You're a sad bunch
I came back early from summer holidays, as the kids and I were missing hubby too much. Every time I go shopping I notice loads of very lost and lonely looking men wandering around aimlessly with their baskets, looking very sorry for themselves. Don't worry lads, before you know it - the family will be back, and you will be wishing for peace and quite again.
Hope this brings a little smile in the meantime.
You know you have lived in the Middle East too long when:
1. You're not surprised to see a goat in the passenger seat.
2. You serve coffee in a thimble.
3. You expect the confirmation of your airline reservation to be
"inshallah".
4. You think everyone's first name is Al.
5. You need a sweater when it's 25 degrees.
6. You expect everyone to own a mobile phone.
7. Your idea of housework is leaving a list for the maid.
8. You understand "no problem" means follow up.
9. You think skis were developed for use on sand dunes.
10. You believe that speed limits are only advisory.
11. You expect to see tractors driving at 10 kilometres per hour on
a Motorway.
12. You expect the police to drive Mercedes.
13. You think black is appropriate day wear.
14. You refuse to go swimming in the Gulf unless the water
temperature is in the mid 30's.
15. You wear a jacket inside and take it off when you go out.
16. You can judge a perfect "10" by the ankle.
17. You don't question how a photo ID card works for women
wearing abayas.
18. You think carpets belong on the wall.
19. You know which end of a shwarma to unwrap first.
20. You think the further you inch into the middle of the
intersection the faster the lights will turn green.
21. You believe that the definition of a nanosecond is the time
interval between the lights turning green and the time that
the bloke behind you begins to blow his horn.
22. You give directions by landmarks instead of road names.
23. You can receive every television station except the local
station.
24. You get used to using the cold tap to get hot water during
summer.
25. You can't buy anything without asking for discount.
26. You have more carpets than floor space.
27. You expect all shops to stay open until midnight.
28. You make left turns from the far right lane.
29. You think Kleenex belongs on the dinner table.
30. You prefer designer abayas.
31. You think the biggest event of the year is the camel races.
32. You think water only comes in bottles.
33. You have no idea how to wash your car.
34. You have no idea were your petrol tank is.
35. You measure a person by his address and the car he drives.
36. You don't know how to pack your own shopping.
1. The best parking space is determined by shade, not distance.
2. Hot water comes out of both taps.
3. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
4. The temperature drops below 35c and you feel a little chilly.
5. You discover that in August it only takes two fingers to steer
your car.
6. You discover that you can get badly sunburned through your
car window - even on a very short trip.
7. You develop a fear of metal car door handles.
8. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside your
house in the morning.
9. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out
and end up lying on the footpath and cook to death?"
10. You realise that asphalt has a liquid state.
11. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to prevent
them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
12. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
13. The trees are whistling for the dogs.
14. While walking back barefoot to your car from the beach, you
do a tightrope act on the white lines in the car park.
15. You catch a cold from having the aircon full blast while you
sleep during the night.
16. You'd rather be at work in the air conditioning than
anywhere else in the world.
17. If you have no air conditioning at work, you take an unpaid
day off to stay home in the air conditioning.
18. The thought that you have no air conditioning at work or at
home reduces you to tears.
19. Your tears evaporate before they hit your cheeks.