Best Prank
Guest
Posts: n/a
Indicative,
I've only just returned from a nice long det and was catching up on all the pprunes from the last month when I read your input with interest. Fat Bat is indeed still live and kicking and living it up on a lovely ground tour in Europe. He was probably one of the most annoying buggers when it came to winding people up - but some of his 'one-liners' at dining-in nights were priceless. However, last I heard he'd given up drinking and started to behave himself.
Reptilio
[This message has been edited by Reptilio (edited 02 May 2001).]
I've only just returned from a nice long det and was catching up on all the pprunes from the last month when I read your input with interest. Fat Bat is indeed still live and kicking and living it up on a lovely ground tour in Europe. He was probably one of the most annoying buggers when it came to winding people up - but some of his 'one-liners' at dining-in nights were priceless. However, last I heard he'd given up drinking and started to behave himself.
Reptilio
[This message has been edited by Reptilio (edited 02 May 2001).]
Guest
Posts: n/a
The excellent Doc Jones that you talk about is actually John Jones not me [Richard Jones, AME at Kidlington] - much as I'd like to take the credit for his w@nker identification parade. However, I could be accused of some other jolly japes which some might forward when time allows
Guest
Posts: n/a
While serving as a QFI at Linton I was proceeding in a west nor westerly direction up the vale to the west of Leeming (can't for the life of me recall it's cheesy name) when I met a 'reds' Hawk 180 out. We both waggled, moved right, and he put his smoke on. What a twit.
Scheme hatched. Dropped a letter to the Commodore, CFS from a Wanda Kerr, old lady of aforementioned vale, who had been out hanging her bedsheets when a "little red plane dumped diesel fuel all over me lovely linens".
Guilty party interviewed, severely reprimanded, and as far as I know, never learnt the truth about who sent it.
Scheme hatched. Dropped a letter to the Commodore, CFS from a Wanda Kerr, old lady of aforementioned vale, who had been out hanging her bedsheets when a "little red plane dumped diesel fuel all over me lovely linens".
Guilty party interviewed, severely reprimanded, and as far as I know, never learnt the truth about who sent it.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Many years ago, when we still had real aircraft flying out of Laarbruch, a brand new pilot arrived at the gate, fresh from the OCU at Honington and eager to start his first tour on one of the Bucc (Ahhh) sqns.
The duty police sgt asked if he had just crossed on the ferry? "Yes", said our new boy. "I'll just have to check your car out, Sir, as we have had some problems with drugs smugglers recently. Just a formality, Sir, but we must be seen to be impartial. No favouritism, Sir. Ha, ha, ha."
While looking in the back of the car, the sgt pulls a small plastic bag from his pocket and, brandishing it in front of the new boy, says, "What is this, Sir? Looks like cocaine to me!"
"I've never seen that in my life!!" stammers new boy, panicking hugely. "It is not mine!!!!!!"
"I am going to have to arrest you, Sir, on suspicion of drug smuggling". Sgt thens locks poor unsuspecting bloggs in the guardroom cell for about 2 hours.
Just before 5pm (a bit of a giveaway if you ask me, but our hero was not thinking straight by this time) 2 junior officers arrive at the g'room to take bloggs under "house arrest". Down to the mess bar and about 3 skinfulls later, bloggs has told everyone how he has been framed. He then collapses and is carried to his room.
He awakens at 0830, naked apart from his shirt, with the worst hangover imaginable. He tries to get off the bed and discovers that he is sporting a full length cast on his right leg. (The doc had put a coin on it's edge under his heel so that every time he put his weight on it, it hurt!!) The 2 jo's from the previous day arrive to escort him to the Sqn where, they informed him, the Boss was furious and waiting to tear him a new orifice.
On arrival at the Sqn, they walked through the office where the Sqn Boss was sitting, wearing the SAC's rank tabs and typing absolute garbage on the typewriter (no computers in those days). The trio then enter the Boss's office where the SAC from the anteroom, wearing Wg Cdr rank tabs (on the Boss's flying suit) proceeded to dish out the best boll**king the 2 JOs had ever heard. He just stopped short at kicking the new boy off the Sqn but told him that if he ever saw him again, he would!! The new boy was to make himself scarce for 3 years or until the Boss was posted, whichever was the sooner!
