More "I wish I hadn't said that.."
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More "I wish I hadn't said that.."
Highlighting the different marks of respect afforded officers of the 3 services..
In the Navy we didin't salute officers on bikes..(ship rolled and they usually fell off!!)
However at RAF Shawbury, 3 Chief Petty Officers are faced with a crab officer on a bike, and duly blank him. The crab turns around and cycles over and says "Compliments gentlemen please"
Matelot answer.. "Nice f***in' bike sir"
Or at AAC Wattisham, where the Army bods wear berets and caps on an active airfield, and we don't..
Pongo: "where's your beret chief"?
Matelot: "In my pocket"
Pongo: "Why isn't it on your 'ead"?
Matelot: "Cos my head doesn't fit in my f***in' pocket"
In the Navy we didin't salute officers on bikes..(ship rolled and they usually fell off!!)
However at RAF Shawbury, 3 Chief Petty Officers are faced with a crab officer on a bike, and duly blank him. The crab turns around and cycles over and says "Compliments gentlemen please"
Matelot answer.. "Nice f***in' bike sir"
Or at AAC Wattisham, where the Army bods wear berets and caps on an active airfield, and we don't..
Pongo: "where's your beret chief"?
Matelot: "In my pocket"
Pongo: "Why isn't it on your 'ead"?
Matelot: "Cos my head doesn't fit in my f***in' pocket"
Join Date: Mar 2003
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Squad of elite Navy trainees marching at HMS Dryad and the class leader didn't notice a passing Wg Cdr, who shouted to the class leader to halt the squad and report to him. The Wg Cdr said "Do you not salute Wg Cdr's in the Navy?" to which the naive class leader replied "We don't have any Wg Cdr's in the Navy sir"
Join Date: Feb 2003
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A US Navy F4 pilot taxied right past last chance and the tower called that he had missed the turn.
"We don't do that s**t in the Navy" was the retort.
A few minutes later as he lined up for take-off the mobile controller spotted a gear lock pin and informed the pilot. The tower gave taxy instructions for return to parking. At this point the Navy pilot requested last chance for the removal of the pin and the tower replied
"Sorry, we don't do that s**t for Navy pukes".
True story.
"We don't do that s**t in the Navy" was the retort.
A few minutes later as he lined up for take-off the mobile controller spotted a gear lock pin and informed the pilot. The tower gave taxy instructions for return to parking. At this point the Navy pilot requested last chance for the removal of the pin and the tower replied
"Sorry, we don't do that s**t for Navy pukes".
True story.
Join Date: Aug 2002
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Dont know if this one has been mentioned before but here goes.
Young Airman based at Laarbruch in the early 80's says, after a slight disagreement with the Police sqn's Flt lt G F, whilst on exercise...
Airman.... "Sir, what would you do If I called you a C#$T?"
G F.... "I would have you arrested for insubordination!"
Airman.... "What would you do if I thought you were A C#$T?"
G F.... "Nothing, we are all entitled to our own opinions!"
Airman.... "Well in that case sir, I think you are a C#$T!!"
G F.... "Duty Sgt, Arrest that man!!"
Young Airman based at Laarbruch in the early 80's says, after a slight disagreement with the Police sqn's Flt lt G F, whilst on exercise...
Airman.... "Sir, what would you do If I called you a C#$T?"
G F.... "I would have you arrested for insubordination!"
Airman.... "What would you do if I thought you were A C#$T?"
G F.... "Nothing, we are all entitled to our own opinions!"
Airman.... "Well in that case sir, I think you are a C#$T!!"
G F.... "Duty Sgt, Arrest that man!!"
Join Date: Jul 2002
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Very Senior Officer, about to deliver boring drone on "The Way Forward" or some such drivel.
"Can you all hear me all right?
Anonymous Voice
" Yes but I don't mind swapping with some one who can't"
"Can you all hear me all right?
Anonymous Voice
" Yes but I don't mind swapping with some one who can't"
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UAS stude on visit to RAFG is in the bar swigging from a bottle of Becks
OC Ops " Young man! Don't you know that RAF Officers don't drink from bottles?"
UAS Stude "No, but it don't matter as I'm not an RAF Officer..."
