Supply Stupidities
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#1 - requested 10m of wire, package duly arrived, supply chap has dutifully measured out using a 1m ruler, cut, next metre etc. 10m of wire provided in 1m lengths....
#2 - requested a box of scalpel blades, a single blade turned up. So, next order 100 were ordered, you guessed it, 100 boxes, couldn't be returned as once delivered sterility couldn't be guaranteed, some 32 years later I still have a couple of boxes at home (yay for being a model builder).
#3 - Flight Sergeant gets irate phone call from Flight Commander, what the hell are you guys doing ordering a $12,000 paint strainer, you know anything more than $5000 needs to go through a tender process. Confusion all round. Worked out we had been billed $60 for each of 200 paper paint strainers (like coffee machine filters) instead of $60 for the whole box.
#2 - requested a box of scalpel blades, a single blade turned up. So, next order 100 were ordered, you guessed it, 100 boxes, couldn't be returned as once delivered sterility couldn't be guaranteed, some 32 years later I still have a couple of boxes at home (yay for being a model builder).
#3 - Flight Sergeant gets irate phone call from Flight Commander, what the hell are you guys doing ordering a $12,000 paint strainer, you know anything more than $5000 needs to go through a tender process. Confusion all round. Worked out we had been billed $60 for each of 200 paper paint strainers (like coffee machine filters) instead of $60 for the whole box.
RAF C130K from 48 Sqn lands at one of the more remote Pacific islands. 'Fill her up and double Greenshield stamps please' or words to that effect. No says the handling agent . They had not been paid for the last visit almost a year ago. FEAF informed and agent paid two days later. It would appear to have not been an isolated incident of tardy payment for such services.
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Posted to Ottawa at an operational HQ. The boss said we had to wear the army combat uniform, the pixilated suit of many pockets, derisively referred to by us Navy types as the “Relish Suit”. So I go to stores to draw my gear and I get a shiny set of new clothes except for a very well worn recycled old style plain olive drab rain poncho.
I ask why I am not getting the new style and much better rain poncho. The answer is that the Navy forgot to buy that item when they contributed to the joint uniform buy. OK what ever but they issue it with a set of pixilated rank tabs which look very dorky and don’t fit properly on the old style poncho. So I dig my heels in and say they have to find me a set of the old style rank tabs if they are going to issue this POS.
OK, is the answer we will get back to you. A week later they call and say they are having a set custom made 🙄. Wouldn’t it be more cost effective to just give me a new poncho. “Can’t do that sir the Navy didn’t pay for it ! “. Ok what ever. A few minutes later another call from supply “we found a pair of rank tabs for you! ..from Esquimalt ( the West Coast Navy Base I had just come from.)
Since I worked at an office the whole GI Joe outfit always made me feel a bit foolish. Anyway one day a message came asking for suggestions on updating the combat uniforms. They were called CADPAT, short for Canadians Disruptive Pattern. So for us office types I suggest a new pattern call OFFPAT. It would have a drawing of corner of a desk, half a stapler, a section of a safety poster, the handle of a coffee mug etc etc.
strangely the suggestion was not well received….
I ask why I am not getting the new style and much better rain poncho. The answer is that the Navy forgot to buy that item when they contributed to the joint uniform buy. OK what ever but they issue it with a set of pixilated rank tabs which look very dorky and don’t fit properly on the old style poncho. So I dig my heels in and say they have to find me a set of the old style rank tabs if they are going to issue this POS.
OK, is the answer we will get back to you. A week later they call and say they are having a set custom made 🙄. Wouldn’t it be more cost effective to just give me a new poncho. “Can’t do that sir the Navy didn’t pay for it ! “. Ok what ever. A few minutes later another call from supply “we found a pair of rank tabs for you! ..from Esquimalt ( the West Coast Navy Base I had just come from.)
Since I worked at an office the whole GI Joe outfit always made me feel a bit foolish. Anyway one day a message came asking for suggestions on updating the combat uniforms. They were called CADPAT, short for Canadians Disruptive Pattern. So for us office types I suggest a new pattern call OFFPAT. It would have a drawing of corner of a desk, half a stapler, a section of a safety poster, the handle of a coffee mug etc etc.
strangely the suggestion was not well received….
