COMMENT OF THE WEEK
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American view of the world
Early December some years ago, I'm standing in line for the checkout at the Aviano BX, listening to:
Female USAF Lt pilot to check out girl: "Ma'am, what time do you stay open to on Xmas Eve?"
Check out girl: "I'm sorry ma'am, we're closed Xmas Eve until the 28th."
Female pilot: "Oh, where am I going to get my groceries?"
Check out girl: "You can use the shop in the village, they're open until 1000hrs on Xmas Eve."
Female pilot: "There's a shop in the village? I've been here 18 months and didn't know we were allowed to shop off-base."
True story folks.
Female USAF Lt pilot to check out girl: "Ma'am, what time do you stay open to on Xmas Eve?"
Check out girl: "I'm sorry ma'am, we're closed Xmas Eve until the 28th."
Female pilot: "Oh, where am I going to get my groceries?"
Check out girl: "You can use the shop in the village, they're open until 1000hrs on Xmas Eve."
Female pilot: "There's a shop in the village? I've been here 18 months and didn't know we were allowed to shop off-base."
True story folks.
It's not just in the US...
....whilst on a short computer course. Woman pitches up after not attending for about three weeks.
Me: "Hello, been on hols?"
Her "Yes"
"Where did you go? Nice?"
"Spain -er I think"
"Well was it Spain?"
"I don't really know"
"OK how did it happen"
Long story short. Booked with local travel agent. Bus to ABZ airport met by rep. Taken through checkin and to the gate. Gets on jet flies for 4 hours-ish gets off and is met by rep. Put on bus number 17 and taken to resort. Has two weeks on beach in sun. Goes through procedure in reverse. Gets home.
"Did you go out at all?" No to that.
"What was the food like?" Burgers pizzas beer.
I finally worked out that it was probably Ibiza, possibly.
How can anyone be so incurious about the world we live in?
The Ancient Mariner
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Final irony.
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She was doing the course as a stepping stone to becoming an adult education tutor!
Me: "Hello, been on hols?"
Her "Yes"
"Where did you go? Nice?"
"Spain -er I think"
"Well was it Spain?"
"I don't really know"
"OK how did it happen"
Long story short. Booked with local travel agent. Bus to ABZ airport met by rep. Taken through checkin and to the gate. Gets on jet flies for 4 hours-ish gets off and is met by rep. Put on bus number 17 and taken to resort. Has two weeks on beach in sun. Goes through procedure in reverse. Gets home.
"Did you go out at all?" No to that.
"What was the food like?" Burgers pizzas beer.
I finally worked out that it was probably Ibiza, possibly.
How can anyone be so incurious about the world we live in?
The Ancient Mariner
>
>
>
>
>
Final irony.
>
>
>
She was doing the course as a stepping stone to becoming an adult education tutor!
Chatting to a bloke at the petrol station the other day.
Chap "Well that's it, goodbye Cornwall, I'm off to Lincolnshire to start a new job tomorrow"
Me "Oh yes, where's that then?" (I suppose I could have phrased it better, I meant where in Lincs).
Chap (helpfully) "It's just underneath Yorkshire"
Chap "Well that's it, goodbye Cornwall, I'm off to Lincolnshire to start a new job tomorrow"
Me "Oh yes, where's that then?" (I suppose I could have phrased it better, I meant where in Lincs).
Chap (helpfully) "It's just underneath Yorkshire"
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Sun Who, Mrs PN in US Army base at Vicenza. Asks female in civvies if the Burger King took Lira. "I don't know," she said, "they have Italians in there so I don't go in."
Ramstein, en route US-UK, a US Major, also in transit, wanted to use the telephone. Curiously it only took DM. Even though Germany had not been on my route I was able to give him change. The Spam in movements didn't have any funny money on him.
Curious isn't it; any UK base anywhere uses local currency.
Ramstein, en route US-UK, a US Major, also in transit, wanted to use the telephone. Curiously it only took DM. Even though Germany had not been on my route I was able to give him change. The Spam in movements didn't have any funny money on him.
Curious isn't it; any UK base anywhere uses local currency.
Join Date: Feb 2001
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Me in CPT phoning SGLBBTEEGF (seriously good looking blonde big titted ex ex girlfriend) in Birmingham on Christmas Day : "Happy Christmas"
SGLBBTEEGF : "Happy Christmas, what are you doing?"
Me : "Well, it's about 90'F and we're all sitting around the pool having a barbecue (no point in saying braai!)"
SGLBBTEEGF : "Oh, so it's not Christmas there then?"
Me : "Of course it is, 25th. December."
SGLBBTEEGF : "But you only get Christmas is in winter, so it must be July there if it's hot."
You have to imagine the SGLBBTEEGF's bits being said in a broad Brummy accent, which tends to make people sound stupid even when they're not - but she was!
