Taceval Tales
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Taceval Tales
Anyone got any good or otherwise TACEVAL tales? Marham, sometime in the early days of the Tornado GR1, unplanned opposition take-off with two jets going for it from either end on some form of "special" mission. The call from one, very cool, stick monkey was, apparently, "you go left and I'll go left," 
Back in the early 80's in the UK. I'll keep some other's for when the thread slows down.
JG
Back in the early 80's in the UK. I'll keep some other's for when the thread slows down.
JG
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Oh yes, plenty (we've done this before though).
First ever TACEVAL of deployed SH squadron in RAFG, early 1980s. Senior Engineer on TACEVAL team (no heli experience, only Jaguars) says to Puma pilot about to start up to take off from a farmer's paddock: "Right - you have battle damage on your aircraft"
Puma pilot: "Where?"
Eng: "Right there!" (points to cabin door). "A four inch hole. What are you going to do?"
Puma pilot: "Nothing".
Eng: "WHAT?
Puma pilot: "It's non structural"
Eng: "WHAT? You have to do SOMETHING!"
Puma pilot immediately pulls jettison handle on door, removes door and hands it to engineer, telling him to hang on to it very tightly while he takes off on task.....
Speechless engineer didn't hang on tight enough, did he? As the Puma took off vertically, the downwash blew the door back into the engineer's face, giving him a bloody nose.
First ever TACEVAL of deployed SH squadron in RAFG, early 1980s. Senior Engineer on TACEVAL team (no heli experience, only Jaguars) says to Puma pilot about to start up to take off from a farmer's paddock: "Right - you have battle damage on your aircraft"
Puma pilot: "Where?"
Eng: "Right there!" (points to cabin door). "A four inch hole. What are you going to do?"
Puma pilot: "Nothing".
Eng: "WHAT?
Puma pilot: "It's non structural"
Eng: "WHAT? You have to do SOMETHING!"
Puma pilot immediately pulls jettison handle on door, removes door and hands it to engineer, telling him to hang on to it very tightly while he takes off on task.....
Speechless engineer didn't hang on tight enough, did he? As the Puma took off vertically, the downwash blew the door back into the engineer's face, giving him a bloody nose.
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Scottish AD station. The Scottish Gp Capt is in the hot seat. He thinks it would be good to take to the airwaves at regular intervals to brief everyone how his war is going.
Tony Tannoy is born.
Sure enough, his tannoy warblings cause vastly more confusion than benefit. After a while, the TACEVAL team get to the standard part of the script which says: "Incapacitate the Stn Cdr, and let OC Ops take charge until Endex".
Records differ as to what happened next, but according to my sources:
a. Tony Tannoy refused to be killed off!
b. Half the TACEVAL team told the other half that because he is causing so much chaos, he should be kept alive.
c. So they left him where he was.
Tony Tannoy is born.
Sure enough, his tannoy warblings cause vastly more confusion than benefit. After a while, the TACEVAL team get to the standard part of the script which says: "Incapacitate the Stn Cdr, and let OC Ops take charge until Endex".
Records differ as to what happened next, but according to my sources:
a. Tony Tannoy refused to be killed off!
b. Half the TACEVAL team told the other half that because he is causing so much chaos, he should be kept alive.
c. So they left him where he was.
Last edited by dum_my; 25th Jan 2007 at 17:02.
OSD Test II back in the 70's, testing whether a National Guard unit provided sufficient logistics and training could be combat effective within six weeks of call to active duty.
Translated....thousands being stupid in the woods of Fort Stewart, Georgia. Units of the 1st Cav (regular Army as aggressors) against Guardsmen (Weekend warriors) from the 30th Infantry Division.
Division Commander pax in a Kiowa....take me to this location...big thumb on map...yeppers..."no problem boss says I."
Along the way he says there will be a tank battle going on when we get to the location...."Oh, Cool says I."
We arrive and observe many tanks and lots of smoke and dust....Orbit here says he....I do and look down on the second time around the intersection to find myself bore sighting an aceytlene powered M2 Browning .50 Caliber.
The TC in the turret of the M-60 Tank lights off the .50 cal....and I have a Vietnam flashback kinda thing....and instinctively perform a "Lets get the hell out here maneuver" which slightly surprised the Boss. He went from looking down and left to seeing trees over the sky and the entire world spinning like a top then tree limbs flapping against the skids.