On leaving the office, the SAC (the real Boss) asked bloggs if he had brought his paperwork with him. Bloggs, having had a bit of a hard time so far, took it all out on the SAC (Boss). Rather unfairly tearing the SAC apart.
When he eventually made it to the crewroom, everyone on the Sqn had changed flying suits. The Flt Cdrs were junior shags, the junior shags were all Sqn Ldrs and he had no idea who he was talking to.
They left him in the cast for 2 days!! Eventually, they came clean and told him about the spoof but for months afterwards he could be standing in the bar and the new "OC whatever" on the stn would come up and introduce himself as "Sqn Ldr A N Other" only to be told to F**k Off and go and try it on someone else.
The duty police sgt asked if he had just crossed on the ferry? "Yes", said our new boy. "I'll just have to check your car out, Sir, as we have had some problems with drugs smugglers recently. Just a formality, Sir, but we must be seen to be impartial. No favouritism, Sir. Ha, ha, ha."
While looking in the back of the car, the sgt pulls a small plastic bag from his pocket and, brandishing it in front of the new boy, says, "What is this, Sir? Looks like cocaine to me!"
"I've never seen that in my life!!" stammers new boy, panicking hugely. "It is not mine!!!!!!"
"I am going to have to arrest you, Sir, on suspicion of drug smuggling". Sgt thens locks poor unsuspecting bloggs in the guardroom cell for about 2 hours.
Just before 5pm (a bit of a giveaway if you ask me, but our hero was not thinking straight by this time) 2 junior officers arrive at the g'room to take bloggs under "house arrest". Down to the mess bar and about 3 skinfulls later, bloggs has told everyone how he has been framed. He then collapses and is carried to his room.
He awakens at 0830, naked apart from his shirt, with the worst hangover imaginable. He tries to get off the bed and discovers that he is sporting a full length cast on his right leg. (The doc had put a coin on it's edge under his heel so that every time he put his weight on it, it hurt!!) The 2 jo's from the previous day arrive to escort him to the Sqn where, they informed him, the Boss was furious and waiting to tear him a new orifice.
On arrival at the Sqn, they walked through the office where the Sqn Boss was sitting, wearing the SAC's rank tabs and typing absolute garbage on the typewriter (no computers in those days). The trio then enter the Boss's office where the SAC from the anteroom, wearing Wg Cdr rank tabs (on the Boss's flying suit) proceeded to dish out the best boll**king the 2 JOs had ever heard. He just stopped short at kicking the new boy off the Sqn but told him that if he ever saw him again, he would!! The new boy was to make himself scarce for 3 years or until the Boss was posted, whichever was the sooner!
On leaving the office, the SAC (the real Boss) asked bloggs if he had brought his paperwork with him. Bloggs, having had a bit of a hard time so far, took it all out on the SAC (Boss). Rather unfairly tearing the SAC apart.
When he eventually made it to the crewroom, everyone on the Sqn had changed flying suits. The Flt Cdrs were junior shags, the junior shags were all Sqn Ldrs and he had no idea who he was talking to.
They left him in the cast for 2 days!! Eventually, they came clean and told him about the spoof but for months afterwards he could be standing in the bar and the new "OC whatever" on the stn would come up and introduce himself as "Sqn Ldr A N Other" only to be told to F**k Off and go and try it on someone else.
Guest
Posts: n/a
One from the good old days at a Scottish UAS:
December 19xx, and the keen eyed multitude of freshers arrive. Unfortunately for the flying, but most fortunately for the boozing, there was a massive dump of snow one night. The next day the pan was covered by a foot and a half of the white stuff ergo no Bulldogs (or indeed anything else) airborne. Keen eyed senior stude spots the outline of an F111 sat at VAS and an evil plan forms in his mind. Whilst the new boys were sitting in the crewroom trying in vain to memorise their FRC checks, he goes through to Ops and calls the Freshers next door.