SGLBBTEEGF : "Happy Christmas, what are you doing?"
Me : "Well, it's about 90'F and we're all sitting around the pool having a barbecue (no point in saying braai!)"
SGLBBTEEGF : "Oh, so it's not Christmas there then?"
Me : "Of course it is, 25th. December."
SGLBBTEEGF : "But you only get Christmas is in winter, so it must be July there if it's hot."
You have to imagine the SGLBBTEEGF's bits being said in a broad Brummy accent, which tends to make people sound stupid even when they're not - but she was!
We had several large, full (one was a DC-9) US aircraft arrive for an anniversary weekend on our Squadron (in the UK, including off-base trips). One was an ex-Senator. They ALL brought dollars. I was i/c hosting.
Where can you get several thousand quid at 20 minutes notice, late on a Friday at an RAF station in the middle of the countryside?
I ran a foreign exchange service out of a kitbag in the corner of the hangar; mess copy of the Torygraph providing exchange rate (before the Interweb thingy). Visitors happy, so the Boss asked no questions.
Where can you get several thousand quid at 20 minutes notice, late on a Friday at an RAF station in the middle of the countryside?
I ran a foreign exchange service out of a kitbag in the corner of the hangar; mess copy of the Torygraph providing exchange rate (before the Interweb thingy). Visitors happy, so the Boss asked no questions.
It doesn't only happen over there. I was at a memorial service earlier this year, walking along the road and wearing my No 1 uniform. An English woman appeared at my shoulder saying loudly "G'day mate" in a poor Australian accent. I said hello, and she replied "You're from Australia, aren't you?" I explained that I was not. "Well who is, then?" I pointed out the officer in a different blue uniform, but with the word Australia on the shoulders. So she approached the Australian representative from their embassy's military staff with her embarrassing best from Neighbours, followed by "Where have you come from?" When he said London, she actually asked "Is that in New South Wales?"
But then again, years ago I went from Guetersloh to a meeting in Heidelberg. Seeking the most expeditious and efficient means of getting there, and noting that there was a nearby military airfield with a small runway, I asked Ops to trying booking a movement in to there. It was accepted, so off I went. It proved to be a tight approach over the edge of the town, which caused an immediate flurry of noise complaints. As I taxied in, I was surprised to see an officer running alongside, shaking his fist at me. This turned out to be the base commander, a US Army major. As I got out, he made it clear that they did not accept jet aircraft. "What the hell is this, anyway?" "A Harrier, as on the flight plan." "Who operates this type?" "The Royal Air Force." "Which Royal Air Force?" "The British Royal Air Force." "You flew in from Britain?" He had no idea that we had bases in Germany. "So, what kind of rank is that you're wearing?" "I am a Squadron Leader." "Oh, okay, sir, you'd better go wait in the VIP lounge while I sort this out and get you some transport."
But then again, years ago I went from Guetersloh to a meeting in Heidelberg. Seeking the most expeditious and efficient means of getting there, and noting that there was a nearby military airfield with a small runway, I asked Ops to trying booking a movement in to there. It was accepted, so off I went. It proved to be a tight approach over the edge of the town, which caused an immediate flurry of noise complaints. As I taxied in, I was surprised to see an officer running alongside, shaking his fist at me. This turned out to be the base commander, a US Army major. As I got out, he made it clear that they did not accept jet aircraft. "What the hell is this, anyway?" "A Harrier, as on the flight plan." "Who operates this type?" "The Royal Air Force." "Which Royal Air Force?" "The British Royal Air Force." "You flew in from Britain?" He had no idea that we had bases in Germany. "So, what kind of rank is that you're wearing?" "I am a Squadron Leader." "Oh, okay, sir, you'd better go wait in the VIP lounge while I sort this out and get you some transport."
Last edited by noprobs; 29th Sep 2011 at 21:04.
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Maybe the major was just several years ahead. There are, after all, no RAF bases in Germany. No Harriers ether, for that matter.
I wonder if the current mantra of "no money" has anything to do with junior officers expending fast jet hours as taxis because they didn't fancy the drive?
I wonder if the current mantra of "no money" has anything to do with junior officers expending fast jet hours as taxis because they didn't fancy the drive?
Thread Starter
Chum chatting to a local Spam blonde at the Ramada Inn, Bellevue (that well known V-force haunt). When she asked whence he came, he told her 'Lincoln'.
"Lincoln, Nebraska?"
"No, Lincoln England!"
"Gee - d'ya think they named it after our president?"
Still, he did at least DCO later!
"Lincoln, Nebraska?"
"No, Lincoln England!"
"Gee - d'ya think they named it after our president?"
Still, he did at least DCO later!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
That must have been when they started to pay for the hotac and gave you drinking chits.
