The 1 Gp Dining In Night at Waddington
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a-a-a
The mess in question was CHOM at Sleaford Tech. Apparently there was a lot of 'off-road' motorcycling at the time (as well as polo matches on the orange). A favourite pastime used to be speed trials down the (very long) corridor. This entailed a number of people holding the swing doors open while the bike was revved up and raced the length of the building. The main hazards were:
1 - the amount of carpet that disappeared under the wheels before moving
2 - people letting go of the doors as you approached them
ps anyone else gone down the stairs at Halton House in the dinner gong? :-)
The mess in question was CHOM at Sleaford Tech. Apparently there was a lot of 'off-road' motorcycling at the time (as well as polo matches on the orange). A favourite pastime used to be speed trials down the (very long) corridor. This entailed a number of people holding the swing doors open while the bike was revved up and raced the length of the building. The main hazards were:
1 - the amount of carpet that disappeared under the wheels before moving
2 - people letting go of the doors as you approached them
ps anyone else gone down the stairs at Halton House in the dinner gong? :-)
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Our Stn Cdr (decent bloke!!) at a certain Vulcan base quite near Lincoln in the late 70s was conned into joining in the traditional mess rugby after a particularly good Dining-In Night. "Better be a bit careful here chaps..." he said in a loud voice, "....last time I played this I broke my bloody leg!!" The duty cabbage was thrown into the melee followed by several dozen officers. The scrum duly collapsed followed by an ominous crunching noise, yelp of pain and "Bugger it - I think I've broken my bloody ankle!!" from the staish. The SMO was prised out of the wreckage of the scrum and put to work with the dubious assistance of various inebriated self-appointed 'nurses' - indeed the staish had Cat 5'd his ankle. But the most pi$$ed off was OC Ops who had 2 days to learn the entire script of the next week's AOC's parade whilst the staish beamed approvingly from the comfort of a wheelchair resplendant with a Group Captain's pennant!!
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Tell me!
Ages ago I heard a tale of an exercise mass Vulcan launch at Waddo where the Stn Cdr needed to re-call the launch. The lead pilot fearing the Stn Cdr was making the call under duress insisted he appeared in person on the tarmac. He then decided that the Stn Cdr may still have a bomb attached to his person and insisted the Stn Cdr stripped to his underpants. The net result was a really pi$$ed off CO standing in front of a line of Vulcans making a shut-down signal in his undies.
Urban mythe? Does anyone know?
Ages ago I heard a tale of an exercise mass Vulcan launch at Waddo where the Stn Cdr needed to re-call the launch. The lead pilot fearing the Stn Cdr was making the call under duress insisted he appeared in person on the tarmac. He then decided that the Stn Cdr may still have a bomb attached to his person and insisted the Stn Cdr stripped to his underpants. The net result was a really pi$$ed off CO standing in front of a line of Vulcans making a shut-down signal in his undies.
Urban mythe? Does anyone know?
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Good Thread,
There were plenty of high-jinx to be had at the old East-Anglian Happy Hours of the late 80s and early 90s too (then we all became PC or something!).
My personal fav involves the young abo pilot on 27sqn who, having resisted the pressure from all and sundry to lose his death trap of a motor, foulishly gave the keys of said conveyance to the junta leader on the morning one particular EAHH. He emerged from the PBF to the car park just in time to see the Fire Section hacking the roof off his clapped out cortina in order to allow the boys to park the sacrificial piano in the back.
ps said piano nearly cat 5'd the Sqn boss who was stood in the boot tinkling the old ivories as the boys drove past the front of the Mess - forgetting that there is a low archway just beyond.
*******
There must be some good old stories from the F4 boys about the Phantom Phinale bash at Watt-a-Shame......
********
One quick question, I thought that the old 1 Group party was at Bawtry or is my banter a bit off the mark? Any of you oldsters help out?
There were plenty of high-jinx to be had at the old East-Anglian Happy Hours of the late 80s and early 90s too (then we all became PC or something!).