"Hello," he says in a dreadful American accent, "its Colonel Rickenbacker from the 69th USAF F111 Squadron. I'm getting airborne for a weather check and my wizzo doesn't wanna come along, so I thought I'd offer up the other seat to you guys."
Cue an entirely predictable reply of, "Ooh, yes please sir."
"Well," says our fake American, "bring your flying kit and I'll see you at the jet in half an hour."
Intrepid idiot makes his way to VAS, is met by the puzzled groundcrew and wades through the knee deep snow to the F111. Imagine our surprise when the fictional Yank fails to appear. But the budding F111 pilot isn't deterred by the Colonel's no-show. Oh no. 45 minutes later he comes back in to the warmth, furious. Grabs the phone, bells up the Officers Mess and demands the receptionist tannoys the pilot. The real one, having drunk a lot on the weather the previous night, stumbles groggily to reception, thinking the call important and picks up the phone. Whereupon he is given dogs abuse by the hpothermic student.
December 19xx, and the keen eyed multitude of freshers arrive. Unfortunately for the flying, but most fortunately for the boozing, there was a massive dump of snow one night. The next day the pan was covered by a foot and a half of the white stuff ergo no Bulldogs (or indeed anything else) airborne. Keen eyed senior stude spots the outline of an F111 sat at VAS and an evil plan forms in his mind. Whilst the new boys were sitting in the crewroom trying in vain to memorise their FRC checks, he goes through to Ops and calls the Freshers next door.
"Hello," he says in a dreadful American accent, "its Colonel Rickenbacker from the 69th USAF F111 Squadron. I'm getting airborne for a weather check and my wizzo doesn't wanna come along, so I thought I'd offer up the other seat to you guys."
Cue an entirely predictable reply of, "Ooh, yes please sir."
"Well," says our fake American, "bring your flying kit and I'll see you at the jet in half an hour."
Intrepid idiot makes his way to VAS, is met by the puzzled groundcrew and wades through the knee deep snow to the F111. Imagine our surprise when the fictional Yank fails to appear. But the budding F111 pilot isn't deterred by the Colonel's no-show. Oh no. 45 minutes later he comes back in to the warmth, furious. Grabs the phone, bells up the Officers Mess and demands the receptionist tannoys the pilot. The real one, having drunk a lot on the weather the previous night, stumbles groggily to reception, thinking the call important and picks up the phone. Whereupon he is given dogs abuse by the hpothermic student.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Oops - it seems that I misidented the "W@nker-checker' Doc Jones - it wasn't 675 Jones, but 328 Jones (or something like that - sounds rather like something out of 'Zulu'. "Stop throwing those ruddy spears - now!").
The jolly nice AME Doc Jones at Kidlington is not the one who required the 2 specimens - apologies for any embarrassment!
The jolly nice AME Doc Jones at Kidlington is not the one who required the 2 specimens - apologies for any embarrassment!
Nixor ut Ledo
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: In a Beaut of a State
Posts: 499
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As this thread has been resurrected on Jet Blast I thought the following would be worthy.
Wittering in the mid 80s. OC Admin had the prized parking spot on the immediate left of the front door of SHQ. Obviously, when his mini wasn't there that was the best spot when paying a quick visit to SHQ. OC A hated that - with a passion.
Off he goes to lunch one day and we took the opportunity to drive up a tank from the Armament Support Unit and park it in his slot. As he whizzed round the bend from his MQ back to SHQ his face was a picture to behold.
Someone probably has the photos somewhere - if they do pse PM me.
Wittering in the mid 80s. OC Admin had the prized parking spot on the immediate left of the front door of SHQ. Obviously, when his mini wasn't there that was the best spot when paying a quick visit to SHQ. OC A hated that - with a passion.
Off he goes to lunch one day and we took the opportunity to drive up a tank from the Armament Support Unit and park it in his slot. As he whizzed round the bend from his MQ back to SHQ his face was a picture to behold.
Someone probably has the photos somewhere - if they do pse PM me.
