Aircrew medical - urgent translation needed!
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hampshire
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Aircrew medical - urgent translation needed!
Just the other day I had my annual aircrew medial, but this time, with a GP of seniority similar to that of the collective age of the Rolling Stones. The medical went well until the cough moment... and the discussion went a little like this:GP: "Do you drink?"
OT: "Yes, in moderation, of course."
GP: "Do you smoke?"
OT: "No. OK, perhaps the odd cigar after a dinner night, at a push!"
GP: "Looking at your PULHEEMS results, I see your bi-laterals are a little raised at the moment. Your HOTAS figures are fine, though. Nothing to worry about."
OT: "Right. Er, what does that mean?"
The GP took out his inspection torch and gave me a clean bill of health for ENT issues, adding:
GP: "Ever has capped actuals?"
OT: "No."
GP: "Ever had a jet-pipe fire?"
OT: "No, although I had a course of A400M pills for a JPA problem some time back."
GP: "I see."
OT: "It was all down to a minor op reuniting my VPI and preventing any further MRTT delays. You know the procedure."
GP: "Was any advice requested prior to the op for your MBA count?"
OT: "No, a bit like the JPA treatment I had for my C123K parts - again I had to wear some water-proof gloves for a time."
GP: "Right. That's clear. I know what we need to do to sort this out."
OT: "What?"
GP: "I recommend a course of P-prunes for breakfast and ease up on the threads to prevent them being removed."
OT: "Thanks."
Has anyone else suffered such indignation at the hands of a Hypocratic oath signatory?
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: UK
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The doc has it wrong, I'm afraid, and he was foolish to let you go. That's as bad a case of Jargonese as I have ever seen, which you might have contracted during a poorly administered course of ISS, or even a botched ASC infusion. I doubt if you would have picked it up at the SQN level, but it certainly has all the hallmarks of extended exposure to raw MOD. That's bad, even fatal. Have you considered ORD treatment or, if it's too late for that, an application of PVR and some fresh air?
