Passenger questions and unfunny sayings.
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Just adding to the question "do you want to be a commercial pilot one day", it seems that even if you do get employed by the airlines you're still not there.
I was explaining to a friend the order of rank in the cockpit when I was asked "how long do you have to be a First Officer before you become a pilot".
I hope I never board a plane where the F/O isn't a pilot!!
I was explaining to a friend the order of rank in the cockpit when I was asked "how long do you have to be a First Officer before you become a pilot".
I hope I never board a plane where the F/O isn't a pilot!!
Join Date: Jul 2001
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I often conduct aerobatic joyflights and get asked very often. "Is it safe". I usually just tell the punter that "I dont get paid if I dont bring the plane back"
They generally laugh but somtimes they are not sure if I am serious.
Or the old favourite, "How long have you been flying?" "since about 8:30" is the standard response.
cheers
They generally laugh but somtimes they are not sure if I am serious.
Or the old favourite, "How long have you been flying?" "since about 8:30" is the standard response.
cheers
Last edited by inver TED; 15th May 2003 at 13:45.
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Yesterday on a short charter my sole pax asked if we could divert over his property (About 2nm left of trackand 10nm up ahead) He then advised me of some small hills that were on his property.
He then told me I should be careful not to fly to close to them incase I hit them!. After 5 seconds of serious self restraint I smiled and thanked him for his words of infinite wisdom
88b
He then told me I should be careful not to fly to close to them incase I hit them!. After 5 seconds of serious self restraint I smiled and thanked him for his words of infinite wisdom
88b
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I had a good one yesterday, I was telling my passenger that the fuel was kept in the wings, he remarked:
"so if your wings fall off then you've lost all your fuel".
I explained that we'd have a bigger problem than fuel if we lost our wings!
"so if your wings fall off then you've lost all your fuel".
I explained that we'd have a bigger problem than fuel if we lost our wings!
Join Date: Jan 2001
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good ones from pax ive had,
a lady sitting in the co pilots seat tapping me on the shoulder on rotation to offer me some chocolate.
a lady saying to her husband oh looks like we are going in a small jet.(as we walked out to the partnavia,prop blades parrallel to the leading edge)
a guy(who was a private pilot) tapping me on the shoulder from the seat behind to let me know i had forgotten to lift the gear up after take off(cessna 206)
a guy taking a dump in his shirt and passing it up the front to me asking what he should do with it.(you can imagine my thoughts on that)
lost count of the times when asked about how long ive been flying,when i was going to get my commercial licence etc.
best comment ive heard recently was a pax requesting to the f/o on a metro 3 that it might be a good idea to get an engineer to check the compression ratio on the cylinders(the guy had just seen the f/o pulling one of the props through after landing)
a lady sitting in the co pilots seat tapping me on the shoulder on rotation to offer me some chocolate.
a lady saying to her husband oh looks like we are going in a small jet.(as we walked out to the partnavia,prop blades parrallel to the leading edge)
a guy(who was a private pilot) tapping me on the shoulder from the seat behind to let me know i had forgotten to lift the gear up after take off(cessna 206)
a guy taking a dump in his shirt and passing it up the front to me asking what he should do with it.(you can imagine my thoughts on that)
lost count of the times when asked about how long ive been flying,when i was going to get my commercial licence etc.
best comment ive heard recently was a pax requesting to the f/o on a metro 3 that it might be a good idea to get an engineer to check the compression ratio on the cylinders(the guy had just seen the f/o pulling one of the props through after landing)
Join Date: Aug 2002
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Just the other day after the breifing I ask my usual question" are there any questions?"
Some Smart a#$ "what the wind velocity of a sparrow"
Well he fell of the chair when I replied" The European or African?"
When flying the Beaver with "Pilots" in the right seat I would turn the fuel guages off in cruise and then watch there eyes when they notice the empty tanks
Sign in one aircraft I used to fly "If you must smoke please step outside"
Of course the standard for how long you been flying "Well I got here Ok"
"The prop is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool, When it stops you should see him sweat!"
When climbing into little Cessna they ask "what can the grab" to help then climb in. Response is usual "if it looks fragile don't touch" or "If it is plastic it is fragile!"
Once asked what is the requirements for soemone to sit in the right hand seat repsonse" good looking, big t#ts, Short skirt, easy....etc"
"Why do pilots wear glasses?" " So you can't see us sleeping/looking up skirts"
REMEMBER HAVE FUN!!!
