Supply Stupidities
 

The B1 windshield thread got me thinking off some of the ridiculous goings on in the supply system I have experienced

1) When I was the deck officer on a small ship the Buffer informed me that the ship to buoy shackle was cracked. I told him to go to the base supply depot and get a new one. He called me from the depot saying they would not give him one because they only had one and if they gave it to us they would have none. I went down to explain that this part only fit our ship so we were the only ones who would ever want it, but they were adamant that the rules required them to always have one in stock. In the end it was simpler to get the fleet maintenance facility to weld repair the old shackle over forcing the supply system to cough up the part. :ugh:

2) Also as a junior officer many years ago I was the skipper of a 75 ft navy training vessel. We were doing a navigation course for 8 new officers and was in the days of old school gyro bearing position fixes plotted on a paper chart. I went to stores to get some supplies including a box of pencils. The reply from the Supply PO in a very aggrieved tone . I can't give you a whole box and besides I gave you TWO pencils last week ! :rolleyes:

3) As Captain of a minesweeper. In the early 1990's the Canadian Armed Forces transitioned from the excellent FN rifle in 7.62 to the C7 a Canadian knock off of the M16. The C 7 fires 5.56 rounds so when we were ordered to turn in our old rifles and ammo we gave back our 4 FN's and 1000 rounds of 7.62 Ops Stock and got 4 C7's an 971 rounds of 5.56. In fact the 1000 round box had been open and 29 rounds removed. When the crew reported this I called the Military Police to report a possible ammo theft. Well it turned out that the bin rats counted rifle ammo by cost not quantity and the 5.56 round was slightly more expensive so were were only eligible to be issued 971 rounds :hmm:

4) As CO of a land based unit I knew there was always a budget burn near the end of the fiscal year, so I placed an advanced order for some new lap top computers. Sure enough on the last day of the fiscal year my Admin clerk told me there was a truck at the door and I needed to go sign some papers. So I go to the parking lot and there is flat bed truck with a large wooden crate. I asked where were our laptops, and the reply was, "Dunno, but that box is for you". Examining the paper work I realized that yes it was addressed to my unit but instead of lap tops the supply system had sent me the computer for a submarine fire control system :uhoh:. My first thought was to sign for it and see what else showed up :}, but I resisted the urge. However it finally took the Base Commanders staff to sort out that mess, and I never did get my laptops :mad:

Send ' three and fourpence' we are going to a dance !!

An airline I was once acquainted with had a fleet of 737-200's. Soon after delivery Boeing realise a vital pin in the wing to fuselage joint was not to the latest production spec on some aircraft, so they issued a Service Bulletin listing the effected airframes. Boeing would supply the correct pins FOC, to be fitted at the first heavy maintenance input. A mod was raised, the parts ordered and on arrival they went into stock. Some six years later they were needed but had gone, disposed of in a stock reduction scheme as being none moving stock, sold to a parts trader who had sold them on to a less efficient operator who had not even ordered them when they were FOC. It cost a fortune for a small batch to be made.

Canberra
 

I remember years ago putting in a stores demand for an inexpensive Canberra spare only to be told that the M.U. holding the spare had no transport to dispatch a complete fuselage. Seems that somewhere in the system finger trouble occurred. Mine or theirs?

First instance:
Hunter leg restraint garters got a bit worn so went to stores to get another pair - only to find that they only had one in stock! On further investigation, I was informed that they came in packs of three!

Second instance:
Second day after the Argentine invasion of the Falklands, I went to stores to draw a shoulder-holster for my personal piece, only to be informed that these were “war stocks” and couldn’t be issued. Small outburst remedied that!

Last (and most amazing) instance:
As the task force headed south in 1982, all stores requests for units involved became category 1 - ie get them there asap! A couple of weeks into the conflict a gert great box arrived on board Invincible containing a brand new ASW sonar. Unfortunately this could only be fitted when the ship was in dry dock because it was below the waterline. Resulted in a large, expensive splash!


Mog

It might have been an apocryphal tale, but I heard that when Winston and Clementines' engine life was looking worrying, in some hangar in the depths of an MU some crates were discovered....

On which the word 'Derwent' was noted. Full paperwork was included, so the provenance was assured! Hence rather than being consigned to a future in MRDs (Machine Runway Deicer - a double Derwent and garden shed device), the engines made their way to the RAF's last airworthy Meteors!