My personal fav involves the young abo pilot on 27sqn who, having resisted the pressure from all and sundry to lose his death trap of a motor, foulishly gave the keys of said conveyance to the junta leader on the morning one particular EAHH. He emerged from the PBF to the car park just in time to see the Fire Section hacking the roof off his clapped out cortina in order to allow the boys to park the sacrificial piano in the back.
ps said piano nearly cat 5'd the Sqn boss who was stood in the boot tinkling the old ivories as the boys drove past the front of the Mess - forgetting that there is a low archway just beyond.
*******
There must be some good old stories from the F4 boys about the Phantom Phinale bash at Watt-a-Shame......
********
One quick question, I thought that the old 1 Group party was at Bawtry or is my banter a bit off the mark? Any of you oldsters help out?
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I went to Happy Hour at Cranwell a couple of years ago.
Someone scratched a table (about 1 inch long scratch).
Following a brief witch-hunt (no really) we were all banned and had to buy a new table top.
And you tell youngsters of today stories like that and they just won't believe you.
Someone scratched a table (about 1 inch long scratch).
Following a brief witch-hunt (no really) we were all banned and had to buy a new table top.
And you tell youngsters of today stories like that and they just won't believe you.
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Not really a DIN or bar story, but amusing nonetheless. A recent exercise at the RAF's most southerly Station required a re-supply airdrop by a Fat Albert to a small garrison at a neighbouring but not too close island. The garrison didn't really need the drop as they had been re-supplied by ship only two weeks before, so a token harness pack was made up.
Some pax where taken on the trip to do a bit of sightseeing at the spectacular and picturesque island - one of which was the padre. The run in to the garrison was made, and just before the pack was lobbed off the ramp, the padre decided that he ought to bless the load before it exited - so he did, much to the amusement of the crew. Shortly afterwards, while watching the pack float down on it's red parachute, the loadie explained to the padre what was in the pack.
Two slabs of Boddies, four bottles of Spicey Rum and five porn mags!
[This message has been edited by Dan Winterland (edited 10 June 2000).]
Some pax where taken on the trip to do a bit of sightseeing at the spectacular and picturesque island - one of which was the padre. The run in to the garrison was made, and just before the pack was lobbed off the ramp, the padre decided that he ought to bless the load before it exited - so he did, much to the amusement of the crew. Shortly afterwards, while watching the pack float down on it's red parachute, the loadie explained to the padre what was in the pack.
Two slabs of Boddies, four bottles of Spicey Rum and five porn mags!
[This message has been edited by Dan Winterland (edited 10 June 2000).]
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Re the Coningsby pig, the sad thing about it is that it was the Boss's 40th at 2359hrs that night. He'd made arrangements for a barrel to be put on at midnight but for obvious reasons had kept it quiet. When the Sqn was kicked out , the Boss left as well although he was told he didn't have to (full marks). The party continued in a married quarter for some time and, as they say, a good time was had by all.
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BEagle
That Waddo stn cdr didn't share the name of a town in the North West by any chance? There can't have been that many incidents in the same place in the same period. In which case I apologise for the suggestion that a mantle piece was involved!
If, on the other hand, we're talking about two different people then it all suggests that the place was probably quite good fun for a while.
That Waddo stn cdr didn't share the name of a town in the North West by any chance? There can't have been that many incidents in the same place in the same period. In which case I apologise for the suggestion that a mantle piece was involved!
If, on the other hand, we're talking about two different people then it all suggests that the place was probably quite good fun for a while.
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No mate - the incident I referred to was at Sunny Scampton and the Stn Cdr didn't have an urban surname.
IT WAS BRILLIANT in those days; you flew roughly twice per week for about 4-5 hours, tangled up Lightnings by doing 45 deg turns at FL 410 and a fair bit higher at times - FL510 being not uncommon - and every low level bombing run had to achieve a simulated hit within defined limits or you were in severe poo. You decided how to do your 6 months' worth of training yourself with no mollycoddling from on high. Virtually everyone lived out 2, 3 or 4 to a house and the bachelor pads had amazing parties most of the time. On Saturdays you got up to flying speed in The 'Wig and Mitre' at lunchtime and went to the heaving Waddington discos in the evening. The only down side was that pay was pretty dreadful for many folk - remember the Waddington wives' protest?? And we ALL drank far too much because we simply didn't know any better - 5 officers in a crew, beer at 20p per pint made for 5 crew rounds at Ł1 per head before going home! That was considered totally normal. Our boss used to close the squadron every day from 1200-1400 and we used to stack to the bar if we weren't doing anything else!!