Stude was to meet up with same OC Ops later as DDIOT - I believe he is now serving in the Navy...
OC Ops " Young man! Don't you know that RAF Officers don't drink from bottles?"
UAS Stude "No, but it don't matter as I'm not an RAF Officer..."
Stude was to meet up with same OC Ops later as DDIOT - I believe he is now serving in the Navy...
Wish I HAD said that!!
Apologies if this has been aired before:-
Lossie SWO stops scruffy long-haired airman at the main gate with his pace stick across the lad's chest:
"There's $hit on the end of my pace stick..."
Quick as a flash our boy retorts:
"Not at this bloody end Sir!"
Apparently Joe SWO was so amused he let the lad off!
Lossie SWO stops scruffy long-haired airman at the main gate with his pace stick across the lad's chest:
"There's $hit on the end of my pace stick..."
Quick as a flash our boy retorts:
"Not at this bloody end Sir!"
Apparently Joe SWO was so amused he let the lad off!
Join Date: Apr 2002
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Student on FJ course a few years ago (Before my time)
Stude:"Xyz control, Falcon 42"
..........No reply
Stude:"Xyz control, Falcon 42"
.........still no reply, so squaks comm failure.
Shortly after..
Xyz Control:"Falcon 42, Xyz control radio check"
Stude:"Xyz Control, Falcon 42, have you 5/5"
Xyz Control:"Falcon 42 confrim radio failure?"
Stude:" Control, Falcon 42, Affirm, I have a complete and total radio failure"
That would be finger trouble then!?!?!
Stude:"Xyz control, Falcon 42"
..........No reply
Stude:"Xyz control, Falcon 42"
.........still no reply, so squaks comm failure.
Shortly after..
Xyz Control:"Falcon 42, Xyz control radio check"
Stude:"Xyz Control, Falcon 42, have you 5/5"
Xyz Control:"Falcon 42 confrim radio failure?"
Stude:" Control, Falcon 42, Affirm, I have a complete and total radio failure"
That would be finger trouble then!?!?!
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A few years ago sitting in the crew room on standby, preparing our next job for the following week, in civvies, feet on the tables, smoking and drinking coffee.
Back to the scene.
Crew room, hazy with smoke, coffee cups all over the tables.
Signals strewn over the floor, trying to make some sense of the job.
Old grey Flt Sgt in charge of the briefing – been everywhere – seen it done it.
You know the type.
Our new team leader has just arrived on station, young blade in his second hand X19, straight from IOT, pimply, big ears, big hat that don’t fit, scrawny little neck.
You know the type.
Goes into ops, and is told by the Boss that “your new team is downstairs in the crew room, go and introduce yourself”.
Said pimply young blade walks into the crew room, comes up to our corner, and introduces himself with a cheery “ Hello chaps. I’m Rich Green”.
Said Old grey Flt Sgt, as noted earlier, continues to read the signal in his hand,
Takes a drag on his cigarette, and without looking up from his paperwork exhales with “That’s the colour of my babies’ nappy”.
Back to the scene.
Crew room, hazy with smoke, coffee cups all over the tables.
Signals strewn over the floor, trying to make some sense of the job.
Old grey Flt Sgt in charge of the briefing – been everywhere – seen it done it.
You know the type.
Our new team leader has just arrived on station, young blade in his second hand X19, straight from IOT, pimply, big ears, big hat that don’t fit, scrawny little neck.
You know the type.
Goes into ops, and is told by the Boss that “your new team is downstairs in the crew room, go and introduce yourself”.
Said pimply young blade walks into the crew room, comes up to our corner, and introduces himself with a cheery “ Hello chaps. I’m Rich Green”.
Said Old grey Flt Sgt, as noted earlier, continues to read the signal in his hand,
Takes a drag on his cigarette, and without looking up from his paperwork exhales with “That’s the colour of my babies’ nappy”.
Join Date: Feb 2002
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Perhaps someone from "wiltshire" can recount the story of "B@@@s the mad nav"
and his tangle with the Akroneli stiash. I know most of the "Sheik your-wad" story but not enough of the facts to do it justice..................as you may already have spotted 
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
and his tangle with the Akroneli stiash. I know most of the "Sheik your-wad" story but not enough of the facts to do it justice..................as you may already have spotted all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
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Ok so it's line book stuff but here goes.
