Batmen
Avoid imitations
Join Date: Nov 2000
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Any opinions about "Billy Smarts", Bahrain .....?
I think it's possibly a bit noisy in there right now....
Any opinions about "Billy Smarts", Bahrain .....?
I think it's possibly a bit noisy in there right now....
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Scotland
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Whilst we're on Met Man stories...
Morning (met) briefing, RAF Laarbruch late '60's. Station Commander calls the met man forward for his briefing. He always sat at the back and it seemed like ages for him to reach the front.
He stands, surveys, and says " Fog" and returns to the back of the briefing room. The Staish, with commendable patience, waits for him to sit down and then asks if he could "expand" his briefing. Long wait whilst the Met Man returns to the front where he proclaims " effing fick fog". Room erupts in laughter, briefing cancelled and black flag run up the mast.
Back to the thread, sort of, even longer ago I was interviewing a young shapely and attractive Singapore lass for a position as an Amah. She had come highly recommended by my predecessor.
"How much do you normally expect as a wage?"
"100 S Dollars per month Sir" she replied.
"100 Dollars with pleasure" I said,
"No Sir, with pleasure, 150 S Dollars".
Morning (met) briefing, RAF Laarbruch late '60's. Station Commander calls the met man forward for his briefing. He always sat at the back and it seemed like ages for him to reach the front.
He stands, surveys, and says " Fog" and returns to the back of the briefing room. The Staish, with commendable patience, waits for him to sit down and then asks if he could "expand" his briefing. Long wait whilst the Met Man returns to the front where he proclaims " effing fick fog". Room erupts in laughter, briefing cancelled and black flag run up the mast.
"Its OK sir, most my young officers have my girls,
"How much do you normally expect as a wage?"
"100 S Dollars per month Sir" she replied.
"100 Dollars with pleasure" I said,
"No Sir, with pleasure, 150 S Dollars".
Cranwell Batmen
Flight Cadets at Cranwell, after the first 6 months living in the South Brick Lines, moved into the Junior Mess blocks in small, but individual, cells, with a single civvy batman/cleaner for the whole block. He would clean but also press uniforms - badly, from memory. Once you moved into the College Mess, you met batmen of a whole different variety. Most seemed very old and had done the job forever. They were first class, not just in cleaning rooms, shoes, uniforms and civvies, but also in saving one from the wrath of the sqn SNCOs. I managed to oversleep one Wednesday morning and was only woken by the sound of the band playing as the parade marched on. It was still pitch dark, but I leaped out of bed with abject fear of what would happen. The batman, who had just come in, took in the situation in a flash, pointed out that they obviously hadn't missed me otherwise I would have been fetched, gave me a cup of tea and told me to put my boots on and go and walk around on the gravel at the back of the College. He manipulated my belt and rifle sling to look as though they had been used, and told me to mingle with the other cadets around the armoury after the parade - and to deny everything. I got away with it. The flight sergeant saw me and rewalised that he couldn't remember seeing me, but examined boots, belt and sling and had to give up.
The recommended monthly tip for a batman was 32 shillings, out of our pay of 17 shillings and 10 pence per day. He certainly got a bonus that month!
The recommended monthly tip for a batman was 32 shillings, out of our pay of 17 shillings and 10 pence per day. He certainly got a bonus that month!
I dont know if Derek Nazer had a batman, but when he left EDUR on final retirement he bought himself a flash sports car, presumably with a gold medallion, a chest rug, and a pair of raybans thrown in.
When the Met Office was first equipped with MIST [a met data system] and it was down, he referred to his team as "blank faces glued to blank screens".
Bruggen was where Pete Tweed was shafted after he went on a jolly leaving his Merc in SMetOs sacred slot for a fortnight.
On returning late, said car was INSIDE the fenced Met enclosure.
He never ever mentioned the incident afterwards, but I told it at his Memorial Service. I don't think he larfed even then.
When the Met Office was first equipped with MIST [a met data system] and it was down, he referred to his team as "blank faces glued to blank screens".
Bruggen was where Pete Tweed was shafted after he went on a jolly leaving his Merc in SMetOs sacred slot for a fortnight.
On returning late, said car was INSIDE the fenced Met enclosure.