Happy Days - how ever did we cope without 'Agencies', 'Executives', 'Investment in People', Fitness Tests, Budget managers, etc, etc?? We flew, we had fun - we even had seasons in the sun at places like Cyprus, Malta and Barksdale!!
IT WAS BRILLIANT in those days; you flew roughly twice per week for about 4-5 hours, tangled up Lightnings by doing 45 deg turns at FL 410 and a fair bit higher at times - FL510 being not uncommon - and every low level bombing run had to achieve a simulated hit within defined limits or you were in severe poo. You decided how to do your 6 months' worth of training yourself with no mollycoddling from on high. Virtually everyone lived out 2, 3 or 4 to a house and the bachelor pads had amazing parties most of the time. On Saturdays you got up to flying speed in The 'Wig and Mitre' at lunchtime and went to the heaving Waddington discos in the evening. The only down side was that pay was pretty dreadful for many folk - remember the Waddington wives' protest?? And we ALL drank far too much because we simply didn't know any better - 5 officers in a crew, beer at 20p per pint made for 5 crew rounds at Ł1 per head before going home! That was considered totally normal. Our boss used to close the squadron every day from 1200-1400 and we used to stack to the bar if we weren't doing anything else!!
Happy Days - how ever did we cope without 'Agencies', 'Executives', 'Investment in People', Fitness Tests, Budget managers, etc, etc?? We flew, we had fun - we even had seasons in the sun at places like Cyprus, Malta and Barksdale!!
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Reported in the DTel in Nov 98:
The Army has launched a disciplinary investigation after its Director of *****, Brigadier *****, and several other officers were involved in drunken revelries, which destroyed parts of an officers' mess and caused several thousand pounds of damage.
A Ministry of Defence spokesman confirmed last night that Brig *****, a CBE and an Army "high-flyer," had posed for pictures on the bonnet of a car which was driven into the mess wrecking carpets, furniture, ornaments and a doorway. A motorcycle was also ridden around the bar, furniture and crockery were smashed, food thrown and drink spilt, it has emerged.
About 50 officers were present at the dinner nine days ago at Warminster, Wilts.
One senior officer said: "This is high-jinks of mostly quite young officers at a private party. The young officers took the lead in the revelries. They hoisted Brig ***** on to the bonnet."
Brig *****, who commanded his Regiment in the Gulf War, has been decorated for service in Ulster. He is described as "bright, imaginative and dedicated".
The Army has launched a disciplinary investigation after its Director of *****, Brigadier *****, and several other officers were involved in drunken revelries, which destroyed parts of an officers' mess and caused several thousand pounds of damage.
A Ministry of Defence spokesman confirmed last night that Brig *****, a CBE and an Army "high-flyer," had posed for pictures on the bonnet of a car which was driven into the mess wrecking carpets, furniture, ornaments and a doorway. A motorcycle was also ridden around the bar, furniture and crockery were smashed, food thrown and drink spilt, it has emerged.
About 50 officers were present at the dinner nine days ago at Warminster, Wilts.
One senior officer said: "This is high-jinks of mostly quite young officers at a private party. The young officers took the lead in the revelries. They hoisted Brig ***** on to the bonnet."
Brig *****, who commanded his Regiment in the Gulf War, has been decorated for service in Ulster. He is described as "bright, imaginative and dedicated".
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With all these reminiscences about Dining In Nights and the 'boring' nature of many Dining In nights in this PC era perhaps, for the benefit of younger RAF officers, it's time to record for posterity some of the sporting activity of yesteryear. All additional contributions are most welcome.
'A Guide To Mess Sport at Dining In Nights'
Before Dinner - little opportunity for sporting activity. Time should be spent on 'preparing' the tables laid out in the Dining Room by sabotaging the furniture or re-arranging the seating plan. Alternatively, you can just have a few 'sharpners' to get in the mood ahead of everyone else.
During Dinner - sporting activities are frowned upon before the loyal toast. Confine your activity to eating & drinking, telling very non-PC jokes and lusting after the WAAFS - the latter activity will increase exponentially in proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed.