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: EGYD
Posts: 1,073
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Similar to the Doc Jones prank.
On a said UAS the freshers are arriving for their first day on the UAS where they are told they will have medicals. They were given a small plastic tub and a brown paper bag and asked to return the sample the following day. Needless to say most of the students obliged and provided a sample for the Med Centre.
On a said UAS the freshers are arriving for their first day on the UAS where they are told they will have medicals. They were given a small plastic tub and a brown paper bag and asked to return the sample the following day. Needless to say most of the students obliged and provided a sample for the Med Centre.
WIWOL Story!
Late 60's, on a Lightning Sqn somewhere in the Mediterranean. Newly arrived junior pilot arrived straight from the OCU all eager to fly the single seat Mk 3 for the first time (the OCU only had the Mk 5 2-seater version).
NAJP called into the Boss's office and told that HQ NEAF had decided that the OCU training wasn't adequate preparation for the Sqn's role, and that all NAJPs would have to spend 6 months as a simulator instructor watching how the experienced pilots operated before they would be allowed to fly in a Sqn aircraft. Showed NAJP fat file with lots of letters and signals all about this new policy (some NEAF staff officers who occasionally flew with the Sqn were in on the joke).
NAJP left Boss's office and went out onto the pan, staring into the distance and kicking stones, with a look of utter despair - it lasted for about 5 hours, until we let him in on the joke at that evening's beercall. This was repeated successfully for 2 other NAJPs, until the word got out.
NAJP called into the Boss's office and told that HQ NEAF had decided that the OCU training wasn't adequate preparation for the Sqn's role, and that all NAJPs would have to spend 6 months as a simulator instructor watching how the experienced pilots operated before they would be allowed to fly in a Sqn aircraft. Showed NAJP fat file with lots of letters and signals all about this new policy (some NEAF staff officers who occasionally flew with the Sqn were in on the joke).
NAJP left Boss's office and went out onto the pan, staring into the distance and kicking stones, with a look of utter despair - it lasted for about 5 hours, until we let him in on the joke at that evening's beercall. This was repeated successfully for 2 other NAJPs, until the word got out.
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Brize Norton
Posts: 10
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
On an ATSy trip back from Sierra Leone on route to Tenerife. Just after herc J's had come out. The toilet was down with curtain drawn just before pax boarded and into take off
Shortly after take off Co-pilot comes into the back complete with towel and shower gel, strips off and dissapears behind the curtain. Cue prepositioned bottle of water. Comes from behind the curtain 5 mins laters with wet hair and towel wrapped round him. Dons flying suit and walks towards cockpit.
On the way he is stopped by a Major. "As we've been in the jungle for X months, is there any chance of a shower?" Of course permission was granted. Said major strips off, gets towel and shampoo, pulls back curtain......... Cue flash of cameras and one very puzzled pongo.
The icing on the cake came as the aircrew assumed who ever went for a shower would get the gag but he actually came forward and asked where the shower was!!!
Pongo's, you gotta love 'em
Shortly after take off Co-pilot comes into the back complete with towel and shower gel, strips off and dissapears behind the curtain. Cue prepositioned bottle of water. Comes from behind the curtain 5 mins laters with wet hair and towel wrapped round him. Dons flying suit and walks towards cockpit.
On the way he is stopped by a Major. "As we've been in the jungle for X months, is there any chance of a shower?" Of course permission was granted. Said major strips off, gets towel and shampoo, pulls back curtain......... Cue flash of cameras and one very puzzled pongo.
The icing on the cake came as the aircrew assumed who ever went for a shower would get the gag but he actually came forward and asked where the shower was!!!
Pongo's, you gotta love 'em
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Wonderful Midlands
Age: 53
Posts: 326
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Reminds me of a wind up a few years back. Whilst flying out to the USA, we had on board a new boy on the squadron who had never been on a Herc before and he was asking all kinds of questions as to what it was like to travel on Hercs, especially for that amount of time.