Some Smart a#$ "what the wind velocity of a sparrow"
Well he fell of the chair when I replied" The European or African?"
When flying the Beaver with "Pilots" in the right seat I would turn the fuel guages off in cruise and then watch there eyes when they notice the empty tanks
Sign in one aircraft I used to fly "If you must smoke please step outside"
Of course the standard for how long you been flying "Well I got here Ok"
"The prop is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool, When it stops you should see him sweat!"
When climbing into little Cessna they ask "what can the grab" to help then climb in. Response is usual "if it looks fragile don't touch" or "If it is plastic it is fragile!"
Once asked what is the requirements for soemone to sit in the right hand seat repsonse" good looking, big t#ts, Short skirt, easy....etc"
"Why do pilots wear glasses?" " So you can't see us sleeping/looking up skirts"
REMEMBER HAVE FUN!!!
Join Date: Mar 2001
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Heard of someone looking at the props as reverse was applied and exclaiming
"Wow these engines are pretty good. You can't even see the props stop and start going the other way"
"Wow these engines are pretty good. You can't even see the props stop and start going the other way"
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Was sitting in the departure longue at Bris waiting to go to Mel yesterday, when I heard a teenage boy ask his dad
"what are those pointy things on the wings for?" (winglets on 737-800) dad then replies confidently
"oh its wings are clipped so it can't fly out of Australia"
"what are those pointy things on the wings for?" (winglets on 737-800) dad then replies confidently
"oh its wings are clipped so it can't fly out of Australia"
A had a good one not so long ago. Guy and his two kids rock up, one kid takes a dump in his pants. Guy sticks his nose down the kids pants and pulls away with pretty shocked facial expression.
I look at the guy and say, "There's a toilet over there if you want to clean things before we go"
His response was, "You don't mind do you? it's only a short flight?"
I look at the guy and say, "There's a toilet over there if you want to clean things before we go"
His response was, "You don't mind do you? it's only a short flight?"
Yeah, I did mind but he'd already paid the doh. I didn't realise how bad it was gonna be until I hopped into the 35 degree cabin!
Baby Sh!t sure does stink when it's heated!
hmmmmm
Baby Sh!t sure does stink when it's heated!
hmmmmm
Last edited by GA Driver; 19th May 2003 at 21:21.
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Classic briefing from the captain on a mil flight out of a not so exotic deployment a few years ago:
"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain speaking. We are now in the climb to 37 thousand feet, our route today taking us over blah blah and blah. Weather on route is fine with a slight tailwind, and a special message for all you ladies down the back....You are all officially ugly again"
That earned him a "hats on meeting" in the bosses office the next day.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the captain speaking. We are now in the climb to 37 thousand feet, our route today taking us over blah blah and blah. Weather on route is fine with a slight tailwind, and a special message for all you ladies down the back....You are all officially ugly again"
That earned him a "hats on meeting" in the bosses office the next day.
Favourite one, had it happen a couple of times actually...
All day charter in a C210, flying pax around to various aboriginal communities for meetings etc etc. Pull up outside hangar at end of the day, unloading their bags, doing the friendly chit chat, when one of the punters asks;
"Is this a twin engine aircraft?"
"No", I reply, "it only has one engine mounted on the front there"
"Oh" long pause..."so is that a twin engine then?" - pointing to the Navajo parked in the hangar.
"Yes, very good".
TL
All day charter in a C210, flying pax around to various aboriginal communities for meetings etc etc. Pull up outside hangar at end of the day, unloading their bags, doing the friendly chit chat, when one of the punters asks;
"Is this a twin engine aircraft?"
"No", I reply, "it only has one engine mounted on the front there"
"Oh" long pause..."so is that a twin engine then?" - pointing to the Navajo parked in the hangar.
"Yes, very good".
TL
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Q. Are you sure you are old enough for this?
A. I’m actually 40, I regularly use Oil of Ulan (reply from my mid 20’s mate)
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Q. So this is a single engine then? Is it a safe aeroplane?
(The answer always comes from some other punter down the back, quick as a flash to reassure the worried pax…)
A. My friend/relative is a pilot and they tell me that single engine aircraft are actually safer than twin engine ones because they can glide.
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This one comes up every single time we take punters on fly in tours to the local diamond mine.
Punter: Do we get free samples today?
Pilot: [Fake laugh] (gee, never heard that one before )
------------------------------------
Punter: Are you doing this as a school holiday job?