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That reminds me of an officers suggestion re the armour camouflage in Berlin, he pointed out that the standard camo was not suited to city warfare. BPF have a read.
https://www.emlra.org/index.php/libr...n-paint-scheme
https://www.emlra.org/index.php/libr...n-paint-scheme
I seem to remember the aircrew being asked if and what they had issued recently on their loan cards, but that might have just been tying the card system to the computer system to aid identifying what was missing.
When you fit a hasp and clasp correctly the arm goes over all the screws preventing them being undone, but if you fit it incorrectly the arm does not cover the screws meaning one side can be unscrewed.
Installed like this is incorrect. as the screws are not all covered, one side can be removed, that is what I was told at the time, it had been installed like below
Installed like this is correct as all the screws are blanked off.
When you fit a hasp and clasp correctly the arm goes over all the screws preventing them being undone, but if you fit it incorrectly the arm does not cover the screws meaning one side can be unscrewed.
Installed like this is incorrect. as the screws are not all covered, one side can be removed, that is what I was told at the time, it had been installed like below
Installed like this is correct as all the screws are blanked off.
I saw the hasp and clasp after new door furniture had been fitted. Apparently the incorrect fitting had not been noticed over a number years despite various inspections and security checks.
Fuel payment
C130 diverted to an island not usually visited and needed to uplift fuel. Carnet card wasn't accepted by fuel supplier neither was Co's imprest card and imprest didn't have enough cash in it to cover the anticipated fuel uplift. Problem solved when G.E. produces his credit card which covered the bill, maybe this is where the phrase " a wallet of G. Es' " came from!
The cheapo egent with whom the RAF had a contract collapsed whilst we had 4 x VC10K at a civil US base ( we weren't allowed to use USAF JP4 through the pods at the time). So we needed to pay for de-icing so we could escape....
Along came the AARC, who demanded my corporate Amex Card which all co-pilots had back then. De-icing done, Amex paid and off we went...
Back at Brize the cash-WRAF Air Vice Corporal who checked the imprest receipts went crazy when she saw how much was on the card - several thousand $US!!! Even more so when I told her it was for alcohol!!
My next run-in with her was over a query about why we'd used a particular hire car service in Palermo..... I was close to saying "They made an offer we couldn't refuse", but went to see OC Accounts to explain about who ran things in Sicily!
Along came the AARC, who demanded my corporate Amex Card which all co-pilots had back then. De-icing done, Amex paid and off we went...
Back at Brize the cash-WRAF Air Vice Corporal who checked the imprest receipts went crazy when she saw how much was on the card - several thousand $US!!! Even more so when I told her it was for alcohol!!
My next run-in with her was over a query about why we'd used a particular hire car service in Palermo..... I was close to saying "They made an offer we couldn't refuse", but went to see OC Accounts to explain about who ran things in Sicily!
Last edited by BEagle; 19th Jan 2024 at 14:15.
Thread Starter
I know a similar story back in early 1990's with a RCAF Herc sent to a small Caribbean Island on a Sunday to pick up some professional pedestrians that were there on an exercise. Fuel had not been arranged as promised 
and the fuel provider who was part of the local resort said payment at delivery was required before they got any fuel. Calls back to their Squadron Duty Ops Officer were not helpful as the Ops guys couldn't get hold of any finance people. Fu8k it the AC said here is my personal AMEX card. $20,000 later they were on their way. All the guy got a copy of the flimsy from the old style paper card impression machine.
Monday morning the finance guys heads explode when the Squadron CO tells them to reimburse the pilot for his purchase at the "Paradise Bay Resort and Spa".
and the fuel provider who was part of the local resort said payment at delivery was required before they got any fuel. Calls back to their Squadron Duty Ops Officer were not helpful as the Ops guys couldn't get hold of any finance people. Fu8k it the AC said here is my personal AMEX card. $20,000 later they were on their way. All the guy got a copy of the flimsy from the old style paper card impression machine.Monday morning the finance guys heads explode when the Squadron CO tells them to reimburse the pilot for his purchase at the "Paradise Bay Resort and Spa".
