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Apocryphal Tales

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Apocryphal Tales

Old 17th Mar 2014, 19:32
  #401 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK East Anglia
Age: 62
Posts: 668
More about cows

I don't recall the Wyton incident. I was there from 81 through 95.

I did hear a story about an MSP (Heavy Airdrop Platform) being dropped on and killing a cow on the DZ. Apparently the smell was not very nice and the MSP was written off. I have seen a few bent ones in my time but they are very tough.

I would love to know if this was true.

One thing I do know to be true was a pinz carrying live 88mm mortar rounds fell from an MSP during the drop. The rounds started going off. The guy with the video camera kept filming having buried himself in a rut in the ground. Big Paul the REME Tiffy carried on walking around the burning heap so calmly as if nothing was happening. I am sure one day these films will appear on you tube.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 23:34
  #402 (permalink)  
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There was the live centreline 1000 pounder fell off a Jag at Red Flag when the Liney pulled the pin out, he stopped it rolling and pulling the arming cable out with his foot. He popped inside to let them know what happened and as a bit of a joker they didn't believe him until someone looked out of the window... It was shuffled out of sight before the Americans saw it.
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 03:12
  #403 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Second star on the left
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Lossiemouth, late seventies. A rather sartorial navigator called Mick G******* had a habit of wearing Rupert Bear trousers, much to the disgust of the Stn Cdr. One night in the bar the Staish finally cracked and asked G if he had any other trousers, Mick replied that he had and was told to go and put them on. Our hero returned in a beautifully cut Saville Row suit of Canary Yellow to be asked if he had anything else and if so to put it on. Mick returned wearing another beautifully cut suit in Lime Green, the atmosphere was now starting to become cooler. Asked again if he had something else to wear Mick returned in an equally well made suit but in Shocking Pink. Atmosphere was now becoming arctic and Mick was told to go and put on something that was not a suit, he returned with trousers of one suit, waistcoat of another and the jacket of the third. When the explosion died down, Mick was banned from the bar for one month; he had the largest stack of tinned beer in his room that I have ever seen, it reached the ceiling.

Heads down, look out for the flak
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 05:16
  #404 (permalink)  

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Ah - Mick G******!

One recalls an occasion when he was Nav on VIP trip in Norn Iron.

Flying over a golf course, the VIP was heard to remark:

"Ah - The Royal County Down! I'm told the 5th there is the best hole in NI!"

MG: "I beg to differ, Sir!!"
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 11:48
  #405 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2009
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I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment

In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."

It got the chop, anyway.
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 11:55
  #406 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2006
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"It got the chop, anyway"

Part of "Joint" Operations perhaps?
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 13:26
  #407 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: UK
Posts: 142
Wensleydale.....re post 335.....the spilt paint at RAF Finningley. I met the bloke who claimed to have knocked over the tin. MAEOp Murgatroyd. He was in his 50s at RAF Leeming in about 1990 having finally left the kipper fleet when I knew him and he described being a young recruit learning his craft and being told that prior to the forthcoming AOC's Inspection he and his mates were to paint kerb stones. The way the military do. Once the tin was over what else could they do but make it 'official' by making a nice square.

Now I can't be certain about the truth of Derek's tale but I do know for a fact that the square was still there in 1981 when as a student Nav I had to paint it again, just prior to an AOC's Inspection. It was on some innocuous bit of road in the middle of the Station and had obviously been re painted many times before I got to it.
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 15:29
  #408 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: France
Age: 66
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I was privileged to be awarded with my wings by a retired ACM who has several tales to his name.
The first was when he was a S/Ldr at Ternhill in the late 30's and they had a dining in night. After the meal, as is customary, they indulged in the odd tipple. He decided to see how quickly the fire brigade could react, so set fire to one of the wings to the mess. The reaction was very swift BUT they had just built a new access gate and the fire engine got well and truly stuck. The wing suffered serious damage and was unusable. The said officer was hauled in front of the OC and when asked what he was going to do about it replied "I will have a new wing constructed, Sir" This he promptly did and got away with it. Cost him a bob or two.