Of course, we all told him "It's fine", and "As soon as they put the inflight movie on you can relax" After a few initial questions, we convinced him there were pull down projector screens hidden that they show the films on, and this satisfied him, until half way across the Atlantic, when he kept asking a bemused Loadmaster "What time is the film coming on?"
Of course, we all told him "It's fine", and "As soon as they put the inflight movie on you can relax" After a few initial questions, we convinced him there were pull down projector screens hidden that they show the films on, and this satisfied him, until half way across the Atlantic, when he kept asking a bemused Loadmaster "What time is the film coming on?"
If memory serves me right....
North Scotland Jaguar base late 70's....
AOC visit's who is known to all and sundry as PUD.
Take the 2 seaters and line them up so there tail letters spell
S E X Y P U D
(yes we had enough 2 seaters then)
Even better following year, AOC takes parade amongst much laughter from those in "the know" And where to look in the sky....
Take 2 jaguars.. 2 madman and you have yourselves the perfect, put delicately.. "Phallic symbol" contrail above the AOC's head !!
Magic.
North Scotland Jaguar base late 70's....
AOC visit's who is known to all and sundry as PUD.
Take the 2 seaters and line them up so there tail letters spell
S E X Y P U D
(yes we had enough 2 seaters then)
Even better following year, AOC takes parade amongst much laughter from those in "the know" And where to look in the sky....
Take 2 jaguars.. 2 madman and you have yourselves the perfect, put delicately.. "Phallic symbol" contrail above the AOC's head !!
Magic.
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Brize Norton
Posts: 10
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Our turn
A guy I know was doing vehicle searches one day outside the MACC at Bruggen. I had my little table and on it a charity collection tin.
In drove a VW mini-bus full of German Aircrew. Being keen to collect for charity, I was straight over rattling the tin, I managed to get quite a few Marks out of them before one of them spotted the large placard behind me titled"WINGS-Support the Battle Of Britain Appeal"
I thought it was funny,the sarge watching from the Macc wasn't quite so impressed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One night at Honington around 1990 the OC of one of the shifts decided to test the shift by driving about the airfield with no lights on. Surprisingly, he was spotted fairly quickly but decided not to answer the radio(probably to see what the shifts response would be). Soon he had a convoy of Police vehicles behind him, I believe the order was Landrover, sherpa, dog van and bringing up the rear, another landrover. Then however the Officer decided to head towards the domestic side and the main gate. At this the FS issued the order "STOP THAT VEHICLE AT ALL COSTS". Just as they were passing the Police HQ, the rear landrover cuts across the car park and "BANG" rams the lead vehicle and ends the pursuit.
The icing on the cake is that the car was the Sqd Ldrs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Few years ago apparently the great Rory Underw**d drove up to the main gate and got stopped and asked for his ID by the copper on the gate!
RW: 'Don't you know who I am?'
Reply: (upon checking F1250) 'Oh yeah sorry about that... you're Tony Underw**d's brother aren't you?'
Result!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Going round the bazarrs recently is the one about a famous film director who drives up to gate to get access to his private plane. He gets stopped by RAFP NCO who asks for some ID
MW: (Extremely agitated and somewhat hoitytoitedly) 'Don't you know who I am?'
RAFP 'Calm down dear.... it's a commercial!'
Result... 1 complete sense of humour failure!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skiving at the Domestic site gate at Aldergrove 1992 ( was dog handler had a flat battery honest) fed on the gate who shall remain nameless as he is still in stops one of our baby shift bosses who was a complete knob. Baby boss has fit girlfriend in his car so decides to impress her:
Fed " evening boss, no problems"
Baby boss, " Cpl Y***** compliments please !"
