetting, spitting, spewing, wanking, pissing, stabbing but to name a few.

My pet hate is still the PPL asking to view the weight and balance charts, asking why you're not plotting positions on the map and giving you sound advice on the best 1 in 60 to regain your track :yuk:

oh yeah thats gotta be the best one a PPL or even better a RAA pilot giving a running comentary to the rest of the pax on everything your doing up front. I love how they usually feel compeled to let me know they are a pilot as well everytime!!

Pet hate...Ten seats...all with seat belts neatly fastened and locked around front of seat. Four Pax get in...get to destination...and voila, as if by magic, all seat belts unbuckled, some wrapped around seat frame twenty times and in knots.

I swear, they must wait and as soon as my backs turned...get to work busier santas elves the night before christmas causing this mayhem cos it's quite ingenious how this occurs over a 30 minute leg.

And school charters out to remote regions...briefed/warned not to graffitie the inside of the aircraft...one Einstein in the making, (who's name I had on the manifest) decided to not only date, but also print their name next to where they were sitting in black marker.

When questioned on arrival why he'd done this after being expressly asked not to...with eyes wide, denied, all knowledge...again...Genius! :ouch:

pax who demand to be served non-stop pressing the call light even before touch down, asked for b***y tea..:{

Breathing:ok:

Another pet hate when the pax is some aeroclub PPL/RAA dude.

Question 1. Can I log it?
Question 2. I'm also a pilot, can I have a fly?


MM

Yeah love the secret spewers. My record is 6 in a caravan, and some of those were the island workers, was like a chain reaction thoughm

Had a PPL once who asked me if he could sit up the front, luckily I managed to hit the isolate button before he clued on. He did also ask to see my w+b, I replied that when he gets his CPL and that little CASA FOI badge, then he could be the protector of the galaxy, not before. Surprisingly, he got quite miffed.

My personal favourite however was the guy who arrived t checkin late and started to abuse the person doing checkin as they wouldn't let him on with 15 extra kilos of baggage. Started to get threatening, that changed when he found out that the checkin guy was also the pilot that day, and he just got bumped for being a danger to the flight. Awwww, too bad.

j3

Pax who when exiting aircraft leave massive amounts of rubbish over the seats and floor. Scrunched up paper used to plug ears and those ear cleaning things!? Remove the sick bags, spit in them, through them all over the ground. Spit on the windows!?

Going to the bathroom in their seat is always a favourite.

Pax who have gone fishing/rolled in dead fish before boarding aircraft. There is nothing like the smell of rotten fish and BO in a C210!

Front right seat pax who decides to move seat all the forward making it awkward to adjust engine controls and cowl flaps. (any remote pilot will understand)

Gotta love remote life!

As said above the expert PPL holders are always good for a laugh.

And what is with remote teachers thinking they are God!?

RON,

I think you will find that's all teachers :P

The passengers who step on the 'NO STEP' sign.. fabric wings don't hold up big indians very well :ooh:

secret spewer
 

I had a pax once demanding to sit next to me up front. He was a bikie, 6 feet 4 inches weighing 130 kilos and tough as hell. I did not mind until he decided to discard all his breakfast over the instrument panel and my right arm on short final. O.K......i was cool. Then he was the first one to jump and run to the exit after i parked virtually kicking the door open before i could stop him.
He dropped it on the cables bending the entire door.
That did it..... :mad:
I made him mop up his mess in front of his amused mates but i had to pay for the cabin door repair :ugh:

Anyone who has flown up north has probably had the same fun experiences as me. Let me share a few for your amusement.

PAX who grind their teeth whilst sitting in the right seat! OMG it makes me wish the X11's weren't so quite! I don't know why but it just kills me.

I had a lady pick nits out of her hair, and then squash them on my freshly cleaned window for the whole flight! Charming.

After spending all morning sweating your A off cleaning your a/c inside and out then to have some jerk decide that your clean windows would make the perfect canvas for his ear wax art!!! Delightful.