A very quiet period of time went by....and the boss looks across at me....all chalky faced and trying to put his stomach back down where it came from...and says "uhhhhhh....guess you been shot at before?"
I swear I saw tracers....
Translated....thousands being stupid in the woods of Fort Stewart, Georgia. Units of the 1st Cav (regular Army as aggressors) against Guardsmen (Weekend warriors) from the 30th Infantry Division.
Division Commander pax in a Kiowa....take me to this location...big thumb on map...yeppers..."no problem boss says I."
Along the way he says there will be a tank battle going on when we get to the location...."Oh, Cool says I."
We arrive and observe many tanks and lots of smoke and dust....Orbit here says he....I do and look down on the second time around the intersection to find myself bore sighting an aceytlene powered M2 Browning .50 Caliber.
The TC in the turret of the M-60 Tank lights off the .50 cal....and I have a Vietnam flashback kinda thing....and instinctively perform a "Lets get the hell out here maneuver" which slightly surprised the Boss. He went from looking down and left to seeing trees over the sky and the entire world spinning like a top then tree limbs flapping against the skids.
A very quiet period of time went by....and the boss looks across at me....all chalky faced and trying to put his stomach back down where it came from...and says "uhhhhhh....guess you been shot at before?"
I swear I saw tracers....
How we chortled when we heard the least popular Sqn on station had dropped a rather special sort of bomb (actually - a training device) and watched it roll across the HAS floor in front of the DI staff.
And how we didn't see the funny side when this incident got the station failed - the result being a three day exercise each month for 6 months while on notice for our next TACEVAL.
And how we didn't see the funny side when this incident got the station failed - the result being a three day exercise each month for 6 months while on notice for our next TACEVAL.
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Anyone got any good or otherwise TACEVAL tales? Marham, sometime in the early days of the Tornado GR1, unplanned opposition take-off with two jets going for it from either end on some form of "special" mission. The call from one, very cool, stick monkey was, apparently, "you go left and I'll go left,"
Middleton-St-George. 16 ship Javelin formation running in. Lead looks up to see 24 ship Hunter formation in his 12. Super cool Hunter leader makes the same call except "you go left; I'll go right"
The Javelins broke right.
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GDOC makes tannoy call to tell everyone the guardroom has been taken over.
"Oh no it hasn't" comes back over the tannoy.
"This is OC Admin, oh yes it has."
and so on.
Then Endex was called. Oh no it isn't.
That's when they found the guardroom had an override function over the GDOC.
At least the next 30 minutes enlivened the troops as we were all in the picture.
Eventually the stalemate was broken when OC Admin sent out a message "Disregard all tannoy broadcasts"
That didn't work either
I recall a tale of a Harrier sqn int officer on Day 1 of TACEVAL back in the 80s. Said Int O was in his tent at the Harrier hide 'somewhere in Germany', with the great and the good, plus TACEVAL team, assembled before him for the int brief. He goes to point at the map with his pointing stick, but forgets that a 12x12 tent hasn't got much room when packed with people, and manages to hit the Staish in the eye with the stick. Staish is CASEVACed off the TACEVAL, thereby promoting everyone else instantly, and producing an inject that not even the TACEVAL writers could have thought of!
'Somewhere in Turkey'
Walking from Ops site to feeder. Just off the track we see a soldier holding a red flag.
'What is he doing'? I enquire.
'Left Marker for the firing range' was the reply.
'What if he gets shot' I say, somewhat alarmed.
'We have lots of soldiers' was the reply.
'What is he doing'? I enquire.
'Left Marker for the firing range' was the reply.
'What if he gets shot' I say, somewhat alarmed.
'We have lots of soldiers' was the reply.
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Wyler - I think you should have also enlightened the punters about your invitation to dance with the Turkish officers and how you escaped through a window in the gents to avoid a bit of cheek-to-cheek action with large men with moustaches!
hmmmmm yes, still have bad dreams about that. Big hairy blokes with guns, full of beer asking one to dance is not, IMHO, a good night out. Mind you, having climbed through the window in the gents I found myself 'downtown' in a very dodgy part of the neighbourhood. Lesser of two evils I decided and scuttled back to the Hotel.
