Memories of RAFG
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Two bright sparks skinny dipping at Bruggen and spotted by the RAFP hopped over the fence starkers to suddenly realise they were now in no mans land between the borders.
Last edited by NutLoose; 12th Nov 2017 at 16:42.
GUT Memories
RAF Gutersloh, early 1970s. One of the barmen in the Officers' Mess was a German: Willi.
Detachment of 6 x Italian F104s to Gut, so cue 19 Sqn pilot, who spoke the lingo, to be appointed O i/c Italians.
Five days into the detachment, said 19 Sqn pilot rushes into OM bar one evening and says to assembled throng "has anyone seen the Italian officers?"
Willi's droll response was "yes, sir ve had the same problem during ze var!"
Brought the house down!
Detachment of 6 x Italian F104s to Gut, so cue 19 Sqn pilot, who spoke the lingo, to be appointed O i/c Italians.
Five days into the detachment, said 19 Sqn pilot rushes into OM bar one evening and says to assembled throng "has anyone seen the Italian officers?"
Willi's droll response was "yes, sir ve had the same problem during ze var!"
Brought the house down!
Re Treble One’s post at 119. The story I heard was that CinC RAFG was on holiday when he saw a roadside notice by a cafe/bar saying “Come and watch the crazy Englanders fly under the bridge”. He parked and went in for a coffee/drink with his wife and only had to wait half an hour before a Canberra whizzed under the bridge. Not too sure of the outcome!
Again from the 60s - who knows the real story behind the stealing or borrowing of a steam locomotive near Hamburg?
Again from the 60s - who knows the real story behind the stealing or borrowing of a steam locomotive near Hamburg?
Re Treble One’s post at 119. The story I heard was that CinC RAFG was on holiday when he saw a roadside notice by a cafe/bar saying “Come and watch the crazy Englanders fly under the bridge”. He parked and went in for a coffee/drink with his wife and only had to wait half an hour before a Canberra whizzed under the bridge. Not too sure of the outcome!
Again from the 60s - who knows the real story behind the stealing or borrowing of a steam locomotive near Hamburg?
Again from the 60s - who knows the real story behind the stealing or borrowing of a steam locomotive near Hamburg?
Much the same story bonajet, and it wasn't just Canberras-they were at it in Meteors and Vampires too.
The specific story I heard was from the OC of a FR squadron and it involved 2 very curt 'hats on, no coffee' interviews for himself at HQ and even back at the Air Ministry in London-with two severe b*llockings for his trouble.
Apparently CinC RAFG sent his aide to said bridge to orbit around and find out what was going on. Whilst orbiting a number of assets were seen underflying the bridge!
A signal went out to all stations the next day....
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In the early 80's at Wittering, I was locking up the APU engine test bed after civvy contractors had been doing some alterations. I spotted what turned out to be blue asbestos coming out of the walls and the test bed was out of action for a couple of months. We then had to take our APU's to Gutersloh to use their test bed. We would take across 6 engines at a time and spend a week there.
The airman's transit accommodation was dire but luckily in short supply so the drill was to phone the guardroom and ask if they had any transit beds. You did this several times until the guardroom staff said there were no transit beds. You then presented to the OO who gave you a chit for a hotel in Gutersloh town. You checked out the next morning and repeated the same performance the next day. If you were lucky, you could spend the whole det in a hotel but once you were in transit, you stayed there
We used to get 6 Harrier GTS/APU's into a sherpa for the drive over. Once we got the engines serviceable, we crammed a carton of duty free cigs into each intake, boxed them up and sent them back to Wittering through the stores system (1). We then loaded up the empty sherpa with crates of Wobbly/DAB/Bitburger etc for the trip home. Happy days indeed.
(1) The engines always travelled back to wittering under a u/s F731 so there was no danger of them getting fitted to an aircraft with 200 cigs in the intake, not that you could miss the carton of cigs once the intake blank was removed.