After the loyal toast - the fun can begin:
Potholing - crawling underneath the tables to either escape through the kitchen door or, more likely, to tie someone's shoelaces together. High risk of a swift kick in the ribs if discovered. Strong possibility your chair will be missing if you manage to return to your point of entry.
Table Shuffling - achieved by shuffling the table along whilst remaining seated. Head for the door if the speaker is retiring and has started to run through his service history.
Mortar Bombs - the weapon of choice. Use an old tin tube which once housed tennis balls. Squirt some lighter fluid into the tube, cover the top and give it a good shake, add the ammunition and heat the baseplate with a gas lighter for the desired effect. General direction of fire is up the legs of the seating plan, towards the centre.
Afterwards in the Ante Room/Bar:
High Cockalorum - 2 teams of about a dozen. One team, the supporting team, lines up crouched over at 90 degrees and each individual grabs hold of the person in front. Front man stands facing back down the team to provide impact prediction. The other team then take it in turn to charge up the room and leap onto the back of the supporting team. If all of the team can mount and remain mounted for 10 seconds, without the supporting team collapsing, the supporting team wins. Not a recommended sporting activity for 10 stone dripping wet girls blouses, as the prospect of a 17 stone alcohol fuelled monster, snorting like a crazed rhino as he charges up the room before landing on your back at 15 mph, is likely to result in catastrophic failure of the middle vertebra, broken limbs or worse. Popular during WW2 and the 1950's then banned. Only played underground these days by F3 crews - allegedly.
Tug-of-War - 2 teams any size. Usually fighting over an old broom handle. Little opportunity for dirty tricks, apart from the 2 front men who often 'accidentally' ram their foot between their opponents legs, causing severe crushing injuries to the parts. Only sport where WAAF teams occasionally participate, when it becomes an outstanding male spectator sport, particularly if full 'webbing' is being worn.
Jousting - 'mano-a-mano'. Sadly, with the withdrawal of RAF issue bicycles, this sport has almost entirely disappeared. Mount the bikes holding a mop as your lance, line up at opposite ends of the anteroom and go for it. Star performers often recommended using a short grip on the mop and wielding it as a club for maximum effect. Alternative strategies were the 'chicken', where you rode directly at your opponent, hurling the mob as a spear when the range closed, and then hoping you would suffer less injury than your opponent in the resulting head-on collision. Alternatively, using the 'Light Brigade' strategy, you could ignore your opponent entirely and direct your charge at someone who has recently incurred your wrath - historically Cavalry have always triumphed over unsupported infantry. Falling onto a bicycle can be dangerous - having a bicycle pedal extracted from the inner depths of your posterior can make your eyes water - somewhat. Privately owned, state-of-the-art, carbon fibre, 24 speed mountain bikes are not recommended as suitable mounts - unless they belong to someone else.
Mess Rugby - any size of team. Usually played with an old cushion, if played with an actual Rugby ball, advisable to consider slight deflation. Rules count for little as does the aim of scoring a try at one end of the room. Excellent opportunity to settle old scores without being identified in the general mayhem. Not recommended for unpopular senior officers. Touch kicks through the anteroom windows should be discouraged. Only jackets and shoes should be removed before play commences, thereby allowing opportunities for maximum destruction of remaining items of Mess Dress worn by unpopular staff. Excellent prospects for exchanging your old patent leather shoes for a new pair if retiring early 'hors de combat'.
Piano Demolition - teams of varying sizes, best played outdoors. Demolish a piano by any means in the minimum time. If played as a 'time-trial' between teams, excellent opportunities for pre-dinner preparation thereby ensuring a fast time. Destruction is usually followed by ritual immolation by fire. Fire jumping is also popular, but not recommended for those of a nervous disposition or visiting American F15 aircrew. It is advisable to actually own the piano before commencing this activity.
Stool Dancing - one team, any number generally played in the bar. Link arms around a bar stool. Aim is to pull/push someone into the stool. Anyone who knocks over the stool is eliminated. Ideal competitor has arms like a prop forward and legs like an Olympic high jumper - an unlikely combination. Can drag on for ages and become boring for spectators. Good opportunity for young bloods to impress nubile young WAAFS with their manly strength, until they get smashed into an adjacent fruit machine whilst distracted.
