Radio Transmissions
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JMC circa 1994/5.
ASW action in full flow.
Confused Gunnery Officer trying to direct the action, 2 Sea King 6s and 1 Nimrod around.
"C/S this is PWO, mark dip 270 datum at 3nm"
Quick as a flash and without a hint of irony Nimrod replies
"D/E C/S, many regrets unable, I actually require forward airspeed to remain airborne!!"
PWO spoke very little for next few minutes, Dipgang took charge!
ASW action in full flow.
Confused Gunnery Officer trying to direct the action, 2 Sea King 6s and 1 Nimrod around.
"C/S this is PWO, mark dip 270 datum at 3nm"
Quick as a flash and without a hint of irony Nimrod replies
"D/E C/S, many regrets unable, I actually require forward airspeed to remain airborne!!"
PWO spoke very little for next few minutes, Dipgang took charge!
At ORD on a busy day, ground controller didn't like the spread out line heading to 32L, "I need you guys to tighten it up, butts to nuts"
I was damn near crying I was laughing so hard.
I was damn near crying I was laughing so hard.
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Three months after leaving my crew on Shacks and being posted to Operations, my old crew had been in for briefing for a night 15hr Navex. One of the items on the checklist was the exchange of coded messages to keep in practice: these were monitored of course, by Group Headquarters.
After some 5 hours, I signed for the latest coded message and nipped into the code room. When it was decoded, I ran to the Ops desk in time to find the Group light on and ringing. Before answering and read, the message was checked again; "Please can we come home now - 'cos we are cold and hungry".
I picked up the Green phone and waited for the blast.
JohnB
After some 5 hours, I signed for the latest coded message and nipped into the code room. When it was decoded, I ran to the Ops desk in time to find the Group light on and ringing. Before answering and read, the message was checked again; "Please can we come home now - 'cos we are cold and hungry".
I picked up the Green phone and waited for the blast.
JohnB
Last edited by John Botwood; 23rd Aug 2013 at 04:09.
JMCs were always good for daft radio transmissions, usually from that infamous naval person Ah Roger Waitout.
On on exercise, a gaggle of Buccs was running in at the speed of heat to do its anti-Sverdlov attack or similar. The odd clipped transmission as they split for the attack, followed by a quick call:
"Eagle, (Buccs) - running in."
"Ah Roger, standby"
"(Buccs) - bananas, bananas (or similar action brevity words)"
"(Buccs), this is Eagle"
"Eagle, WAIT.....bombs gone"
"(Buccs), this is Eagle - can you delay a couple of minutes please?"
"Negative. Attack complete and RTB!"
"Ah Roger...Waitout"
On on exercise, a gaggle of Buccs was running in at the speed of heat to do its anti-Sverdlov attack or similar. The odd clipped transmission as they split for the attack, followed by a quick call:
"Eagle, (Buccs) - running in."
"Ah Roger, standby"
"(Buccs) - bananas, bananas (or similar action brevity words)"
"(Buccs), this is Eagle"
"Eagle, WAIT.....bombs gone"
"(Buccs), this is Eagle - can you delay a couple of minutes please?"
"Negative. Attack complete and RTB!"
"Ah Roger...Waitout"
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Three months after leaving my crew on Shacks and being posted to Operations,
my old crew had been in for briefing for a night 15hr Navex. One of the items on
the checklist was the exchange of coded messages to keep in practice: these were
monitored of course, by Group Headquarters.
During one of these long nights of burning off fuel, the 8 Sqn ops desk received a coded message from the airborne shack which was burning off petrol on a long navex. After decoding the multi group message, the message read "Franklebum (the TACO) has just found Rockall". Not to be outdone, the ops-desk duty crew prepared their own message to send back, and it being a long and quiet night they rang Buchan with the message to pass on: "I have a message of 93 groups for C/S....". Thinking that this would keep the crew quiet for a while, the ops team settled down for a nap. However, just a few minutes later came a reply in NAMAT from the Shack crew, "Unable to decode. Do not hold NAMAT".
On a different theme, No 8 Sqn deployed their Shackletons en-masse to St Mawgan take part in the 1981 "Ocean Safari" exercise where continuous 24 hour orbits were to be maintained for Naval Forces in the SW approaches. Given the Shackleton's slow transit speed, a two hour transit was needed at the height of the exercise. One of the crew captains decided that he would carry out a "tactical transit", radar off, radio silent, at 250ft (and lower). At the briefing the crew were warned to look out for a Soviet Kresta II which was monitoring the exercise.
The crew duly got airborne and were about an hour into the transit when the co-pilot saw something loom onto the horizon. "That'll be the Kresta" said the captain. "Let's go and have a look" and the Shack turned towards the ship which slowly got bigger and bigger. meanwhile, the 1st Navigator, who had been an AEOp in a previous existence, stepped out of his tent to have a look. "Don't think its a cruiser" he said knowledgeably. "Of course it is", said the Captain, just as a couple of F14s intercepted, followed by a Prowler.