The airman's transit accommodation was dire but luckily in short supply so the drill was to phone the guardroom and ask if they had any transit beds. You did this several times until the guardroom staff said there were no transit beds. You then presented to the OO who gave you a chit for a hotel in Gutersloh town. You checked out the next morning and repeated the same performance the next day. If you were lucky, you could spend the whole det in a hotel but once you were in transit, you stayed there
We used to get 6 Harrier GTS/APU's into a sherpa for the drive over. Once we got the engines serviceable, we crammed a carton of duty free cigs into each intake, boxed them up and sent them back to Wittering through the stores system (1). We then loaded up the empty sherpa with crates of Wobbly/DAB/Bitburger etc for the trip home. Happy days indeed.
(1) The engines always travelled back to wittering under a u/s F731 so there was no danger of them getting fitted to an aircraft with 200 cigs in the intake, not that you could miss the carton of cigs once the intake blank was removed.
Off thread a bit:
I was on a long detachment to the Far East on Valiant tankers. On landing our aircraft XD 814 was due for a Minor Servicing so on shutdown it was towed into the hangar. There was a sudden panic and another aircraft on the detachment, XD 815, was towed in the other end accompanied by a HM Customs Rummage Crew.
The were there for about four hours supervising out ground crew taking off every panel and checking every orifice. Finding nothing they departed.
Once around the corner XD 814 exploded!
I was on a long detachment to the Far East on Valiant tankers. On landing our aircraft XD 814 was due for a Minor Servicing so on shutdown it was towed into the hangar. There was a sudden panic and another aircraft on the detachment, XD 815, was towed in the other end accompanied by a HM Customs Rummage Crew.
The were there for about four hours supervising out ground crew taking off every panel and checking every orifice. Finding nothing they departed.
Once around the corner XD 814 exploded!
Back when we were still allowed to decide our own sortie profiles on the VC10K OCU course, we used to run a nice little 'day trip to Germany' - co-pilot's IRT on the way out, captain's IRT on the way home. Take-off at 10:00, 12:00-14:00 on the ground at a clutch station, depart at 14:00 and land at around 16:00. We used to offer 10 seats to stn pax - the criteria being that they wouldn't normally have an opportunity to fly and that their section must have done something useful for 241 OCU or the squadron - all legal and above board. Thus we often took 2 from 5 different sections - Ops, Admin, Squippers, ATC, MT, Regt or whoever; so we were quite popular around the station.
Then some Wg Cdr out to make a name for himself decided that only HE would approve the passengers - we didn't have any say in the matter...
So one day some pongo Woopert turned up, announcing that he was on our flight. Pompous sod that he was, he expected to be treated like royalty even though he was a mere captain.
The first thing which got his attention was the simulated engine failure at V1 (allowed in those days), followed by a 3-eng hold, ILS and go-around, into airways and a couple of approaches in Germany. We didn't carry ALMs on the VC10K, but someone came along as cabin supervisor (CS aka 'trolley-tart'). "Eh seh", piped up the pongo after the first approach at Wildenrath, "Whey aren't we landin'?". So the CS told him that there was probably a technical issue and we might have to fly straight back to Brize. Woopert went into low earth orbit for a while...until we landed and handed him over to the movers, the CS having told them that he was their only customer as everyone else was going back to Brize - but that he'd been an utter PITA! "Leave him to us, mate", said the MovOff with a wink....
Sadly the 'double IRT and NAAFI run' trips stopped as the RAFG clutch wound down and we were told that henceforth we could only use UK military aerodromes for the OCU IRTs...
Before customs rules were relaxed, truckies had a very restricted duty free allowance. When coming back from ACMI at Deci once, we were offloaded at Gutersloh whilst some stretcher bound chap was loaded on board - complete with a medical team. As I we were let back onto the aircraft, I was somewhat appalled to hear the VC10 nav asking the poor sod on the stretcher, who was hooked up to a drip, "Are you taking back a bottle and 200?"...
Then some Wg Cdr out to make a name for himself decided that only HE would approve the passengers - we didn't have any say in the matter...
