Passenger questions and unfunny sayings.
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Passenger questions and unfunny sayings.
Ok Guys and Gals I know its been done before but I'm keen to hear an update on this one so here go's:
1.What is the stupidest thing you've had a passenger or member of the public say to you regarding flying?
2. What is the most common "unfunny" joke you hear your pax make every day, every flight?
My favourite? When is the hostess coming through with tea and coffee?... I literally want to whip a tape player with a prerecorded message for this one. Maybe a button inside the cockpit would help. I get a good laugh out of it sometimes!
Or finally what is the funniest thing you have seen a passenger do in or around an a/c?
1.What is the stupidest thing you've had a passenger or member of the public say to you regarding flying?
2. What is the most common "unfunny" joke you hear your pax make every day, every flight?
My favourite? When is the hostess coming through with tea and coffee?... I literally want to whip a tape player with a prerecorded message for this one. Maybe a button inside the cockpit would help. I get a good laugh out of it sometimes!
Or finally what is the funniest thing you have seen a passenger do in or around an a/c?
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Not sure about pax but i've heard flt attendants ask questions such as:How much is an international call between hobart and brisbane going to cost them on there mobile? Also driving into Launceston theres a signpost with Perth (a town in Tassie) and many can't believe how close to WA they are! Funny but true
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1) Can you wake me when we cross the dateline so I can take a photo?
2) Do you have parachutes on this plane?
3) What kind of animal is a uht? (in relation to the UHT milk on the meal tray)
Dumbest thing I saw: an economy passenger on a 747-300 walked up to the front of the plane and opened the coatlocker in the nose. When I asked him what he was looking for, he said he just wanted to say hello to the pilots.
Also on take off once, we had condensation dripping off the ceiling as we usually do in humid places like Singapore or Bangkok. A passenger got out of his seat and tasted the water (thinking it was fuel). I told him not to worry, it was a leaking toilet upstairs
2) Do you have parachutes on this plane?
3) What kind of animal is a uht? (in relation to the UHT milk on the meal tray)
Dumbest thing I saw: an economy passenger on a 747-300 walked up to the front of the plane and opened the coatlocker in the nose. When I asked him what he was looking for, he said he just wanted to say hello to the pilots.
Also on take off once, we had condensation dripping off the ceiling as we usually do in humid places like Singapore or Bangkok. A passenger got out of his seat and tasted the water (thinking it was fuel). I told him not to worry, it was a leaking toilet upstairs
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I just hate it when w@nkers clap & go yahoo on landing.
Is there a movie on this flight?. (in a C210 or BE58)
How long have you been flying?. (I usually say, since Saturday, I'm really excited as this is the first time they have let me fly on my own!.)
Is there a movie on this flight?. (in a C210 or BE58)
How long have you been flying?. (I usually say, since Saturday, I'm really excited as this is the first time they have let me fly on my own!.)
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i coud go on forever
As a C210 driver in the kimberly my favourites (as the same thing was repeated many times) were:
"so do you want to be a real pilot one day?"
"would you like to be a comercial pilot one day?"
"when will you get to fly a big plane?"
I had a guy tell me his son was in Qantas and (due to being related i guess) he could fly the plane.
I had a female passenger open the window in the cruise because she was hot and didn't realise it would be soooo windy.
On an IFR flight, in cloud, in a BE58 my front seat passenger told me he had seen it done before and was able to fly us to our destination if I wanted him to. I won't tell you what I was thinking but I politely declined his offer.
More to follow. Great idea Mr. Hat!!!!
"so do you want to be a real pilot one day?"
"would you like to be a comercial pilot one day?"
"when will you get to fly a big plane?"
I had a guy tell me his son was in Qantas and (due to being related i guess) he could fly the plane.
I had a female passenger open the window in the cruise because she was hot and didn't realise it would be soooo windy.
On an IFR flight, in cloud, in a BE58 my front seat passenger told me he had seen it done before and was able to fly us to our destination if I wanted him to. I won't tell you what I was thinking but I politely declined his offer.
More to follow. Great idea Mr. Hat!!!!
Turning props after shutdown, I really admire the pax who make comments about unwinding the rubber bands etc.
VIP person on boarding a Baron, " So I just want to make sure, this is a twin isn't it?" Obviously a victim of their own company's air safety propaganda
VIP person on boarding a Baron, " So I just want to make sure, this is a twin isn't it?" Obviously a victim of their own company's air safety propaganda
Had a bunch of Yanks in the cockpit just before the 1999/200 new years thing.
