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Old 15th Dec 2012, 13:57   #21 (permalink)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: At the pointy end
Posts: 13
The dead airline sketch (courtesy of J Cleese et al)

A government representative (GR) enters an Airline's HQ...

GR: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The CEO does not respond.)

GR: 'Ello, Miss?

CEO: What do you mean "miss"?

GR: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

CEO: We're closin' for lunch.

GR: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this airline what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very large pink building.

CEO: Oh yes, the, uh, the Golden Falcon...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

GR: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

CEO: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

GR: Look, matey, I know a dead airline when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

CEO: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Golden Falcon, isn't it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

GR: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

CEO: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

GR: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!

(shouting at the cage)

'Ello, Mister Golden Falcon! I've got a lovely big cheque for you if you show...(CEO hits it with the new 787 brochure)

CEO: There, he moved!

GR: No, he didn't, that was you hitting it!

CEO: I never!!

GR: Yes, you did!

CEO: I never, never did anything...

GR: (yelling and hitting the Golden Falcon repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!!

Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Falcon out of the cage and thumps its head on the desk. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

GR: Now that's what I call a dead falcon.

CEO: No, no.....No, 'e's contemplating restructuring!

GR: Contempating Restruc...?!?

CEO: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was contemplating! Golden Falcons contemplate restructuring regularly.

GR: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That falcon is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following the success of them other birds in the shop.

CEO: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the good times, when he was the only one in the shop.

GR: PININ' for the GOOD TIMES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

CEO: The Golden Falcon prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

GR: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Falcon when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been full of HOT AIR .


CEO: Well, o'course it was full of hot air! If I'd done something constructive with it, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Success!

GR: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

CEO: No no! 'E's contemplating what to do next!

GR: 'E's not contemplatin'! 'E's passed on! This Falcon is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't filled 'im with 'ot air 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined Ansett and BMI!!



CEO: Well, I'd better replace him, then.

(he takes a quick peek behind his desk)

CEO: Sorry squire, I've had a look ' around, and uh, we're right out of Falcons.

GR: I see. I see, I get the picture.

CEO: I got a really really small bird, sparrow like.


GR: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it offer a good return on my investment?

CEO: Nnnnnnot really.


CEO: Look, if you go to my predecessor's HQ in Abu Dhabi, he'll replace the Falcon for you.

GR: Abu Dhabi, eh? Very well.

The Government Representative leaves.

The Government Representative enters the same HQ. The CEO is putting on a false moustache.

GR: This is Abu Dhabi, is it?

CEO: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswich.

GR: (looking at the camera) That's bloody commercial for you..

The Government Representative goes to the commercial department .

He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Vice-President".

GR: I wish to complain.


GR: I beg your pardon...?

VP: I'm qualified for nothing! I only do this job because I like the perks!

GR: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

VP: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these reports out to 200 lines, you know.

GR: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Abu Dhabi flight and found myself deposited here in Ipswich.

VP: No, this is Abu Dhabi.

GR: (to the camera) The CEO's predecessor was lying!!

VP: Can't blame me for that.

GR: In that case, I shall return to the HQ!

He does.

GR: I understand this IS Abu Dhabi.

CEO: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

GR: You told me it was Ipswich!

CEO: ...It was a pun.

GR: (pause) A PUN?!?

CEO: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

GR: (Long pause) A palindrome...?

CEO: Yeah, that's it!

GR: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Abu Dhabi" would be "Ibahd Uba"!! It don't work!!

CEO: Well, what do you want?

GR: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly...
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Old 19th Dec 2012, 19:45   #22 (permalink)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: dubai
Posts: 90
masalah list

Guess gulf air got their number right its a shame to do that to the expats as most of them helped the company in bad times guess its their place time for you guys TO leave

Last edited by mamamia; 19th Dec 2012 at 19:46.
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Old 24th Dec 2012, 17:49   #23 (permalink)
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: any town as retired.
Posts: 2,140
Government told then to hire 100+ local pilots

Trying to find the link, but I read that Gulf Air has been ordered to hire 100+ local pilots who are out of a job.

s'pose there is some logic there, but not sure where.

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Old 24th Dec 2012, 19:29   #24 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 348
Not going to happen. The minister of transport said it himself. Maybe for future expansion they'll trickle in but not now to replace people when downsizing.
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 03:29   #25 (permalink)
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: somewhere in the sky
Age: 48
Posts: 139

I know it's a "rumour" network, but you better keep in mind the first word, which is "Professional"! So unless you wish to understand it as being a good source of " professionally tailored rumours", this should imply getting the information right before you start panicking with everybody around you!

Yes, there is an official decision to hire the local pilots with governmental funding, but it's not going to happen over night. GF will continue to hire them at a very slow monthly rate. Probably not more than 4 per month, which is almost the same hiring rate of local Second Officers under normal conditions at GF. So at the end of the day, the intention to hire those redundant locals has nothing to do with the downsizing plans or the layoffs among expat pilots.

Good luck.
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 08:53   #26 (permalink)
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: "como todo buen piloto... mujeriego y borracho"
Posts: 2,029
Seeing as GF's Embraer pilots got some bad news today, here are some links that might be helpful:

Oman Air (E175's)
Oman Air eRecruit - Current Vacancies

Saudi Aramco (E170's)
Aircraft Pilot with SaudiAramco | 1401354795

Good luck!/ Suerte!/ Boa Sorte!

Last edited by Panama Jack; 27th Dec 2012 at 08:55.
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 10:20   #27 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oxford
Posts: 2
GF's Embraer Pilots

How do you know this Panama Jack?

I am on the Emb and have not been informed!
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 10:23   #28 (permalink)
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: "como todo buen piloto... mujeriego y borracho"
Posts: 2,029
This is what I had heard through the grapevine; hope I am wrong (please correct me if I am).
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 10:30   #29 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Oxford
Posts: 2
Me too, but the way things are going I don't think it will be long before we hear something. Sad Times.
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Old 27th Dec 2012, 10:46   #30 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 348
Still no news today. Hope you're wrong! Latest story from this morning is 30-32 aircraft and they need all pilots. Go figure that one out!

Last edited by John21UK; 28th Dec 2012 at 11:07.
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Old 28th Dec 2012, 08:50   #31 (permalink)
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 418
"and they beed all pilots". What the hell does that mean ? And why is this not moved to GF developments ?
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Old 28th Dec 2012, 11:06   #32 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 348
Jeez, was a typo. Meant to be NEED...

End of discussion here?!

Last edited by John21UK; 28th Dec 2012 at 11:07.
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Old 28th Dec 2012, 16:32   #33 (permalink)
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NewYork
Posts: 63
Gulf Air, Qatar Airways Win Saudi Domestic-Route Licenses

By Deema Almashabi - Dec 28, 2012 5:35 PM GMT+0300Gulf Air and Qatar Airways have been awarded licenses to operate domestic and international flights in Saudi Arabia, the kingdom’s General Authority of Civil Aviation, or GACA, said in an e-mailed statement today.
The two airlines were among 14 who applied for the license.
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Old 28th Dec 2012, 20:35   #34 (permalink)
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: El Segundo
Posts: 674
To prevent multiple threads on the same topic, please discuss this one in the main Gulf Air Developments thread: http://www.pprune.org/middle-east/34...ments-241.html . I am now closing this one.
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