Later he was in a bar when an Army Officer tried to push past him. This he took exception to but the officer said to him "Do you know who I am, I am Lt Col Sir J... S...., now move" He replied " And I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"

Last edited by expatfrance; 18th Mar 2014 at 19:19. Reason: correcting mistake
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 15:46
  #409 (permalink)  
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I am Group Captain The Earl of Bandon and that beats you on both counts!"
During Vietnam years, my Chinook unit supported the Aussie's down at Nui Dat, and forged a close personal relationship with those fine Soldiers from Down Under. We had an informal exchange program....for Parties...BBQ's....and general mayhem.

One evening, a few of them was up at our place at Phu Loi....the BBQ was done with....the business of the visit was underway.....and being Monsoon season our Gazebo was being flooded by ankle deep puddles of rain water. Being addled brained puddle stomping became in vogue along with hanging from the exposed rafters and drinking pints of Beer while upside down.

Our Unit Commander, a Major, being the usual Prick he was....took great excess to the goings on and began to make a real scene. One of the Aussies dropped from the Rafters walked over and made inquiries as to what was the Major's major complaint. He was told rather bluntly it was none of the fella's business and he should sort himself out, get back into uniform, and retire for the evening.

The Aussie put on his shirt.....returned and then reminded our Major of how the Rank Structure worked in the Australian Army.....by pointing to his rank devices and noting they showed him to be a Brigadier which he reckoned was a few pay grades superior to the American rank of Major.

It was the Major who pissed off back to his Quarters.....and the Party continued in a very respectable manner.....well actually....a very dis-respectable manner but one that went down in the record book.
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 15:57
  #410 (permalink)  
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CCF at my school, early 1970s. Parade rehearsal for inspection by GOC Norn Irn (which narrows the choices of which school!). Parade commander a RNVR Lt (ie a schoolmaster in a dark blue uniform with gold braid that had barely previously seen daylight), addressing RN contingent commander an RNR Lt. of somewhat greater age. This being rehearsal, best uniforms are not being worn by most and RN contingent commander is sporting a moth-eaten uniform jacket (with impressive amount of fruit salad) worn over an off-white seaman's poloneck.

Parade commander hollers across parade ground to RN contingent commander "You Sir! Where DID you get that uniforrm?!"

Reply: "In the Convoys, Sir; where did you get yours?"
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 16:29
  #411 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: France
Age: 66
Posts: 40

Our Unit Commander, a Major, being the usual Prick he was...

Met quite a few in my time too. The odd one on UK Chinooks!!:ok
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Old 18th Mar 2014, 17:17
  #412 (permalink)  
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Brizzle
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Dragartist, I have the video of the mortar bomb event. According to the video caption, it was a LandRover maldrop at Otterburn in 95 - all other details are as you describe. When we do school visits, we show that video of how not to do Aerial Delivery.
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Old 19th Mar 2014, 06:38
  #413 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: South Africa
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John Eisenhower, Son of Ike.

From his Obit, Daily Telegraph.

Immediately after graduation, John was posted to Europe to help Dwight Eisenhower cope with the stresses and strains of the Normandy campaign. As they crossed the English Channel together in a Flying Fortress bomber, the young man asked his father for advice on protocol: If we should meet an officer who ranks above me but below you, how do we handle this? Should I salute first and when they return my salute, do you return theirs? Dads annoyed reaction was short, he recalled.

'John, there isnt an officer in this theatre who doesnt rank above you and below me.
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Old 19th Mar 2014, 08:34
  #414 (permalink)  
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Around half a dozen RN Sea Kings arrive at RAF Manston to refuel. Big hairy Lt Cmdr asks the SAC in the tower L.Rover if the airfield has Soap. Yes sir, no problem he says and drives off to the tower.
Five minutes later he is back at the ASP with a bucket of warm water, paper towels.......and a bar of soap.

