You're a sad bunch
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You're a sad bunch
I came back early from summer holidays, as the kids and I were missing hubby too much. Every time I go shopping I notice loads of very lost and lonely looking men wandering around aimlessly with their baskets, looking very sorry for themselves. Don't worry lads, before you know it - the family will be back, and you will be wishing for peace and quite again.
Hope this brings a little smile in the meantime.
You know you have lived in the Middle East too long when:
1. You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat.
2. You serve coffee in a thimble.
3. You expect the confirmation of your airline reservation to be
"inshallah".
4. You think everyone's first name is Al.
5. You need a sweater when it's 25 degrees.
6. You expect everyone to own a mobile phone.
7. Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid.
8. You understand "no problem" means follow up.
9. You think skis were developed for use on sand dunes.
10. You believe that speed limits are only advisory.
11. You expect to see tractors driving at 10 kilometres per hour on
a Motorway.
12. You expect the police to drive Mercedes.
13. You think black is appropriate day wear.
14. You refuse to go swimming in the Gulf unless the water
temperature is in the mid 30's.
15. You wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out.
16. You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankle.
17. You don't question how a photo ID card works for women
wearing abayas.
18. You think carpets belong on the wall.
19. You know which end of a shwarma to unwrap first.
20. You think the further you inch into the middle of the
intersection the faster the lights will turn green.
21. You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time
interval between the lights turning green and the time that
the bloke behind you begins to blow his horn.
22. You give directions by landmarks instead of road names.
23. You can receive every television station except the local
station.
24. You get used to using the cold tap to get hot water during
summer.
25. You can't buy anything without asking for discount.
26. You have more carpets than floor space.
27. You expect all shops to stay open until midnight.
28. You make left turns from the far right lane.
29. You think Kleenex belongs on the dinner table.
30. You prefer designer abayas.
31. You think the biggest event of the year is the camel races.
32. You think water only comes in bottles.
33. You have no idea how to wash your car.
34. You have no idea were your petrol tank is.
35. You measure a person by his address and the car he drives.
36. You don't know how to pack your own shopping.
1. The best parking space is determined by shade, not distance.
2. Hot water comes out of both taps.
3. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
4. The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly.
5. You discover that in August it only takes two fingers to steer
your car.
6. You discover that you can get badly sunburned through your
car window - even on a very short trip.
7. You develop a fear of metal car door handles.
8. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside your
house in the morning.
9. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the footpath and cook to death?"
10. You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.
11. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to prevent
them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
12. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
13. The trees are whistling for the dogs.
14. While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you
do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.
15. You catch a cold from having the aircon full blast while you
sleep during the night.
16. You'd rather be at work in the air conditioning than
anywhere else in the world.
17. If you have no air conditioning at work, you take an unpaid
day off to stay home in the air conditioning.
18. The thought that you have no air conditioning at work or at
home reduces you to tears.
19. Your tears evaporate before they hit your cheeks.
Hope this brings a little smile in the meantime.
You know you have lived in the Middle East too long when:
1. You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat.
2. You serve coffee in a thimble.
3. You expect the confirmation of your airline reservation to be
"inshallah".
4. You think everyone's first name is Al.
5. You need a sweater when it's 25 degrees.
6. You expect everyone to own a mobile phone.
7. Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid.
8. You understand "no problem" means follow up.
9. You think skis were developed for use on sand dunes.
10. You believe that speed limits are only advisory.
11. You expect to see tractors driving at 10 kilometres per hour on
a Motorway.
12. You expect the police to drive Mercedes.
13. You think black is appropriate day wear.
14. You refuse to go swimming in the Gulf unless the water
temperature is in the mid 30's.
15. You wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out.
16. You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankle.
17. You don't question how a photo ID card works for women
wearing abayas.
18. You think carpets belong on the wall.
19. You know which end of a shwarma to unwrap first.
20. You think the further you inch into the middle of the
intersection the faster the lights will turn green.
21. You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time
interval between the lights turning green and the time that
the bloke behind you begins to blow his horn.
