Mess Canons
Bit of deja vous here, we had a similar thread a while ago, never mind!
In the 1970s there was a real field gun outside the Odiham officers' mess. NAAFI bean cans (full ones, mind) were a very good fit down the barrel. A "spare" thunderflash was often found to send the beans on their way during happy hour. Fortunately, the gun was always aimed across the airfield because one day, OC Ops's dog, being taken out for its walk, found more than a few singed and battered cans about a half a mile away. Had the thing been aimed inboard on the domestic site it could have "bean" chaos. After that the spoilsports had a plate welded over the muzzle.
Never forget the night of our CFS course graduation. George McCracken shot the entire wooden pelmet, curtain rails, new curtains and a few kilos of barely dry plaster off the wall in the newly decorated Ladies room at Shawbury with the Navy's cannon. "Totally innocent accident, m'lud, of course".... True, he was aiming about twelve feet lower at a stack of pint pots on the back of an upturned armchair and missed.
In the 1970s there was a real field gun outside the Odiham officers' mess. NAAFI bean cans (full ones, mind) were a very good fit down the barrel. A "spare" thunderflash was often found to send the beans on their way during happy hour. Fortunately, the gun was always aimed across the airfield because one day, OC Ops's dog, being taken out for its walk, found more than a few singed and battered cans about a half a mile away. Had the thing been aimed inboard on the domestic site it could have "bean" chaos. After that the spoilsports had a plate welded over the muzzle.
Never forget the night of our CFS course graduation. George McCracken shot the entire wooden pelmet, curtain rails, new curtains and a few kilos of barely dry plaster off the wall in the newly decorated Ladies room at Shawbury with the Navy's cannon. "Totally innocent accident, m'lud, of course".... True, he was aiming about twelve feet lower at a stack of pint pots on the back of an upturned armchair and missed.
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I've Never seen a Mess Canon, less still had one blow off in my face (Mmmmatron!). We had a nun living-in at Cosford, once; though I never saw her do anything unusual with baked bean tins or lighter fuel.
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Recommend you practise your best "aint seen nuffink guv" in case the feds come round.
I got investigated by SIB for making "class 1 firearms".
Whatever.
It was a long-barrelled pizo(!)-electric, deodorant powered spud gun and would knock fence panels off at about 25m.
Never saw it again, probably in their "museum".
Ray.
I got investigated by SIB for making "class 1 firearms".
Whatever.
It was a long-barrelled pizo(!)-electric, deodorant powered spud gun and would knock fence panels off at about 25m.
Never saw it again, probably in their "museum".
Ray.
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Recommend you practise your best "aint seen nuffink guv" in case the feds come round.
I got investigated by SIB for making "class 1 firearms".
Whatever.
It was a long-barrelled pizo(!)-electric, deodorant powered spud gun and would knock fence panels off at about 25m.
Never saw it again, probably in their "museum".
Ray.
I got investigated by SIB for making "class 1 firearms".
Whatever.
It was a long-barrelled pizo(!)-electric, deodorant powered spud gun and would knock fence panels off at about 25m.
Never saw it again, probably in their "museum".
Ray.
Remember it well Ray, especially A*** C******* blowing that mannequin's head off with it. Genius.
I recall the plod quote was "improvised weapons which any terrorist would be proud of" or similar.
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Corridor parties in MPA were always a bit tame after that one!
Ah MPA. I remember the test firing of a mess cannon in the corridor. IIRC twas made of a used 66mm AAW and used a tennis ball as ammo. At one end of the corridor were the gun crew and at the other end the catchers. The gun crew stopped test firing when the tennis ball managed to get half way through the glass panel of a fire door! You know the ones - two panes of glass with a wire lattice in between!! Needless to say the catchers didn't!
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"improvised weapons which any terrorist would be proud of"
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Few things we found that... enhance...those cannon moment:
- Big combustion chamber leading to a narrow barrel
- Squirt of oxygen
Combines to bend 5mm steel into a funny pringle shape, stop all conversation in the bar dead and send a golf ball god know where. (Also toasted my No 5s with a hot gas leak)
Agree with earlier post by threeput; if it is CB, a couple of bean tins and some bodge tape 'aint going to cut the mustard
- Big combustion chamber leading to a narrow barrel
- Squirt of oxygen
Combines to bend 5mm steel into a funny pringle shape, stop all conversation in the bar dead and send a golf ball god know where. (Also toasted my No 5s with a hot gas leak)
Agree with earlier post by threeput; if it is CB, a couple of bean tins and some bodge tape 'aint going to cut the mustard
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Kirsty
The legend of the good old ULAS Beer Mortar, named after a reither feisty member of the organisation, still exists - 6ft of high pressure aluminium steam piping welded into a cast iron fire extinguisher with muzzle brake and baffles - used to fire a frozen beer can up to 600ft with the judicious use of Lynx later changed to Physio Sport as it seemed to have a greater specific impulse. Wyton Scuffers said the IRA would be proud!
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Front Rank Independent Fire at Will!
Ahh the joys of the Mess Cannon. It was one of the few simple pleasures of life during 4 months in the Falklands to be the custodian of the Mess Cannon. I remember during a Cape Petrel(?) Exercise at Mt Kent we were to be attacked by a squad from the Royal Green Jackets (they'd just been sent to the FI as the RIC after the debacle in Cyprus).
