Merged: Funny Stuff You've heard in skies

[flyinkiwi]

A flustered student accidentally presses the PTT on the tower frequency: "I have no idea what I am doing!"
Tower: "Well that's good to know"


A flight instructor and tower controller having a friendly banter on a quiet afternoon:
ABC: "What must you do when departing an active runway?"
Tower: "You must always blow on the pie."
ABC: "Safer airways together"

[Yankee_Doodle_Floppy_Disk]

Or another favourite whilst in French airspace..

ATC "Monarch XXX zay maccch nummberrrrr"
Us "Mach number"

ATC "Monarch XXX zay 'eading"
Us "'eading" :
Makes the day go a bit faster

This is an oldie, but a goodie.

You forget to mention the bit where the controller says:
"Monarch XXX zay incident report"

[Moony123]

Aircraft "ABC ready for departure"
Tower "ABC clear for take Off, caution runway wet"

Hahaha! I like that one

[18-Wheeler]

A mate of mine would often ask for an 'intersexual departure' at Cooly if the right guys were in the tower.

[Ex FSO GRIFFO]

SY FSC, around mid 1975 or so, one G. Smith (ret.) sitting on console servicing Central / Western NSW airspace, 'chasing' a VFR aircraft inbound to HAY with last light approaching........

"ABC, Will you be able to make Hay while the sun shines"........

The room fairly well 'cracked up'...
Surly Old Supervisor NOT impressed....

[Nil defects]

I enjoyed flying out of Kununurra in the early 80's. The Flight Service guys and girls were a good bunch and always good for a laugh.

A departure call would go like this:

Aircraft: "Kununurra ABC departed 24, tracking 289, climbing 5000"
FS : "Knock Knock"
Aircraft: "Ok, who's there"
FS: "Erica"
Aircraft "Erica who"
FS "Area QNH 1024, have a good day"


(ps thanks for those days Jacko, Mal, Dave and to the other FSO's - they were good fun)

[B190]

Approach: ABC have you captured the Localizer?

ABC: Ahh negative but we have it surrounded.

[18-Wheeler]

I might have done this years ago on the drop in a Metro into Wagga Wagga ...

There were a lot of low-level clouds around and I was cutting through the lower parts of them. When I called the tower I couldn't call visual or IFR, nor the often-used "in and out of tops" so I improvised ....
".... please excuse the expression but I'm in and out of bottoms."
Got a good laugh.

[davidgrant]

Heard this on HF in New Guinea back in the seventies.

"Moresby Moresby...apinoon wan tok...dis pella balus nem ABC...
Losim ples nem Tabubul at 123...cam along on top FL 390...cam down
kissim ples nem Moresby..em i stop Tasol"...must have been buie night.

[C-change]

Just finished watching a doco on Canadian Air Force F18 course and the course are in the air-to-air refuelling stage. The students are having trouble at first but eventually get the hang of probe and drouge refuelling.

The only female student on the course has just completed her first hook up to the USAF C135 and is very excited when the following is said;

Male instrucor " So remember, once its in, its not over "
Female student " You need to tell a lot of guys that "

[Super Cecil]

Fancy letting wimmin fly planes!!!!

[Art of Flying]

As a pax on a QF flight to Narita, Captain announces our arrival at a local time of seven minutes past seven, on the seventh of the seventh, 2007!

And people question the airlines timing

[kellykelpie]

My three favorites:

1)British Airways 747 is clearing the runway when the tower advises "Speedbird 22 just for information you were slightly to the left of the localiser on final". The Captain responds calmly "affirm and my co-pilot was slightly to the right of the localiser".


2)British Airways taxiing at Frankfurt receives irrate tower message "Speedbird 6, I told you to take taxiway November, have you not been here before". Captain responds "Affirm, I was here in 1944 but I didn't land, I only dropped something off".

3)Tower "Romeo Whiskey Foxtrot report position".. RWF "Grade 3 instructor sir"...