On the plus side, it's the only time in my life that I have been to a dinner dance and known I was guaranteed a shag if I wanted one......
On the plus side, it's the only time in my life that I have been to a dinner dance and known I was guaranteed a shag if I wanted one......
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I once div'd into Manchester and went for lunch at the BA cafe ... my gun set the detector alarm off and the security staff let me thru, so long as I passed it form right to left hand, around the detector!
I guess they'd already spotted it was 'only a Walther' and was less dangerous then the cafe cutlery!
I guess they'd already spotted it was 'only a Walther' and was less dangerous then the cafe cutlery!
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Winter 1968, at RAF What-a-shame. Dark, loads of snow, very early a.m.
TACEVAL called.
QRA hangar erupts with activity as number 1 Lightning scrambled.
Squadron SEngO (Sqdn.Ldr. "Sh!tface" L*******, an awful excuse for a human being) turns up to rubberneck.
Sees an SAC operating the mini-snowblower on the paths and road leading to the hangar. Tears a strip off the SAC for not clearing it quickly enough, decides to set an example and takes over the snowblower.
Unfortunately, he insists on doing it his way, and at the end of every run he turns the blower exhaust shute round 180 degrees (get the picture in your mind's eye?)
So, as he tracks across the road, the snow he has been ejecting gradually fills up the spaces he has cleared.
Only after about 15 minutes did he realise what he had been doing. Perhaps it was the sight of the groundcrew laughing at him from the warmth of the QRA crewroom............
TACEVAL called.
QRA hangar erupts with activity as number 1 Lightning scrambled.
Squadron SEngO (Sqdn.Ldr. "Sh!tface" L*******, an awful excuse for a human being) turns up to rubberneck.
Sees an SAC operating the mini-snowblower on the paths and road leading to the hangar. Tears a strip off the SAC for not clearing it quickly enough, decides to set an example and takes over the snowblower.
Unfortunately, he insists on doing it his way, and at the end of every run he turns the blower exhaust shute round 180 degrees (get the picture in your mind's eye?)
So, as he tracks across the road, the snow he has been ejecting gradually fills up the spaces he has cleared.
Only after about 15 minutes did he realise what he had been doing. Perhaps it was the sight of the groundcrew laughing at him from the warmth of the QRA crewroom............
Speaking of Divs - day one of a three day TACEVAL with a DI staff on the jump seat. DI staff says "Bang - you've just been hit by a SAM. What are you going to do?"
"Divert to Leuchars" we say.
"Go on then" he replied.
So we did - and went U/S. Due to exercise manning constraints, it took two days to get the parts and the engineers up to porridge land. Best TACEVAL I can remember! We were in quite a lot of pooh when we got back from a boss who wasn't quite sure if we weren't pulling a fast one. But not as much pooh as the DI staff.
"Divert to Leuchars" we say.
"Go on then" he replied.
So we did - and went U/S. Due to exercise manning constraints, it took two days to get the parts and the engineers up to porridge land. Best TACEVAL I can remember! We were in quite a lot of pooh when we got back from a boss who wasn't quite sure if we weren't pulling a fast one. But not as much pooh as the DI staff.
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Then of course there was the ultimate snafu, F4 one Fox 2
As zee German doing a parallel attack who said "Zee RAF are doing it very realistically, I think'll I'll go home."
As zee German doing a parallel attack who said "Zee RAF are doing it very realistically, I think'll I'll go home."
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Hann AFB
In '88 I was a u/t member of the NATO TACEVAL team, learning the in's and out's of evaluating special missions with my mentor, a B52 Nav Rad who had a Masters in Atomic science. We were evaluating the guy's at Hann AFB in SW Germany. They flew the F16A's in the Tri-mission role (precursor to swing role) doing AD, Attack and Strike. Didn't do to well in the last category unfortunatley and, subsequently, the Wing Commander and Base commander had window seats back home to Washington.