The whole unit withdrew to a defensive position up on the Ops Site as we heard them storming the Admin Site. Once cleared they set-upon coming up the hill and attacking the Ops site. As the duty controller and Jopso I was clearly instructed to stay out of the way and near the ops room as I was supposedly important, but I couldn't help myself. This was too good an opportunity to miss. Having expected such an eventuality I had taken the liberty of strategically pre-positioning the Mess Cannon and a binbag full of empty beer cans behind our forward lines.
As I heard the squad come up the hill I snook out to see the night sky lit up with a great trading of blanks, thunderflashes and those parachute flare things (schmoolies?). This was my chance. I ran to my pre-loaded cannon gave it a squirt, swung it about a bit to get the mix right, then pointed it down the hill over the heads of the defending team (and my boss) towards the flashes of the approaching enemy. In my best Michael Caine Zulu accent I shouted, "Front rank independent fire at will!" lit the cannon and with a satisfying THUD it fired its projectile over the top of the trenches and towards the enemy in a sweet and beautiful arc. I quickly reloaded and fired again. I have to say I was enjoying myself immensely however my fun was over far too quickly. After about the 5 or 6th shot there was I believe too much vapour in the cannon and what had been a satisfying THUD had now become a limp fizz. I decided that both the Mess Cannon and I had enjoyed our moment of glory so I packed it away and skulked back to the Ops Room.
In the post attack aftermath we all sat down for tea and biccies and had a chat with the RGJs about the event. They had expressed surprise during the attack when they saw a peculiar blue flash from the hill-side followed by incoming projectiles raining down on them only to find they where black and yellow empty Boddingtons cans. They were impressed at our ingenuity but asked that next time we fire cans that were full!
Happy Days! (Well relatively, it was the Falklands after all...)
The whole unit withdrew to a defensive position up on the Ops Site as we heard them storming the Admin Site. Once cleared they set-upon coming up the hill and attacking the Ops site. As the duty controller and Jopso I was clearly instructed to stay out of the way and near the ops room as I was supposedly important, but I couldn't help myself. This was too good an opportunity to miss. Having expected such an eventuality I had taken the liberty of strategically pre-positioning the Mess Cannon and a binbag full of empty beer cans behind our forward lines.
As I heard the squad come up the hill I snook out to see the night sky lit up with a great trading of blanks, thunderflashes and those parachute flare things (schmoolies?). This was my chance. I ran to my pre-loaded cannon gave it a squirt, swung it about a bit to get the mix right, then pointed it down the hill over the heads of the defending team (and my boss) towards the flashes of the approaching enemy. In my best Michael Caine Zulu accent I shouted, "Front rank independent fire at will!" lit the cannon and with a satisfying THUD it fired its projectile over the top of the trenches and towards the enemy in a sweet and beautiful arc. I quickly reloaded and fired again. I have to say I was enjoying myself immensely however my fun was over far too quickly. After about the 5 or 6th shot there was I believe too much vapour in the cannon and what had been a satisfying THUD had now become a limp fizz. I decided that both the Mess Cannon and I had enjoyed our moment of glory so I packed it away and skulked back to the Ops Room.
In the post attack aftermath we all sat down for tea and biccies and had a chat with the RGJs about the event. They had expressed surprise during the attack when they saw a peculiar blue flash from the hill-side followed by incoming projectiles raining down on them only to find they where black and yellow empty Boddingtons cans. They were impressed at our ingenuity but asked that next time we fire cans that were full!
Happy Days! (Well relatively, it was the Falklands after all...)
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I wonder if anyone else used the NATO standard 2ft ashtray with removable centre dome. With a main charge of 1 x Thunderflash, a potent weapon system could be improvised. BDA showed that OM bar ceiling at Valley had been successfully engaged without much collateral damage.
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Saw that thing with the ashtray at A'grove - ask the new Staish-to-be at N'holt if he'd like to repeat the the trick - I suspect not!! Just remember....you aint seen me
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Royal Artillery Mess Shotgun trick
I have heard described a nifty little game that was (apparently) practised in RA Messes. Involved a disassembled shotgun (SBS, of course) a blind fold and a subaltern who had to run accross an open doorway. A more senior member of the mess would be blindfolded and would have to re-assemble the gun, load, aim and fire as subby ran past door way (no 7 derated cartridges, of course...). Can anyone else verify this...or have similar experiences?
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Transmit set to OT mode:
Remember the one about Whizzo, the World Famous Human Cannon Ball at the circus?
When he died, a circus spokesman said that it would be very difficult to find a successor of the same calibre...
Collecting coat and hat.
Remember the one about Whizzo, the World Famous Human Cannon Ball at the circus?
When he died, a circus spokesman said that it would be very difficult to find a successor of the same calibre...
Collecting coat and hat.
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White out
Just for amusment we once tried using a flour projectile in the mess cannon. Make a cone out of paper, insert into barrel, fill with copious amounts of flour and cap with tissue paper.
Run into a room and let rip and you get an instant whiteout in which to retreat.
Run into a room and let rip and you get an instant whiteout in which to retreat.