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Dragging Your Arse In HKG

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Dragging Your Arse In HKG

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Old 9th Mar 2010, 11:04
  #21 (permalink)  
 
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Spread it about

Dear Tosser,
In the short time you have been posting here, you have impressed us all with your erudition and experience. However, I fear you are too modest Sir. Branch out from Fragrant Harbour and consider the others that could benefit from your sagacity. Those poor lost souls in BASSA; the demented wannabes in the Pay To Fly schemes; the taxiway take-off merchants - the list is endless. Please do not disappoint

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Old 10th Mar 2010, 02:55
  #22 (permalink)  
 
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My name is Heather

Dear Toss,

Me and my girlfriend Doris find you a tad charming.

Please let us know if you have hairy chest. We would like to invite you for a sandwich.

Love
WYA
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 03:20
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Toss,

Sticky apostrophe? Looks like it unstuck itself when you pluralized trainees as such: trainee's

You also use run-on sentences and comma splices.

You may be a cunning linguist, but certainly not as good with the written word.

Pilots have never been known as a bunch of good spellers!

Just had to add my two cents...
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 03:46
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VR-HFX et al,

maybe I need to be less cryptic:

that one of the CX Tractor division twins also dragged it's a$$ on T/O affected by same wind conditions, only 20 mins after the 'Cochon Plastique'
Translates as:

A Cathay Pacific 777 on T/O 20 mins after the said A340 also experienced some diffculty with the wind conditions and also 'lightly' dragged it's ass.

But of course the Boeing designers know what a 'fat lump' the 777 is and put a tailstrike detector on, so you don't damage your paintwork, as you do on the A340. So on that day the A340 was not a unique case....

Brgd's

N1 Vibes
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 04:10
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Good morning gentlemen rather nippy here in the far east, hope you are all well & chipper.

The problem is when you're a serial (BS) artist & FIGJAM, you end up looking like a real idiot when you offer so much advice but can't deliver the goods yourself.

Must run I need to attend an airline pilot school day here in Kowloon, where kids get to meet a real life jet pilot during their lunch break.

Regards to all.
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 05:36
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CTP,

I'm not sure I'm following your line of comment here. Do you refute that there was a 777 event on TO on the same day, under the same wind conditions or are you just here to be abused?

Further forelock tugging, fawn, fawn, etc.

N1 Vibes
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 05:37
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Dear Capt Toss,

Was there any tail scrapping in the air force? Or was it just an after hours activity? More de-briefing than briefing?

Bob.
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 06:42
  #28 (permalink)  
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Hellooooooooooo to you Master Bob Hawke!

I had to let my alter-ego answer this one for me. If you are as handsome as the grey haired former prime-minister, after whom you have taken your pseudonym, then you are very welcome to be de-briefed by me and the girls in the nissen hut's anytime you like.

Must dash, the brylcreem girls have just been applying their lippy and waxing their handlebars and let me tell you they look ravishing!

Love and kisses,

Capt Fudg Packer
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Old 10th Mar 2010, 08:11
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N1

No translation required. Not on twin tractors so not sure but seems you are more than likely correct.

CTP has probably gone to the sim to work on briefing the brief on ops in strong and gusty winds and subsequent lift loss incurred by flight control inputs.

Sure he will be back with his findings once the school lunch break is over.
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Old 11th Mar 2010, 06:42
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Gents good afternoon all,

Mr Hawke considering that I used to fly you everywhere at your request, I assumed that you still knew the code of silence that we upheld in the air force.

"What happens in the back of a Caribou stays in the back of the Caribou!"

But if you really must know there was the odd tail scrape in the air force, not as frequent as the ones from Soi Cowboy if you know what I mean.

I've written to Boeing, NASA and the fleet office and as far as I'm concerned there will be no G.A. pilots doing take offs in windy conditions above 10kts.

The captains will be expected to brief the junior crew on the techniques they will use for departure under these conditions. It will be like a continuation of training for the lesser qualified in our ranks, facilitated by all captains paired with a special brief.

I will be filming a web based tutorial "starring me", where I will discuss a few of the things that catch you young fellas out in gusty conditions. Log in & learn from me! Knowledge like this only comes along once in a life time.

Did you know that I almost became a race car driver instead of a pilot? Let me tell you a bit more about that ......
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Old 12th Mar 2010, 02:01
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I will be filming a web based tutorial "staring me", where I will discuss a few of the things that catch you young fellas out in gusty conditions.
Can't wait to see it..Capt Toss doing his Mr Bean impersonation as the Junior Officer gracefully rotates away under his leaders all knowing, all piercing gaze...or is he asleep and he forgot to go to the bunk? Hard to tell with some of these crusty old RAAF ex-caribou eccentrics. Deaf as a post too. Ahh well only 14 hours to go, wonder if he'll blink? Hope he doesn't come out of the coma and try to tell me that racing car driver story. Now where's the coffee and the paper.

