Apocryphal Tales
We had an exploding cow at Guetersloh c. 1968.
I may have told this one before but here goes ................
Not on the airfield but immediately south there was the biggest daytime thunderstorm I have EVER seen, and it went on and on. [the forecast was a no-brainer, so a warning was out good and early, which made a nice change].
Heaving it down with rain, but that would not stop my intrepid observer venturing forth to the screen at 15 minutes to.
He'd got to the raincoat/hat bit when there was a massive lightning strike and almost simultaneous thunder. We were both looking at the cows quietly grazing, thinking they were deaf or stupid.
The one that took the lightning bolt exploded, entrails, tail, horns .............
Intrepid Observer turns white.
"No", says I "I wouldn't go out, and neither will you".
The only time I was ever a party to inventing parts of an ob.
I had lunch with said observer a few weeks ago. Lucky Jim.
I may have told this one before but here goes ................
Not on the airfield but immediately south there was the biggest daytime thunderstorm I have EVER seen, and it went on and on. [the forecast was a no-brainer, so a warning was out good and early, which made a nice change].
Heaving it down with rain, but that would not stop my intrepid observer venturing forth to the screen at 15 minutes to.
He'd got to the raincoat/hat bit when there was a massive lightning strike and almost simultaneous thunder. We were both looking at the cows quietly grazing, thinking they were deaf or stupid.
The one that took the lightning bolt exploded, entrails, tail, horns .............
Intrepid Observer turns white.
"No", says I "I wouldn't go out, and neither will you".
The only time I was ever a party to inventing parts of an ob.
I had lunch with said observer a few weeks ago. Lucky Jim.
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I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment
In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."
In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."
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More about cows
I don't recall the Wyton incident. I was there from 81 through 95.
I did hear a story about an MSP (Heavy Airdrop Platform) being dropped on and killing a cow on the DZ. Apparently the smell was not very nice and the MSP was written off. I have seen a few bent ones in my time but they are very tough.
I would love to know if this was true.
One thing I do know to be true was a pinz carrying live 88mm mortar rounds fell from an MSP during the drop. The rounds started going off. The guy with the video camera kept filming having buried himself in a rut in the ground. Big Paul the REME Tiffy carried on walking around the burning heap so calmly as if nothing was happening. I am sure one day these films will appear on you tube.
I did hear a story about an MSP (Heavy Airdrop Platform) being dropped on and killing a cow on the DZ. Apparently the smell was not very nice and the MSP was written off. I have seen a few bent ones in my time but they are very tough.
I would love to know if this was true.
One thing I do know to be true was a pinz carrying live 88mm mortar rounds fell from an MSP during the drop. The rounds started going off. The guy with the video camera kept filming having buried himself in a rut in the ground. Big Paul the REME Tiffy carried on walking around the burning heap so calmly as if nothing was happening. I am sure one day these films will appear on you tube.
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There was the live centreline 1000 pounder fell off a Jag at Red Flag when the Liney pulled the pin out, he stopped it rolling and pulling the arming cable out with his foot. He popped inside to let them know what happened and as a bit of a joker they didn't believe him until someone looked out of the window... It was shuffled out of sight before the Americans saw it.
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Lossiemouth, late seventies. A rather sartorial navigator called Mick G******* had a habit of wearing Rupert Bear trousers, much to the disgust of the Stn Cdr. One night in the bar the Staish finally cracked and asked G if he had any other trousers, Mick replied that he had and was told to go and put them on. Our hero returned in a beautifully cut Saville Row suit of Canary Yellow to be asked if he had anything else and if so to put it on. Mick returned wearing another beautifully cut suit in Lime Green, the atmosphere was now starting to become cooler. Asked again if he had something else to wear Mick returned in an equally well made suit but in Shocking Pink. Atmosphere was now becoming arctic and Mick was told to go and put on something that was not a suit, he returned with trousers of one suit, waistcoat of another and the jacket of the third. 
When the explosion died down, Mick was banned from the bar for one month; he had the largest stack of tinned beer in his room that I have ever seen, it reached the ceiling.
Heads down, look out for the flak
When the explosion died down, Mick was banned from the bar for one month; he had the largest stack of tinned beer in his room that I have ever seen, it reached the ceiling.Heads down, look out for the flak
Gentleman Aviator
Ah - Mick G******!
One recalls an occasion when he was Nav on VIP trip in Norn Iron.