Fed " ........your bird has got really ace tits sir"
Bay boss says **** all and drives through......not an urban legend,
------------------
Thats all for now folks but there's more where they came from if you want
In drove a VW mini-bus full of German Aircrew. Being keen to collect for charity, I was straight over rattling the tin, I managed to get quite a few Marks out of them before one of them spotted the large placard behind me titled"WINGS-Support the Battle Of Britain Appeal"
I thought it was funny,the sarge watching from the Macc wasn't quite so impressed.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One night at Honington around 1990 the OC of one of the shifts decided to test the shift by driving about the airfield with no lights on. Surprisingly, he was spotted fairly quickly but decided not to answer the radio(probably to see what the shifts response would be). Soon he had a convoy of Police vehicles behind him, I believe the order was Landrover, sherpa, dog van and bringing up the rear, another landrover. Then however the Officer decided to head towards the domestic side and the main gate. At this the FS issued the order "STOP THAT VEHICLE AT ALL COSTS". Just as they were passing the Police HQ, the rear landrover cuts across the car park and "BANG" rams the lead vehicle and ends the pursuit.
The icing on the cake is that the car was the Sqd Ldrs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Few years ago apparently the great Rory Underw**d drove up to the main gate and got stopped and asked for his ID by the copper on the gate!
RW: 'Don't you know who I am?'
Reply: (upon checking F1250) 'Oh yeah sorry about that... you're Tony Underw**d's brother aren't you?'
Result!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Going round the bazarrs recently is the one about a famous film director who drives up to gate to get access to his private plane. He gets stopped by RAFP NCO who asks for some ID
MW: (Extremely agitated and somewhat hoitytoitedly) 'Don't you know who I am?'
RAFP 'Calm down dear.... it's a commercial!'
Result... 1 complete sense of humour failure!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skiving at the Domestic site gate at Aldergrove 1992 ( was dog handler had a flat battery honest) fed on the gate who shall remain nameless as he is still in stops one of our baby shift bosses who was a complete knob. Baby boss has fit girlfriend in his car so decides to impress her:
Fed " evening boss, no problems"
Baby boss, " Cpl Y***** compliments please !"
Fed " ........your bird has got really ace tits sir"
Bay boss says **** all and drives through......not an urban legend,
------------------
Thats all for now folks but there's more where they came from if you want
PPatRoN
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: England
Posts: 305
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A copper whose patch was such that he got a few "Don't you know who I am?" responses every year developed his own, brilliant SOP.
He'd put on a look of grave, sympathetic concern, and reply, in a gentle, I-just-did-a-shift-with-the-Samaritans voice, "No sir (madam). Don't you?"
adr
He'd put on a look of grave, sympathetic concern, and reply, in a gentle, I-just-did-a-shift-with-the-Samaritans voice, "No sir (madam). Don't you?"
adr
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: N London
Posts: 120
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
NLF, RAF St Mawgan late 1980s, MR2 just in service with the Cornish Airforce. Shift change time.
A Nimrod with power on is parked on the pan facing the line carpark. Everybody has to walk along the taxiway from the carpark to the line hut.
The shift boss gets the whole shift into the crewroom and tells them that the aircraft facing the carpark has a fault with the Dishwater Radar. The fairies have discovered that it was transmitting at full power on the ground and everybody who has parked in the carpark has been iradiated and need to go down to the med centre to produce a sample. You can work out the rest.
Certainly my fave mass joke in my time in the RAF
A Nimrod with power on is parked on the pan facing the line carpark. Everybody has to walk along the taxiway from the carpark to the line hut.
The shift boss gets the whole shift into the crewroom and tells them that the aircraft facing the carpark has a fault with the Dishwater Radar. The fairies have discovered that it was transmitting at full power on the ground and everybody who has parked in the carpark has been iradiated and need to go down to the med centre to produce a sample. You can work out the rest.
Certainly my fave mass joke in my time in the RAF
The best pranks always require well-briefed confederates in crime! My most successful was probably getting a certain Flt Cdr to believe that he'd just been sent to Staff College - even the boss was in on that and a chum at Bracknell had produced a full set of joing instructions, car pass forms, social calendar - even a "Dear Al, yours aye" letter from the Commandant. Snopake and Xerox work, plus well briefed chums added the final touch!