22. You give directions by landmarks instead of road names.
23. You can receive every television station except the local
station.
24. You get used to using the cold tap to get hot water during
summer.
25. You can't buy anything without asking for discount.
26. You have more carpets than floor space.
27. You expect all shops to stay open until midnight.
28. You make left turns from the far right lane.
29. You think Kleenex belongs on the dinner table.
30. You prefer designer abayas.
31. You think the biggest event of the year is the camel races.
32. You think water only comes in bottles.
33. You have no idea how to wash your car.
34. You have no idea were your petrol tank is.
35. You measure a person by his address and the car he drives.
36. You don't know how to pack your own shopping.
1. The best parking space is determined by shade, not distance.
2. Hot water comes out of both taps.
3. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
4. The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly.
5. You discover that in August it only takes two fingers to steer
your car.
6. You discover that you can get badly sunburned through your
car window - even on a very short trip.
7. You develop a fear of metal car door handles.
8. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside your
house in the morning.
9. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the footpath and cook to death?"
10. You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.
11. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to prevent
them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
12. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
13. The trees are whistling for the dogs.
14. While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you
do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.
15. You catch a cold from having the aircon full blast while you
sleep during the night.
16. You'd rather be at work in the air conditioning than
anywhere else in the world.
17. If you have no air conditioning at work, you take an unpaid
day off to stay home in the air conditioning.
18. The thought that you have no air conditioning at work or at
home reduces you to tears.
19. Your tears evaporate before they hit your cheeks.
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geo2Gambler
Well,maybe you don't live in Middle East so can't relate to the humour.Perhaps not the forum for it ,if that's what you mean but made me chuckle anyway..........!
p.s Love supermarket shopping.spend hours wandering around with my basket eyeing up all the birds.frozen food section the best....if you get my point!
Well,maybe you don't live in Middle East so can't relate to the humour.Perhaps not the forum for it ,if that's what you mean but made me chuckle anyway..........!
p.s Love supermarket shopping.spend hours wandering around with my basket eyeing up all the birds.frozen food section the best....if you get my point!
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Geo2gambler, please tell me you are not serious - this is not information just a bit of lightheartedness for all the blokes that were left here for the summer. I couldn't put it on any other forum, as if you don't live in the Middle East, you will not understand it.
BYMONEK - I noticed a lot of Aussie guys hanging around the lamb section.
BYMONEK - I noticed a lot of Aussie guys hanging around the lamb section.
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geo2gambler ....
dumpvalve is a pilot's wife and involved with the "Boys of Summer" syndrome.
She has an answer for anything to do with with emirates or the middle east and they reflect the wonderfully and refreshingly different angle of The Pilot's Wife.
No one listens to her all that much but, like a lovely aroma of a fresh rose, she continues to hang around and we are all the better off for it, too.
edited for being too much of an arsehole (apparently)
dumpvalve is a pilot's wife and involved with the "Boys of Summer" syndrome.
She has an answer for anything to do with with emirates or the middle east and they reflect the wonderfully and refreshingly different angle of The Pilot's Wife.
No one listens to her all that much but, like a lovely aroma of a fresh rose, she continues to hang around and we are all the better off for it, too.
edited for being too much of an arsehole (apparently)
Last edited by Muttley Crew; 21st Aug 2004 at 21:33.
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Muttley Crew
I seem to recall dumpvalve giving some poor contributor a right old earful when they called it the " Middle East" She told them it was the "Gulf" Now she is doing it herself!!
Welcome back from your hols dumpvalve. We all look forward to your aeronautical opinions.
I seem to recall dumpvalve giving some poor contributor a right old earful when they called it the " Middle East" She told them it was the "Gulf" Now she is doing it herself!!
Welcome back from your hols dumpvalve. We all look forward to your aeronautical opinions.
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Aaaah, the two nicest guys on the forum, dear old Muttley Crew and Millerscourt. One just has to read any of your previous posts to know that the two of you will do anything to turn every post into a negative one. I will not stoop to your level and retaliate. I hope the two of you have a lovely day. By the way, you can always put me on your ignore list you know.