Approach: ABC have you captured the Localizer?

ABC: Ahh negative but we have it surrounded.

My new favorite - thanks B190

[Graybeard]

Pacific Southwest Airlines pilot on initial approach, to ATC, "If you don't clear us lower soon, you'll have to shoot us down."

I don't suppose they use words like that anymore.

[oicur12]

Back in the early nighties of night freight we had a company freq known as the filth channel. Always yabbering on about crap and occasionally someone would forget to change from VHF 1 ATC to VHF 2 for the filth.

One night as metro's passed each other in the dark going opposite ways, one metro calls across the airwaves, "hey GXX, Ive got my ass pressed up against the cockpit window, can you see it".

To which a terse response came across, "no, but my radar can, your on control freq"

[frigatebird]

Not a radio call, but a P.A. you had to get in the right order or it confused a lot of punters.
Redeye Special all-nighter, Nadi - Faleolo, T.O.D and crossing the International Date Line 2 hours before midnight Monday night Fiji time.
'Please set your watches forward an Hour and back a Day.'

Turnaround, then T.O.C. coming back via an ETOPS Dogleg to be near an open-all-night Tonga offtrack alternate. Midnight Fiji ticks over.
'Please set your watches back an Hour and forward a Day.'

Pax who boarded in Fiji, on Monday night had Monday all over again in Samoa when the sun came up. The ones going the other way missed out on a Monday altogether.

[Aerohooligan]

On the wall above the urinal at work:

'Pilots with short defuelling probes or low manifold pressure, please taxi in closer - the guy after you may not have a seaplane rating!

Thankyou, the barefoot pilot.'

[Aerohooligan]

And a couple of others...

flying into Snake Bay in the 210 a few months back, I make my inbound call 20nm out 'Traffic Snake Bay, ABC etc'...

followed instantly by a colleague also in the area keying the mike and thunderously announcing 'MMMILIKAPITIIIIIIII!!!'

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Departing Groote Eylandt in the 210 about 18nm ahead of a B1900:

Me: '1900 XXX, for your information XXX, VFR 210 is 18 miles west of Groote, passing 6700 on climb 8500, also tracking 286 for Darwin.'

1900, after a short pause: 'XXX, ah, yeah, no worries mate, we'll outclimb you easily.'

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Arriving Darwin one day, I was approaching Runway 11, which has a taxiway to the left (C) about 300m in and intersects runway 36/18 at about 400m. It was a wet day, the runway surface was damp the crosswind was 15 knots gusting. I received the following clearance from tower:

TWR: 'XXX, runway left or alternatively taxiway Charlie available, cleared to land runway 11.'

Me: 'Cleared to land runway 11 and we'll try for runway left, XXX.'

TWR: 'I think you'll probably be right...'

I landed (slightly floaty due gusty wind) and almost pulled up quick enough to get off at Charlie. Rolling towards 36/18 intersection:

TWR: 'I see you'll be vacating runway left - vacating contact ground.'

Me: 'XXX, was there ever any doubt? Vacating left, contacting ground, bye.'

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Departing Darwin in the 210 with a little bit of weather on upwind, number one to a somewhat irritated Qantas 737:

QF: 'Qantas 842, can you please explain why you've got me holding for a 172?'

TWR: 'Because he's VFR and there's cloud on upwind, I can't ensure visual separation if he goes into cloud or you do.'

QF (rather astutely): 'um...if he goes into cloud that would mean he's suddenly not so VFR, now wouldn't it?'

[MyNameIsIs]

Frequently hear QLink (only RPT that operate some of the places i've been) call in/out bound on radials..... despite the fact that there are no VORs at said locations.

I find it funny- but some of them seem to not like being corrected by a lowly VFR piston driver


Oh, and people in their SUPER king airs! ha i love that one.
We become Super Cherokees and Super 182s and so on!

[Captain Nomad]

SUPER king airs! ha i love that one.

Well, that's what they are... You're just envious!