Main Entry: 1stare
Pronunciation: \ˈster\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): stared; star·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English starian; akin to Old High German starēn to stare, Greek stereos solid, Lithuanian starinti to stiffen
Date: before 12th century
intransitive verb
1 : to look fixedly often with wide-open eyes
2 : to show oneself conspicuously <the error stared from the page>
3 of hair : to stand on end : bristle; also : to appear rough and lusterless
transitive verb
1 : to have an effect on by staring
2 : to look at with a searching or earnest gaze

— star·er noun

— stare one in the face : to be undeniably and forcefully evident or apparent
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Old 12th Mar 2010, 02:31
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Keep 'em coming boys, I love a good laugh, takes my mind of a certain 10% thats gone MIA, or more likely into some directors back pocket so he can buy more leather undies.
Love your work Toss - you are for real, right?
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Old 12th Mar 2010, 03:47
  #33 (permalink)  
 
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Good morning guys,

Just because I'm the best pilot, aviator, navigator, aircraft engineer, load master, guitarist, race car driver, ladies man, Porsche expert, car expert, life expert, personal spiritual adviser to Jesus, economist, financial adviser, squash player, Japanese food expert, notam reader, weather interpreter, ISM winner, Soi cowboy VIP and internationally acclaimed hamster breeder .... don't always expect me to be the best speller.

I like to post on here after I've had a few Shirley Temples down at the bar. So absorb the message as best you can until I have a moment of clarity. The bible was re-written a few times and so will the best aviation advice in the world, but in the end you will find true aviation nirvana when the advice of uncle Tossco strikes you at the core!
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Old 23rd Mar 2010, 19:53
  #34 (permalink)  
 
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GA - The Truth

Now, come on Tosser, me old mucker, you seem to have a down on ex-GA pilots. Why is that?
Those of us who flew 'aggressively armed' aircraft for Ronny Raaf, had a very affectionate name for you Caribou Jocks.
"GA on Steroids."
But surely you knew that.

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Old 23rd Mar 2010, 21:00
  #35 (permalink)  
 
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Yo Tosco

This is the best stuff ever on the stinky harbour forum. Keep it up!!!
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Old 24th Mar 2010, 01:51
  #36 (permalink)  
 
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Getting lumped with the Caribou is like walking into a bar with all your mates and you end up with the voluptuous one in the corner You'll put up with it but not proud of it.

When you see your pals having their helmets polished & strapping into to fast jets it's a sore reminder that you're the loser of the bunch. The caribou just flew the fan mail that the jet jocks got from their female groupies .... Let me tell you that's worse than flying rubber "DS" out of Hong Kong!

To make up for my own downfalls NeptunesRex I need to dish out on the "Real GA" guys to set the pre departure mood. I like to let the lads know that everything they have every learnt, experienced, read, trained or simulated for before this flight with me should be erased from their memories it's all wrong ...... aviation nirvana only comes to those guided by the self appointed & self acclaimed guru ME.

Did you know that everyone calls me FIGJAM because I'm sticky & tasty? .... Let me tell you about that young fella .....
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Old 24th Mar 2010, 09:19
  #37 (permalink)  
 
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Capt Tosser,

You are my hero!!!
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Old 24th Mar 2010, 15:17
  #38 (permalink)  
 
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Captain Toss you are indeed one funny dude -a credit to your nation and air force.However,just to steer back on track,ie the alleged tailstrike ex HKG,my take on an A340 rear end encounter with the tarmac would lead the checklist to suggest land at the nearest suitable.I would repectfully suggest that is not LHR.Keep up the good work TP.

atb
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Old 24th Mar 2010, 17:12
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Agreed, if only the PIC realised that he just had one.

Otherwise, continue as planned.

VR
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Old 25th Mar 2010, 00:58
  #40 (permalink)  
 
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olster/VR,

either CX is turning into BA (3 engine ferry after eng failure on TO from LA to LHR), or we are returning to 'bad old days' of 2004/2005. When certain journalistic types were listening to our maintenance-control frequency in HK and snapping lots of nice pictures of our a/c with engine spewing smoke. At that time the managerial directive was to "land it somewhere else, not in view of the press"....

You gotta love an uptight, conservative, management; that wants to keep things away from the press, oh and the public!

Safe Flying!

N1 Vibes
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