Got this message from No 10 - if you see a guy called Boris, kneecap him

"Just a tip, lads. Around here it's best not to cough ... bit of a sensitive issue at the moment."

"The chap in fancy dress is 'ere to guard 'Er Majesty. I'm guarding 'im. You're guarding me, and that noise you just 'eard above was the Royal Air Force guarding you."

Not PC ....

"You see that Japanese tourist? My Dad was in Burma in the big one. If she moves, don't hesitate, OK?"

"So officer, you've only ever actually fired it on the range then..."

or

"So how do you fire it right-handed wearing that eye patch?"

"Why aren't you wearing a pointed helmet, mate?"

"'Cos my sarnies are in my leg-pouch."

"So we are looking for a short Eurasian woman, black hair, wearing grey shoes and trousers, a light coloured top with a motif on it and carrying a grey bag?.... Blimey, she could be anywhere mate!"..

Sorry 2

"My Inspector says that they only shoot when they see the whites of your eyes".

Someone nicked his horse when he wasn't looking!

Where can I get a fancy helmet like that chap in red?

From the Police Officer

Oh thank god you made it, I look like this because I am desperate for a huge ***** !

Tis the same the world over....the guy with the fancy Uniform and Long Saber gets the Bird!

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:D

OK Rambo, shoot anyone and I'll arrest you. :ugh:

"You've got no ammo either? That best be a real sword then....."

"Don't worry it's multi cam, it makes us blend in, I bet you can hardly see us"

Hey Officer. We're on a hike for our selection course. Can you point us in the direction of the Brecon Beacons please?