More "I wish I hadn't said that.."
Picture the scene:
First Gulf War a bunker on an airbase during a Scud alert, all bar one journo wearing respirators.
Q from journo "my mask is in the hotel, what do I do now?"
A from closest NCO "die mate!"
First Gulf War a bunker on an airbase during a Scud alert, all bar one journo wearing respirators.
Q from journo "my mask is in the hotel, what do I do now?"
A from closest NCO "die mate!"
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: fantasyland
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During a visit by a Group Captain to the Squadron he is introduced to Adrian by the Squadron Commander:
Wg Cdr: "This is Adrian who has just returned from a Joint Service tour with the Army."
Gp Capt: "And Adrian, what have you been doing since then?"
Adrian: "Cartwheels Sir......."
Wg Cdr: "This is Adrian who has just returned from a Joint Service tour with the Army."
Gp Capt: "And Adrian, what have you been doing since then?"
Adrian: "Cartwheels Sir......."
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Bit nosey aren't you
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Twas me running into Linton circa 1986 in a JP3. Can't remember the actual runway headings and the long winter nights really aren't long enough to look them up and ensure the accuracy of this tale!
Running in from Dishforth, the RLG, for a break to land, heading about 150 and lined up nicely with a runway.
Instructor: 'What runway are Linton using?'
Me: '27'
Instructor: 'What does the compass say?'
Me: '150'
Instructor: 'What does that mean to you?'
Me: 'The compass is broken?......'
Instructor: 'I have control!!!'
Fortunately MH (where are you now) laughed about it and I ended up on the front-line despite a few more scrapes along the way! (When I say he laughed about, it he actually took the p*ss out of me for years to come, c'est la vie)
Ghost
Running in from Dishforth, the RLG, for a break to land, heading about 150 and lined up nicely with a runway.
Instructor: 'What runway are Linton using?'
Me: '27'
Instructor: 'What does the compass say?'
Me: '150'
Instructor: 'What does that mean to you?'
Me: 'The compass is broken?......'
Instructor: 'I have control!!!'
Fortunately MH (where are you now) laughed about it and I ended up on the front-line despite a few more scrapes along the way! (When I say he laughed about, it he actually took the p*ss out of me for years to come, c'est la vie)
Ghost
B@@@@ only descended the steps after the loadie and nav (in similar gear plus dark shades) went before him, weapons et all, to see if it was secure....shouting bo77ocks at the coppers and OC Ops as they went!!
B@@@@
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Houston, Texas
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Back in 1986 at Lowery AFB in Denver Colorado, I was a young airman eating luch at the Burger King on base. Lowery was a training base with a fair amount of enlisted and officer attending various schools. This "open mess" fast food dining room was a microcasm (SP?) of the training demographic, with everyone from 18 year-old slick sleeve Airman Basics (me) to the two-star Major General enjoying his greasy lunch. As students were arriving everyday from basic training, it was not uncommon to observe several wide-eyed youngsters in line at Burger King, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do with themselves in such a relaxed atmosphere.
It was one of these lasses that walks in and sees the General Officer. (Mind you she's been told about these animals, but now she's staring at an honest to gosh two-star!)
Military bearing and training take over in a flash as she calls the Burger King to attention. (In a nice loud command voice; "Burger King, ten hut!")
The amused to the point of spitting up food MG very politely and fatherly gets up, tells everyone "at-ease" and asks the young lady to please join him when she had purchased her food. NIce guy.
I hadn't thought about that one in years.
It was one of these lasses that walks in and sees the General Officer. (Mind you she's been told about these animals, but now she's staring at an honest to gosh two-star!)
Military bearing and training take over in a flash as she calls the Burger King to attention. (In a nice loud command voice; "Burger King, ten hut!")
The amused to the point of spitting up food MG very politely and fatherly gets up, tells everyone "at-ease" and asks the young lady to please join him when she had purchased her food. NIce guy.
I hadn't thought about that one in years.
Another nice-guy American:
A senior SAC general officer was shopping in the Offutt BX. In those days only the really important folk had talking bricks...as did this chap. A little girl with her young mum were also shopping. Little girl, in one of those penetrating voices that can be heard 2 states away, spots the brick and pipes up "WHAT'S THAT FOR??". General looks bemused and says, "Err, why, that's so I can talk to the Tooth Fairy". Little girl goes all wide-eyed "Really, gosh, I've got a loose tooth!" "Uh-huh, let's see what we can do about that" replies the general, "Where do you live?". Little girl tells him, so General picks up his brick and snaps into the mike "Crystal Palace, this is Big Horn - gemme the Tooth Fairy" There is a moment's silence before a querying voice says "Err, say again, Sir?".."Yeah, this is Big Horn, GET..ME..THE..TOOTH..FAIRY!!". A moment's pause and a voice squeaks "Hi, this is the Tooth Fairy!"