Flying over a golf course, the VIP was heard to remark:
"Ah - The Royal County Down! I'm told the 5th there is the best hole in NI!"
MG: "I beg to differ, Sir!!"
One recalls an occasion when he was Nav on VIP trip in Norn Iron.
Flying over a golf course, the VIP was heard to remark:
"Ah - The Royal County Down! I'm told the 5th there is the best hole in NI!"
MG: "I beg to differ, Sir!!"
I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment
In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."
It got the chop, anyway.
In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."
It got the chop, anyway.
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Wensleydale.....re post 335.....the spilt paint at RAF Finningley. I met the bloke who claimed to have knocked over the tin. MAEOp Murgatroyd. He was in his 50s at RAF Leeming in about 1990 having finally left the kipper fleet when I knew him and he described being a young recruit learning his craft and being told that prior to the forthcoming AOC's Inspection he and his mates were to paint kerb stones. The way the military do. Once the tin was over what else could they do but make it 'official' by making a nice square.
Now I can't be certain about the truth of Derek's tale but I do know for a fact that the square was still there in 1981 when as a student Nav I had to paint it again, just prior to an AOC's Inspection. It was on some innocuous bit of road in the middle of the Station and had obviously been re painted many times before I got to it.
Now I can't be certain about the truth of Derek's tale but I do know for a fact that the square was still there in 1981 when as a student Nav I had to paint it again, just prior to an AOC's Inspection. It was on some innocuous bit of road in the middle of the Station and had obviously been re painted many times before I got to it.
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I was privileged to be awarded with my wings by a retired ACM who has several tales to his name.
The first was when he was a S/Ldr at Ternhill in the late 30's and they had a dining in night. After the meal, as is customary, they indulged in the odd tipple. He decided to see how quickly the fire brigade could react, so set fire to one of the wings to the mess. The reaction was very swift BUT they had just built a new access gate and the fire engine got well and truly stuck. The wing suffered serious damage and was unusable. The said officer was hauled in front of the OC and when asked what he was going to do about it replied "I will have a new wing constructed, Sir" This he promptly did and got away with it. Cost him a bob or two.
Later he was in a bar when an Army Officer tried to push past him. This he took exception to but the officer said to him "Do you know who I am, I am Lt Col Sir J... S...., now move" He replied " And I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"
The first was when he was a S/Ldr at Ternhill in the late 30's and they had a dining in night. After the meal, as is customary, they indulged in the odd tipple. He decided to see how quickly the fire brigade could react, so set fire to one of the wings to the mess. The reaction was very swift BUT they had just built a new access gate and the fire engine got well and truly stuck. The wing suffered serious damage and was unusable. The said officer was hauled in front of the OC and when asked what he was going to do about it replied "I will have a new wing constructed, Sir" This he promptly did and got away with it. Cost him a bob or two.
Later he was in a bar when an Army Officer tried to push past him. This he took exception to but the officer said to him "Do you know who I am, I am Lt Col Sir J... S...., now move" He replied " And I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"
Last edited by expatfrance; 18th Mar 2014 at 19:19. Reason: correcting mistake
I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"
One evening, a few of them was up at our place at Phu Loi....the BBQ was done with....the business of the visit was underway.....and being Monsoon season our Gazebo was being flooded by ankle deep puddles of rain water. Being addled brained puddle stomping became in vogue along with hanging from the exposed rafters and drinking pints of Beer while upside down.
Our Unit Commander, a Major, being the usual Prick he was....took great excess to the goings on and began to make a real scene. One of the Aussies dropped from the Rafters walked over and made inquiries as to what was the Major's major complaint. He was told rather bluntly it was none of the fella's business and he should sort himself out, get back into uniform, and retire for the evening.
The Aussie put on his shirt.....returned and then reminded our Major of how the Rank Structure worked in the Australian Army.....by pointing to his rank devices and noting they showed him to be a Brigadier which he reckoned was a few pay grades superior to the American rank of Major.
It was the Major who pissed off back to his Quarters.....and the Party continued in a very respectable manner.....well actually....a very dis-respectable manner but one that went down in the record book.
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CCF at my school, early 1970s. Parade rehearsal for inspection by GOC Norn Irn (which narrows the choices of which school!). Parade commander a RNVR Lt (ie a schoolmaster in a dark blue uniform with gold braid that had barely previously seen daylight), addressing RN contingent commander an RNR Lt. of somewhat greater age. This being rehearsal, best uniforms are not being worn by most and RN contingent commander is sporting a moth-eaten uniform jacket (with impressive amount of fruit salad) worn over an off-white seaman's poloneck.