Arriving at your destination with a three day old rotting corpse. The stench was so bad that I had to taxi with my head out the window! Where the F are the folks who are supposed to pick it up? Who knows!! 2 hours later someone decides that they can now be bothered to come and pick it up! Fun.

Anyway rant over. The majority of PAX are well informed, courteous...sorry no seriously the rant is now over.

Cheers,
Greaser.

All sounds painfully familiar. God bless the lockable cockpit door.

People, (but generally young adolescent girls), screaming like stuck pigs at the least little bump...particularly on short final at the end of a 15 sector day...

And the ear plug thing...no matter how bluntly i put it, like 'the ear plugs are complementary....PLEASE feel free to take them with you', i always will find them stuffed down the seat backs...along with chewed gum, nut husks, nappies etc.

I did nearly get my revenge a while ago however. As i handed out ear plugs, i told the assembled pax to 'take one now with water and you'll loose your hearing for about 45 minutes...if your hearing comes back before we reach our destination, just take the other'...I said this dead- pan, straight faced. There was a slight pregnant pause before one of them asked me if I had some water she could take with her ear plug...it was tempting...:E

So do you want to be a commercial pilot one day?

Do you want to fly the big ones?

These things fly themselves, that was a good autoland (C210)

Puck you pahlot, it's cause you White, you is racist, dis my country, you stole it from me. Eh pahlet dats my sky, you take me to my sky and I pay you next time. Puck you cant.

Oh yes, this never gets old...

Worst one I have had is a passenger decided to give themselves a manicure and a pedicure on the last 30min RPT sector I was flying. When I went to give the floor a vacuum at the end of a long day, I had the joy to find a full set of toe nails and a full set of fingernail clippings on the floor of one of the seats!!

Charming......

Plus I have had most of the "up north" experiences. Including a bloke who decided that he couldn't hold the sneeze in long enough to turn AWAY from my face when I was giving a briefing in a 210. Quite possibly the most "yuck" experience I have ever had. Amazingly I didn't get sick in the weeks following!! :hmm:

Stepping on your seatbelt as they stretch their legs behind you.. of course tightening your seatbelt as it catches, making it so tight you think you've suddenly become a qaudraplegic...

a (pilot) passenger carrying a transceiver up the back decides to give me some mystery traffic in imc... was quite funny after i landed...

someone walking down the aisle pissing in a sick bag and then leaning it against the seat rail hoping it wouldnt tip over...

Dingo baiting always got extra bait.. one guy tried to spew in the bucket with the baits instead of down the tube only to try and tip the bucket out the open rear door... needless to say after 2 hours of flying it was fairly sunbaked and stuck well to the elevator and rudder...

passenger sitting at the rear door locked the seatbelt in the door and hiding very well i might add the fact that he had no seatbelt on... only to get airborne hear a strange noise returning to land to find a ring of no paint from the metal clasp slapping the fuselage...

Passenger refused entry to aircraft went quitely home grabbed a bush knife and returned to chase the pilot around the aircraft until help arrived...

Back when i was throwing bags... a "pilot" actually sticking the metro on autopilot walking back through the aircraft climbing over newspapers to the rear undoing the nets as he went.. does number 2's on the newspapers wipes his ass returns to cockpit only for us to open the cargo door to a fresh steamer...:yuk:

12-15 year old annoying little brat trying to do chin ups on the wing. Mum says "dear i dont think the nice pilot will appreciate that" You're god damn right lady!!!:mad:

Yeah the "so do you want to be a commercial pilot and fly for QANTAS one day?" never gets old :)

Had a guy p##s in an drink esky before during a flight, all over the cans....then proceeded to drink them before spewing his guts up with 2 hours left to go.

A guy smuggled a small champers bottle on board...proposed to his missus then opened it causing me to s##t myself (well almost)

(funny one) scenic flight for a couple who were getting a divorce and were spending there last night together (he had done the dirty!!! apparently). Not exactly a pleasant trip.

