Radio Transmissions
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Departing GA calls up requesting practice engine failure on departure, following GA with female trial lesson onboard explains what the one in front will be doing as they wait their turn....
As the departing aircraft climbs the instructor closes the throttle and declares the engine failure, student makes a total hash of it and the aircraft hits hard shearing off the right hand gear that bounces over the wing, the aircraft now dragging the wingtip and aileron along the ground veers off the side of the runway and onto the grass coming to rest with no injuries..
Young lady trial lesson looks at her instructor for the day and says "they don't half make it look realistic"
..
As the departing aircraft climbs the instructor closes the throttle and declares the engine failure, student makes a total hash of it and the aircraft hits hard shearing off the right hand gear that bounces over the wing, the aircraft now dragging the wingtip and aileron along the ground veers off the side of the runway and onto the grass coming to rest with no injuries..
Young lady trial lesson looks at her instructor for the day and says "they don't half make it look realistic"
..
Last edited by NutLoose; 21st Aug 2013 at 09:38.
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Captain's Name ...
Many years ago, UH-1H gets airborne from a Southern island and contacts Flight Information to file an abbreviated VFR flight plan for the return to home base.
"Iroquois 3805 airborne .... at 15, VFR at 1500ft for ... at time 48, POB 6, Captain's name is Morgan'.
Info replies "Iroquois 05 Roger, please spell the captain's name".
Dutiful co-pilot responds "Captain's name is Morgan, big 'M' small 'organ' ".
Info took some time to acknowledge this message, as you might expect. Co-pilot did not touch the controls for the rest of the trip.
"Iroquois 3805 airborne .... at 15, VFR at 1500ft for ... at time 48, POB 6, Captain's name is Morgan'.
Info replies "Iroquois 05 Roger, please spell the captain's name".
Dutiful co-pilot responds "Captain's name is Morgan, big 'M' small 'organ' ".
Info took some time to acknowledge this message, as you might expect. Co-pilot did not touch the controls for the rest of the trip.
A classic from GW1.
Buccs were spiking for Tornados, but also carried an LGB (because they could).
Bucc callsigns were river names, in this mission "Avon".
Tornados depart the target area, Bucc orbits over the top and sees a target.
Releases a bomb and spikes it onto the target....
...and transmits: "Bing bong, Avon calling!"
Buccs were spiking for Tornados, but also carried an LGB (because they could).
Bucc callsigns were river names, in this mission "Avon".
Tornados depart the target area, Bucc orbits over the top and sees a target.
Releases a bomb and spikes it onto the target....
...and transmits: "Bing bong, Avon calling!"
Reported to me by a controller at Eastern Radar (Watton):
An F 111 gets airborne from Lakenheath and checks in with Eastern; "Eastern Radar this is... er...standby...er...Ah, Eastern, we're an F 111 just airborne from Lakenheath and we've forgotten our callsign, can you get on to the SOF and get our callsign"
Controller obliges;
"From the SOF at Lakenheath adopt the callsign Stupid 01"
An F 111 gets airborne from Lakenheath and checks in with Eastern; "Eastern Radar this is... er...standby...er...Ah, Eastern, we're an F 111 just airborne from Lakenheath and we've forgotten our callsign, can you get on to the SOF and get our callsign"
Controller obliges;
"From the SOF at Lakenheath adopt the callsign Stupid 01"
Avoid imitations
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Large green helicopter (resupplying rations) approaching major HLS in Northern Ireleand:
"Hello Buzzard, this is Mission 1234; inbound your location with underslung load".
"Hello Mission 1234. This is Buzzard, authenticate AQ!"
In broad Scottish accent:
"De ye want this f***ing load or don't ye?"
"Roger, 1234, clear to land, spot 2"
"Hello Buzzard, this is Mission 1234; inbound your location with underslung load".
"Hello Mission 1234. This is Buzzard, authenticate AQ!"
In broad Scottish accent:
"De ye want this f***ing load or don't ye?"
"Roger, 1234, clear to land, spot 2"
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Probably apocryphal!
This conversation was overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz, while flying from Europe to Dubai .
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am not in Iranian airspace, I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Iranian Air Defense Radar: (no response ..... total silence)
This conversation was overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz, while flying from Europe to Dubai .
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am not in Iranian airspace, I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Iranian Air Defense Radar: (no response ..... total silence)
A tale went round the RAF's Argosy force way back of a 215 Sqn copilot inbound to Bangkok who reportedly addressed the handling agents as "Bangbird Speedcock."
In the mid-70s, at Chicago O'Hare getting ready to go and overhearing a US pilot acknowledging his clearance: "OK, now we know how fast you can say it. Now let's hear how clearly you can say it."
In the mid-70s, at Chicago O'Hare getting ready to go and overhearing a US pilot acknowledging his clearance: "OK, now we know how fast you can say it. Now let's hear how clearly you can say it."
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Berlin Shoenefeld. Much digging going on in connection with the construction of the new terminal which leads to the inevitable WWII UXB. The German bomb disposal team are in attendance and when a critical stage is reached they close the Airport. This tower notifies to all with an expected opening time of 2pm. So at about 2.15 an English voice request start.
