Any Dolphin Trainers Out There?
 

In the interests of security, all good military international jetsetters should have a dual personality, a cover story to adopt whenever the natives get inquisitive. And this will take a certain amount of background work to pull it off.


I’m a Pubic Topiarist

I was in a dead end office job and at the time, going out with a beautician. One night we were just chatting about her job and I saw a gap in the market, as it were. I enrolled for a couple of courses at the local college, bought some basic equipment and set myself up.

Now, ten years down the road, I’ve got a dozen staff working for me and here I am, on my way to Las Vegas for a conference. If I can get the USA franchise up and running I’ll be onto a fortune.

You’ll be suprised how many ladies go for pubic topiary. From a simple wax to some serious artwork. The favourites are the basic landing strip, which, to be honest, you could do for yourself. But if you want the heart shape, the arrow or the question mark, then I’m your man. I like to keep my hand in.

Would you like to come back to my room for a consultation?


Are there any Dolphin Trainers, Astronauts or Penguin Erectors out there?

There are a few dolphin trainers out there Otis !!

A favourite is to say 'I`m a Pilot' as no one ever believes it !

Was introduced to a friend of a friend who proceeded to ask me all sorts of complicated flying questions which were clearly relevant to his type eg What`s the Vat for a Cessna Blah Irrelevant Blah in an attempt to oust me as an imposter !!

Maybe I really don`t look like Tom Cruise after all . .. . . :D

Lighthouse painter, grouse beater and cake decorator all work well !

What about an "underwater digger driver" - always gets a good reaction :cool:

An old BOAC Captain, jaded by years of responding to inane questions at drinks parties, just used to say that he 'travelled in aluminium tubing' which normally did the trick.

Or How about ' I collect goldfish farts to make the bubbles in compasses'. ;)

RANDOM VOCATIONS
 

I'm an F-111 tailgunner.... :p

Biscuit designer.....the Bourbon and Custard Cream are the zenith of my career. Always seem to blow it with girls when I ask if they like Jammy Rings though.....:D

'I'm an evil ferret trader' - its honestly worked before! the ladies love it :D

Mushroom farmer does nicely, but "I'm a plumber" seems to work best of all!

What's my line?
 

Saturday 1 Some Sleaford Tech BFT studes decide not to tell girls in nightclubs that they are pilots, because they've been blown out so many times and it's old hat anyway...they meet a couple of girls:

Girl: What do you do for a living then?

Stude: (Thinking quickly) Er...I'm a mortician.

Girl: (Who actually is a mortician - whoops!): Shouldn't I know you? Where do you work, then?


Saturday 2 Suitably humbled after Saturday 1, the studes now have their stories together before hitting the clubs. Meet another couple of chicks...

Girl 1: What do you do for a living, then?

Stude: (suavely): I'm in life assurance.

Girl 2: Bollocks - look at his aircrew watch!

Stude: :mad:

Gadget :ok:

Underwater wood welder ??


although the putting the jam into the jam rings one works almost as well...

"I'm a consultant obstetrician attached to the Vatican. I go round the world investigating claims of virgin birth."

"We're all lighthouse keepers, and in town for a conference. It's a lonely job but someone has to do it...."
:8

Our line of defence was to say,

' I work in aluminium tubing'

Bizzarly its' true!

I had been playing rugby with some chaps across the RAF, at a secret rotary base near London Village. The chaps from across the water were off into London for a debauched night of partying sans the threat of Paddy battering them for being RAF. I asked them what their 'cover jobs' were to be, all in the interest of being an efficient young security aware chap.

" I tell 'em I fly helicopters in the RAF " was the retort from the dashing pilot. B@$t@rd, thought I!

I did see a guy with 'Olympic Muff Diving Team' embroidered on his polo shirt tell a group of girls it was a new sport and he was under top secret military training for it. Worked too!

Hey Mr Heeed, a underwater digging machine does exsist,and one presumes it does indeed have a driver.
Harpooner on a shrimp boat is good.
:cool:

Marine biologist. Rattle off a few fishy names, mention that you admire and respect dolphins, and watch the thighs part. Sad but true....and it works a whole lot beter than "well, I used to make anti-tank guns, but now I make alcohol."

I used to say I was a biscuit designer till I met a girl who's Mum had invented the Jaffa Cake. So I married her (the girl - not her Mum)..

Worked in a partnership with a friend as "Lighthouse Painters". I did the red stripes and he did the white.

I was slightly worried when he managed to win over a young lady by confidently infoming her he was in the music industry. His job? ............. a "Graphic Equaliser".

Ah those were the days.

Obs cop

My favourites are

1. "Im here representing Britain in the Hide and seek world championship. Quick get down and hide"
"why?"
"the French are in"
"I cant see them"
"of course you cant the're hiding!!"

2. I work for Gosard the bra people and Im on a standiziation trip to compare European Breast with American Breast sizes. I have an innate ability to feel a pair and know exactly what size they are

If you're after a way out of the conversation you can always tell them you're a computer programmer and that you'll show them your special digital pencil.

(Although I did have a friend who lived in Italy who used to tell people he was a spaghetti farmer := ).