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Apocryphal Tales

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Apocryphal Tales

Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:18
  #381 (permalink)  
 
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A rifle is aimed. Cow stands up, interested. Crack!
Before my time, so this really is an apocryphal tale.

At Yatesbury the 25 yard Rifle Range was alongside a field, containing cows!

A class of Boy Entrants were having Range Practice.

One Boy, swings trusty Lee Enfield to point at cow. Bang! Cow drops dead and Boy carried on shooting at target.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:20
  #382 (permalink)  
 
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Cow leaps into air, all 4 hooves jerk 90 degrees to starboard. Thud. Cow works, cow stops working
Were Catering notified that Beef could be on menu for next week ?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:22
  #383 (permalink)  
 
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Police sniper team as in RAF Police, or civilian police?

If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:46
  #384 (permalink)  
 
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[QUOTE]If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?[QUOTE]

Maybe the armourer was a retrained storeman?

CG
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 14:57
  #385 (permalink)  
 
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It was the latter, civvies from Peterborough.

The guards were not used because the Station Commander said something about..."I'm not having some airman shooting up my airfield."

Yes that was it.

The farmer and his son dragged the cow (with our help) up the ramp and took it away, so no free beef was obtained.

I remember the son put his finger into the bullet hole, (much to our astonishment) and said "Look 'ere faaaaaather," Roight in 'is brains."

Fond memories!
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:00
  #386 (permalink)  
 
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Police sniper team as in RAF Police, or civilian police?

If the latter, what was wrong with the SLRs in the armoury?
Yeah you give 20 SLRs to guys to go out and shoot the cow.....

Result
7 personnel in hospital with gunshot wounds
8 passing civilians similar
16 sheep dead
22 Squirrels
1 Car property of Staish looking like swiss cheese
1 Bank held up
19 windows
22 aircraft shot (not even airborne)
and
1 Cow who got tired of the noise and wandered off for some quiet.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:01
  #387 (permalink)  
 
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The guards were not used because the Station Commander said something about..."I'm not having some airman shooting up my airfield."
In posting what I did above I just knew no way would he have wanted to unleash that against the cow..............
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:16
  #388 (permalink)  
 
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I was at Wyton until Summer 93, but don't recall the cow incident. Staish left a couple of weeks after me, so must have been the "new" team. bit hard on the cow though, and no doubt the farmer was compensated.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:23
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I remember the son put his finger into the bullet hole, (much to our astonishment) and said "Look 'ere faaaaaather," Roight in 'is brains."

Brains and the Plod....definitely mutually exclusive concepts!
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:32
  #390 (permalink)  
 
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Sounds like a load of Bullocks to me! (or perhaps OC block had called for a Bull Night).


Edited to add.... perhaps the Canberra pilot had asked for a Steer?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:42
  #391 (permalink)  
 
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20 SLRs? Sounds a bit overkill, and as you say, prone to type of dog-up of titanic proportions.

Give one SLR and a mag to a RockApe Cpl or Scuffer (unless there are any real soldiers on the camp) and have at it. I just think it a bit embarrassing for the Armed Forces to have to call in civvy coppers to shoot a cow. Certainly on a full-size unit with plenty of small arms and ammunition.

Actually, scrub the Scuffer. He'd probably use his pistol and just get the cow very angry.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:49
  #392 (permalink)  
 
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20 SLRs? Sounds a bit overkill, and as you say, prone to type of dog-up of titanic proportions.
Yeah I know but makes the suggested ending a bit better with 20
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:52
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To shoot or not to shoot the cow? Horns of a dilemma!
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 15:56
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Ok, RN rather than aviation related (although it does have a bit of aviation content), told to me by a mate who was an ex-Killick stoker.

Anyway his frigate was on a visit to the USA. After the ship had docked they needed to go to the bank to get some cash, to pay the crew. Quite a lot of cash in fact - 250k or so, lots back then in the late 70s. So the captains secretary phones up the local police to ask for an escort, "can't help you buddy, very busy day but where you're going be careful, it's bad there".

So arrangements were made for an armed guard, and off they set in the ships hire car. Very shortly after the secretary walked into the bank flanked by a couple of sailors carrying sten guns the local police did find cars to check out the 'robbery occurring'. Apparently though they never checked the car so the CPO sat quietly in the back with a bren gun on his lap went unnoticed.

(The story did include the ships Lynx with the required missiles following the car to the bank, 'just in case', but I don't think that was true. Honest I don't).
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 16:00
  #395 (permalink)  
 
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To shoot or not to shoot the cow?
Hey, build a big enough box and you could have Schrodinger's cow. Two states. The shot state and the not shot state.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 16:02
  #396 (permalink)  
 
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Is that the "Steer" who was C-in-C in the early 90s?
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 16:05
  #397 (permalink)  
 
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Some very cheesy jokes re those Wyton memories....very nice!

But I swear it all happened, just like I saw it.

I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment."

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Old 17th Mar 2014, 16:11
  #398 (permalink)  
 
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Shamelessly stolen from Arrse:

RSM is in his office eating a packet of jelly babies. He finds them not up to the usual standard, so jails them.

Provost sergeant goes and collects the jelly babies, and takes them back to his guardroom. Finds it funny, kicks back in his office and eats the jelly babies.

RSM visits guardroom sometime later to check on the situation, and Provo confesses he ate the jelly babies.

RSM jails Provo for eating the prisoners.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 16:20
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We had an exploding cow at Guetersloh c. 1968.

I may have told this one before but here goes ................

Not on the airfield but immediately south there was the biggest daytime thunderstorm I have EVER seen, and it went on and on. [the forecast was a no-brainer, so a warning was out good and early, which made a nice change].

Heaving it down with rain, but that would not stop my intrepid observer venturing forth to the screen at 15 minutes to.

He'd got to the raincoat/hat bit when there was a massive lightning strike and almost simultaneous thunder. We were both looking at the cows quietly grazing, thinking they were deaf or stupid.

The one that took the lightning bolt exploded, entrails, tail, horns .............

Intrepid Observer turns white.

"No", says I "I wouldn't go out, and neither will you".

The only time I was ever a party to inventing parts of an ob.

I had lunch with said observer a few weeks ago. Lucky Jim.
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Old 17th Mar 2014, 18:57
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I think the the best come back someone offered on hearing this was...."You should have put out a CALF Amendment

In which case, the song was "Veal meat again, don't know where......."
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