x/c
 

Preparing his solo x/c the student comes up with the following question: "So, what are you going to do while I'm out all by myself?" "Well", I reply, "I'll sit back, relax, have a good cup of coffee and wait for you to come back."

"Now that is so mean, I have to do all the work and all you do is either point at the instruments or drink coffee.":D :ok:

Returning to Jandakot,(West Australia), from the east with student on navex. Student completed 1st solo nav yesterday.


Student: Can we go back the same way we came out of Jandakot

Me: No way, Jose' - that arrow on the map says outbound traffic only via Armidale

Student: Maybe that's why they were all screaming at me yesterday!!

happy days,

Friend of mine, ex fighter jet driver, while giving duals on piston plane with his very first civilian student, after numbers and numbers or circles, was asked by the old fellow controller:

Do you plan to land soon ?

And he answered: Why ? Still I have fuel....

Funny Comments
 

When I left the aircraft in order to send my student on his first Solo he moves his equipment aside in the back seat. When I asked him what he was doing he asked " are you not sitting in the back" ?

Some things were not meant to fly.
Had a B767 F/O (who had obtained his cpl in a western country) the other day doing his first annual proficency check in the simulator after being checked out.
He was asked to do the take off performance calculations.
Runway 18 in use, wind 240degrees at 10knots.
Calculations were done, but he based them on a 5knot tailwind.
It took 10 minutes to convince him the wind blew "from" and not "to"
Needless to say extra training was recommended.

This thread is great! I'm the editor of the BWPA newsletter, and I'd like to use some of these as fillers when I have the odd half page to fill. Does anyone mind? If so, let me know, and I'll make sure I don't use yours.

ice in the desert
 

My early flight training in the states, had done all the ground school previously, and learnt that ice was bad, so to my amazement turned up at the airport in Scottsdale to find ice on the warrior, so being a very switched on sort of guy I searched high and low for de-icer, in all the tubs were the screen cleaner and fuel sample bins were kept and couldn't find any, so turned to instructor and said "where's the de-icer?" to which he looked towards the mountains, pointed to that big ball of fire, and said, "in Arizona, we use that as the de-icer!" I felt a fool!

Words from the back.
 

Was flying a UH-1H for a loadmaster training sortie some years ago and the flight was an NVG sortie.

The loadmaster trainee had only done one sortie on NVG prior and was just getting used to the depth perception issues. Whilst on approach to a pinnacle he gave a brilliant running commentary of how far to run and how far below to the pinnacle which finished in a very confident:

"Five, four, three, two, one....sir good five foot hover"

The words from the front were "RADALT reads 130 mate"

Without missing a beat the response was:

"Copy 130, come down one hundred and twenty five"

Whitehorse
 

Student doing his prestart checks on his third flight gets as far as priming the engine.

Student "how many shall I give it?"
Me "two should be enough"
Student "is that enough for a one hour flight?"

is i time or tyne!?
 

Had my instructor exam on monday, had to teach steep turns, and of course had to demonstrate how to recieve a flight information service, map reading, and medium level turns, all going fine, when i hear leuchars saying "time 10:15", i was the only one on frequency that i could hear of so assumed it was for me, so i looked at my watch, and it said half 11, so i said to the examiner, "whats he on about, its half 11!" to which i got the response, " no, the tyne pressure setting is 1015!" i still passed!

As my instructor is a gentleman (:hmm:) and has resisted the urge to put any of my MANY comments on here - I thought I'd do the latest for him.

On doing a touch & go after a full flap landing, I took off again and forgot to take off one stage of flap. I know that dropping flap at the wrong time could result in sink, which would not be good too near the ground, so lever in hand I said.......... "Can I let one go???"

He creased up!!!!!!!!




Glad to be of service in the smile department :O

The good old days of having PanAm in Florida it was not uncommon to hear students who were about fourth in line for departure insist they were number one and ready for departure. Also very common to hear them say:
"Pan Am 45 Me Land now!"
when requesting landing clearance.

Student "Fort Pierce Tower, N5489 12miles NW with Tango request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489, Fort Pierce Tower, Join the left downwind for runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request Runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "I am on Cross Country and my instructor told me I must land on runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, you can't land on 14, join the left downwind for runway 32 and report downwind"

Student "Request runway 14"

ATC "I'll tell you what N5489 fly Southbound until I tell you to fly Eastbound for runway 32"....

Whilst I was busy making a prat of myself at the Charlie 1 hold in G-BNFR a friend of mines student who had been instructed to make an orbit on the downwind leg and report it complete announced to Tower "G-BOLW coming out of orbit"

While practising PFL's near Point Cook and over the Melbourne sewage works...

Me 'Geez you can really smell the sewage works today...'

Instructor 'Sorry mate, let one slip...'

After a trial lesson with a student keen to help out, suggested he fetch the chocks for me. As he hovered, chocks in hand, I prompted him to put one each side of the nosewheel. Which he did. Literally....

Indian instructor colleague of mine to ATC: 'Can we have the runway lights turned down a bit please; I'm getting suntan here and I'm already black.'

My best rival to that:

On final approach, ATC ask if I can accept a displaced threshold abeam the first exit as an engineer is working on the PAPIs. At half a mile, he offers me full length as the engineer has finished. My reply, 'I can see he's finished; looks like he's taken all the red bulbs out and put white ones in'. After a long pause, I hear the reply, 'Very good...'.

And told to me by my first instructor:

ATC: 'Report passing abeam Spanhoe' [unlicenced field near Wittering]
Student: 'Wilco' [turning to instructor still with PTT depressed], 'Where the f**k's Spanhoe'
ATC: 'In your 11 o'clock Sir, range 4 miles.'

Student who was about to practice an engine restart in flight said "Do i need to call clear prop before starting?"

Taxying back to dispersal after a session of circuits and bumps with a mainwheel squeaking away student asks "Whats that making that noise?" My reply was "Oh i thinks its probably the brake sticking slightly, I will report it to the engineers when we get back" Trainee replies " Could we just put some oil on it?" :ugh:

One of the students at EGKB.

After take off

Instructor “ John you’re doing 85 kts, we should be climbing at 75”
Student “OK” and still continues.

After instructor repeats himself few times, student maintains attitude a retards throttle to idle trying to slow down.:ugh:

Same student on a different flight.

After take off and climb out: -

Instructor “John turn right heading 320”
Student “OK” and still continues.

Once again instructor needs to repeat command few times and then student puts his hand on DI and turn DI to 320 continuing to fly on 210…:ugh:

After 40 hours with no chance for solo he finally gave up.
:}