For everyone else with a sense of humour, I hope you had a good chukkle.
For everyone else with a sense of humour, I hope you had a good chukkle.
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Dumpvalve
My My we are touchy!! Cannot see how my post could cause you any problems as I made no comment on your post except to remind all and sundry how you pounced on some poor person some time ago. Can I just ask that you only make comments in future on Pprune on non aviation matters and answer questions like:
Can I bring my dog to Dubai??
What is the school situation in Dubai?
Any other matters that wives might like to know about life in general in Dubai. etc etc
I would not dream of putting you on my ignore list darling as I like to have a laugh now and then
My My we are touchy!! Cannot see how my post could cause you any problems as I made no comment on your post except to remind all and sundry how you pounced on some poor person some time ago. Can I just ask that you only make comments in future on Pprune on non aviation matters and answer questions like:
Can I bring my dog to Dubai??
What is the school situation in Dubai?
Any other matters that wives might like to know about life in general in Dubai. etc etc
I would not dream of putting you on my ignore list darling as I like to have a laugh now and then
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Thank you for the great advice though. I will try not to write about aviation, if you try and not write about life or aviation in Dubai. We know you would give your right ^%&* to be here, but cannot make the grade. Don't feel too bad about it - it is not you personally, they just happen to have high standards. By the way, have you taken my previous advice and gone to see a shrink yet about your Emirates obsession?
Best Regards,
DV
Best Regards,
DV
Last edited by Dumpvalve; 24th Aug 2004 at 18:40.
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Over the last few years, the summer bachelor brigade in Dubai have been known as WANKERS* (for ‘Wife Away, No Kids, Eating Rubbish’).
If they ever came to Dubai, ‘millerscourt’ and ‘Muttley Crew’ would also probably be called that same name… but perhaps without the explanatory note to follow.
If they ever came to Dubai, ‘millerscourt’ and ‘Muttley Crew’ would also probably be called that same name… but perhaps without the explanatory note to follow.
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That's true... it's been a hell of a dry spell so what else is there??? 
they don't call it a desert for nothing.
Welcome back dumpvalve from the annual pilgrimage. hope you still recognise your villa/city/husband and you haven't found the maid's gear in your drawers (as happens now and then in the sandpit.......
)
Please post regularly because it's become a little boring around here. I value your posts and I look forward to your aeronautical opinions because you always provide amusement and ammo and that's what i look for in a good thread!!
Other than that it's been a slow day around here...............
they don't call it a desert for nothing.Welcome back dumpvalve from the annual pilgrimage. hope you still recognise your villa/city/husband and you haven't found the maid's gear in your drawers (as happens now and then in the sandpit.......
)Please post regularly because it's become a little boring around here. I value your posts and I look forward to your aeronautical opinions because you always provide amusement and ammo and that's what i look for in a good thread!!
Other than that it's been a slow day around here...............
Last edited by Muttley Crew; 16th Aug 2004 at 09:05.
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Dumpvalve
How wrong you are. I have not even bothered applying to EK as I don't want to take a paycut!!
When the EK DEC first came up i made it clear that I thought it was a short term contract which would be reflected in the Salary and when i found otherwise I lost interest.
I suggest you look up your comments that you made very soon after the EK JNB incident to see why I suggested that you stay off matters of an aeronautical nature. Would you like me to remind everyone what you said.
As regards the smell that Muttley suggested. I think that was far too personal and I am sure that you smell just lovely. Tell me what perfume do you use as perhaps I should familiarise myself with it and then when I am next in Dubai I might perhaps get a "whiff" of you and who knows it might just be the start of a long loving relationship.
Oh I see it has just stopped raining here so I must now leave my highrise condo and go down to the local Cold Storage and join the " sad bunch brigade" We have them here as well youknow
How wrong you are. I have not even bothered applying to EK as I don't want to take a paycut!!
When the EK DEC first came up i made it clear that I thought it was a short term contract which would be reflected in the Salary and when i found otherwise I lost interest.
