Never fly with a full bladder
 

Wasn't sure what forum I should put it in but it was from an ex-military pilot who probably saw stuff like this during service before becoming a test pilot.

About Mutt Summers.....

Jock Bryce recounts that on his first flight with Mutt in the prototype Viscount 630 he was astonished to see Mutt beginning his pre-flight checks by relieving himself alongside the main wheels. “Never fly with a full bladder,” was his advice, “I know people who crashed with one and it killed them!”

What is it about wheels that makes men want to pee on them?

Just keep empty oil cans until after the flight.

The act of relieving can be symbolic, ritualistic, superstitious.
Until my arthritic fingers made it impossible, I was a keen bell ringer, achieving a goodly number of Quarter Peals all over Lincolnshire ...... 45 minutes of concentrated mental and physical effort, and dedicated teamwork in a six or eight member team.

The point [I knew I would get there] is that before the first Quarter many years ago, I needed a pee round the back of the church. Thereafter it was a ritual never to be missed.

Curiously enough, I can recall my Father telling me that Sir Stirling Moss made a very similar remark in relation to motor racing, and a quick shoogle with Google confirms the potential dangers of injury or death.

Jack

Nothing worse than when you struggle to tog up with an immersion suit and LSJ only to realise you need to go. Unless you’re hung like a donkey, gaining access via the outer zip, unrolling the tube with the horizontal lolllipop stick on the end and then searching within the suit through underpants and long johns tangled up with a vest, an aircrew jersey and a woolly pully was a nightmare. Especially when it was a cold day...

There’s something to that, known a few who have. Heard it said it cools hot brakes nicely. I’ll keep my distance while they try.

I must have higher standards than you lot, As I have been known to urinate off the engine decking of the Puma.

Salute!

I always peed by the gear so the bird would have a scent to return to.

Worked everytime except for weather or enemy attack diverts, and then the one time I had to deadstick into an international airport. A chinook brought the jet back home a day or two later and it flew again after patching up some holes.

Gums sends...

ALWAYS have a piddle before takeoff, you never know when the next one will be. But being caught inside a cloud in very cold temps, half-way through the outbound leg of a VOR with a dopey student taking his time, was not a pleasant experience.

He wondered why, instead of the pre-briefed missed approach, we did an auto to the far corner of the field, where I leaped out and broke the seal. On the back of the skid. The intercom lead didn't let me go any further back than that.

And there is a story of an airborne Mirage pilot being able to remove the seat harness, parachute harness, Mae West, G-suit, unzip one-piece flying suit and wriggle it down, and cr@p in one of his flying gloves. (He finished as a 2-star.)

The side of the crew chief's hut was always good enough for me.

Late at night, many years ago, on the ramp at St Mawgan I watched a Dutch 104 pilot pee over his tailpane! Obviously not before flight, but after a lot of beer.

Pee over an F-104 tail plane? He must have been hung like an elephant!

I always thought that the bit above in bold was a prerequisite for Fast Jet pilots.

No no no no no. It's the WATCH that's big, whereas ...

Is 'watch' spelled 'e-g-o' in zoomie speak, Shy?

CG

I hope you yelled, "Below!"

CG

I believe that in the 19th century a coachman was legally entitled to relieve himself against the rear right hand wheel of his coach. This was so his horses wouldn't wander off wondering where he had gone to.

A long time ago I worked for a company that maintained two Oil Pollution Dakotas, one based in Exeter and the other in Kinloss. Every so often they'd be rotated for scheduled checks to be carried out. For those not familiar with these aircraft, there was an empennage access door in the rear bulkhead that opened about two feet above the floor of the toilet compartment (which was used for spare oil, engine covers, control locks and chocks but had no toilet!). On the other side of the bulkhead were elevator and rudder control cables and pulleys a couple of inches above the lower skin. I once asked one of the crew what they did if they needed a slash as it was a long flight at Dakota cruising speeds. You can guess the obvious reply. :eek: We never saw the evidence because the skins had drainage holes to stop water collecting.
So, not only had they cheerfully been corroding the control cables, we'd been checking them for fraying and their pulleys for freedom with our bare hands for Christ-knows how long...
They were nicely told to use an empty oil bucket in future.