Crud or Tags - teams of varying sizes around a snooker table. Two snooker balls, one red, one white. Rules vary. Basic aim is to sink your opponent's ball down one of the holes before he sinks yours. Charge around the table, grab your ball and try and smash it into your opponents, hopefully sending theirs down a hole. Generally, obstruction or blocking is allowed, although spectators should not be caught participating in this activity. Plenty of opportunities for damaged fingers and even more spectacular teeth and facial injuries when the balls gather momentum and ricochet off the table. Wearing an expensive designer watch when playing Crud is not recommended.
Wall Circumnavigation - solo activity, usually for exhibitionists. With the closure of so many old Officers Messes, most of the more historically challenging pitches are no longer accessible. Old picture rails make excellent handholds but rarely withstand much load. Mantelpieces make excellent temporary bivouacs. Boring spectator sport - contestants usually become 'targets of opportunity'.
Bottle Walking - any number can play. See how far you can 'walk' out on two bottles, with your feet behind a line, leave one bottle as far out as possible and hop back on the other. Advisable to use bottles of reasonable thickness as sudden failure can lead to substantial lacerations and loss of blood. Look for old blood stains on carpet for previous play area.
Moriarty - 1 v 1. Contestants are blindfolded and are armed with a rolled up newspaper in their right hand. They lie down on floor facing each other, clasping their opponents left hand. The aim is to take it in turns to batter your opponent with your newspaper after you have enquired as to their whereabouts. To guarantee victory, ensure you are armed with the entire Sunday Times, including supplements, and your opponent is issued with a copy of the RAF News.
Spinning - unlimited numbers of fools may play. Essentially a relay race where contestants sprint down the length of the room, drink some beer then spin around a broom, with their forehead against the end, before attempting to stagger back down the other end of the room and ''tag'' their team-mate. Amusing spectator sport, but inadvisable to stand too close to the arena, as contestants who have imbibed excessively may suffer from extreme disorientation, resulting in sudden inadvertent projectile vomiting.
Pyros - anyone can play. Not so much a sport, more of a habit. Most participants have lots of 'previous' for pyrotechnic offences and are generally found in the SH fleet. Skilled proponents of this activity wait until a group of 'blunties' have formed-up, and are eagerly discussing the latest station budget, before gently rolling a lit Thunderflash into the group. Considerable street-cred can be gained by first pretending to ignore the fizzing pyro, before casually flicking it away with your foot. Instant decision making is called for in these circumstances, making Blunties the preferred target. Delaying the decision to flick the pyro away can be hazardous to your health, particularly your toes. Pyro participants are advised to enquire in advance of opening their offensive when the carpets are scheduled to be replaced. Smoke canister's are not recommended for use in the bar immediately after a ladies guest night.
Demolition Derby - unlimited fun in a car. Decide on a suitable venue, ideally right in front of the Officers Mess, and agree a course around various flowerbeds and any other suitable local features. Start up and go. Last car still running at the end is the winner. Best to tart the car up to look like a mates without him realising. Not a good idea to invite local reporters to cover this event. Annual festival staged at Coningsby.
'A Guide To Mess Sport at Dining In Nights'
Before Dinner - little opportunity for sporting activity. Time should be spent on 'preparing' the tables laid out in the Dining Room by sabotaging the furniture or re-arranging the seating plan. Alternatively, you can just have a few 'sharpners' to get in the mood ahead of everyone else.
During Dinner - sporting activities are frowned upon before the loyal toast. Confine your activity to eating & drinking, telling very non-PC jokes and lusting after the WAAFS - the latter activity will increase exponentially in proportion to the amount of alcohol consumed.
After the loyal toast - the fun can begin:
Potholing - crawling underneath the tables to either escape through the kitchen door or, more likely, to tie someone's shoelaces together. High risk of a swift kick in the ribs if discovered. Strong possibility your chair will be missing if you manage to return to your point of entry.
Table Shuffling - achieved by shuffling the table along whilst remaining seated. Head for the door if the speaker is retiring and has started to run through his service history.
Mortar Bombs - the weapon of choice. Use an old tin tube which once housed tennis balls. Squirt some lighter fluid into the tube, cover the top and give it a good shake, add the ammunition and heat the baseplate with a gas lighter for the desired effect. General direction of fire is up the legs of the seating plan, towards the centre.