For those of you not versed in USAF ways, they didn't scramble on the big launch because of an emb***erance called the "last chance checks" That meant that they would taxi to make their planned launch time, have the "take off" time noted by a member of the distaff and then taxi down the main and back to the holding point where the engineers would then check the ac and remove any offending pins, and finally arm any bombs or missiles etc. A bit girlie but then it was ultimatley safe! Picture the scene, Captain X taxying back to the gingers has a major Hydrazine leak, just passing ATC, so emergency shuts down and vacates Uncle Sam's crook F16A a bit sharpish and runs off upwind. "Bit of bad luck really," we all said later because, in his haste, he had forgotten to apply the handbrake and, as the ac was stopped on a downwards facing bit of concrete.....yes you've guessed it, bloody thing starts to roll, forwards, towards a huge hangar full of ac! Thankfully, for Captain X, it's progress was arrested and it eventually came to a rest with the pitot probe poked through the side of a vehicle. Turns out that it was the staff car of a senior member of the TACEVAL team
Can't recall if Captain X also got a window seat. You really couldn't make it up!
3P
For those of you not versed in USAF ways, they didn't scramble on the big launch because of an emb***erance called the "last chance checks" That meant that they would taxi to make their planned launch time, have the "take off" time noted by a member of the distaff and then taxi down the main and back to the holding point where the engineers would then check the ac and remove any offending pins, and finally arm any bombs or missiles etc. A bit girlie but then it was ultimatley safe! Picture the scene, Captain X taxying back to the gingers has a major Hydrazine leak, just passing ATC, so emergency shuts down and vacates Uncle Sam's crook F16A a bit sharpish and runs off upwind. "Bit of bad luck really," we all said later because, in his haste, he had forgotten to apply the handbrake and, as the ac was stopped on a downwards facing bit of concrete.....yes you've guessed it, bloody thing starts to roll, forwards, towards a huge hangar full of ac! Thankfully, for Captain X, it's progress was arrested and it eventually came to a rest with the pitot probe poked through the side of a vehicle. Turns out that it was the staff car of a senior member of the TACEVAL team
Can't recall if Captain X also got a window seat. You really couldn't make it up!3P
Bruggen in Jaguar days.................Over the tannoy with a very Irish accent................"FIRE FIRE FIRE There's a dog in the fire section"
pause.......................
"FIRE FIRE FIRE There's a fire in the dog section"
Big round of applause!!
Happy Days
pause.......................
"FIRE FIRE FIRE There's a fire in the dog section"
Big round of applause!!
Happy Days
Last edited by newt; 25th Jan 2007 at 17:29.
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Another SH RAFG one. Taceval team inject some chemical death and destruction, with casualties lying on the ground outside. At a similar time, a Puma lands. After a short delay, the Puma crewman appeared inside the command post, red in the face and angry. We're all in NBC kit in the barn, he is in normal flying kit. He didn't notice!
"I don't bloody believe it", says he. "Here we are on TACEVAL and the groundcrew are all outside lying on the ground sunbathing! I've put two of the buggers on a charge!"
"I don't bloody believe it", says he. "Here we are on TACEVAL and the groundcrew are all outside lying on the ground sunbathing! I've put two of the buggers on a charge!"
Laarbruch - mid seventies - got a "2" for "Strike". The Di Staff, having given their reasons, then gave way to the Stn Cdr who made a short speech ending with - "and if Laarbruch don't get a "1" for Strike next time - my co*k's a kipper" at which this Luftwaffe Leutnant on my right turned to his mate, and said [something like] "Was ist - Mein Hahn ist ein Haring ?"
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Binbrook in the mid 80s. Survival scramble is called and 15 or so Lightnings start up and taxy. First jet away thunders off down the runway and as it rotates the canopy comes off and smacks the fin. Result - Taceval on hold and a large number of fuel guzzling aircraft queued up waitng to go whilst the damaged aircraft recovers. Aircraft landed safely thankfully.
Taceval Part 1 in the snow at Binbrook where in over 10 hours not a single aircraft was generated due to them all being stuck in the hangar behind tons of snow
Years later at Lyneham was one of the lucky ones on the B Line nightshift who were all killed off within 30 mins of arriving in work, the reason being that there were too many techies for the number of available aircraft. Best Taceval ever thats for sure.
Taceval Part 1 in the snow at Binbrook where in over 10 hours not a single aircraft was generated due to them all being stuck in the hangar behind tons of snow
Years later at Lyneham was one of the lucky ones on the B Line nightshift who were all killed off within 30 mins of arriving in work, the reason being that there were too many techies for the number of available aircraft. Best Taceval ever thats for sure.