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Which reminded me of a tale I was told about one of my previous employers who (before my time) purchased a number of fighter aircraft from a European supplier and was told there was a need for specialist screwdrivers to remove panels. These special screwdrivers were very expensive and after several were "misplaced" a very observant techo tried a cheap version he had seen in a home supply shop. Worked a charm so the box packers were instructed to purchase locally available Phillips Head screwdrivers.

Gne

Might I suggest anyone interested in this read David Hill's new book "Citadel of Waste". The scale of the waste is astonishing. There's a similar tale to Mogwi's about the sonar, the RAF stores wallahs tasking a Herc to land on HMS Ark Royal half way between Hong Kong and Sydney to deliver kit that wasn't needed.

I was told that an RB199 having been 'lost' at Stafford was subsequently found under the blanket that had been thrown over it to make a card table.

Shortly after we deplyed to the South Atlantic in 1981, we found that the shuttle had been stolen from the survival equipment section sewing machine when the ship was in refit, so we demanded a replacement shuttle. A few weeks later we arrived in Montevideo to find a large crate awaiting us. It contained an entire new sewing machine. When we asked why we were told that the shuttle was not listed as a spare part, so they had sent the next higher assembly. From that day onwards whenever the other departments couldn't get what they wanted, the cry was always, Well the wafoos can have a f...... sewing machine so why can't we have this.

A few weeks later we received a Sea Harrier ejection seat gun. Very usefull in a Wasp Flight. Curiouser and curiouser.

Know they lost an M113 in Australia. They sent it to have some work done on the engine, once the work was done the contractor contacted the unit. Somehow the message never went anywhere, they just left it in the back of the shop accumulating storage fees, every month the sent the bid to a govt and every month they paid it. It was about 6 months before someone clocked they were short an APC. After fervorishly searching someone put 2 and 2 together and worked out due to the storage fee where it was

Know the yanks lost a Humvee, it broke down on a public road, just outside a military exercise area. They left it there, some australians came past found the abandoned vehicle, only had a stuffed alternator and flat battery. So they put a new battery in and drove it somewhere for safe storage (allegedly the guys joyrided in it for a few days before it arrived) yanks left, it was a couple of months later before they went OH **** and had to fly in a C-17 to pick it up

I have no doubt too that, after it having been on the shelf for a number of years and never having issued that part, the supply chain deemed it no longer required and disposed of it.

IIRC Odiham at one of the hangars, the boss wanted some little link chain to hang on the white entrance posts, chain duly ordered by length and several weeks later a low loader arrived with anchor chain on the back, they refused to take it back as it had been in their way for years, so it was piled up and concrete poured over it to make up a car servicing ramp for the car club.

Sqn Ldr Ops at RAF Wattisham was being a bit arrogant demanding a 'Kojak' flashing amber light with a magnetic base for his service mini, so that he could rush around looking important.... Fortunately we had a brilliant OC Supply with a very dry sense of humour... So a few weeks later a parcel arrived at the Ops Room and the good Sqn Ldr eagerly unpacked it....only to find a standard RAFP blue light. He went into low earth orbit on the phone to Supply Wing where OC Supply went into full 'blunty' mode..."No Sir, it clearly states on your demand voucher blah, blah, blah!" After S/L Ops had seethed and ranted for a couple of hours, a lad turned up with a new box...with the amber light! Oh how we laughed when he realised that we'd all been in on the jape and that he'd been had!

Also at Wattisham I was required to check my 'Clothing Card' before being posted. Whereupon I found that it still included a Gnat-specific oxygen mask and Gnat-specific g-suit, neither of which were any use on other aircraft. I explained that not only had I handed all my Gnat AEA in when I'd left Valley 8 years earlier, but the RAF didn't even have any Gnats left - the last had left service about 3 years ago! That didn't satisfy the stores people though - they expected me to pay £LOTS! Fortunately a Flt Sgt in SCAF was also one of 'my' Anglia gliding instructors and he came up with a solution. Two 'unserviceable' labels with all the right stores references were duly produced and handed over to the storeman, who was then able to write these non-existent items off my card!