The ship got bigger and bigger and took on the unmistakeable silhouette of a USN aircraft carrier which was not involved in the JMC and was surrounded by its escorts. "Perhaps they don't want us to buzz them during flying operations" suggested the nav. Finally the lights turned on and the captain turned away from the now very close ships.
Tuning through some NATO radio frequencies while they beat a hasty(?) retreat, the Shack crew heard the immortal radio call from one of the aircraft which was struggling to maintain formation and refusing to come down any lower:
" I don't know, sir. I think its a Liberator".
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Off New York.
Centre to Nimrod, "What is your aircraft type?"
"CS type is Nimrod."
"What's a Nimrod?"
"It is the UK state-of-the-art ASW aircraft Sir, similar to a P£ but better."
Meanwhile another aircraft returns to the freq having missed the reply.
"Say again, what is a Nimrod?"
Centre replied:
""It is the UK state-of-the-art ASW aircraft - dummy."
I should mention that was a LONG time ago.
Centre to Nimrod, "What is your aircraft type?"
"CS type is Nimrod."
"What's a Nimrod?"
"It is the UK state-of-the-art ASW aircraft Sir, similar to a P£ but better."
Meanwhile another aircraft returns to the freq having missed the reply.
"Say again, what is a Nimrod?"
Centre replied:
""It is the UK state-of-the-art ASW aircraft - dummy."
I should mention that was a LONG time ago.
back in the early 70's I knew a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard
(emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying east of Cyprus. It's too
good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this:
Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in
Turkish airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force aircraft. I am in British airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Turkish airspace. If you do not depart our
airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force F6 Lightning fighter. Send 'em up,
I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: Wait? - In a Lightning? Ahahahahah!!!
Might not be true though.
(emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying east of Cyprus. It's too
good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this:
Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in
Turkish airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force aircraft. I am in British airspace.'
Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Turkish airspace. If you do not depart our
airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force F6 Lightning fighter. Send 'em up,
I'll wait!'
Air Defense Radar: Wait? - In a Lightning? Ahahahahah!!!
Might not be true though.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Late 40s The first Bristol Freighter to grace Canadian airspace lumbers into the Dorval control zone in Montreal and lands.
TWR: (examining the beast through binoculars) : "Say again your aircraft type."
BF: "Bristol Freighter."
TWR:"Did you build it yourself???!!!"
What a lovely thing she is but not about to win any beauty contests.
TWR: (examining the beast through binoculars) : "Say again your aircraft type."
BF: "Bristol Freighter."
TWR:"Did you build it yourself???!!!"
What a lovely thing she is but not about to win any beauty contests.
Ecce Homo! Loquitur...
Late 1970s, an AEW Shacklebomber heading slowly down the east coast in the teeth of a headwind for PIs of CY. FM at Boulmer is bored,
FM: "Anyface XX, you'd be better on 125."
Anyface: Boulmer, wait........ Negative, my nav say my current heading is good."
FM: Anyface XX, I meant the train......."
FM: "Anyface XX, you'd be better on 125."
Anyface: Boulmer, wait........ Negative, my nav say my current heading is good."
FM: Anyface XX, I meant the train......."
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
"Wittering Pan Anyface, suspected engine failure No 3 engine request PAR to land."
"Anyface roger, vector . . . ,
"Anyface do you have civvies on board?"
"?, negative."
"Anyface you will not be allowed in the Officers' Mess and will need hotel accommodation down town. What is your POB?"
"Wittering, request handover to Cottesmore."
And that is absolutely true.
At Cottesmore we were allowed in the Mess but told we would have to eat in a separate room and use a scruffs bar in one of the wings. Instead we joined the Germans in one corner of the bar where they were also in flying suits.
"Anyface roger, vector . . . ,
"Anyface do you have civvies on board?"
"?, negative."
"Anyface you will not be allowed in the Officers' Mess and will need hotel accommodation down town. What is your POB?"
"Wittering, request handover to Cottesmore."
And that is absolutely true.
At Cottesmore we were allowed in the Mess but told we would have to eat in a separate room and use a scruffs bar in one of the wings. Instead we joined the Germans in one corner of the bar where they were also in flying suits.
After attending a boring brief at ISK, something to do with a might Bunter sortie to photograph the Navy playing roundball at the top of the world, we offered ourselves for any QRA tanker tasking needed.
Somewhat surprisingly, this was readily accepted by the system - and even more astonishingly we were soon scrambled. A quick transit to the area of interest, but then the Sovs decided to go home, so we were cleared to RTB and began a climb to high level whilst the oven was fired up for our 60 min trip home.
Up spake a voice over the ether. In the background we could hear the growling of Griffons and the rattle of rivets...."Before you go - could you pass a report to Lossie for us - our HF is down."
"Affirm - go ahead"
"(Anyface) position Nnn:nn.n Ennn:nn.n at hh:mm, estimating EGQS at hh:mm"
"Roger, got that. But is that today?"
Somewhat surprisingly, this was readily accepted by the system - and even more astonishingly we were soon scrambled. A quick transit to the area of interest, but then the Sovs decided to go home, so we were cleared to RTB and began a climb to high level whilst the oven was fired up for our 60 min trip home.