RAF Laarbruch early 70's (wall to wall Canberras) AOC's inspection and carefully selected Squadron aircrew(16Sqn) paraded casually(best blues) in crew coffee bar(yes we did have them) and surprise surprise the great man is running late.Eventually arrives and goes straight to the newest first tour pilot and asks " How long have you been here son?" Fg Off Sonny Holmes replies for us all-"just over 25 mins sir."
Bless him-Sadly, Sonny was in a fatal aircraft accident a few months later - my best regards to family and friends.
RAF Laarbruch early 70's (wall to wall Canberras) AOC's inspection and carefully selected Squadron aircrew(16Sqn) paraded casually(best blues) in crew coffee bar(yes we did have them) and surprise surprise the great man is running late.Eventually arrives and goes straight to the newest first tour pilot and asks " How long have you been here son?" Fg Off Sonny Holmes replies for us all-"just over 25 mins sir."
Bless him-Sadly, Sonny was in a fatal aircraft accident a few months later - my best regards to family and friends.
ABIW
What do you know about "Sheik Ya-Wad", the well-known AK. VIP?
What do you know about "Sheik Ya-Wad", the well-known AK. VIP?
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
"Oh God I'm pissed off"
Tower Unknown Callsign say again callsign
"Not that pissed off"
Tower Unknown Callsign say again callsign
"Not that pissed off"
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A young ADMINO with a reputation for putting it out for the lads was being used as a "survivor" for winching training.
She was lowered to the forest floor, where the others participants (and some Sqn pilots) were waiting. By chance she landed, on her ar$e, right next to a rabbit warren.
She exclaimed for all to here: "Oh look, there is a big hole right next to my bottom!"
She was lowered to the forest floor, where the others participants (and some Sqn pilots) were waiting. By chance she landed, on her ar$e, right next to a rabbit warren.
She exclaimed for all to here: "Oh look, there is a big hole right next to my bottom!"
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Young Max R8 on Stn Cdr's carpet after landing pointy jet just short of main runway.
Bill Wratten (for it was he) "How on earth did you land in the undershoot of a 9,000 ft runway?"
Max R8 "I think I would have used the same technique if it was a shorter runway, Sir."
About turn, quick march, run away bravely!
(or at least thats what I wished I'd said!)
Bill Wratten (for it was he) "How on earth did you land in the undershoot of a 9,000 ft runway?"
Max R8 "I think I would have used the same technique if it was a shorter runway, Sir."
About turn, quick march, run away bravely!
(or at least thats what I wished I'd said!)
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Ref the famous story about B@@@s
Ascot XXXX tells akt that they have a vip on board called sheik ya wad. On landing they are told to taxi to X bay where they are met by the stn cdr and other stn big nobs. B@@@s gets off the frame in full arab kit to be greeted by Harry stiash "welcome to raf akt etc etc." B@@@s replys "on your knees inferdel" stiash not too sure what to do starts to go down but spots B@@@s flying boots. By all accounts stiash and akt execs did not see the funny side.
Sorry if this stroy is a bit wrong but I'm only telling it as it was told to me.
Ascot XXXX tells akt that they have a vip on board called sheik ya wad. On landing they are told to taxi to X bay where they are met by the stn cdr and other stn big nobs. B@@@s gets off the frame in full arab kit to be greeted by Harry stiash "welcome to raf akt etc etc." B@@@s replys "on your knees inferdel" stiash not too sure what to do starts to go down but spots B@@@s flying boots. By all accounts stiash and akt execs did not see the funny side.
Sorry if this stroy is a bit wrong but I'm only telling it as it was told to me.
Flight Cadet Nelson on parade practice, Hairy Mary's, got up late, dressed quickly, button on battledress undone...
CWO : Your button's undone. Who do you think you are, Napoleon?
Cadet: No, Nelson, Sir..........
CWO : Your button's undone. Who do you think you are, Napoleon?
Cadet: No, Nelson, Sir..........