If I can expand this to movers - who were sort of suppliers by trade - I must retell a tale from my first tour, 78 Sqn in Sharjah.

We flew Wessex, as did the SAR Flight at Muharraq (Bahrein), but 78 normally kept the "Command Spare" unless and until it was needed by the SAR bo(u)ys.

Which they did on one occasion when Baby Pilot Teeters got to deliver it. The SOP was to wait a couple of days to see if they got enough serviceable (enjoying the fleshpots of Bahrein) to give the spare back. If they didn't - as in this case - the delivery crew jumped on the "bus run" Argosy to go home to Sharjah.

Which meant going through Movements in flying kit....

Baby Mover: indicating Mae West "What's that??"

Teeters: "Err, a Mae West..."

BM: "No, what's that?" indicating red knob and inflation bottle.

Teeters: "CO2 bottle to inflate the jacket."

BM: "Aha - compressed gas! Dangerous Air Cargo - can't take it on board!"

So dear friends, my Mae West was so dangerous, it had to remain in Bahrein.........

You couldn't make it up...

Not strictly a supply issue but this did involve members of the supply branch (aka ‘movers’).

I was tasked to fly to Keflavik to collect a load that was listed as ‘priority freight’ and I would conduct training for the pilots there and back as well. The movers then said that due to ground handling restrictions at Brize Norton (the infamous ‘MOG’ - Movement on Ground) they couldn’t allow us to fly… Ops then said that we would fly the trip but empty (circa £40k/hr) thus achieving our training and another ac would be laid on to collect the load later in the week (at £40k/hr).

I suggested that this was completely absurd and spoke to OC Movements who had been one of my students many years before and the task was permitted to go ahead and collect the load.

teeteringhead, there was almost a similar event at Akrotiri when I was on the VC10K. Some Tornado aircrew had asked if we could take them back to the UK, rather than them suffering the misery of a Hercules trip. Of course we said yes!

The Air Eng was 'Caring Ken, the Airmans' Friend' who thought that, as an ex-trucky Master Engineer, his word was always correct. "We can't bring them back - they've got miniflares in their life preservers...", quoth he, "...and that's Dangereous Air Cargo!".

Fortunately the Captain didn't have much time for shiny-fleet triv. "We're taking them AND their kit, Ken..."
"But....but".
"Anyway, Ken, WTF do you think is in the life preservers under our seats? Yes, miniflares amongst other things!"

So the Tornado AEA was duly stuffed into a couple of large gash bags and put behind the rear row of seats - and back we came, to deliver the Tornado mates to their base. Which had the added advantage of quick customs clearance rather than the tedium of our own.

After the “Atlantic Conveyor” sank, during the Falklands War, it was calculated that considering all the stores subsequently written off as on board the ship at the time, it would probably have gone down in the harbour where it was all allegedly first loaded.

Later, back in W. Germany, we couldn’t get any replacement aircrew clothing for a long time afterwards because apparently it had all gone to the sea bottom. Then some “war stock” was found. I was issued with some (rather yellowed :yuk:) aircrew long johns and long sleeved vests with labels bearing the old WD arrows and the year 1941! How we all loved those hardened rubber buttons on the flies that were too big to go through the button holes…. :rolleyes:

Falkland Island souvenirs….

a supply of ABDR kits was held in the Falklands, some sort of bi-metallic where two parts were mixed and moulded into place before setting. At the time, back in 1980s, wee were told they cost about £500 a pop and had a shelf life of about 1 year.

Supply was through the army so RAF orders were delivered to army in UK who shipped everything by sea via Ascension and other places enroute. Average time between order and delivery was, reputedly, about 9 months. Meaning kits were just about lifex on arrival, so more were ordered on a quarterly basis and lifex kits distributed to units to make “gozhomey” souvenirs.
.

Not sure how many were ordered at a time but the number supplied to units was plentiful. Still have my souvenir from Alice 35 years later….

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Real trivia ... I had a pair of aircrew sunglasses [with correcting lenses] from my brief RN days. Some years later, at Tengah, they went u/s [can't recall the exact problem] so I went to Stores seeking a replacement. "Sorry, Sir, they're not on your Clothing Card, so we can't do that."

OK, Plan B ... I return to Stores with a mate from one of the Sqns so that he can do the exchange. No problem, he gets new sunglasses. At which point the 'Not A Supplier' hands aircrew mate the old pair with a cheerful "Here you are, Sir, in case you need a replacement."