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Many years ago, I had a job in RAF(G) which entailed me doing some fairly secret squirrel stuff. I had to use my private car (bashed-up old VW Beetle), was told to inflate my mileage by at least 10% and could not stay in Service accommodation. Thus my travel claims were fairly rudimentary, ie Left XXXX day1 0930, RTB XXXX day 5 1700. 753 (never use a round number!) miles, 4 x Rate 1 allowances.
New FgOff WAAF in accounts threw a wobbly and refused to pay up and had to be pointed at the enclosed reference, which was a note from the AOC saying “Pay Moggy the money”.
She never talked to me again.
Mog
New FgOff WAAF in accounts threw a wobbly and refused to pay up and had to be pointed at the enclosed reference, which was a note from the AOC saying “Pay Moggy the money”.
She never talked to me again.
Mog
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Falkland Island souvenirs….
a supply of ABDR kits was held in the Falklands, some sort of bi-metallic where two parts were mixed and moulded into place before setting. At the time, back in 1980s, wee were told they cost about £500 a pop and had a shelf life of about 1 year.
Supply was through the army so RAF orders were delivered to army in UK who shipped everything by sea via Ascension and other places enroute. Average time between order and delivery was, reputedly, about 9 months. Meaning kits were just about lifex on arrival, so more were ordered on a quarterly basis and lifex kits distributed to units to make “gozhomey” souvenirs.
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Not sure how many were ordered at a time but the number supplied to units was plentiful. Still have my souvenir from Alice 35 years later….
a supply of ABDR kits was held in the Falklands, some sort of bi-metallic where two parts were mixed and moulded into place before setting. At the time, back in 1980s, wee were told they cost about £500 a pop and had a shelf life of about 1 year.
Supply was through the army so RAF orders were delivered to army in UK who shipped everything by sea via Ascension and other places enroute. Average time between order and delivery was, reputedly, about 9 months. Meaning kits were just about lifex on arrival, so more were ordered on a quarterly basis and lifex kits distributed to units to make “gozhomey” souvenirs.
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Not sure how many were ordered at a time but the number supplied to units was plentiful. Still have my souvenir from Alice 35 years later….
When OP Corporate was brewing up muggins was a designated imprest holder.. Due to the 'unknown' nature of our task my imprest was larger than our unit was allowed to provide. So Lyneham was designated to issue it to me. On arrival I was met with the usual 'not stationed here' so no money. So I produced my letter from the SASO which basically said 'give him what he asks for.'. It was provided with much ill grace after I invited OC Accounts to phone the SASO ! We were part of a group of crews and G/E's positioning all over by VC 10. I soon discovered that one of the G/E's had been given any allowances ,they had just been called out and told to go. So I held an impromptu pay parade on the a/c as by now our part had been reduced !
When I returned knowing that we had been to sensitive parts I phoned Command Accounts and asked what they would like me to do with the imprest.I explained that the locations might be 'sensitive' but was told to just take it back to our unit accounts as usual. So I did. A few days later I got a frantic phone call from HQ asking what I had done with the imprest. So I related the tale they rang off and I heard no more about it. Left and right hands as usual.
When I returned knowing that we had been to sensitive parts I phoned Command Accounts and asked what they would like me to do with the imprest.I explained that the locations might be 'sensitive' but was told to just take it back to our unit accounts as usual. So I did. A few days later I got a frantic phone call from HQ asking what I had done with the imprest. So I related the tale they rang off and I heard no more about it. Left and right hands as usual.
Imprest
I was called out to go to Hong Kong, depart as soon as you can get to Brize as the SVC ( Servicing Crew ) with the G.E. had collapsed and died and I was to meet the aircraft in H.K.
Sent to Imprest to uplift cash to self support in H.K. until met with crew, £300.00! Arrived at Brize to depart on VC 10 reminded by movers can't take more than £50 in cash out of country, quiet word with mover who said best I don't ask you then.
Met crew in H.K. and continue rest of Global no problem, not drawing on imprest as I had my own stash of cash. Some time after returning to Lyneham and the imprest had been closed recieved an impressive boost to the bank balance as the imprest office paid my allowances for the route. Deciding therefore they would want the £300.00 back I went to Imprest like a good boy to be told I had never been issued £300.00!
Still being the good boy and thinking someone would catch up with me eventually I tried again with the same result.