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Old 19th Mar 2014, 08:56
  #415 (permalink)  
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Manchester
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In the days when University Air Squadrons were flying Chipmunks, a student was sent off on his solo navigation exercise. As many of you will know, the Chipmunk is fitted with a sliding canopy, that is operated by a lever fixed on the side of the upper section of the canopy around the 11 oclock position; operating the lever allows the canopy to slide backwards and forwards for entry and egress and to provide ventilation when airborne. However, in those days, only instructors were allowed to open the canopy in flight. Well, it being a hot summers day and well away from his departure airfield, the student, D H..n, decided to open the canopy to cool off a bit, so reached up, operated the lever and slid the canopy back. Aah relief!! Returning to base, D realised that there would be a Duty Instructor in the control tower, monitoring the activities of the students and hence decided to close the canopy again. So he reached up, grabbed the operating lever and closed the canopy. Unfortunately, as he was closing the canopy, the slipstream caused the sleeves of his flying suit to be sucked outwards and they were now trapped between the fixed and moving portion of the canopy, leaving his hands and arms some distance from the control column and from the operating lever that would allow him to open the canopy again and release himself. With his knees clutching the control column in an attempt to remain straight and level, D..e swooped, dived and weaved towards base, whilst trying to extricate himself. Eventually, strength and adrenalin overcame MOD flying suit fabric and D..e managed to rip his hands and arms out of the flying suit sleeves and regain control. On landing, he rolled up what remained of the sleeves, before being met by the Duty Instructor who commented on Ds untidy arrival back at base. D..es response was that it was a very hot day and there was a lot of thermal activity!!
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Old 3rd Apr 2014, 05:46
  #416 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: wiltshire
Age: 72
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Cow strike

While trundling round the old Rhodesia during the monitoring op for the elections the Hercules det was resupplying many of the assembly points for the political parties ( ex terrorists ) and this was mainly by freefall drop, triple wrapped bags of maize being the prime item of foodstuffs. Prior to the low level drop to the DZ it had to be cleared and then Albert would zoom past and drop the bags. Unfortunately on one drop, after the DZ had been cleared, a local herdsman decided to take his herd home across the far end of the DZ with Albert committed to the drop, it was reported afterwards that as the hundred weight bags of maize doing close to 100 mph went through the herd it looked like the skittle alley down your local pub, bags and cattle going in all directions. I believe that the locals were very careful near the DZ after that.
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Old 3rd Apr 2014, 06:06
  #417 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: wiltshire
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Bond 007

In 1965 there was a craft apprentice in 201 entry at Halton who quite legitimately was given the last three of 007, the C.A's service numbers started at 1960000 with 201, the first craft apprentice entry and no, he didn't stay in for very long and can you blame him!
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Old 3rd Apr 2014, 06:13
  #418 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: wiltshire
Age: 72
Posts: 99

While at Lyneham many years ago one of my colleagues was given a posting he didn't like and promptly refused to go seeing he hadn't been given the required period of warning before the posting, PMC agreed with him and accepted he hadn't been given the correct notification and promptly detached him to the location of his posting and then posted him when the notification period was complete. Motto, don't piss off PMC, they will get you in the end!
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Old 3rd Apr 2014, 06:22
  #419 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: wiltshire
Age: 72
Posts: 99

Plods at Laarbruch were an interesting bunch, very hot on traffic control and offences which resulted in OC plod getting in the local Plods with their speed trap to nail the boys going round the perimeter road , , you can probably guess who was the first person they caught speeding, lots of embarresment all round as that story went round the station faster than OC plod!
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Old 3rd Apr 2014, 09:42
  #420 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: ex-Abu Dhabi now back in Carrot Cruncher Land
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If I might add an anecdote relating to the sudden demise of bovine creatures from unexpected military sources.

Not sure of the exact location but this happened in WWII and was told to me my my old mum who was a CPO Wren at various naval establishments between 1940 and 1946.
Mother was a Bomb Range Marker, plotting the fall of 25lb practice bombs from Swordfish but in addition to her normal duties, one day she was assisting armourers in butt testing of a Sea Hurricane. She was sitting in the 'driving seat' and pressed the firing button when told, the tail of the aircraft was raised but insufficiently supported and the recoil from the 4 x 20mm cannons caused the tail to become dislodged and drop. A significant number of cannon shells disappeared into the middle distance before mother could remove her thumb from the button resulting in the sudden demise of a cow quite a long way away.

An unusual casualty of war which resulted in the mess having an unexpected supply of beef for a few days!

Incidentally mother is still alive and at 97 must be one of the oldest Wrens around.

She flew in numerous aircraft types from Swordfish, Albacores and Barracudas various transport types and even flew in a Grumman Martlet, the RN equivalent of the US Wildcat fighter, which was a single seater! Apparently on the pilots lap.

Mum had a 'good' war ( if any such thing is possible) I believe !
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