Once upon a time, some years ago, a certain sqn was about to deploy to do something involved with err, nuclear things. One chap was a bit concerned about this; it was only after the realisation as to the extent of his concern became evident that a spoof could be planned. Because the whole thing was very sneaky-beaky, a couple of names would be annotated 'PDSST' on the program board. Pre-Deployment Sperm Sample Testing. The cover story was that only one doctor was cleared to know about the forthcoming deployment and could only deal with 2 blokes per day and that samples would be taken both before and after the deployment to check that the little white soldiers hadn't been affected by the spoof 'radiation hazard'. So the first 2 (fully briefed) were to have disappeared for the morning and would then have reappeared muttered things like "Well, that was a bit embarassing. I didn't quite expect to have to do that!" in ear shot of the nervous chum. Then, when it was his turn, he would have been confronted at the RMC by a well-briefed, very attractive junior dentist pretending to be the doctor: "Hello, I'm having to stand in for Doc X - I understand that you've been told to come for a check up of some sort?" After he'd stammered his way through the reason, she was going to have produced the duty latex glove and a large test tube and to have told him to get on with it - but being such a classified deployment, he'd have to perform the act behind the screens in her office rather than in the bog. Two screened off areas would have been prepared; one of which was for his privacy when 'producing' the sample - but in the second of which were a couple of squadron mates. With a camera! The curtain between the two would have been whipped away at the moment critique and the photo duly taken...........
But sadly the deployment was moved forward, so although the initial groundwork was in an advanced state or preparedness, the spoof was never able to be perpetrated. Or so I was told....allegedly.
Once upon a time, some years ago, a certain sqn was about to deploy to do something involved with err, nuclear things. One chap was a bit concerned about this; it was only after the realisation as to the extent of his concern became evident that a spoof could be planned. Because the whole thing was very sneaky-beaky, a couple of names would be annotated 'PDSST' on the program board. Pre-Deployment Sperm Sample Testing. The cover story was that only one doctor was cleared to know about the forthcoming deployment and could only deal with 2 blokes per day and that samples would be taken both before and after the deployment to check that the little white soldiers hadn't been affected by the spoof 'radiation hazard'. So the first 2 (fully briefed) were to have disappeared for the morning and would then have reappeared muttered things like "Well, that was a bit embarassing. I didn't quite expect to have to do that!" in ear shot of the nervous chum. Then, when it was his turn, he would have been confronted at the RMC by a well-briefed, very attractive junior dentist pretending to be the doctor: "Hello, I'm having to stand in for Doc X - I understand that you've been told to come for a check up of some sort?" After he'd stammered his way through the reason, she was going to have produced the duty latex glove and a large test tube and to have told him to get on with it - but being such a classified deployment, he'd have to perform the act behind the screens in her office rather than in the bog. Two screened off areas would have been prepared; one of which was for his privacy when 'producing' the sample - but in the second of which were a couple of squadron mates. With a camera! The curtain between the two would have been whipped away at the moment critique and the photo duly taken...........
But sadly the deployment was moved forward, so although the initial groundwork was in an advanced state or preparedness, the spoof was never able to be perpetrated. Or so I was told....allegedly.
New courses still green from IOT arriving at an FTS are always prime targets for a spoof from their senior course mates. Here are a few of favourites.
1. The arrival sperm sample to monitor the effects of high altitude radiation on the individual over his carrer has been seen more than once.
2. On arrival at the mess the night prior to the course start date, there's a note with their room key to say they have to hand in a 300 word essay on their life to date. At one FTS, this was done every course and eventually it became tradition. A pile of them arrived in the crew room every few weeks and the boss used to mark them for SW. Of course, one or two students realised it was a spoof and wrote funny stories. One I liked related how the student had wanted to be a fighter pilot ever since experiencing g as a foetus in his Israeli fighter pilots mother's womb. (Nice one Pete!)
3. Students told to muster in PT kit before breakfast of first morning for a run. PTI (you guessed it - a senior stude who is a fitness freak) takes them for a beasting which involves a marathon, also stopping outside every QFI's house on the patch to drop and do ten!
