It seems the picture I posted goading Cattletruck for his non appearance opened the floodgates.
Off on hols Friday so judging Thursday pm uk time for this standby Capcom, going to be spoilt for choice, some corkers entered by the usual suspects.

My apologies for being caught with my pants down again. Thank you JAVELINBOY for doing the honours, and by all means please be the judge of this one.

My entry below

"Sorry, we appear to have used up all our monthly plan."

They were completely unaware that Sgt Wilson was in the background, listening to their every word.

Sir, he is asking my name!

Don't tell him Pike!

"Oh Nein!. Herr Goering is on Popmaster and he was one year out!"

He wants to know if the Reichs Marshall took out any PPIs in the last 7 years.

https://i.imgur.com/ANBUvep.jpg

It's from the Andromeda galaxy, they want to know who won at Waterloo.

Repeat please?

Ttfn

It's that bloke from India again. He says we've got a virus and we need to open the windows!

"And if you look at it ven I turn it on, it puts you in a trance... see it vorks"

"And zer apple struddle comes out from zer hole ven cooked"

"Soo zer Britishers have cracked the Enigma code, ve need to try a different approach, ve vill call it ze article 50 and send in plain text, zey vill not know vhat has hit zem"

How does it verk? I haf no idea! I only joined zer Signals Corps because of zer excellent pay und conditions!

"Ja... so ve have Ersatz Mocca, Ersatz Macchiato, Ersatz Café Latte and Ersatz Double Espress...."

Schmidt! Klemperer here has misplaced his U-Boat. Can you put out a call and see if anyone has seen it?
Yes sir. But we are just outside Moscow, sir.

Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry but I've forgotten my next line...

Don't tell them your name Hecht!

Mein Gott the new Manchester United manager has won his 5th Game in a row....that will never be bettered
or
OMG it's my turn to take the new message to Hitler. Stalingrad has fallen. I hope he does not shoot the messenger