I was duty man at VL one evening, for night flying. At the time, we had a T4 on detachment to Wittering for the strip-operating part of the conversion course. One of the detachment maintainers needed new batteries for his Pusser’s torch but Wittering stores didn’t have any. He therefore requested a local purchase order, so that he could get 2xU2 batteries from the NAAFI shop.

Stores at VL refused to authorise it because they had plenty of stock at base and when I remonstrated with them, they suggested that we flew some up in a Sea Harrier, as we were doing night flying anyway! I went to Cdr (S) with the problem and he rightly blew a fuse and the boys got their LPO!

Mog

Brize, requiring a headset so I could carry out runs on the VC10's, we find we are not entitled to an issue and that they were B or A stores I think.. which sort of defeated the object of the exercise as you couldn't do a run without talking to people.

Browsing through the system we found every part was a C store, I.e consumable and throw away parts, so we ordered every part for several headsets and built our own, system circumvented.

• Ah, good old “C Class”, stores - disposable, non valuable, non returnable items.

I was at Odiham when the (ex Vulcan, there’s a clue) Station Commander hired out the Officers’ Mess to Mercedes for a new vehicle launch. We were unable to go in, even for lunch. We weren’t impressed because there was no aircrew feeder but we did laugh when the new Mercedes advertisement banners went up outside.

They were launching the “C Class” cars.

Apparently the build quality had gone down a little…

Learning Command had a strange sense of priorities when it came to the topic of night flying torches. It was OK to issue ab initio students with 'Provosts, Jet....Qty 1' for night flying, but torches? Err, no! We were told to provide our own, which had to be attached to our flying suits with the usual bit of string....

One chap dropped his in flight and started pulling on the string until he felt resistance. It had got caught in his lower bang seat handle which was partially out of its housing. So he gingerly replaced it and landed asap.

Another chap was given a simulated total electrics failure. From one leg pocket he produced a lantern on a croc clip which he attached to the coaming. Then he fumbled in the other pocket for a switch... The whole cockpit lit up as if a nuclear bomb had gone off - it was one of those lanterns which farmers used when hunting for lost beasts! QFI and student lost all night vision for a good few minutes, with the QFI laughing hysterically!

After a couple of nights of this nonsense, the CI decided that enough was enough and ordered that we should be issued with those official black stick torches, which were all but useless!

If, to a first approximation, light travels in straight lines, why does the RAF issue right angle torches? :)

Designed at great expense as a means to carry dead batteries around I think.

And to be multi-directional, so when clipped to your pocket or webbing, they would point in every direction but forward where needed.

Every possible corner was cut.

When I was going through the JP course at Linton on Ouse, my torch (which was rectangular, about 5”x4”x1”) had one of those strange, flat sided batteries with two different length brass contact strips. It was all but useless in the cockpit, but it finally came in useful when we were “pulled” for our week long survival exercise, where we had to find our own food or starve. Our flying kit was searched for any unauthorised goodies. Any cash found on our person was confiscated and presumably put in the staff beer fund. My torch was taken, the battery removed and it was checked inside. One of my colleagues had an identical torch and had put a couple of “OXO” cubes in the bottom of his, which were taken away.

Nothing was found in my torch and it was given back to me without comment. However, thinking ahead, one evening some time before, I’d carefully peeled off the paper label from the battery, ironed a ten pound note to a suitable size, tightly wrapped it round the battery then glued the label back over it. Came in very useful later when we were able to find a farmer willing to sell us some contraband. :E

Always check…
 

At Lyneham on standby, I was called in to fly to Botswana to take a new engine for a SF Herc on task there. Aircraft duly loaded with a new engine and most importantly, a propellor removal device in a large wooden crate strapped to a large pallet. we subsequently routed via Akrotiri and Nairobi and arrived to find the sick Herc missing. It had been operating in a non standard manner….

Anyway as it was v hot the engine change took place at night with a local crane removing the old engine and prepared for its prop to be removed. The big box with the removal device was opened and despite much rummaging all it contained was straw! A new one had to be sent with BA via Johannesburg which took some time to arrive.

