R/T Yesterday:

'G-XX report your point of departure'

'Report point of departure G-XX'

Silence....

I once heard:

"G-XX What is the point of your departure?"

"Nothing really, just a local bimble."

I nearly choked on my lunch earlier today.

A fellow instructor, whilst still in the Ops Room, was explaining the art of taxi-ing to a new male student.

After explaining the bit about using rudder pedals and toe brakes together he moved on to moving your heels onto the floor of the aircraft whilst resting the balls of your feet on the rudder pedals. However, it came out as:

"You then move your feet down and rest your balls on the pedals"

I wasn't the only one chuckling merrily.:)

Absolute class!!

A brand spanking new student said to me today after his very first lesson:

"I'm having problems with the landing"

Stefan

Instructor (trying to prompt student): "you have to keep you eyes open for traffic"

Student "Err I can see a big white pickup truck down there"

I asked my low time PPL student to perform a clearing turn in the run-up area prior to departure.

He asked, "Do you want me to do the clearing turn in a straight line?"

He wanted to study engineering at the university.

Teaching 9 this afternoon....
 

"And remeber, a good lookout is vital before moving the control column to enter the turn."

"Are there indicators?"

cough!

Problems identifying airfield
 

Me: "Can you see the airfield?"
Student: "No"
Me: "You can see the hanger, the door is open"
Student: "Oh, you mean that large thing like a garage"
Me (deadpan): "Yes... A garage... For aeroplanes... Its called a hanger"

Or hangar even :}

I had an enthusiastic "wannabe" come up to me in a pub one night after finding out I flew.

U know the type, done lots of hours on Microsoft Flight Sim, knows everything, would be able to fly better than me without a doubt ;)

After asking what I'd done (instructing, then photography flying) he asked me rather condescendingly:

"and one day, do you hope to be allowed to take passengers up?".

:ugh:

"Mayday Mayday Mayday, Alpha Bravo Charlie, Engine Failure approx 20 miles north of Bumfuq, landing in field, 2 POB"

"ABC, confirm ACTUAL Mayday?" queries Air Traffic.

"Affirm, ABC Mayday" immediately followed by calmer female instructor's voice "That's a negative for ABC, PRACTICE mayday only - apologies...."

what a f:mad:king muppet... I woulda got my arse kicked for that... :bored:

Todays genius reported clearance to abc 1500 feet twice after being told 1000 feet. After I'd corrected him he said it again the third time, "clearance abc 1500 feet". It's difficult sometimes... Gotta love 'em!

seriously guys, I would like to an instructor a while, you're scaring me! :ugh: :}

When I told one very slightly pushy, wealthy and powerful student that I was instrument rated, he said, "So we can go up, whatever the weather then?"

In the Jet Provost, pressing either transmit switch made both pilots' microphones live on the radio, so in dual aircraft everyone had to be careful what was said.

One day, on Linton Radar, we heard: "Mayday, Mayday, practice Mayday". Immediately followed by: "YOU f***ing idiot!"

My father advocated that early in a student's syllabus, he should be given 30 minutes max of hand-flying real IMC. He probably won't last 30 seconds - but that should be sufficient to make him a believer. :ouch:

I have to confess to being (past tense) an MS flight sim pilot... Thought instrument flight was, well, just watching the instruments...

We went up into the base of cloud on probably my 7th or 8th lesson.

I took control. We began turning right. And kept turning right.... And in fact did a 90 degree turn at about 10 degrees of bank, and I was helpless!

Scary stuff.

Forever humbled, I have soloed and plan to keep up the flying as its been too long....

Oh my contribution:
Practice forced landings...

"Have you selected a field"
"Yep"
"Which one?" (About 300 feet)
"Er, that one"
"What this one here?" (Just disappearing under the nose)
"No, that one with the Land Rover"
"I have control" (Full power and nose up pretty sharpish)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NBphvPd_4kA

Matt Damon
 

St. Augustine Regional Tower: "Aircraft entering my airspace, what is your call-sign and why are you not announcing yourself ?"

Student: "Matt Demon"

Saint Augustine Regional Tower: "Aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately! You are in my airspace and you coming in too fast!"

Student: "Maaaaaaaat Daeeeemoooooon !..."

(true story)

Had my first real classic yesterday. Told Bloggs this next circuit was to be the last of the detail and to make the appropriate downwind call.

"G-XXXX downtown".