Annual Assessments - Character Assassination Gems

[Otis Spunkmeyer]

CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GEMS

It’s that time of year (for Sergeants anyway). Yes, annual character assassination time. Have you been damned by faint praise? Or perhaps you have shafted one of your own minions with a pearler.

I have a friend whose most obvious flaw is his heavy build, and has had every possible description short of being called a fat git.

For example

‘Thick-set’
‘Big-boned’
then we got a boss with a little more imagination
‘Will never grace a catwalk’
and then this year
‘Formidable, not to say, Falstaffian’

Unburden yourselves with your anonymous tales, and don’t be afraid to embellish & exaggerate. Remember, if you tell it three times, it becomes true.

[Whossat Forrus]

"This officer has all the qualities of an old family dog, except loyalty."

[Engineer]

Remember a office selection interview where the word rotund was the favorite Glad I don't have to write assessments any more

[cobaltfrog]

"This Officer sets himself low standards and continually fails to achieve them!!"

True honest Guv!!

Frogster

[BEagle]

Some pompous idiot - the sort who liked to use 'inter alia', 'germane to the issue', 'deep blue water' etc, once wrote that 'Bloggs is one of nature's bachelors' thinking that it meant 'Bloggs is a boozing, babe-chasing mate who has studiously avoided the marital ball-and-chain'.

Unfortunately, being only half-literate, what he didn't know was that the description was, in fact, a Victorian euphemism for 'Bloggs is a poof'!!!

[Ivchenko]

Famous, probably apocryphal, comment about a secretary

"Anybody who can get Jane to work for him is very fortunate indeed"

[This message has been edited by Ivchenko (edited 23 March 2001).]

[crabbbo]

The one I am most proud of was on a recent assassination of me:

An aviator first and a pilot second.

Just as well I don't want a career!

[Nil nos tremefacit]

'Nil nos is a short, plump officer who rarely looks smart in uniform' - written by a 6' 4" scribbly at OCC.

I'm 5' 8" and look very good in a gro-bag - honest!!! Only blunties can afford the time to press their uniform every day.

Same course we were handed a list of the comments taken from reports. The favourite, probably apocryphal, : "Bloggs is ruining the career of a very good police dog."

[Jackonicko]

This officer could go far - given service transport

His men would follow him anywhere - out of curiosity if nothing else

[Adastral]

"Flt Lt ~~~~~~ is of solid build and has dark thinning hair."

Rather a nice way of saying

"...is a small, fat, balding git!"

I thought!?!!

[Firestreak]

1. I would hesitate to breed from this officer.

2. I would follow this officer but only out of curiosity.

3. This officer will go through life pulling doors marked push.

[smooth approach]

"I fail to see why I should write on someone who I believe should not be in the Service"

"Flt Lt Bloggs is a hursuit young lady......"

"If Smith displayed the same flair and imagination at work as he does with his choice of neck tie........"

"Jones' Saddam Hussien style of brinksmanship........"

[L J R]

This Officer uses the P3 to transport his testicles to exitic locations. He utilises his allowances to pay for such endeavours.

I am led to believe that this actually made it to pen.... [it was not mine!]


Other 'Gems' that I have heard in rumour:


This officer pushes doors marked 'Pull'.

There is a village in England looking for its idiot. This Officer is that man.

This Officer is Tragic!

'Your wife should attend more functions'.

The lad's reply to this debrief item was 'My wife will be in tomorrow for her OER debrief sir.'

[QUIFFI]

"Clothes do not hang well on this Officer"
"This Officer would look scruffy in the nude"
Still - he's made it to spec aircrew Sqn Ldr!

[Double Asymmetric]

"If this officer's leadership style was any more laid-back, he would be lying down."

...yep, it was mine.

[Audax]

This officer has some good and original thoughts; the good are not original and the original are not good.

From an end of course report at Chivenor:-
"This officer is the sort of person I would expect to see pushing his wife's shopping trolley around Tescos on a Saturday"

[Reichman]

In last year's ACR I was described as "...an enigma".

Ain't that a bit racist?

[BEagle]

One chum (Don T - went to Bumrods) was described by his ex-Transport Command total to$$er Flt Cdr at Cranwell as having 'Unofficer-like bone structure'!!

[D-IFF_ident]

From my 3rd RO last year:

'Good to see that Bloggs has not only flown more hours and spent more time on detachments than anyone else on the Sqn, but has also managed to complete ISS and OCC during this reporting period. Perhaps now he can start to concentrate on his primary duties...'

And what would they be, exactly?

You know who you are!
(And probably know who I am now, too - D'Oh!)

[kbf1]

"Bloggs does not so much as walk on water, merely pass it!"

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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic HERD!