I suggest you look up your comments that you made very soon after the EK JNB incident to see why I suggested that you stay off matters of an aeronautical nature. Would you like me to remind everyone what you said.
As regards the smell that Muttley suggested. I think that was far too personal and I am sure that you smell just lovely. Tell me what perfume do you use as perhaps I should familiarise myself with it and then when I am next in Dubai I might perhaps get a "whiff" of you and who knows it might just be the start of a long loving relationship.
Oh I see it has just stopped raining here so I must now leave my highrise condo and go down to the local Cold Storage and join the " sad bunch brigade" We have them here as well youknow
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Millerscourt and Muttley Crew - you are a couple of condescending,spiteful individuals who spend your time attacking other P.Pruners and getting very personal on a regular basis. Muttley Crew, you have even been temporary banned from time to time on P.Prune for some of your spiteful comments. The two of you have turned a lighthearted thread into a slanging match. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it.
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Dumpvalve, I've only been to the Middle East a few times, but it was enough to find the original post very funny.
As for the other two individuals, they appear to be getting great pleasure from being abusive towards a woman. Think that speaks all it needs to.
As for the other two individuals, they appear to be getting great pleasure from being abusive towards a woman. Think that speaks all it needs to.
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Dumpvalve - it was a good first post.
Muttley Crew, you are a very negative man about many things, don't know why, but try looking on the bright side.
Millerscourt - yes, you are obsessed with this forum aren't you, for someone who lives and works out of mud island
Keep it coming DV, nice to see an optimist on this forum
Muttley Crew, you are a very negative man about many things, don't know why, but try looking on the bright side.
Millerscourt - yes, you are obsessed with this forum aren't you, for someone who lives and works out of mud island
Keep it coming DV, nice to see an optimist on this forum
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millerscourt
You didn't bother applying as you didn't want to take a pay cut?
Fine,if your happy 'paying' to live in your house.Of course,that's now an option here in Dubai as well but people forget that the pay would increase by another $20,000 p.a .if you moved out of Company accom.Of course,in EK all utilities are free which i suppose is the same for you.....oh,you have to pay for your water and electricity and council tax....and gas! You'll be telling me you have to pay national insurance and 40% income tax next!......You do,my god,how on earth do you manage to send you children to private school and afford to drive them in those overpriced cars in UK. Well,at least you only pay around 18p/liter for petrol eh.............you don't? My god,and you thought YOU would take a pay cut!Well,you can always console yourself with an ice cold beer down at the private health club/marina overlooking the Gulf. Would love to stay and chat but the maid and the gardener both need paying.......you know how it is!
MuttleyCrew
From my experience of UK charter flying,there's just as much chance of infidelity taking place as there is here in Dubai.Unless of course your fat,ugly and boring.......then you have to pay for it!
Dumpvalve
I thought it was funny.Makes you wonder why these people seem obsessed with this Forum when they have little supposed interest eh?
You didn't bother applying as you didn't want to take a pay cut?
Fine,if your happy 'paying' to live in your house.Of course,that's now an option here in Dubai as well but people forget that the pay would increase by another $20,000 p.a .if you moved out of Company accom.Of course,in EK all utilities are free which i suppose is the same for you.....oh,you have to pay for your water and electricity and council tax....and gas! You'll be telling me you have to pay national insurance and 40% income tax next!......You do,my god,how on earth do you manage to send you children to private school and afford to drive them in those overpriced cars in UK. Well,at least you only pay around 18p/liter for petrol eh.............you don't? My god,and you thought YOU would take a pay cut!Well,you can always console yourself with an ice cold beer down at the private health club/marina overlooking the Gulf. Would love to stay and chat but the maid and the gardener both need paying.......you know how it is!
MuttleyCrew
From my experience of UK charter flying,there's just as much chance of infidelity taking place as there is here in Dubai.Unless of course your fat,ugly and boring.......then you have to pay for it!
Dumpvalve
I thought it was funny.Makes you wonder why these people seem obsessed with this Forum when they have little supposed interest eh?