He never ever mentioned the incident afterwards, but I told it at his Memorial Service. I don't think he larfed even then.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
At morning prayers, or crew briefs, the metman would duly deliver the good news which was usually at variance with the view out of the window.
When the brief reached any questions the best was "What do YOU think?" at which point we got the accurate forecast untainted by extraneous inputs.
PS, while still on deviation, USAF crews in Ascension got their route met brief from Patrick Air Force Base. They would then visit the RAF Met Office for a proper brief.
How did a thread on "Batmen" become a thread on "Met Officers"? Oh well - then there was the MetO at Cranwell in the mid 60s known as McCloud - stood at the front one morning announcing a a day with no cloud and unlimited visibility, as through the windows behind him the entire audience watched fog roll across the airfield!
OldBricks, the batties who looked after us in our second term whilst in the JMPG blocks were stars. If you recall, we then became liable to one inspection per week, usually by the genial Sgt Les Rodda*....
One week, Les seemed more than usually benevolent. He'd been hi-jacked by the batties (led by our chap, to my shame I can't recall his name - was it Ron? It wasn't old 'Twisted John') and plied with tea laced with rum, so was feeling no pain at all when we saw him wandering around the block later.
When the batties were summoned to a meeting in 1969 to be told that henceforth their duties and pay would be scaled back, they were very sad indeed. Not so much because of the reduction in pay, but because they saw it as the end of an era - and had been told not to expect to be tipped very much by cadets any longer. I gave Ron(?) his usual 30/- and he handed me back a ten bob note, saying that £1 was now the limit. What a cruel thing 'they' had done to those wonderful old chaps.
*Les - heart of pure gold but brains of pure wood! Old Bricks, remember his comment to 'Dwarfo' when the latter wasn't in some correct drill position? "Mr Sw**, you're out of proportion, Sir!"
One week, Les seemed more than usually benevolent. He'd been hi-jacked by the batties (led by our chap, to my shame I can't recall his name - was it Ron? It wasn't old 'Twisted John') and plied with tea laced with rum, so was feeling no pain at all when we saw him wandering around the block later.
When the batties were summoned to a meeting in 1969 to be told that henceforth their duties and pay would be scaled back, they were very sad indeed. Not so much because of the reduction in pay, but because they saw it as the end of an era - and had been told not to expect to be tipped very much by cadets any longer. I gave Ron(?) his usual 30/- and he handed me back a ten bob note, saying that £1 was now the limit. What a cruel thing 'they' had done to those wonderful old chaps.
*Les - heart of pure gold but brains of pure wood! Old Bricks, remember his comment to 'Dwarfo' when the latter wasn't in some correct drill position? "Mr Sw**, you're out of proportion, Sir!"
QUOTE: "That could have been due to the C Met O, the Command forecaster. He would hold a round-stations conference call before arriving at a Command forecast".
Sorry, totally untrue: I was a senior duty forecaster c. 1980-83 at JHQ, which did indeed have oversight of the outstation briefs but never drove a hard party line unless the man at the sharp end was inexperienced or clearly barking: a rare event. We also did routine forecasts for points east, just in case.
Soon after that, the JHQ org. was closed down and the Bruggens of this world, although line managed and inspected and butt-kicked by successive CMetOs BFG, did their own thing under the CMetO STC area forecast. Between 1989 and 1996 they did NOT confer with STC except on the rarest of occasions, and, since CMetO BFG had neither staff nor facilities to second-guess experienced and, in the main carefully selected forecasters there was little interference. The exception was Friday prayers at HQRAFG, metbriefed by talk-box from Bruggen, and attended by CMetO BFG or deputy as a matter of invariable routine. If I did not like the delivery [not the content] of the forecast, and the attention to the niceties of good manners and discipline, I was on Bruggen's doorstep pdq. With ACM Sandy Wilson as boss man, nothing less would have scraped by. I had no desire to cut short a lovely 65 month tour.
As to batmen, no, but when Mrs Metman had a cockers-p or a dinner, we sometimes asked the Mess staff via the Manager if they would like to do a private function in return for the needful. Always always excellent. RAF of course.
