Heard this one third-hand, so it might be Urban Myth.

The Chinook had a Relief Tube under the right-hand seat. Occupant of that seat needed a wee, but didn't want to do it sitting down, so he pulled the tube out to the left side, unstrapped and stood up, and started to have a wee while standing between the seats.

Other pilot needs to reduce power, so lowers the Thrust Brake (collective) which pinches the relief tube between the lever and the seat. Pilot wonders why the lever won't go down any further, and copilot sees that the tube is full and backed up to overflowing, with the flow still flowing. Pilot calls to copilot to get back in his seat, as he thinks there is a control problem. Copilot clenches off the flow and re-zips, but has a full tube in his hands.

Pilot says "SIT DOWN!" so copilot releases the tube, to much splashing of product on self and aircraft. Resumes seat, asks pilot what the problem is, and both then realise what had happened.

Similar fate fell on my captain on Victors when we were 2 hours short of ASI , half way through his bladder emptying he noticed that the liquid had stopped going down. He then tried to investigate an got a backflow. Luckily I managed never to use the facility and moved on to ac with proper facilities.

Apologies if this has been posted before.

Nothing worse than a turbulent approach with a very full bladder. I've had a few occasions where I've been hoping not to need to discontinue. Rather embarrassing after a missed approach PA to then nip out to use the facilities!

From thevintagenews.com

According to legend, the famous Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin had to relieve himself, just as he disembarked the bus that was taking him to the launch ramp. In the absence of a better solution, he simply urinated on the bus’ tire, unknowingly starting a tradition that would outlive him and become a necessary ritual among all other Soviet space-dwellers before their missions.

From that day forward, there allegedly hasn’t been a single space mission both during the Soviet Union and the current Russian Federation that has skipped this custom.

Bit trickier for Valentina Tereshkova ...........

One Summer we flew our mighty Tin Triangle to Malta for a 2 week detachment....

After the usual pre-flight planning, meal, crew-in and snag rectification, we finally took off and pottered up to join airways at FL430. The AEO had drunk rather too much tea pre-flight, so not long into the flight he decided that he needed to use the delightful relief facility. For such a small chap, it seems that he had a surprisingly large bladder; whether or not that overstressed the system I do not know, but it split and decanted the contents over the cabin floor, before trickling down to the lowest part of the floor...

The crew entrance door. Where after a couple of hours, it froze.

We then descended into Malta where, perhaps unsurprisingly, it was quite hot - around +30 deg C.

Striding out to greet us came the DetCo, known to us all as 'Paddington Bear', in his smart KD shirt, shorts and bondhu boots clutching a six-pack of Cisk. As soon as the engines were shut down and the chocks were in, Paddington opened the door from outside, receiving a tidal wave of AEO pee in the process. Up front we heard Paddington's yell of outrage "You buggers - I bring you out some beer and all the thanks I get is that you pee all over me!".

Good chap, he did at least see the funny side. But it cost the AEO a fair few beers!

Worse though was a certain Scottish Victor captain who had occasion to use the ration box for other than the intended purpose, earning himself the nickname, when he came to the VC10K, of Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop!

The late 'Cav the Nav' S&R instructor at Valley had a tale of his early training in Ansons. He was in the right hand seat and somewhat desperate for relief. The Anson had a drift sight fitted alongside the right seat and so, our hero removed the the drift sight and, kneeling on the seat, introduced 'Percy' into the mounting aperture. As we are all aware there is a venturi effect generated by airstream past such an aperture - and so it proved! The result was immediate and ( as he described it) extremely painful! Retrieval was even more so (Makes my eyes water to think of it!). A swift RTB was followed by a rapid visit to Sick Quarters (barely hidden mirth0 and a number of weeks of painful walking!.

We all gotta do what we all gotta do. I always try to pre-relieve, but our friends at a certain GA pilot shop offer these. I've used one before in anger (aka necessity), and found it to be rather clever and useful. YMMV.
https://cimg7.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune....3c7d362d84.jpg

I'm really surprised that no one has mentioned the problems at Goose, where our inflight rations included a plastic bag of milk which in the summer was off before we started. Once opened there really was nowhere to put it. Ah! The pee-tube. How many times did we forget to empty it, until next time it was needed in earnest?

CB

When I serviced Brawdy's Meteors, the legendary Puddy Catt would always pee on the port wheel before crewing in. I was somewhat disgusted by this & eventually asked him why he did it (expecting a serious ticking off). He just stared at me & said "just making sure it knows whose the boss SAC ...." - fair enough - especially from such a lovely chap.

A sobering reminder therefore that while there is still only one single-seat single-engine aircraft that flies on its own across the great oceans everyday - it has better facilities than anything mentioned on this thread!

Vulcan Pee Tube stories could fill a book:
Crew Chief, post-flight, 'someone spilt some orange squash, it's frozen on the door'
'It's not orange squash chief'

Pee Tube checks:.
Bottom bung -secure
Chrome funnel - secure
Pee Tube secured on bracket - check

Then don't kick it.

And he who filled it, empty it

It was then left empty on the nose wheel for sanitising
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In Cyprus we had a rather previous flight commander who threatened anyone having a last minute pee in the bundu with indecent exposure. Fortunately he was soon posted.

I was recently on a flight with my brother in his Conquest when I had to go. I've had bladder cancer and have no capacity for holding it. Fortunately, he had some plastic baggies on board so I unstrapped, grabbed a baggie and crawled my way to the back during some pretty good bouncing around. I got on my knees and very carefully filled the baggy, never spilling a drop. He has actually filled the baggy in his seat,

A current air rank was flying with me over Belfast at 10,000 in the early 90s. Short version. He donned crewman harness, climbed out onto the Puma step, shut the door, peed, climbed back in. At night.
Respect

A story related to me by the former ADC to the the Great and Noble ACM The Earl of Bandon (Paddy to all and sundry) former C in C FEAF. Himself and his Good Lady, Lady Lois, were flying from A to B (wherever) in the C in C's aircraft (Dakota?), when his Good Lady needed the facilities. Being a basic aircraft, the facilities consisted of a curtain and an Elsan. Apparantly, halfway through the Good Ladies ablutions, the aircraft hit turbulence and half a gallon of Racasan engaged the Good Ladies nether regions. Paddy was still laughing when he departed the aircraft at destination.

A crewman woulda peed in a sick bag and donated it to the good people of Belfast. Whilst remaining in the warm!

CG

Practical as always, but not quite as stylish!

AC,

The average sortie time of a mirage was around 0.7 hrs. Knuckleheads were renowned for having short attention spans and would have called bingo fuel before finishing the job.
Ay Bloggs..