A few days later by chance I heard a voice saying Imprest were chasing him for £300.00 and he had never been out of the country. A little cross checking revaled a Segeant with same surname but different initial.
Visit to imprest revealed imprest clerk had entered advance against wrong person. I therefore paid back.the advance but it took a conversation from OC Eng with OC Admin to get an apology to the wronged Sergeant.
A polnter to this tale was that it all started on April 1st!!
Sent to Imprest to uplift cash to self support in H.K. until met with crew, £300.00! Arrived at Brize to depart on VC 10 reminded by movers can't take more than £50 in cash out of country, quiet word with mover who said best I don't ask you then.
Met crew in H.K. and continue rest of Global no problem, not drawing on imprest as I had my own stash of cash. Some time after returning to Lyneham and the imprest had been closed recieved an impressive boost to the bank balance as the imprest office paid my allowances for the route. Deciding therefore they would want the £300.00 back I went to Imprest like a good boy to be told I had never been issued £300.00!
Still being the good boy and thinking someone would catch up with me eventually I tried again with the same result.
A few days later by chance I heard a voice saying Imprest were chasing him for £300.00 and he had never been out of the country. A little cross checking revaled a Segeant with same surname but different initial.
Visit to imprest revealed imprest clerk had entered advance against wrong person. I therefore paid back.the advance but it took a conversation from OC Eng with OC Admin to get an apology to the wronged Sergeant.
A polnter to this tale was that it all started on April 1st!!
AL1 to my imprest tale. 'One' should read 'none'.
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Double Bond was the stuff's name. I made a few gizzets out of the stuff for the lads when I was at 7SU in the late 1980's. During the Mid 1990's I did a load of them while on 144SU. The Supplier there must of ordered most of the MOD's stock as I had 400 packets of the stuff. Used it all.
The one I made for him was equally artistic I thought but he felt a little aggrieved at some of it so didn’t take it home!
As I understand the stuff was really expensive so each one cost hundreds of pounds.
Forgot to add that I still have my Falklands gizzit, and thanks to the guys that made it and the suppliers for the double bond, the extra amount meant plenty of modelling could be done, the content of mine would take to long to explain and like this post a tad off topic:
Last edited by Exrigger; 20th Jan 2024 at 16:09.
Interesting about the imprest tales.
I had to return one following a few days away in Europe, and a few days later got a telephone call from accounts to say that my imprest was .10p short and could I come to SHQ and pay it. I asked if they were ‘joking’ and was eventually ordered to go down there and pay it by my boss.
Now fast forward 5 years, and a few days around Europe with a B757. After much counting of money I was £5 adrift, but took the remains back to the airline’s cashiers and confessed to the short fall. They pointed out that they didn’t even both to check the ‘workings’ as long as it was with a small percentage of the total issued, it was just not an efficient use of their time.
Another example of the different approach was a weather diversion to a provincial airport in northern France.
‘How do you pay the landing fee captain?’ says the airport manager.
‘Dan Air’ says I, ‘it will be under contract or paid later’.
‘Non!’
I paid with my access card (1000 euros). When I got back to Manchester the station manager was at the gate with £1100 in travellers cheques.
‘You got us out of a hole young man, take the wife out for a good meal with the extra and keep the change’.
Mind you there is no airline that I would do that for now!
I had to return one following a few days away in Europe, and a few days later got a telephone call from accounts to say that my imprest was .10p short and could I come to SHQ and pay it. I asked if they were ‘joking’ and was eventually ordered to go down there and pay it by my boss.
Now fast forward 5 years, and a few days around Europe with a B757. After much counting of money I was £5 adrift, but took the remains back to the airline’s cashiers and confessed to the short fall. They pointed out that they didn’t even both to check the ‘workings’ as long as it was with a small percentage of the total issued, it was just not an efficient use of their time.
Another example of the different approach was a weather diversion to a provincial airport in northern France.
‘How do you pay the landing fee captain?’ says the airport manager.
‘Dan Air’ says I, ‘it will be under contract or paid later’.
‘Non!’
I paid with my access card (1000 euros). When I got back to Manchester the station manager was at the gate with £1100 in travellers cheques.
‘You got us out of a hole young man, take the wife out for a good meal with the extra and keep the change’.
Mind you there is no airline that I would do that for now!