So one day some pongo Woopert turned up, announcing that he was on our flight. Pompous sod that he was, he expected to be treated like royalty even though he was a mere captain.The first thing which got his attention was the simulated engine failure at V1 (allowed in those days), followed by a 3-eng hold, ILS and go-around, into airways and a couple of approaches in Germany. We didn't carry ALMs on the VC10K, but someone came along as cabin supervisor (CS aka 'trolley-tart'). "Eh seh", piped up the pongo after the first approach at Wildenrath, "Whey aren't we landin'?". So the CS told him that there was probably a technical issue and we might have to fly straight back to Brize. Woopert went into low earth orbit for a while...until we landed and handed him over to the movers, the CS having told them that he was their only customer as everyone else was going back to Brize - but that he'd been an utter PITA! "Leave him to us, mate", said the MovOff with a wink....
Sadly the 'double IRT and NAAFI run' trips stopped as the RAFG clutch wound down and we were told that henceforth we could only use UK military aerodromes for the OCU IRTs...
Before customs rules were relaxed, truckies had a very restricted duty free allowance. When coming back from ACMI at Deci once, we were offloaded at Gutersloh whilst some stretcher bound chap was loaded on board - complete with a medical team. As I we were let back onto the aircraft, I was somewhat appalled to hear the VC10 nav asking the poor sod on the stretcher, who was hooked up to a drip, "Are you taking back a bottle and 200?"...
Last edited by BEagle; 12th Nov 2017 at 13:01.
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Off thread a bit:
I was on a long detachment to the Far East on Valiant tankers. On landing our aircraft XD 814 was due for a Minor Servicing so on shutdown it was towed into the hangar. There was a sudden panic and another aircraft on the detachment, XD 815, was towed in the other end accompanied by a HM Customs Rummage Crew.
The were there for about four hours supervising out ground crew taking off every panel and checking every orifice. Finding nothing they departed.
Once around the corner XD 814 exploded!
I was on a long detachment to the Far East on Valiant tankers. On landing our aircraft XD 814 was due for a Minor Servicing so on shutdown it was towed into the hangar. There was a sudden panic and another aircraft on the detachment, XD 815, was towed in the other end accompanied by a HM Customs Rummage Crew.
The were there for about four hours supervising out ground crew taking off every panel and checking every orifice. Finding nothing they departed.
Once around the corner XD 814 exploded!
As OC Supply at Wildenrath I had a large contingent of locally employed Germans working in the Barrack Stores. They were a bright, cheerful, hard working bunch and I can recall on one occasion when visiting the stores, to check up on how things were running, being asked by one of the storemen if he could have the day off. On enquiring why he wanted this, he declared with a broad smile that as a youngster they always took this day off as it was Hitler’s birthday! Suffice to say that I declined his request.
The place for the contraband was on top of that deflector thingie at the rear of the bomb bay. Trouble was you had to get someone to hang in the bomb bay with the booze etc and after closing the bomb doors the deflector came down, lash the stuff to the top of it and open the bomb doors again to let said volunteer out. Then repeat the reverse operation back in the UK.
The place for the contraband was on top of that deflector thingie at the rear of the bomb bay
It was obviously a favourite because all the hot and high takeoffs I did with that aeroplane would be on the nail at Acceleration Check Speed Speed and then use the last inch of calculated take off distance.
Fuel Coupons and the Gullible
230 Sqn, days after my theatre qualification check (where the late Chris Fynes thoroughly debriefed me with, "You'll do!"), and I'm summoned to the Adj's office. Fynes and the Adj looking stern.
"Right young Golf, we have an important job for you... The Squadron is running out of fuel chits, so you and the pilot are flying down to the clutch to pick some up. Now these things are untraceble, so a thief's wet dream for black market sales. The pilot is planning, so get off to the armoury and draw a pistol and 10 rounds. Let me be clear, you may use the weapon if compromised- do not lose those coupons."
So, off I go bricking it, legging it down the stairs to grab my hat and off to the armoury. The penny only dropped when the man in the hatch asked, "Do you want a right handed pistol, or a left handed one?"
