Radio Transmissions

[Scottie66]

Many, many years ago when I was at Nav School, we were on one of the many Dominie sorties when we heard Lon Mil ask an aircraft for its position. An American voice responed with

"Overhead Kree Wee"

Lon Mill: "C/S Say again your position"

"Overhead Kree Wee"

After another attempt Lon Mil asked for the aircraft's popsition from Daventry. The American voice responded with said range and bearing. As Nav 2, I along with just about every other C/S on freq rapidly plotted the range/bearing to findout the "Kree Wee" was in actual fact Crewe.

[John Eacott]

Originally Posted by Dan Winterland

the director controller was a little confused about the blip which appeared to be stationary

Favourite jolly jape on Sea Kings at Culdrose was to carefully slow down on the GCA and either hover or start backing up the G/S with a bet on how long it would take to sink in at the other end.

Trainees could get quite flustered

[Roger the cabin boy]

"Architect, Architect, this is Vortex 123. Request latest weather actuals for Echo Golf Oscar Shawbury."

[BEagle]

They DO haff a sense of humour!

A German commercial from a few years ago:

[OldAgeandTreachery]

Stanley,mid 80's: ATC trabant calling for clearance to cross the runway.

22 to 2,clear to take the rover over, over.

[Agaricus bisporus]

Wee hours returning home over the channel on a much delayed Malaga flight. Radiso dead quiet. We heard London ask someone if they'd Tx on box 2 for a radio calibration test. We duly switched to eavesdrop,

"Scuzzyjet this is London, transmit for test"

"London this is Scuzzyjet, I wish I was a little bug with hairs all on my tummy, I'd climb into a honey pot and get my tummy gummy. Over."

Stunned silence.

"Er, Scuzzyjet this is London, thanks for your help, out." Not a hint of humour. Miserable git!

[Tankertrashnav]

A position report sent from a Belfast on the Gan-Changi leg of a Singapore flight shortly after the type's introduction reputedly ended with the words:

"Captain and crew all well - no outbreak of scurvy noted as yet"

Not for nothing was it soon known as the Belslow.

[Madbob]

Probably an old one you will have heard before.

Wattisham, picture loads of Lightnings taxiing out for an elephant walk (an imitation of a survival scramble without taking off) during an exercise.

One pilot transmits....."I'm bored"

CO of squadron responds "last transmit, say call sign"

Original pilot "I'm not that f***ing bored!"

Caused a few smirks to all on freq! Never did ID the culprit.

MB

[ancientaviator62]

We were sat in Albert somewhere in the USA (memory fade) chinagraphs poised waiting for our departure clearance from the lady with the machine gun delivery.
A/c next door gets his and we wince at the speed and the accent. He says to the controller in a perfect southern drawl. 'Maam this is as fast as I can write, if you speak at this speed we will get along fine'. Outburst of cheering over the airwaves from the waiting multitude.

[dazdaz1]

Pal of mine USAF accidentally contacted a 'drone' via voice. The reply came back...
00100 10100 01001 01100 Those drones sure have a sense of humour.

I'll get my coat.

[Sideshow Bob]

There's the old story about the Blackburn Beverley crew who were asked to confirm their gear status, the reply was 'down and welded'

[Rossian]

It's always the copilot,innit......

........back in the days when Channel Light vessel had an MF beacon on it. Our man dialled up the MF freq, let's say 234, as 234Mhz on UHF and was left wondering why he got no reply. We wuz brung up hard an' crool we wuz.

The Ancient Mariner

[Rossian]

...and again

....taking over from a Canadian Argus who had been on task for 20 hours and failed all legitimate attempts at authentication. came up with the correct answer to the question:

Me - "What's the name of the grumpy barman in the O's Mess at your present homeplate, over"
Argus - "Ralph!!"
Me - "Standing by to copy your sitrep" Phew!

The Ancient Mariner

[CoffmanStarter]

There's the old story about the Blackburn Beverley crew who were asked to confirm their gear status, the reply was 'down and welded'

And it was also quite common to be asked the same on the Chipmunk going down the PAR glide slope

[VX275]

Beverley intercom so techically not a transmission. As the Beverly prototype lifts off for the first time TP turns to his co and says "My side is airborne, how's yours?"

A story passed to me from an old AAC pilot was one of the trials of a high powered radio for the Scout out in Borneo in the 60's. Scout is flown further and further from base, in and out of the jungle clearings with test transmissions being made regularly. Then over the radio comes an American accented voice " Will you guys shut up we're fighting a war over here." (Transmissions obviously reaching Vietnam)
ACC reply was " So are we dear boy, difference is we're winning ours."

[Motleycallsign]

There's the old story about the Blackburn Beverley crew who were asked to confirm their gear status, the reply was 'down and welded'
'And it was also quite common to be asked the same on the Chipmunk going down the PAR glide slope '

Same thing on the Wessex! Guetersloh always advised us that our DECCA letdown to the runway would be radar monitored, caused a moments silence once when we said that their GCA would be DECCA monitored.

[Bannock]

A German exchange pilot was cheekily given the honour to lead a Seaking Mk VI flight down the Thames as part of the D-day commemorations some years ago.
This guy was not renowned for his sence of humour.
Upon checking in with ATC at Kew Gardens with his section , was asked if he was familiar with flying low level over London .
Without pausing he responded with a true General Von Klinker Hoffen accent
Negative but Mein grand father is !

[thing]

And it was also quite common to be asked the same on the Chipmunk going down the PAR glide slope

Always wondered where 'down and welded' came from. You'll be happy to know it's still in common usage at thing aviation when floating down the PAR.

[Bannock]

Mayday Call to German coastguard.
Mayday Mayday I'm Sinking I'm Sinking

Reponse - Copied, Vot are you sinking about !!

My favourite - Canadian Dipping Seaking near Comox BC declaring on tactical net that his
"Balls wet in Fanny Bay"

and yes, not much happening in the office today!

[MATELO]

Northern England Range... waiting for 3 B 52's passing overhead. Eventually the call up.....

"This is Buff formation at 250, 10 miles North of the range"

"Buff formation, can you just confirm that you are at FL250, I cant see you on radar"

"Negative sir, 250 feet"

I can only imagine the look of horror on peoples faces as they crossed the A69 at 250ft