"See - told you I could talk to the Tooth Fairy", smiles the General, "Tooth Fairy, this is Big Horn, you gotta mission at (LG's address) - is that a roger?"
"Tooth Fairy, roger" replies the brick, the General winks at the little girl's mum and they go happily on their way.....
A senior SAC general officer was shopping in the Offutt BX. In those days only the really important folk had talking bricks...as did this chap. A little girl with her young mum were also shopping. Little girl, in one of those penetrating voices that can be heard 2 states away, spots the brick and pipes up "WHAT'S THAT FOR??". General looks bemused and says, "Err, why, that's so I can talk to the Tooth Fairy". Little girl goes all wide-eyed "Really, gosh, I've got a loose tooth!" "Uh-huh, let's see what we can do about that" replies the general, "Where do you live?". Little girl tells him, so General picks up his brick and snaps into the mike "Crystal Palace, this is Big Horn - gemme the Tooth Fairy" There is a moment's silence before a querying voice says "Err, say again, Sir?".."Yeah, this is Big Horn, GET..ME..THE..TOOTH..FAIRY!!". A moment's pause and a voice squeaks "Hi, this is the Tooth Fairy!"
"See - told you I could talk to the Tooth Fairy", smiles the General, "Tooth Fairy, this is Big Horn, you gotta mission at (LG's address) - is that a roger?"
"Tooth Fairy, roger" replies the brick, the General winks at the little girl's mum and they go happily on their way.....
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: 59°45'36N 10°27'59E
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Allied ensignia are difficult to understand for the average dim US Army soldier......
Picture food hall at Camp McGovern Bosnia, Norwegian rifle squad enters for a hot meal. Up front our 21 year old second lieutenant. (Ensignia one star on the shoulder
)
We grab a tray and get in line. The guy at the back of the line turns to se who's behind him. Eyes widen, heels smack togheter, and he yells "Attention, general present" -you can guess the rest!
We where still laughing when we left an hour later!
Picture food hall at Camp McGovern Bosnia, Norwegian rifle squad enters for a hot meal. Up front our 21 year old second lieutenant. (Ensignia one star on the shoulder
)We grab a tray and get in line. The guy at the back of the line turns to se who's behind him. Eyes widen, heels smack togheter, and he yells "Attention, general present" -you can guess the rest!
We where still laughing when we left an hour later!
I was stationed at Troodos on top of Mount Olympus in Cyprus in a 'sensitive' installation which benefitted from the protection of a detachment of Brown Jobs. Very often we experienced weather which at 6,500' amsl we were 'in' rather than under, and it became necessary to alert staff to the possibility of lightning strikes.
There were five states, 1 being blue sky and 5, when we were in the midst of a serious storm. On this occasion I was advised by the met office at Akrotiri to call Lightning State 5, which meant all work had to cease, to avoid contact with any metal objects. I duly called everyone on the mountain, including the new Brown Job contingent of the Royal Anglian Regiment, who had only just arrived that week:
BJ: "Royal Anglian Regiment Detachment, Corporal XXXX speaking Sir"
Me: "This is Ops, Lightning State 5"
BJ: "Right Sir"
5 minutes after my call there was a pounding on the compound door and there stood a flushed young corporal with his squad of, er, squaddies, rifles looking for all the world like lightning rods, sticking up into one of the worst electrical storms I had seen, "Right sir, where's the trouble?" he asked innocently.
There were five states, 1 being blue sky and 5, when we were in the midst of a serious storm. On this occasion I was advised by the met office at Akrotiri to call Lightning State 5, which meant all work had to cease, to avoid contact with any metal objects. I duly called everyone on the mountain, including the new Brown Job contingent of the Royal Anglian Regiment, who had only just arrived that week:
BJ: "Royal Anglian Regiment Detachment, Corporal XXXX speaking Sir"
Me: "This is Ops, Lightning State 5"
BJ: "Right Sir"
5 minutes after my call there was a pounding on the compound door and there stood a flushed young corporal with his squad of, er, squaddies, rifles looking for all the world like lightning rods, sticking up into one of the worst electrical storms I had seen, "Right sir, where's the trouble?" he asked innocently.
I don't own this space under my name. I should have leased it while I still could
Back to the Americans.
Admin Office in Izmir.
RAF Wife visiting 6ATAF asks for pass to BX.
"How did you get here?"