One of them asked me if the plane was fly by wire - It was a 747-200 - to which I replied, "Yes, it has wires that go from the bottom of the control column here", pointing down, " to the back of the tail, so it's Year Two Thousand BC compliant."
Blank stares, vacant eyes ....
Then there was the bunch of ruby-league footballers I took to Blackwater in a Metro. Without a doubt the daftest bunch of cretins I've come arcoss.
on arrive in Blackwater I found two of them in the frieght area, as they'd snuck behind the divider screen.
Getting on & off the plane on the weak Metro stairs was a bit of a mental challenge for them as well. Veyr cleary a few times I told them "ONE AT A TIME PLEASE, THE STAIRS AREN'T VERY STRONG."
So of course that meant at least two had to be on them at any one time.
There's more, but .... argh!
One of them asked me if the plane was fly by wire - It was a 747-200 - to which I replied, "Yes, it has wires that go from the bottom of the control column here", pointing down, " to the back of the tail, so it's Year Two Thousand BC compliant."
Blank stares, vacant eyes ....
Then there was the bunch of ruby-league footballers I took to Blackwater in a Metro. Without a doubt the daftest bunch of cretins I've come arcoss.
on arrive in Blackwater I found two of them in the frieght area, as they'd snuck behind the divider screen.
Getting on & off the plane on the weak Metro stairs was a bit of a mental challenge for them as well. Veyr cleary a few times I told them "ONE AT A TIME PLEASE, THE STAIRS AREN'T VERY STRONG."
So of course that meant at least two had to be on them at any one time.
There's more, but .... argh!
Afraid of Heights
I was sitting up top in a BA 747-400 very recently and the guy sitting next to me requested to be moved downstairs because he was afraid of heights!
Which he was by the very-polite and struggling-to-hold-composure FAs.
One wonders what happened to him once we took off...
Which he was by the very-polite and struggling-to-hold-composure FAs.
One wonders what happened to him once we took off...
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Front seat passenger in a metro said to me the other day, "Are these engines different to the whyalla airlines plane"? I was going to say something stupid like "no those engines are badly damaged by the accident, these engines are different ones..."
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Transponders effort "Dumbest thing I saw: an economy passenger on a 747-300 walked up to the front of the plane and opened the coatlocker in the nose. When I asked him what he was looking for, he said he just wanted to say hello to the pilots"
Is one of the funniest things I ever heard of.
I have so many I don't know where to start.
A personal favourite is the gent who tries to get into a Baron on the wrong side of the plane... standing on the wing looking in thru the window. I said "it'll be a tight squeeze thru that one mate!"
It must be terrifying for some of these people because their behaviour defies normal adult behaviour. Big people turned into jelly instantly.
If I had a dollar for every person that tried to get out of a plane with their seat belt still on. They are just so happy to be outta there!
Another favourite is the person who initiates a conversation (no headsets) on during the take off roll...."yeah like I can hear you!!!"
How about the bloke that falls asleep in a control seat and slumps onto the control column..."top of descent already hey" I say to myself.
Once i had no seats (freight) and the locals asked me for a ride to town i pointed at no seats and they said "oh we'll just lie down". Can you see me explaining that one in a ramp check...."err, umm well you see...".
Is one of the funniest things I ever heard of.
I have so many I don't know where to start.
A personal favourite is the gent who tries to get into a Baron on the wrong side of the plane... standing on the wing looking in thru the window. I said "it'll be a tight squeeze thru that one mate!"
It must be terrifying for some of these people because their behaviour defies normal adult behaviour. Big people turned into jelly instantly.
If I had a dollar for every person that tried to get out of a plane with their seat belt still on. They are just so happy to be outta there!
Another favourite is the person who initiates a conversation (no headsets) on during the take off roll...."yeah like I can hear you!!!"
How about the bloke that falls asleep in a control seat and slumps onto the control column..."top of descent already hey" I say to myself.
Once i had no seats (freight) and the locals asked me for a ride to town i pointed at no seats and they said "oh we'll just lie down". Can you see me explaining that one in a ramp check...."err, umm well you see...".
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As a pax on an RPT Metro Dili/Darwin flight I heard a couple of punters (still in their camouflage attire) ask the pilots where the flight attendant was & enquired what the inflight movie would be. You could tell by the expression on the crews face that it wasn't the first time they'd heard that one.