Welcome to 230!
CG
"Right young Golf, we have an important job for you... The Squadron is running out of fuel chits, so you and the pilot are flying down to the clutch to pick some up. Now these things are untraceble, so a thief's wet dream for black market sales. The pilot is planning, so get off to the armoury and draw a pistol and 10 rounds. Let me be clear, you may use the weapon if compromised- do not lose those coupons."
So, off I go bricking it, legging it down the stairs to grab my hat and off to the armoury. The penny only dropped when the man in the hatch asked, "Do you want a right handed pistol, or a left handed one?"
Welcome to 230!
CG
Well CG, I decided to plot all the fuel stations that took fuel coupons on a map and leave it with the sqn when I left.
Good Idea, huh?
I was well through the process when the NavO (SB) directed me to the bottom drawer and pulled-out.......an official BFG Fuel Map!!!
At least you were set-up!
lsh
Good Idea, huh?
I was well through the process when the NavO (SB) directed me to the bottom drawer and pulled-out.......an official BFG Fuel Map!!!
At least you were set-up!
lsh
Another detachment to Gutersloh tale.
This was a French fighter [type?] c. 1970.
They stayed a week and were hugely successful with several wives in the Mess, such that several turned out to wave goodbye as the squadron taxied out.
Behind the scenes there was frantic activity by SWO and his minions, erasing the zaps that had been stencilled during the night.
These were very artistic representations of what I might call the flying cocks ............ a rampant winged penis with bulging gonads a-dangle.
The Met. Office shutters, being ground floor, received one such. Hearing that the jankers-wallahs were erasing them, we either removed the shutter or closed it [memory fails me as to this detail].
Either way, it survived, to be displayed to selected visitors along with the back of the old Luftwaffe stationery cupboard, complete with wartime swastika .
This was a French fighter [type?] c. 1970.
They stayed a week and were hugely successful with several wives in the Mess, such that several turned out to wave goodbye as the squadron taxied out.
Behind the scenes there was frantic activity by SWO and his minions, erasing the zaps that had been stencilled during the night.
These were very artistic representations of what I might call the flying cocks ............ a rampant winged penis with bulging gonads a-dangle.
The Met. Office shutters, being ground floor, received one such. Hearing that the jankers-wallahs were erasing them, we either removed the shutter or closed it [memory fails me as to this detail].
Either way, it survived, to be displayed to selected visitors along with the back of the old Luftwaffe stationery cupboard, complete with wartime swastika .
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Laarbruch RIC Stories
In the early 1970s when II (AC) Sqn were on Phantoms I was detached from the Army photographic interpretation unit at Rheindahlen to the Laarbruch RIC for war role training. Besides myself there was the RIC's permanent Army SNCO photo interpreter (Ssgt X) who was a bit of a character and had been on the Guards All Arms Drill Course at Pirbright at some point which he could turn on and off at will. He took great delight in confirming the RAF's worst fears about the Army. Two incidents involving both him and myself come to mind:
The scene is the PI cabin where Ssgt X is waiting to debrief a crew. Enter stage right steely-eyed Phantom crew with the Nav looking at his aircrew watch.
Steely-eyed Nav to Ssgt X: Staff (at least he didn't say Flight) have you got the time?
Ssgt X (assuming Guards Drill Instructor persona): "Time Sir. Glad you asked that. Shows a keen, enquiring military mind. Time, Sir is always the same: ONE two-three ONE, moving on ONE and standing perfectly still on the regimental pause of two-three between the drill movements."
Exit steely-eyed Nav muttering about Army lunatics.
The other was during the end of day debrief that included a short equipment recognition test using 35mm slides. A slide of an Armoured Vehicle Launched Bridge (AVLB) is flashed up and the Squadron Recognition King points to a victim and asks What is it?
Victim: an MT-55 - this was a Soviet AVLB
Myself: Oh no its not, its an East German BLG-60 (similar to MT-55 but with significant differences) and then pointed out the differences amid much joshing from assembled aircrew.
Sqn Recognition King: How do you know that?