'Flew in yesterday.'
"No, how did you get here?"
' . . .? came from the Hilton round the corner.'
"No, how did you get HERE?"
' well I walked out of the hotel, along the pavement, around the corner, and here I am.'
you can guess the next question.
' well I walked in the door, across the hall, up the stairs, turned right at the top . . . '
Our friendly Yank had one more try, speaking slowly, clearly, and with a slightly raised voice.
'?'
Another yank tries a different question. "How did you get passed the guard?"
'Oh, I just walked in, asked where the office was and he directed me here.'
"Duh!"
Admin Office in Izmir.
RAF Wife visiting 6ATAF asks for pass to BX.
"How did you get here?"
'Flew in yesterday.'
"No, how did you get here?"
' . . .? came from the Hilton round the corner.'
"No, how did you get HERE?"
' well I walked out of the hotel, along the pavement, around the corner, and here I am.'
you can guess the next question.
' well I walked in the door, across the hall, up the stairs, turned right at the top . . . '
Our friendly Yank had one more try, speaking slowly, clearly, and with a slightly raised voice.
'?'
Another yank tries a different question. "How did you get passed the guard?"
'Oh, I just walked in, asked where the office was and he directed me here.'
"Duh!"
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: UK
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A Sgt Weapons Controller was recently talking to a Coalition C-130 sandy-side. WC was pleased to hear that the person speaking to him was a gorgeous sounding lass....
Crowbar: "c/s blah, radar contact. Sweet, sweet, picture NW is clean, clear continue"........
...to his mate... "she sounds gorgeous - I reckon 5' 4", blonde, great legs and a fine pair of ......". He suddenly remembers to take his foot off the PTT switch
C-130: "Don't stop now, Crowbar...."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you can't take the RAF, you shouldn't have joined a joke...
Crowbar: "c/s blah, radar contact. Sweet, sweet, picture NW is clean, clear continue"........
...to his mate... "she sounds gorgeous - I reckon 5' 4", blonde, great legs and a fine pair of ......". He suddenly remembers to take his foot off the PTT switch
C-130: "Don't stop now, Crowbar...."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you can't take the RAF, you shouldn't have joined a joke...
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Australia
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And one time, at Sand Camp...
Very safety conscious, the Americans. Everyone here on base is required to wear a reflective "disco" belt at night in order to be seen by marauding Humvees. Should one "forget" to don a reflective belt then, when walking any distance in the accommodation area, one can count on at least one passing American to stop their vehicle, wind down the window and remind you that you aren't wearing your belt.
One night team Aussie was walking back from the "Chow Hall" to the tent when, sure enough, a helpful Yank pulled up in their "pickup".
Team Yank: "Hey, y'all should be wearing your reflective belts"
Team Aussie: "Yair, sorry mate. Left 'em in the tent"
Team Yank: "Well, make sure you are wearing them, otherwise we'll shoot your ass."
Team Aussie: "How will you shoot us if you can't see us?"
Very safety conscious, the Americans. Everyone here on base is required to wear a reflective "disco" belt at night in order to be seen by marauding Humvees. Should one "forget" to don a reflective belt then, when walking any distance in the accommodation area, one can count on at least one passing American to stop their vehicle, wind down the window and remind you that you aren't wearing your belt.
One night team Aussie was walking back from the "Chow Hall" to the tent when, sure enough, a helpful Yank pulled up in their "pickup".
Team Yank: "Hey, y'all should be wearing your reflective belts"
Team Aussie: "Yair, sorry mate. Left 'em in the tent"
Team Yank: "Well, make sure you are wearing them, otherwise we'll shoot your ass."
Team Aussie: "How will you shoot us if you can't see us?"
Another tale concerning the 'cousins':
RAF exchange officer is posted to a USMC Harrier Sqn. Amongst their gung-ho ways is the disquieting idea of a morning run. One of those "Hoo-ah. One, Two, Three, Four - I love thu' Mreenkaw" things which will be familar to anyone who's ever seen "Full Metal Jacket"...
Septic Marine: "Sir - are you comin' on our run?"
Brit mate: "Run? Good God no, old chap. British officers don't run - it would panic the troops!"
RAF exchange officer is posted to a USMC Harrier Sqn. Amongst their gung-ho ways is the disquieting idea of a morning run. One of those "Hoo-ah. One, Two, Three, Four - I love thu' Mreenkaw" things which will be familar to anyone who's ever seen "Full Metal Jacket"...
Septic Marine: "Sir - are you comin' on our run?"
Brit mate: "Run? Good God no, old chap. British officers don't run - it would panic the troops!"