Did a TIF many years ago with a muslim lady who was wearing full face cover. 40 degrees and middle of the day....spewed on short finals.

Thankfully only have to hear these stories as hear say from CA's on the trips.

I reckon our PM would have to be the worst of the lot! Playing up like a second hand ute!

Seriously..... Who the hell does the nancy handed poonce think he is fooling?
Worker?.....my ar@e..... wouldn't know a screwdriver from a fake email.

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Speaking of Screwdrivers
 

Army General being driven back to camp by female driver. Vehicle suffers a flat tyre. Driver out endeavouring to remove the hub cap on the wheel with the flat tyre was having difficulty getting cap off. General looks out and sees she is struggling and asks "Would you like a screwdriver"? Driver replies, "Not until I get this bloody flat changed Sir".

mmm
 

And i hate people who stereotype a particular occupation. You know, for example that all pilots are 'up themselves' w@nkers who wear big sunglasses, big watches and whinge all day.

But i know that all pilots aren't like that because some of them are good mates of mine, the same as all miners dont make 200k, are law abiding citizens and have completed year 12.:ugh:

Sh!t, thats me!

A question for the learned members of this forum...

I'm familiar with the entry requirements of the Mile High Club (and the 6.5 Metre Club:E) but I'm still confused as to how a pax / paxes managed to get footprints on the ceiling of a 777 toilet. Despite the enthusiastic efforts of various LAMEs, cleaners and caterers no one could replicate the manouvre with the door shut. Any ideas?

Pax who covertly consume their own body weight in duty free vodka during the flight and then need to have a little spew/nap/coma on arrival. I'm sure they're even more fun in the air. Also, I've always been amazed at how much rubbish people can produce in a few hours. Some aircraft arrive looking like people have been living in them for a month.

If the footprints are shoe prints then they just did them by hand, ie their shoes were on their hands not their feet.
If you literally mean bare footprints, then I have no idea either unless they were imprinted using something other than actual feet.

People grabbing your sick bags to wave to people in the below community despite the fact we are now passing 4000'. Once had my flight plan taken from my lap and used as a waving device. LOL

I laughed so hard picturing this one I almost cried, GOLD, keep em coming! :}:}

Back in the mid 80s there was a female bum print on the ceiling of the crewroom in the Westin Plaza Hotel in Singapore. Probably not a pax though I think she had help. :}

Rgards,
BH.

Passengers, sans clothes, dressed in 'ass grass' and some tatty undergarment. When required to caugh up an airfare they dig into their groin, revealing pubic hair, and lick their fingers and count out some kina notes for you...! (PNG - no kidding) :}

I'd like to hear if there are any Virgin/Jetstart type pilots who still get the, "so do you want to be a commercial pilot/fly for Qantas one day?" It seems Qantas pilots are the only REAL commercial pilots in this country didn't you know? :rolleyes:

The misunderstanding by some that you are "building your hours up" even when you are flying in a pinnacle job that required a pack of hours to get into...! :ugh:

I was on a Rex flight and a lady boarded then started panicing becasue she left something in the terminal, one of the groundies escorted her back in the terminal and she collected her item ... it was a empty garbage bag, she brought with her to put on the seat she was sitting on, there were quite a few chuckles from her follow passengers!

bahaha ksa5223, god this annoys me. I removed all my sick bags and keep them up the front now. This was after I realised how my windows had become all scratched. I guess if you are somewhat tanned other people can't see you wave from inside a dark aircraft.

I remember some clown sitting behind me in a 310, on short final at night, leaning forward between the seats and taking a photo of the runway lights.

Nothing like a flash going off in the cabin to destroy your night vision and concentration.:eek:

I almost did this on the jumpseat of a 737 on short final to 16 at ML. My brain switched on about 2 seconds before I hit the button. I still grimace at the thought of that flash potentially going off at 300 AGL.

Forgot about the obligatory camera flashes coming down final- its a dazzling way to end your flight thats for sure!!

A sharp scowling look behind you is usually enough to get the cameras all put away after that!