Sorry, totally untrue: I was a senior duty forecaster c. 1980-83 at JHQ, which did indeed have oversight of the outstation briefs but never drove a hard party line unless the man at the sharp end was inexperienced or clearly barking: a rare event. We also did routine forecasts for points east, just in case.
Soon after that, the JHQ org. was closed down and the Bruggens of this world, although line managed and inspected and butt-kicked by successive CMetOs BFG, did their own thing under the CMetO STC area forecast. Between 1989 and 1996 they did NOT confer with STC except on the rarest of occasions, and, since CMetO BFG had neither staff nor facilities to second-guess experienced and, in the main carefully selected forecasters there was little interference. The exception was Friday prayers at HQRAFG, metbriefed by talk-box from Bruggen, and attended by CMetO BFG or deputy as a matter of invariable routine. If I did not like the delivery [not the content] of the forecast, and the attention to the niceties of good manners and discipline, I was on Bruggen's doorstep pdq. With ACM Sandy Wilson as boss man, nothing less would have scraped by. I had no desire to cut short a lovely 65 month tour.
As to batmen, no, but when Mrs Metman had a cockers-p or a dinner, we sometimes asked the Mess staff via the Manager if they would like to do a private function in return for the needful. Always always excellent. RAF of course.
And c. 1965 I turned up at mass brief at Leeming 0800 on the dot [0758 of course] with an inch of snow on my shoulders and hat, with my visual material promising rain.
I waited in the snow until the Int. tipped me the wink and entered stage as a mobile visual aid and managed to clown my way out of a crap forecast ...... all my own work.
Detached to Topcliffe suddenly next Monday, or was it Acklington?
I waited in the snow until the Int. tipped me the wink and entered stage as a mobile visual aid and managed to clown my way out of a crap forecast ...... all my own work.
Detached to Topcliffe suddenly next Monday, or was it Acklington?
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
LB, I was obviously referring to before your time when JHQ 'twas but a twinkle in someone's hand.
thank you: something more useful should have been held in the hand!
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Back on track, we had national service batties at Hullavington. That was a time when the airmens mess served unlimited quanties of chips and before tights were invented.
We never needed a knock on the door to wake us up, just the smack, smack rustle, rustle of nylons.
We never needed a knock on the door to wake us up, just the smack, smack rustle, rustle of nylons.
At Crandits, Grad Ball nights, the Batties wives used to guard the entrances to the Junior Mess barrack blocks, where the girls were accommodated - shame really, they should have guarded the windows. Remember climbing out of a window and nearly breaking my neck on my instructors TR3 - anyone know what happened to Metters?
Cranditz Batmen
BEagle. The batman in JR B Block was Jerry, with flat 'at and permanent fag hanging out of the corner of his mouth. Bone idle generally. I remember when we had our final inspection, all the other batmen started cleaning their blocks days in advance. Not Jerry. 0500 hrs on the day of the inspection, my room door burst open and a hoover operated by Jerry came in on full blast. He actually lifted the end of the bed with me still in it to clean underneath, and then exited to inflict himself on the next room/victim. Twisted John was in the A Sqn block.
A bit off thread, but thought I might post this here, to show that the pongoes' mindeset still hasn't moved on.
Talking to my son the other night. He's a REME JNCO, and he told me that he was on duty that night, standing by to pick up a load of officers from the nearby town in a service minibus, after they had been on a night out on someone's going away do. Not an official function, but still the army thought it ok to screw up one of their NCOs' evening, not to mention misuse service transport and petrol, rather than spend a few quid each out of their not inconsiderable salaries to pay for taxis or a private hire minibus. It may be significant that he's in a tech unit where a good 50% of the officers are commissioned NCO's.
Can't imagine this happening in the RAF, even 40 years ago when I was in.
Talking to my son the other night. He's a REME JNCO, and he told me that he was on duty that night, standing by to pick up a load of officers from the nearby town in a service minibus, after they had been on a night out on someone's going away do. Not an official function, but still the army thought it ok to screw up one of their NCOs' evening, not to mention misuse service transport and petrol, rather than spend a few quid each out of their not inconsiderable salaries to pay for taxis or a private hire minibus. It may be significant that he's in a tech unit where a good 50% of the officers are commissioned NCO's.
Can't imagine this happening in the RAF, even 40 years ago when I was in.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
