Front Rank Independent Fire at Will!
Ahh the joys of the Mess Cannon. It was one of the few simple pleasures of life during 4 months in the Falklands to be the custodian of the Mess Cannon. I remember during a Cape Petrel(?) Exercise at Mt Kent we were to be attacked by a squad from the Royal Green Jackets (they'd just been sent to the FI as the RIC after the debacle in Cyprus).
The whole unit withdrew to a defensive position up on the Ops Site as we heard them storming the Admin Site. Once cleared they set-upon coming up the hill and attacking the Ops site. As the duty controller and Jopso I was clearly instructed to stay out of the way and near the ops room as I was supposedly important, but I couldn't help myself. This was too good an opportunity to miss. Having expected such an eventuality I had taken the liberty of strategically pre-positioning the Mess Cannon and a binbag full of empty beer cans behind our forward lines.
As I heard the squad come up the hill I snook out to see the night sky lit up with a great trading of blanks, thunderflashes and those parachute flare things (schmoolies?). This was my chance. I ran to my pre-loaded cannon gave it a squirt, swung it about a bit to get the mix right, then pointed it down the hill over the heads of the defending team (and my boss) towards the flashes of the approaching enemy. In my best Michael Caine Zulu accent I shouted, "Front rank independent fire at will!" lit the cannon and with a satisfying THUD it fired its projectile over the top of the trenches and towards the enemy in a sweet and beautiful arc. I quickly reloaded and fired again. I have to say I was enjoying myself immensely however my fun was over far too quickly. After about the 5 or 6th shot there was I believe too much vapour in the cannon and what had been a satisfying THUD had now become a limp fizz. I decided that both the Mess Cannon and I had enjoyed our moment of glory so I packed it away and skulked back to the Ops Room.
In the post attack aftermath we all sat down for tea and biccies and had a chat with the RGJs about the event. They had expressed surprise during the attack when they saw a peculiar blue flash from the hill-side followed by incoming projectiles raining down on them only to find they where black and yellow empty Boddingtons cans. They were impressed at our ingenuity but asked that next time we fire cans that were full!
Happy Days! (Well relatively, it was the Falklands after all...)