4. While in groundschool, Sqn boss marches in to the classroom, b@llocks the course for their poor exam results - and another thing. They all look scruffy and must get to the barbers today to get their hair cut. A block booking is made, the hapless studes go off to get their hair cut not realising that the boss was actually one of the senior course - as is the barber! No 1 cuts all round!!!!!!!
1. The arrival sperm sample to monitor the effects of high altitude radiation on the individual over his carrer has been seen more than once.
2. On arrival at the mess the night prior to the course start date, there's a note with their room key to say they have to hand in a 300 word essay on their life to date. At one FTS, this was done every course and eventually it became tradition. A pile of them arrived in the crew room every few weeks and the boss used to mark them for SW. Of course, one or two students realised it was a spoof and wrote funny stories. One I liked related how the student had wanted to be a fighter pilot ever since experiencing g as a foetus in his Israeli fighter pilots mother's womb. (Nice one Pete!)
3. Students told to muster in PT kit before breakfast of first morning for a run. PTI (you guessed it - a senior stude who is a fitness freak) takes them for a beasting which involves a marathon, also stopping outside every QFI's house on the patch to drop and do ten!
4. While in groundschool, Sqn boss marches in to the classroom, b@llocks the course for their poor exam results - and another thing. They all look scruffy and must get to the barbers today to get their hair cut. A block booking is made, the hapless studes go off to get their hair cut not realising that the boss was actually one of the senior course - as is the barber! No 1 cuts all round!!!!!!!
Join Date: Feb 1999
Location: NW USA
Age: 60
Posts: 53
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Didn't play this one, but I wish I had:
A C-5A loadmaster acquaintance of mine once related a story of a rather self-important young copilot who had the idea that one of the load's duties was to bring him coffee whenever the whim arose.
This dutiful technical sergeant cheerfully and unprotestingly complied with said copilt's request at each and every turn during the course of a ten-day-long mission. Copilot's coffee, it turned out, was made precisely to order (well, nearly!):
*One cup coffee
*Two spoons sugar
*Two spoons cream
*One spoon Kaopectate
A C-5A loadmaster acquaintance of mine once related a story of a rather self-important young copilot who had the idea that one of the load's duties was to bring him coffee whenever the whim arose.
This dutiful technical sergeant cheerfully and unprotestingly complied with said copilt's request at each and every turn during the course of a ten-day-long mission. Copilot's coffee, it turned out, was made precisely to order (well, nearly!):
*One cup coffee
*Two spoons sugar
*Two spoons cream
*One spoon Kaopectate
Which, for those who don't know, has the following effects:
"No serious side effects have been reported for this medicine. However, constipation may occur in some patients, especially if they take a lot of it. Check with your doctor as soon as possible if constipation continues or is bothersome."
Hmm, we'd have used something with the opposite effect, methinks!
But it probably only went to prove that the C-5A co-piglet in question truly was full of $hit!
"No serious side effects have been reported for this medicine. However, constipation may occur in some patients, especially if they take a lot of it. Check with your doctor as soon as possible if constipation continues or is bothersome."
Hmm, we'd have used something with the opposite effect, methinks!
But it probably only went to prove that the C-5A co-piglet in question truly was full of $hit!
Doesn't really have anything to do with flying, but it IS military!
We were in Northern Norway on Patrol with our Fast Patrol Boats (RNoN), and after a weekend in port, we learned that one of the guys had 'had' a rather young bird...
Next port call, we get the local constable, the CO, the OOD and the signalman in on our prank, where we jig up the signal from the "northern naval command" demanding that the said geezer go to the local police station for an interview in a rape case, he really thought he was going to jail!
But poor sods we were, as we could not keep a serious face when he was going
He never got to retaliate either!!
We were in Northern Norway on Patrol with our Fast Patrol Boats (RNoN), and after a weekend in port, we learned that one of the guys had 'had' a rather young bird...
Next port call, we get the local constable, the CO, the OOD and the signalman in on our prank, where we jig up the signal from the "northern naval command" demanding that the said geezer go to the local police station for an interview in a rape case, he really thought he was going to jail!
But poor sods we were, as we could not keep a serious face when he was going
He never got to retaliate either!!