Up spake a voice over the ether. In the background we could hear the growling of Griffons and the rattle of rivets...."Before you go - could you pass a report to Lossie for us - our HF is down."
"Affirm - go ahead"
"(Anyface) position Nnn:nn.n Ennn:nn.n at hh:mm, estimating EGQS at hh:mm"
"Roger, got that. But is that today?"
Don't know if this is true but:
CF-104: "Request straight in due low fuel state."
TWR:"Unable you are #2, #1 is a B-52 emergency that has lost an engine!"
CF-104: "Ah, yes - the dreaded 7 engine approach!"
CF-104: "Request straight in due low fuel state."
TWR:"Unable you are #2, #1 is a B-52 emergency that has lost an engine!"
CF-104: "Ah, yes - the dreaded 7 engine approach!"
Last edited by albatross; 24th Aug 2013 at 03:47.
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I dont vouch for the truth of this one, but St Mawgan early 70s
Tower XXX you are weak and distorted
XXX Tower so would you be after 12 hours in this!
Mid 70s Manston on climbout
Tower say again all after 'Maintain'
We knew how to have fun!
Tower XXX you are weak and distorted
XXX Tower so would you be after 12 hours in this!
Mid 70s Manston on climbout
Tower say again all after 'Maintain'
We knew how to have fun!
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Don't know if this has been posted, haven't looked through all yet:
Lossie tower, young lady controller following emergency state 2 was rather excited and broadcast over tanoy "Emergency state 2 - aircraft terminated safely"
she became known as Arnie after that for while. She was a good sport and saw the funny side.
Lossie tower, young lady controller following emergency state 2 was rather excited and broadcast over tanoy "Emergency state 2 - aircraft terminated safely"
she became known as Arnie after that for while. She was a good sport and saw the funny side.
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Frankfurt Ground Controller to BA Aircraft (This was in the early 1970's 
)
"I told you to turn left at the next intersection! Haven't you been here before?"
Long Pause ....
"Yes. About 30 years ago ... But it was dark."
)"I told you to turn left at the next intersection! Haven't you been here before?"
Long Pause ....
"Yes. About 30 years ago ... But it was dark."
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US controller to RAF Aircraft exiting Oceanic control:
"Say your aircraft type"
"Military 4-piston twin jet"
"I say again, say your aircraft type"
"Military 4-piston twin jet."
"What the hell is that?" How many engines have you got? How many propellors?"
"4 Piston engines, 8 propellors, 2 jet engines."
Long pause
"Each piston engine has 2 propellors. One goes one way round, the other goes the other way around. - And we've got 2 jet engines."
"Well if you've got one propellor going one way round and another going the other way around - You go nowhere!"
Then somebody who knew a bit came on the line: "Ah haa! You're a Royal Air Force Shack-le-Ton!"
Problem solved.
"Say your aircraft type"
"Military 4-piston twin jet"
"I say again, say your aircraft type"
"Military 4-piston twin jet."
"What the hell is that?" How many engines have you got? How many propellors?"
"4 Piston engines, 8 propellors, 2 jet engines."
Long pause
"Each piston engine has 2 propellors. One goes one way round, the other goes the other way around. - And we've got 2 jet engines."
"Well if you've got one propellor going one way round and another going the other way around - You go nowhere!"
Then somebody who knew a bit came on the line: "Ah haa! You're a Royal Air Force Shack-le-Ton!"
Problem solved.
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Another Shackleton story....
Carrying out a PAR into Coventry for an air-show static. It transpired that the controller had some affinity for the type as he also gave a submarine attack profile on the way down....
"Passing 3 Miles - on glide path - blue silk to memory"
"Passing 2 miles - on heading - scanner to attack"
etc.
Carrying out a PAR into Coventry for an air-show static. It transpired that the controller had some affinity for the type as he also gave a submarine attack profile on the way down....
"Passing 3 Miles - on glide path - blue silk to memory"
"Passing 2 miles - on heading - scanner to attack"
etc.
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Back in the 80's I worked for an American airline at Gatwick.
Every 4th of July I got hacked off with the crews wishing me, a brit, a "Happy Independence Day" but in due course found a suitable reply. "Thank you Sir, but remember we got there first."
=============
Being a keen photographer I visited Coltishall just prior to it's closing when an exchange visit took place with visiting Polish Su-7s. A formation of one jag and 3 Su-7s departed using a 6 squadron callsign so I stuck their ops freq into my scanner for a heads up for their return. I almost missed the photos as I was still laughing at the call to ops. "Canopener, Canopener, trousers down in 5 minutes."
Every 4th of July I got hacked off with the crews wishing me, a brit, a "Happy Independence Day" but in due course found a suitable reply. "Thank you Sir, but remember we got there first."
=============
Being a keen photographer I visited Coltishall just prior to it's closing when an exchange visit took place with visiting Polish Su-7s. A formation of one jag and 3 Su-7s departed using a 6 squadron callsign so I stuck their ops freq into my scanner for a heads up for their return. I almost missed the photos as I was still laughing at the call to ops. "Canopener, Canopener, trousers down in 5 minutes."