Afterwards in the Ante Room/Bar:
High Cockalorum - 2 teams of about a dozen. One team, the supporting team, lines up crouched over at 90 degrees and each individual grabs hold of the person in front. Front man stands facing back down the team to provide impact prediction. The other team then take it in turn to charge up the room and leap onto the back of the supporting team. If all of the team can mount and remain mounted for 10 seconds, without the supporting team collapsing, the supporting team wins. Not a recommended sporting activity for 10 stone dripping wet girls blouses, as the prospect of a 17 stone alcohol fuelled monster, snorting like a crazed rhino as he charges up the room before landing on your back at 15 mph, is likely to result in catastrophic failure of the middle vertebra, broken limbs or worse. Popular during WW2 and the 1950's then banned. Only played underground these days by F3 crews - allegedly.
Tug-of-War - 2 teams any size. Usually fighting over an old broom handle. Little opportunity for dirty tricks, apart from the 2 front men who often 'accidentally' ram their foot between their opponents legs, causing severe crushing injuries to the parts. Only sport where WAAF teams occasionally participate, when it becomes an outstanding male spectator sport, particularly if full 'webbing' is being worn.
Jousting - 'mano-a-mano'. Sadly, with the withdrawal of RAF issue bicycles, this sport has almost entirely disappeared. Mount the bikes holding a mop as your lance, line up at opposite ends of the anteroom and go for it. Star performers often recommended using a short grip on the mop and wielding it as a club for maximum effect. Alternative strategies were the 'chicken', where you rode directly at your opponent, hurling the mob as a spear when the range closed, and then hoping you would suffer less injury than your opponent in the resulting head-on collision. Alternatively, using the 'Light Brigade' strategy, you could ignore your opponent entirely and direct your charge at someone who has recently incurred your wrath - historically Cavalry have always triumphed over unsupported infantry. Falling onto a bicycle can be dangerous - having a bicycle pedal extracted from the inner depths of your posterior can make your eyes water - somewhat. Privately owned, state-of-the-art, carbon fibre, 24 speed mountain bikes are not recommended as suitable mounts - unless they belong to someone else.
Mess Rugby - any size of team. Usually played with an old cushion, if played with an actual Rugby ball, advisable to consider slight deflation. Rules count for little as does the aim of scoring a try at one end of the room. Excellent opportunity to settle old scores without being identified in the general mayhem. Not recommended for unpopular senior officers. Touch kicks through the anteroom windows should be discouraged. Only jackets and shoes should be removed before play commences, thereby allowing opportunities for maximum destruction of remaining items of Mess Dress worn by unpopular staff. Excellent prospects for exchanging your old patent leather shoes for a new pair if retiring early 'hors de combat'.
Piano Demolition - teams of varying sizes, best played outdoors. Demolish a piano by any means in the minimum time. If played as a 'time-trial' between teams, excellent opportunities for pre-dinner preparation thereby ensuring a fast time. Destruction is usually followed by ritual immolation by fire. Fire jumping is also popular, but not recommended for those of a nervous disposition or visiting American F15 aircrew. It is advisable to actually own the piano before commencing this activity.
Stool Dancing - one team, any number generally played in the bar. Link arms around a bar stool. Aim is to pull/push someone into the stool. Anyone who knocks over the stool is eliminated. Ideal competitor has arms like a prop forward and legs like an Olympic high jumper - an unlikely combination. Can drag on for ages and become boring for spectators. Good opportunity for young bloods to impress nubile young WAAFS with their manly strength, until they get smashed into an adjacent fruit machine whilst distracted.
Crud or Tags - teams of varying sizes around a snooker table. Two snooker balls, one red, one white. Rules vary. Basic aim is to sink your opponent's ball down one of the holes before he sinks yours. Charge around the table, grab your ball and try and smash it into your opponents, hopefully sending theirs down a hole. Generally, obstruction or blocking is allowed, although spectators should not be caught participating in this activity. Plenty of opportunities for damaged fingers and even more spectacular teeth and facial injuries when the balls gather momentum and ricochet off the table. Wearing an expensive designer watch when playing Crud is not recommended.