We just got the drinking chits. Used to stay in the VOQ where the skipper had the priviledge of a single room but at the cost of an additional 2 DCs per day. One copilot, to maximise the drinking chits, took a pup tent. Went down a bomb with the one and two stars there. Thereafter we used the motel and road house across the road. IIRC the road house sold pitchers of beer and you could get 4 pitchers for 3 DCs - 16 pints weren't bad.
I have long held the view that the majority of pax checkin to LGW or wherever, walk for miles, go down a tunnel, sit in a tube for hours, get out, down some steps feel the heat/wet/cold and have no idea where in the world they really are.
PS, having been in the 10 that flew over Greenland the same might be said of some navs and some pilots.
We just got the drinking chits. Used to stay in the VOQ where the skipper had the priviledge of a single room but at the cost of an additional 2 DCs per day. One copilot, to maximise the drinking chits, took a pup tent. Went down a bomb with the one and two stars there. Thereafter we used the motel and road house across the road. IIRC the road house sold pitchers of beer and you could get 4 pitchers for 3 DCs - 16 pints weren't bad.
I have long held the view that the majority of pax checkin to LGW or wherever, walk for miles, go down a tunnel, sit in a tube for hours, get out, down some steps feel the heat/wet/cold and have no idea where in the world they really are.
PS, having been in the 10 that flew over Greenland the same might be said of some navs and some pilots.
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Yep, we sure are an ignorant people. One has to wonder how we have survived all these years without the expert guidance from our UK brethren, especially in military matters. Thanks for letting me listen in to this enlightened discussion as I have learned much about folks from your part of the world.
Thread Starter
The idiot who took the pup tent was the infamous Caligula of later years, was he not?
FunBus crew chatting up the locals at some air show or other....
"Gee, you came all the way from Canada just for our air show?"
"No, Great Britain, actually"
"Is that in Canada?"
A brace of co-piglets once got themselves 'chased outta town' after setting up the following conversation:
When played at a dining-in night to honour some Spam exchange officer, it's normally followed by a JP yelling "Plaaaaaaaaaaay Ball" after the glasses are returned to the table....
If any Spams are upset by this, remember it was done in a light-hearted manner.
FunBus crew chatting up the locals at some air show or other....
"Gee, you came all the way from Canada just for our air show?"
"No, Great Britain, actually"
"Is that in Canada?"
A brace of co-piglets once got themselves 'chased outta town' after setting up the following conversation:
"What do you call someone who's stupid?"
"Dumb"
"What do you call 2 people who are stupid?"
"Dumb...dumb"
"What do you call a whole nation of stupid people?"
"Dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb.....
"Dumb"
"What do you call 2 people who are stupid?"
"Dumb...dumb"
"What do you call a whole nation of stupid people?"
"Dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb.....
If any Spams are upset by this, remember it was done in a light-hearted manner.
But just some do have our SOH - I can remember one day at LHR being called on GMP (Clearance Delivery ) by a TWA pilot, ' Hey London, this is TWA XXX, request start for the colonies'.
Thought of a couple more!
USAF exchange captain on 47Sqn at Fairford; co-pilot night training, Co looks across at Captain, Major J J Smith who is busy scribbling.
JJ ' Don't worry Garth, I'm writing a letter to my mother'.
'Dear Mother, what a bumsh1t of a co-pilot I'm flying with!'.
Another 'JJ' story, 47 crew arrive at Lajes for a night stop and share transport with a Lyneham 36 Sqn crew to the accommodation.
Bus arrives at NCOs' billets, JJ shouts 'OK enlisted sh1t, get out here' - went down like a lead balloon with the 36 crew!
USAF exchange captain on 47Sqn at Fairford; co-pilot night training, Co looks across at Captain, Major J J Smith who is busy scribbling.
JJ ' Don't worry Garth, I'm writing a letter to my mother'.
'Dear Mother, what a bumsh1t of a co-pilot I'm flying with!'.
Another 'JJ' story, 47 crew arrive at Lajes for a night stop and share transport with a Lyneham 36 Sqn crew to the accommodation.
Bus arrives at NCOs' billets, JJ shouts 'OK enlisted sh1t, get out here' - went down like a lead balloon with the 36 crew!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Bevo, it's true. However one has to admit you are super sharp with the quip.
Landing at Goose, 11,000 feet, the skipper decided to deploy the drag chute. It popped out of the compartment and flopped on the runway without deploying:
"Hey Limey, your bird just crapped on my runway."
You could never have pre-scripted that!
Landing at Goose, 11,000 feet, the skipper decided to deploy the drag chute. It popped out of the compartment and flopped on the runway without deploying:
"Hey Limey, your bird just crapped on my runway."
You could never have pre-scripted that!