Parade commander hollers across parade ground to RN contingent commander "You Sir! Where DID you get that uniforrm?!"
Reply: "In the Convoys, Sir; where did you get yours?"
Parade commander hollers across parade ground to RN contingent commander "You Sir! Where DID you get that uniforrm?!"
Reply: "In the Convoys, Sir; where did you get yours?"
Dragartist, I have the video of the mortar bomb event. According to the video caption, it was a LandRover maldrop at Otterburn in 95 - all other details are as you describe. When we do school visits, we show that video of how not to do Aerial Delivery.
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John Eisenhower, Son of Ike.
From his Obit, Daily Telegraph.
Immediately after graduation, John was posted to Europe to help Dwight Eisenhower cope with the stresses and strains of the Normandy campaign. As they crossed the English Channel together in a Flying Fortress bomber, the young man asked his father for advice on protocol: “If we should meet an officer who ranks above me but below you, how do we handle this? Should I salute first and when they return my salute, do you return theirs?” “Dad’s annoyed reaction was short,” he recalled.
“'John, there isn’t an officer in this theatre who doesn’t rank above you and below me.’”
“'John, there isn’t an officer in this theatre who doesn’t rank above you and below me.’”
Around half a dozen RN Sea Kings arrive at RAF Manston to refuel. Big hairy Lt Cmdr asks the SAC in the tower L.Rover if the airfield has Soap. Yes sir, no problem he says and drives off to the tower.
Five minutes later he is back at the ASP with a bucket of warm water, paper towels.......and a bar of soap.
S.O.A.P.
Five minutes later he is back at the ASP with a bucket of warm water, paper towels.......and a bar of soap.
S.O.A.P.
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In the days when University Air Squadrons were flying Chipmunks, a student was sent off on his solo navigation exercise. As many of you will know, the Chipmunk is fitted with a sliding canopy, that is operated by a lever fixed on the side of the upper section of the canopy around the 11 o’clock position; operating the lever allows the canopy to slide backwards and forwards for entry and egress and to provide ventilation when airborne. However, in those days, only instructors were allowed to open the canopy in flight. Well, it being a hot summers day and well away from his departure airfield, the student, D… H…..n, decided to open the canopy to cool off a bit, so reached up, operated the lever and slid the canopy back. Aah relief!! Returning to base, D… realised that there would be a Duty Instructor in the control tower, monitoring the activities of the students and hence decided to close the canopy again. So he reached up, grabbed the operating lever and closed the canopy. Unfortunately, as he was closing the canopy, the slipstream caused the sleeves of his flying suit to be sucked outwards and they were now trapped between the fixed and moving portion of the canopy, leaving his hands and arms some distance from the control column and from the operating lever that would allow him to open the canopy again and release himself. With his knees clutching the control column in an attempt to remain straight and level, D..e swooped, dived and weaved towards base, whilst trying to extricate himself. Eventually, strength and adrenalin overcame MOD flying suit fabric and D..e managed to rip his hands and arms out of the flying suit sleeves and regain control. On landing, he rolled up what remained of the sleeves, before being met by the Duty Instructor who commented on D…’s untidy arrival back at base. D..e’s response was that it was a very hot day and there was a lot of thermal activity!!
Cow strike
While trundling round the old Rhodesia during the monitoring op for the elections the Hercules det was resupplying many of the assembly points for the political parties ( ex terrorists ) and this was mainly by freefall drop, triple wrapped bags of maize being the prime item of foodstuffs. Prior to the low level drop to the DZ it had to be cleared and then Albert would zoom past and drop the bags. Unfortunately on one drop, after the DZ had been cleared, a local herdsman decided to take his herd home across the far end of the DZ with Albert committed to the drop, it was reported afterwards that as the hundred weight bags of maize doing close to 100 mph went through the herd it looked like the skittle alley down your local pub, bags and cattle going in all directions. I believe that the locals were very careful near the DZ after that.
Bond 007
In 1965 there was a craft apprentice in 201 entry at Halton who quite legitimately was given the last three of 007, the C.A's service numbers started at 1960000 with 201, the first craft apprentice entry and no, he didn't stay in for very long and can you blame him!