Me: (thinking they were having a laugh) Yeah, last year I was doing a paper round but it was heavy work so I decided to give flying a go this holiday break.
Punter: Oh good for you, at least this is something a bit different.
And no, they were not joking.
-----------------------------------
Punter: Where are you from?
Me: Originally from Sydney.
P: So how long have you been working here (W.A.)?
M: A little over a year.
P: Dear, that is a long way to travel to work every day, you must have to fly home.
Once again, they were dead serious.
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I learnt this one off another mate I used to work with. Sometimes you will get annoying pax who persists in resting their leg on the mixture knob during the flight even after several requests not to do so. When you are about to shut down, tap old mate on the leg and show him when it gets pulled out the engine stops.
Me: See that’s why I didn’t want you touching it when we were flying.
Punter: Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise it was that important…
Me: I guess that’s why they paint it bright red mate.
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I overheard this one as we were all taking our groups of punters out to the aeroplanes for another scenic sortie. Mate is walking out to a Citation that is parked next to his 210.
Him: Ok folks this is our aeroplane for today (big smile)
Punter: No, I don’t want to go in that. The brochure said we would be going in a high wing aeroplane.
I’m sure that after 2hrs of being cramped up inside the 210 and enduring 35+ degree temps they were probably thinking differently.
A. I’m actually 40, I regularly use Oil of Ulan (reply from my mid 20’s mate)
-------------------------------------
Q. So this is a single engine then? Is it a safe aeroplane?
(The answer always comes from some other punter down the back, quick as a flash to reassure the worried pax…)
A. My friend/relative is a pilot and they tell me that single engine aircraft are actually safer than twin engine ones because they can glide.
-------------------------------------
This one comes up every single time we take punters on fly in tours to the local diamond mine.
Punter: Do we get free samples today?
Pilot: [Fake laugh] (gee, never heard that one before
)------------------------------------
Punter: Are you doing this as a school holiday job?
Me: (thinking they were having a laugh) Yeah, last year I was doing a paper round but it was heavy work so I decided to give flying a go this holiday break.
Punter: Oh good for you, at least this is something a bit different.
And no, they were not joking.
-----------------------------------
Punter: Where are you from?
Me: Originally from Sydney.
P: So how long have you been working here (W.A.)?
M: A little over a year.
P: Dear, that is a long way to travel to work every day, you must have to fly home.
Once again, they were dead serious.
-----------------------------------
I learnt this one off another mate I used to work with. Sometimes you will get annoying pax who persists in resting their leg on the mixture knob during the flight even after several requests not to do so. When you are about to shut down, tap old mate on the leg and show him when it gets pulled out the engine stops.
Me: See that’s why I didn’t want you touching it when we were flying.
Punter: Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise it was that important…
Me: I guess that’s why they paint it bright red mate.
------------------------------------
I overheard this one as we were all taking our groups of punters out to the aeroplanes for another scenic sortie. Mate is walking out to a Citation that is parked next to his 210.
Him: Ok folks this is our aeroplane for today (big smile)
Punter: No, I don’t want to go in that. The brochure said we would be going in a high wing aeroplane.
I’m sure that after 2hrs of being cramped up inside the 210 and enduring 35+ degree temps they were probably thinking differently.
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Here I is about to venture across Bass Strait in wun 'o dem little single engine areplanes.......
After giving the life jacket brief to me pax...............the Mother of the said asks "What will you need those for?????"
Another of the more youthful-looking company pilots went and jumped in the trusty B58, only to be asked by the punters "Oh you're on work experience are you? When's the pilot coming out???"
Aaarrgh!!
After giving the life jacket brief to me pax...............the Mother of the said asks "What will you need those for?????"
Another of the more youthful-looking company pilots went and jumped in the trusty B58, only to be asked by the punters "Oh you're on work experience are you? When's the pilot coming out???"
Aaarrgh!!
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Funnies
What about the passenger in the front right seat who reckoned he could taxi the plane....I showed him the control column - 'steering wheel' in front of him and away we went. Pointed out that the "power steering' was so good he wouldn't feel much feedback. Just steer it like a car.I said. We turned left and right with a very pleased and confident pax along side me. ON the last turn to the holding point I said go left while I ruddering right ....well you can imagine..he nearly tore the wheel out of the panel as teminal panic set in in a vain attempt to follow instructions. The look of panic on his face was worth a million bucks