Wall Circumnavigation - solo activity, usually for exhibitionists. With the closure of so many old Officers Messes, most of the more historically challenging pitches are no longer accessible. Old picture rails make excellent handholds but rarely withstand much load. Mantelpieces make excellent temporary bivouacs. Boring spectator sport - contestants usually become 'targets of opportunity'.
Bottle Walking - any number can play. See how far you can 'walk' out on two bottles, with your feet behind a line, leave one bottle as far out as possible and hop back on the other. Advisable to use bottles of reasonable thickness as sudden failure can lead to substantial lacerations and loss of blood. Look for old blood stains on carpet for previous play area.
Moriarty - 1 v 1. Contestants are blindfolded and are armed with a rolled up newspaper in their right hand. They lie down on floor facing each other, clasping their opponents left hand. The aim is to take it in turns to batter your opponent with your newspaper after you have enquired as to their whereabouts. To guarantee victory, ensure you are armed with the entire Sunday Times, including supplements, and your opponent is issued with a copy of the RAF News.
Spinning - unlimited numbers of fools may play. Essentially a relay race where contestants sprint down the length of the room, drink some beer then spin around a broom, with their forehead against the end, before attempting to stagger back down the other end of the room and ''tag'' their team-mate. Amusing spectator sport, but inadvisable to stand too close to the arena, as contestants who have imbibed excessively may suffer from extreme disorientation, resulting in sudden inadvertent projectile vomiting.
Pyros - anyone can play. Not so much a sport, more of a habit. Most participants have lots of 'previous' for pyrotechnic offences and are generally found in the SH fleet. Skilled proponents of this activity wait until a group of 'blunties' have formed-up, and are eagerly discussing the latest station budget, before gently rolling a lit Thunderflash into the group. Considerable street-cred can be gained by first pretending to ignore the fizzing pyro, before casually flicking it away with your foot. Instant decision making is called for in these circumstances, making Blunties the preferred target. Delaying the decision to flick the pyro away can be hazardous to your health, particularly your toes. Pyro participants are advised to enquire in advance of opening their offensive when the carpets are scheduled to be replaced. Smoke canister's are not recommended for use in the bar immediately after a ladies guest night.
Demolition Derby - unlimited fun in a car. Decide on a suitable venue, ideally right in front of the Officers Mess, and agree a course around various flowerbeds and any other suitable local features. Start up and go. Last car still running at the end is the winner. Best to tart the car up to look like a mates without him realising. Not a good idea to invite local reporters to cover this event. Annual festival staged at Coningsby.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Little opportunity for pre-Dinner sport?? The addition of some cling-film stretched over the VIP urinals, ladies' and blunties' lavatories (between seat and porcelain) can have a devastating effect upon those who've tanked up on G&T and left it to the last minute for a pre-emptive pee!!
Preparation of the dining table (without associated destruction) can provide endless scope. A recent sport is to use strong fablon to stick very raunchy pictures on the table top underneath the table mats of those on the top table. Nothing is suspected until the mats are whipped away before the loyal toast............then the removal of the offending pictures is nigh on impossible!!
Two bits of clear kneepad held apart by blue tack underneath the PMC's block worked well at Chivenor - the table was protected by one and the block by another. The space between the bits of kneepad was liberally coated with a contact explosive brewed up by a WIWOL knowledgeable of such things. Enter PMC (an engineer) who raises the hammer and gives the block the usual tap. BŁoody great BANG!! A shaken voice then continues "Holy sh*t. Padre, say f*cking grace!!"
[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 13 June 2000).]
Preparation of the dining table (without associated destruction) can provide endless scope. A recent sport is to use strong fablon to stick very raunchy pictures on the table top underneath the table mats of those on the top table. Nothing is suspected until the mats are whipped away before the loyal toast............then the removal of the offending pictures is nigh on impossible!!
Two bits of clear kneepad held apart by blue tack underneath the PMC's block worked well at Chivenor - the table was protected by one and the block by another. The space between the bits of kneepad was liberally coated with a contact explosive brewed up by a WIWOL knowledgeable of such things. Enter PMC (an engineer) who raises the hammer and gives the block the usual tap. BŁoody great BANG!! A shaken voice then continues "Holy sh*t. Padre, say f*cking grace!!"
[This message has been edited by BEagle (edited 13 June 2000).]