Funny radio chat
Join Date: Jun 2002
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some time back at night flying towards Alice Springs I overheard;
Pilot 1 . thai 123 maintaining FL 340 Alice springs at 25
ATC. thai ...
Pilot 2 (diff a/c). thai 456 maintaining FL340 Alice springs 25
Silence
ATC .thai 456
Pilot 3( yet another one). thai 789 maint FL340 AS 25
ATC OK all thai A/c contact each other on company frequency and sort out what levels you intend over AS.
thundering silence
Unknown(QF) . sounds like the airspace over Alice is all thaid up at present.
ATC HA HA HA
Pilot 1 . thai 123 maintaining FL 340 Alice springs at 25
ATC. thai ...
Pilot 2 (diff a/c). thai 456 maintaining FL340 Alice springs 25
Silence
ATC .thai 456
Pilot 3( yet another one). thai 789 maint FL340 AS 25
ATC OK all thai A/c contact each other on company frequency and sort out what levels you intend over AS.
thundering silence
Unknown(QF) . sounds like the airspace over Alice is all thaid up at present.
ATC HA HA HA
Grandpa Aerotart
planemad I had a great game at Saigon when having landed on 25R and rolled all the way to the end...cause all the taxiways were GUR...we'd pick up the follow me car for the long taxi back between the old (vietnam war era) hardened shelters...spool up a little (Bizjet) and the man in the little car with the flashing lights goes faster...spool up a little more and he goes faster again...when you've got him going really fast, 60kts being my personal best, select idle reverse and watch him disappear into the distance before realisation dawns and his brakes lights come on...and then start the game all over.
Was recently over Suadi in a 767 chatting to another Aussie in a mid east based 767 who was leaving to come work for the Asian based mob I work for...he made some comment about being closer to home and it not being about "the grass being greener"...I looked out the window and just couldn't help myself..."Well at least we got grass!"
Was recently over Suadi in a 767 chatting to another Aussie in a mid east based 767 who was leaving to come work for the Asian based mob I work for...he made some comment about being closer to home and it not being about "the grass being greener"...I looked out the window and just couldn't help myself..."Well at least we got grass!"
Join Date: Nov 2004
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From 1988, graduated from SAA Oakey and doing Gonad incountry famil in PNG. Squadron bogie asked by Nadzab Twr thus:
Twr: DF 12, check call 12345...
Pilot tunes VHF to 123.45 and transmits....
Plt: Twr, DF 12, check call 12345...........and after a couple of attempts, returns to twr freq...
Plt: Twr, DF 12 no joy on 123.45
.............silence then laughter from both tower and QFI.
It was the signal strength they were after, PB...he..he..
He's only just checked out online F28 PX FO last week. Great times!
Twr: DF 12, check call 12345...
Pilot tunes VHF to 123.45 and transmits....
Plt: Twr, DF 12, check call 12345...........and after a couple of attempts, returns to twr freq...
Plt: Twr, DF 12 no joy on 123.45
.............silence then laughter from both tower and QFI.
It was the signal strength they were after, PB...he..he..
He's only just checked out online F28 PX FO last week. Great times!
Join Date: Sep 2003
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CC,
Sounds like nothing much has changed in Vietnam in the last 12 years or so.
Hopefully the Controllers have improved?
Departing Hanoi for Saigon one day, the Controller gave us (cannot remember exact figures now, but something like) "Vietnam 123, clear for immediate takeoff, not above 3000 feet, maintain runway heading, report leaving 5000 feet."
On that Hanoi-Moscow-Hanoi flight we used to often pass a Qantas flight over Europe somewhere, much amusement (in those days) about the Aussie accents on Vietnam Airlines. and they would always have a dig at us about the great routes we flew
Sounds like nothing much has changed in Vietnam in the last 12 years or so.
Hopefully the Controllers have improved?
Departing Hanoi for Saigon one day, the Controller gave us (cannot remember exact figures now, but something like) "Vietnam 123, clear for immediate takeoff, not above 3000 feet, maintain runway heading, report leaving 5000 feet."
On that Hanoi-Moscow-Hanoi flight we used to often pass a Qantas flight over Europe somewhere, much amusement (in those days) about the Aussie accents on Vietnam Airlines. and they would always have a dig at us about the great routes we flew
Join Date: Aug 2004
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The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty -- do a complete circle, a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
==============================================
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, Roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
================================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
================================================
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
================================================
A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
================================================
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right! "
Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked,
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
GG
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
==============================================
Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
================================================
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.
Did you copy that report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, Roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
================================================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
================================================
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
================================================
A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
================================================
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right! "
Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked,
"Wasn't I married to you once?"
GG
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Bobawaba,Queensland,Australia
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Aircraft on high speed descent in to AD (I think).
ACFT to ATC: Can we maintain high speed below ten.
ATC: Yes keep it up for as long as you can.
ACFT: At my age that's not long.
ACFT to ATC: Can we maintain high speed below ten.
ATC: Yes keep it up for as long as you can.
ACFT: At my age that's not long.