One of my personal faves, to a punter:
Q. ''Do you have a valid passport''?
A. ''Yes, but it's expired''
One of my personal faves, to a punter:
Q. ''Do you have a valid passport''?
A. ''Yes, but it's expired''
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Not something that was said, but an action that has remained in my memory.
Had a day charter once in a Bonanza with three gents. Up in the morning and back in the afternoon. After a successful business meeting, all three guys spent lunch partaking in the local pub’s counter meals and washing them down with a little medicinal liquid. The liquid was so refreshing, they brought an extra bottle and some glasses with them for the trip home. Aside, from a little turbulence that resulted in a little of Mr. Walker’s best ricocheting off the ceiling and down the back of my neck, the flight home was uneventful. The guys were happy and the conversation interesting.
By the time the engine stopped after parking, the bottle was empty and the bladders were full. Three wives and a couple of high school daughters had been waiting to take their respective husbands/fathers home. Happy, loving family expressions turned considerably darker as they watched my passengers crawl and stumble, laugh and mumble down the wing and onto the ground. One chap – a short fellow – who couldn’t hold it in for the run to the trees, decided to be discreet and stepped around behind the rudder fin to relieve himself. In ostrich fashion, he decided since he couldn’t see the wives and girls, they couldn’t see him. Only problem was that from his chest down was in full view of everyone on the airport beneath the fuselage tail, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.
The other two guys were killing themselves laughing, the girls were giggling, two wives were fuming and one was about to blow her lid. 
Ahhh! The good days of past.
Had a day charter once in a Bonanza with three gents. Up in the morning and back in the afternoon. After a successful business meeting, all three guys spent lunch partaking in the local pub’s counter meals and washing them down with a little medicinal liquid. The liquid was so refreshing, they brought an extra bottle and some glasses with them for the trip home. Aside, from a little turbulence that resulted in a little of Mr. Walker’s best ricocheting off the ceiling and down the back of my neck, the flight home was uneventful. The guys were happy and the conversation interesting.
By the time the engine stopped after parking, the bottle was empty and the bladders were full. Three wives and a couple of high school daughters had been waiting to take their respective husbands/fathers home. Happy, loving family expressions turned considerably darker as they watched my passengers crawl and stumble, laugh and mumble down the wing and onto the ground. One chap – a short fellow – who couldn’t hold it in for the run to the trees, decided to be discreet and stepped around behind the rudder fin to relieve himself. In ostrich fashion, he decided since he couldn’t see the wives and girls, they couldn’t see him. Only problem was that from his chest down was in full view of everyone on the airport beneath the fuselage tail, and it wasn’t a pretty sight.
The other two guys were killing themselves laughing, the girls were giggling, two wives were fuming and one was about to blow her lid. Ahhh! The good days of past.
Last edited by Lodown; 25th Apr 2003 at 02:42.
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I was on a charter about a year ago with a young mum and her young daughter (2 or 3 yrs old). Both dressed up to go into town the little one with pink lolita style sunnies on - are real cutie. Anyway the little one was asking her mum all sorts of questions that mum could not answer about planes and flying, and was generally very vocal about the whole experience of flying. Once strapped in the little one informed mum "we will be there soon mummy don't worry". Props turning and nearly ready for take off and mum taps me on the shoulder indicating a late arrival wanting a ride waving his arms over at the terminal. I shutdown semi pissed off at this bloke for being so late. As the props stopped turning the little girl announces "we are here mum" and starts undoing her seat belt. It was one of the funniest things I've heard in a cockpit. She was a real cutie. 
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I was on an all tourist flight with five people and one guy at lunch decided to make himself look pretty silly.
"I get that the engine with the propellor is used to propel us in the air but where is the motor that drives the wheels on the ground?"
I was about to laugh and say good one but he was dead serious. We all just looked at him. I tried to explain that the one engine does the lot but he was adamant that it wasn't possible.
Think the poor guys new wife looked at him differently from then on.
Had another guy on a flight ask if he could open the window of the 172. I said he could. He sticks his hand out then rapidly closes it, looks at me and says "wow, it's blowing a gale out there!" yeah buddy, it sure is............
"I get that the engine with the propellor is used to propel us in the air but where is the motor that drives the wheels on the ground?"
I was about to laugh and say good one but he was dead serious. We all just looked at him. I tried to explain that the one engine does the lot but he was adamant that it wasn't possible.
Think the poor guys new wife looked at him differently from then on.
Had another guy on a flight ask if he could open the window of the 172. I said he could. He sticks his hand out then rapidly closes it, looks at me and says "wow, it's blowing a gale out there!" yeah buddy, it sure is............