Anyway, this gave me a few days to enjoy the delights (and they were) of Gaborone with a trip to Johannesburg (another story).

So, stores had done a wonderful job in getting us to transport an empty box to the very bottom of Africa where I had a most pleasant time with a total time away of about 10 days. With my previous tour having been on the Puma, I found the way of life most acceptable.

Me

Are you saying that you didn’t enjoy living in the field in a 7’ by 5’ tent with not enough pegs and a pole missing?

No, neither did I. ;)​​​​​​​

my father was ground crew on a Beaufighter strike squadron out of Shetland. Over about 3 winter months they did v little flying and lost no-one. Then, regretfully, they did an op and lost a single aircraft. He said it could never have got off the ground according to the list of items written off against it when it didn't return. 2x 30ft extendable ladders was just the start..................

Shy - considerably more honourable than a guy I was on a survival course with once.

He went down to the local village, and with the help of his "Wilkie Knife" (remember those?) "persuaded" a local to donate his fish 'n' chips!

He (not the local) was subsequently chopped at Valley for smoking wacky baccy..........

I was detachment commander on a Tornado GR1 visit to Goose Bay, Canada. We needed a replacement engine (can’t remember why) so I ordered one through the system. Then I got a call from Command Supply (sic) - they would deliver the engine by rail. When I pointed out that there was no railway line that reached Goose Bay, they told me that there was a railway station on the map. Only once I’d pointed out that the line in question only ran for a few miles inland to some forgotten mining location did they agree to send the engine......by road! Despite informing them that the only surface access involved a drive up very questionable roads through countless miles of forest, they insisted that this was the cheapest way to ge the engine to us.

When the truck eventually arrived, the manifest said “2 Tornado engines” (or words to that effect). But there was only one on the flatbed truck - one had fallen off “somewhere along the road”!! So much for the cheapest option!!

Gan, 1960's, Search and Reascue Shackleton . On walkaround the F.E. discovered a cut in one of the tyres. No problem, Gan was required to keep a spare Shack. wheel/tyre assembly at all times.
Suppliers refused to release it, because if they did they would not have one available, and that would be against the rules.
Very short discussion between the Shack. Captain, the Supply Officer and the Station Commander.

Aldergrove, Wessex AOG for a genny, sent AOG from Odiham and arrived packed to perfection, on removing it a huge dent found in the side, the Storeman packing it had dropped it from quite a height and fearful of getting charged had packed it and sent it AOG, needless to say he did get charged and a replacement had to be sent. He had made such a good job of packing it, damage in transit was impossible.

There is a common theme to many of these stories, that of the ‘it’s the last one so you can’t have it’ ilk. I was in RAF Sek Kong, we were deploying out to an island for a few days (Ping Chau or ‘Snake Island’ ) so I went with an other fellow to stores to get a blue holdall. The storeman handed me one but when my compatriot asked for one too he received the ‘I only have one left so you can’t have it’ reply,

No amount of arguing would make him give way, I never understood the problem but suspect that it might be that to have zero quantity in stock was against the rules or perhaps they wouldn’t know where to put them on the shelf when new stock arrived?

Many years later I was at Basrah on the C130J det. One of our ac had a problem with its Stby AI, we couldn’t snag it as that would ground the ac (it was a no go item) and it would take most of a week to get one sent out (the J supply system was meant to be a Just-in-time process from the warehouse in Wootton Basset but that wasn’t quite so effective for detached ops). We ended up flying it for ages rather than lose an important asset, I think until it was rotated back home for servicing.

I'm reminded of the cartoon showing an irate engineer at the stores hatch, with the Storeman saying "It's no good you pointing at it, the computer says it's out of stock"...

Our inimitable Danny42C recalled a serious loss on the Brevet thread, immortalised as a sticky at the head of this forum. A Japanese air raid on his northern Indian airfield had claimed the lives of several airmen, a couple of Vengeance divebombers and his flight’s highly prized 15cwt pickup, their only means of reaching civilisation on their few days’ leave. Over to Danny, and his book In with a Vengeance:

There was another one IIRC, which had Storeman Norman pointing at the sign above his hatch and asking the hapless erk:

"What does that say, Laddie?"

"'Stores', Norman", says the erk.

"EXACTLY, son. If they wanted you to have it, the sign would say "Issues", wouldn't it?"