Twr. " Negative, airport closed bomb disposal still in progress"
Brit. "Oh, that's not the usual German efficiency we have come to expect"
Twr. "it is not our efficiency that you should question, it is your bomb that did not go off"
Brit. With much laughter " Roger, I will make some tea"
Twr. " Negative, airport closed bomb disposal still in progress"
Brit. "Oh, that's not the usual German efficiency we have come to expect"
Twr. "it is not our efficiency that you should question, it is your bomb that did not go off"
Brit. With much laughter " Roger, I will make some tea"
Last edited by flap15; 21st Aug 2013 at 11:21.
Dan Winterland - re. your post #16, actually it was the nav who didn't authenticate. The event took place on Suphpholk's phinest phigther squadron in about 1982 - the pilot was killing himself with laughter when he told us. He later became OC216 ; the nav reached very senior rank before retiring and has PPRuNed on many occasions, but not for a while now....
ShyTorque - Having met the owner of that broad Scottish accent, it didn't surprise me in the least that he said that.
Viet Taff town names are hard enough for non-Welsh speakers, but for our colonial cousins are particularly challenging. In the mid-1970s, you were supposed to call up on Low Level Common when entering an LFA as, until the late 1970s, they were rather small and it was sensible to know whether anyone else was there.
So one fine day, one of Uncle Spam's finest bells up on LLCommon: "All stations, all stations, this is Rhino 1 and 2. Flight 'a 2 F-4s, enterin' LFA 7 two miles southa' Lanind....Ladridnod...Larindod...ah, the hell with it. Three miles northa' Boolth Wells".
ShyTorque - Having met the owner of that broad Scottish accent, it didn't surprise me in the least that he said that.
Viet Taff town names are hard enough for non-Welsh speakers, but for our colonial cousins are particularly challenging. In the mid-1970s, you were supposed to call up on Low Level Common when entering an LFA as, until the late 1970s, they were rather small and it was sensible to know whether anyone else was there.
So one fine day, one of Uncle Spam's finest bells up on LLCommon: "All stations, all stations, this is Rhino 1 and 2. Flight 'a 2 F-4s, enterin' LFA 7 two miles southa' Lanind....Ladridnod...Larindod...ah, the hell with it. Three miles northa' Boolth Wells".
One fine summer's day as I taxied out on the north side for 09R at LHR I was privileged to hear the following exchange:
A BA 747 was taxying out on the south side from T4. Almost from the moment he cast off the tug he started wittering on about an engine snag. This continued for some time until he finally said:
YS
A BA 747 was taxying out on the south side from T4. Almost from the moment he cast off the tug he started wittering on about an engine snag. This continued for some time until he finally said:
".Our engineers have suggested that it may cure itself if we shut the engine down down and restart it. Where would be the best place to do that?"
Ground Controller (quick as a flash - and with feeling!):
GATWICK!
Ground Controller (quick as a flash - and with feeling!):
GATWICK!
Last edited by Yellow Sun; 21st Aug 2013 at 12:16.
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Or the country cousin who alledgedly reported entering at Stabbs, when corrected and asked where he wanted routing to, asked for clearance to St Rumble for oceanic clearance.
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Second-hand from Hunter mate who was there, and told us in the Bar later ... Late 60s ...
"Kuala Lumpur Tower testing 243. Test 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, 10-9-8-7 ..... Ummm ... Kuala Lumpur test out."
Cue wobbly 4-ship somewhere over the junghole.
"Kuala Lumpur Tower testing 243. Test 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, 10-9-8-7 ..... Ummm ... Kuala Lumpur test out."
Cue wobbly 4-ship somewhere over the junghole.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
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On early 1970’s Nimrod conversion course “solo” with very well known kipper fleet captain, fluent in “french” , on handover from the approach controller originating from a former Dominion to the local controller famous for her full figure and getting intercom/transmit switch wrong:
“just my effing luck, first effing Peter Sellers and now Rosie with the big t-ts.
“just my effing luck, first effing Peter Sellers and now Rosie with the big t-ts.
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On 243.0, east of Lincolnshire according to the DF trace ...
"This is Wiggins, is anybody there?"
Ejection from a TF-100 using his SARBE. It worked, aircraft vectored down the trace, and he was found. Not, sadly, the other guy. I understand Wiggins ended up on F-111s.
"This is Wiggins, is anybody there?"
Ejection from a TF-100 using his SARBE. It worked, aircraft vectored down the trace, and he was found. Not, sadly, the other guy. I understand Wiggins ended up on F-111s.
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Picture if you will an Albert sitting on the ground at Chicago awaiting slot time and monitoring the Ramp Freq...
A Lufthansa jet is late on Push-Back and wittering on and on about a passenger they have managed to mislay, when all of a sudden:
"Lufthansa XXX, this is EL Al YYY. Have you checked the ovens?"
A Lufthansa jet is late on Push-Back and wittering on and on about a passenger they have managed to mislay, when all of a sudden:
"Lufthansa XXX, this is EL Al YYY. Have you checked the ovens?"
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<groan> 