Myself: Because I took that photograph whilst covering an East German Army day parade in East Berlin.
Briefing dissolves into laughter but subsequently the Squadron Recognition King checks identifications with the RIC before he shows them to the Squadron
Part of some heady, if anarchic days with the RICs
The scene is the PI cabin where Ssgt X is waiting to debrief a crew. Enter stage right steely-eyed Phantom crew with the Nav looking at his aircrew watch.
Steely-eyed Nav to Ssgt X: Staff (at least he didn't say Flight) have you got the time?
Ssgt X (assuming Guards Drill Instructor persona): "Time Sir. Glad you asked that. Shows a keen, enquiring military mind. Time, Sir is always the same: ONE two-three ONE, moving on ONE and standing perfectly still on the regimental pause of two-three between the drill movements."
Exit steely-eyed Nav muttering about Army lunatics.
The other was during the end of day debrief that included a short equipment recognition test using 35mm slides. A slide of an Armoured Vehicle Launched Bridge (AVLB) is flashed up and the Squadron Recognition King points to a victim and asks What is it?
Victim: an MT-55 - this was a Soviet AVLB
Myself: Oh no its not, its an East German BLG-60 (similar to MT-55 but with significant differences) and then pointed out the differences amid much joshing from assembled aircrew.
Sqn Recognition King: How do you know that?
Myself: Because I took that photograph whilst covering an East German Army day parade in East Berlin.
Briefing dissolves into laughter but subsequently the Squadron Recognition King checks identifications with the RIC before he shows them to the Squadron
Part of some heady, if anarchic days with the RICs
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RE post 138, I was in my small part responsible I believe for cleaning up the WRAF population...
True story..
Remember those foul smelling foot or so long brown curving bars of carbolic soap the RAF used to have everywhere, but no one used..
Well there was a WRAF friend who was having her 21st in the NAAFI and I pondered what I could get her.... Anyway I saw this bar of soap and a smile came over my face, I sat for a couple of evenings and carve a giant penis out of it, rubbing it with a bit of water took off the rough edges and polished it up nicely, a hole was drilled in the end, a cord was sourced and inserted, then heated liquid soap shavings poured in to form a soap on a rope giant penis..... I then sourced a pretty box and wrapped it nicely. The scene is set, and in front of all her friends she unwraps her presents, comes to mine and pulls out this giant dick, naturally I claimed I had modelled it on mine... to much laughter she was in heaven and wore it around her neck for the rest of the night.
Well, I thought that was the end of it, but for weeks afterwards I had WAAF's I'd never seen before coming up to me and sheepishly asking are you the guy that carves dicks, and could you make me one...... So much so the Squadron ran out of the soap and I had to source more, so if you were ever out at Bruggen when I was and you could smell carbolic soap on the local WAAF population, you now know why.
..
True story..
Remember those foul smelling foot or so long brown curving bars of carbolic soap the RAF used to have everywhere, but no one used..
Well there was a WRAF friend who was having her 21st in the NAAFI and I pondered what I could get her.... Anyway I saw this bar of soap and a smile came over my face, I sat for a couple of evenings and carve a giant penis out of it, rubbing it with a bit of water took off the rough edges and polished it up nicely, a hole was drilled in the end, a cord was sourced and inserted, then heated liquid soap shavings poured in to form a soap on a rope giant penis..... I then sourced a pretty box and wrapped it nicely. The scene is set, and in front of all her friends she unwraps her presents, comes to mine and pulls out this giant dick, naturally I claimed I had modelled it on mine... to much laughter
she was in heaven and wore it around her neck for the rest of the night.Well, I thought that was the end of it, but for weeks afterwards I had WAAF's I'd never seen before coming up to me and sheepishly asking are you the guy that carves dicks, and could you make me one...... So much so the Squadron ran out of the soap and I had to source more, so if you were ever out at Bruggen when I was and you could smell carbolic soap on the local WAAF population, you now know why.
..
Last edited by NutLoose; 14th Nov 2017 at 08:51.