Another old one; JEDI check,2,3,4 London Jedi, Jedi London identified are you.

Albert outbound from Lyneham on a spring day, attempting to make FL140 by Compton, working London Centre.

Delta Airlines jet inbound to Heathrow asks:

"Say ma'am, what are all those yellow fields down there?"

Cue the response from my Captain C**** B***** :

"Chinese golf courses."

ATC to AirUK over Brecon "in half a minute a speed bird Concorde will be passing 2000' above you"

Air UK. "So?"

Remember back in the day we would cruise in Canberras at FL 480?
In the 1960s, one RAAF Canberra pilot with a stutter (Mike Rid-----) was transitting to Darwin...

"Ground station, B-b-buckshot t-t-t-two-two, M-m-mount Isa at f-f-four f-f-five, FL 480, K-k-katherine at th-th-three th-th-three."

Speedbird 123: "My goodness Buckshot, it must be bloody cold up there!"

Buckshot 22: "I might be b-b-bloody c-c-cold, but at least I'm n-n-not a b-b-bloody Pom!"

Japan Airlines DC 8 inbound to Honolulu is transferred from HF to the VHF area frequency.

First transmission "This is Japanair 123 on 124.8 good morning, request permission to land Hickam."

ATC - "Japanair 123, Hickam is the air force facility, you will be landing at Honolulu International."

"Japanair 123 request permission land Hickam."

ATC - "Japanair, I say again, Hickam is the air force facility, you will be landing at Honolulu International"

"Japanair 123, request permission land Hickam, cannot say Honorruru."

One day Manila to Hong Kong....Captain said "OK Dave, make the speech"
Caught a little off guard I picked up the mic and said. 'Morning Ladies and Gentlemen...we are currently flying over the South China Morning Post"

I meant Sea but it got a laugh..so the Flight Attendant told me.

Many years ago, 2 JPs in the circuit at Linton, one was the CI with stude on chop ride, the other 2 X QFIs on SCT.

QFIs call downwind, unfortunately the Tx button sticks in. The following discussion of firstly the stude's chance of passing the chop check (no chance at all) and then the QFI's view of the new CI (not favourable) went public.

A mixed outcome, stude got a second chance but did fail, QFIs got a weeks SDO each.

Flying VIPs into secret! NI airfield we would change call signs entering into the FIR from the Ascot call sign. They were apparently randomly generated by computer.

'Approach, good morning 'Lemon 1' with you FL100.'

ATC: 'Lemon 1, who comes up with these silly call signs?'

In the days when we had lots of Vulcans, en-route from Gosse Bay to Offut, overheard a sister sqn dialogue with ATC along the lines of "RAFAIR123, say altitude; short pause, then the reply 'altidude'...slightly longer pause, then 'RAFAIR123, say 'violation'..." It doesn't pay to be a smartass in someone elses airspace.

Mister B

421 CAF Baden-Soellingen (Redskins) checking in
"Redskin 2"
"Redskin3"
..............

Heard some years ago at Lyneham, Exam 45 turn heading, CAS 12 o clock 10 miles. Repeated at 5 miles and 3 miles. Controller next says, Exam 45 adopt the callsign Failed 45 now inside CAS.

2 x TWU Hawks doing some staff ACT. 1 Hawk has a non aircrew pax along for the ride.

"Somehow" the pax ejects part way through a fight.

Noticing the loud bang, lack of canopy and long black pole sticking up his pilot transmits

"knock it off, knock it off, knock it off, my rear sweaters just banged out"

without pause his opponent replies

"Ok but shouldn't that have been stop, stop stop"

For those not familiar stop stop stop is a way to end the fight due to an emergency or non normal event knock it off is just a routine end to things.

Leeming 1966.
Leeming JP: "LJP, err, FL 950 err, request rejoin."
ATC (Quick as a flash): "LJP, fire retro rockets now. Splashdown will be in Osmotherley Reservoir!"

[I]Leeming JP: "LJP, err, FL 950 err, request rejoin."
ATC (Quick as a flash): "LJP, fire retro rockets now. Splashdown will be in Osmotherley Reservoir!"

Or in similar vein, on my UAS in about 1973:

"[Chipmunk c/s] downstream to land"
ATC: "[Chipmunk c/s] clear splashdown"

Ashling
 

Once perhaps. Nowadays a routine end is "terminate" and an emergency is "knock it off". Pretty standard across NATO. Not wishing to detract from your quote though!
BV:E:ok:

Fox 3 or 4 in my day.............frequently:)

You rang, M'lud? ;)

My favourite was not anonymous, but happened on a Sunday(!) at Benbecula (normally RAF Sleepy Hollow) after the Andrew cancelled our Atlantic exercise just after the tanker, so our 4 ship split for a general Western Isles wazzex for a couple of hours.
We called Benny up for a "low approach":E, apparently shortly after another of our formation had just done the same.
Just as we departed, ATC called (without callsign)
"That was bloody brilliant! And you just drowned out the Station Commander telephoning to complain about the last one!"

BV,

You have missed the point of the story. Just because in the past 20 years the RAF has chosen to fall in line with USAF speak.
That does remind me of a TWU 4 ship of Hunters at Brawdy. During a stream t/o the No3 suffered an engine failure soon after airborne. The pilot ejected successfully. ATC transmitted "Tartan Lead - Your No3 has just ejected" To which came the reply "Roger Tartan, Renumber". note: Of course that was in the days when renumbering of formation callsigns whilst airborne was acceptable.

Night time in the Gibraltar Straits. Nimrod at 1000ft stooging around in close support to fleet - all dark and all quiet, though we can see HMS Charybdis (Cherry B) and Penelope (Penny Lope).
Flightdeck to Port Lookout - "One of them ships is showing a light"
PL - "Yep"
FD to PL - "One of them ships is signalling - can yer read what they're saying PL"
PL - "Wait one ...."
PL - "It's Penelope to Cherry B - you are showing a light..."
FD - "Good"
30 seconds ....
FD - "They're signalling again ..."
PL - "Yep, wait one...."
PL - "It's Penelope to Cherry B - you are now showing two lights ..."
FD - "Cherry B's signalling now"
PL - "Yep, wait one ...."
PL - " Second light is search party looking for first light ..."

Northern Radar, Lindholme, civil console c1973;
ATC: EI 153 what's your height and position?
EI 153: Oim six foot tree and oim up the front.

ATC: Lufthansa 869, there is air defence traffic in your 11 o'clock range 10 miles, continue on present heading and it will be kept clear.(This was the second time he'd been warned of AD traffic)
LH 869: Are you STILL fighting der battle of Britain?