101 Ways to Annoy an Instructor
 

Turn up completely unprepared, having failed to think about anything since your last lesson.....and expect the Instructor to lead you by the hand yet again.

Turning up late or sitting there drinking coffee and not starting the check out until your allotted time comes up, meaning you (instructor)has even less time to fit in a brief than usual.:mad::mad:

I've got loads of these, but I'd rather not seem like a twisted and sour individual!!:p

I'm running late, but see next student sitting down in lounge so don't worry. Whizz past him saying 'hi, be with you in a minute', with previous student in tow off to briefing room for de-brief. Get rid of previous student, collect next student and brief. On way out to a/c with next student, ask him assumingly if he's checked a/c out. He replies NO! You what! I can't believe it. We're going to need an aeroplane, aren't we? My fault I suppose for assuming student has an ounce of intelligence. Now tell reception that when certain students arrive, immediately point them in direction of aeroplane.

Regards, GT.

P.S. then discover aeroplane needs fuel and oil!

Ask "didn't you want to fly proper airplanes? You know - like for an airline or something"?

WWW

When I was a student I found loads of ways of annoying my instructors. My favourite was:

Ignore his repeated instructions to reduce power on approach with four white lights on the VASI's - then do a perfect touchdown just past the numbers without touching the throttle except to close it in the flare.

Doing anything greater than 3 degree approaches really used to annoy them.

Before you do anything just ask him "Shall I do (so and so) now, sir?"!

E.g "Shall I call for taxi now?"

"Shall I take off now?"

etc - you get the drift

Then you get on the approach get very low and say "Shall I put on power now, sir"

Exasperated instructor now blows his cool and says "No mate let's crash instead!" (Expletives deleted)

Another good way to annoy your instructor is to forget everything you were taught on the previous lesson. You know the sort of thing, you did Stalling Part One last time and you are now on Stalling Part Two and you behave as though you have never heard of the HASELL checks before!

1. Forget to bring a headset out to the aircraft 4 lesson in a row.

2. Turn up to a nav lesson with an all singing and dancing GPS which is worth about 2 months pay of the instructor before tax.

.
 

Had a few laughs reading these guys. A quick reverse question and maybe not the right place but what advice would you give ATPL student about to start his part 1 flight training to create a great 1st view on behalf of said instructor. Not that I want 'best flight recruit award' at graduation ceremony...but I do!

Just thought of another one.

You are now on circuit training and coming to grips with the landing. After rounding out move the stick sharply forward so that the instructor has just enough time to grab the controls despite the fact that the nosewheel has hit the ground with just enough force to make the instructor worry that you have bent something. This is best done after a few relatively well judged landings so that the instructor has been lulled into a false sense of security!

prat100 buy him/her beer, it usually works with me! Seriously, don't be a know it all and don't make excuses if you make a mistake, we all know it's bulls**t having made the same excuses ourselves!!;) Oh yeah, Turn up on time!!

People putting a/c back on the flight line without much fuel left. Just check the gauge on the taxi back!! Less than 1/2 tanks, get it filled.:mad: :mad: :mad: Do it again and:ouch:

When getting debriefed after every point you have made. The reply from the student starts with "but"

And inventing things and checks which were never taught.

eg deploying full flaps after landing flapless when asked why replied air brakes. This was after being briefed that you don't touch anything until after clear of the runway and stationary.

MJ

- forget to bring the key, fetch key.

- forget headsets, fetch headsets,

- have the airplane fuelled, then forget to sump it and claim to hear a misfire,

- deny all knowledge of what a GUMPS check is,

- appear to have everything completely under control in all manouvers, then bugga them all up at the last second,

- have an engine blow up on you at 4000 feet,

- work diligently for several lessons, then disappear without explanation for several months,

- fly like crap before every checkride, then mysteriously pass them somehow :}



Errr, wonder how I managed to think of all these .... :(

Every third lesson, say you're not really in the mood today and just want to fly for fun and can you fly over your Mum's/Granny's/ neighbours'/best friend's house again.

Switch the mags off through 200 feet on EFATO and try to hand you the key.............:{

- An hour trial lesson.

Swagger into the clubhouse with family in-tow being all arrogant and cocky. Repeatedly say that flying will be a slice-of-urine coz you have MS FS2004 GTI at home and you're dead-ace coz you could land the Learjet on the carrier without going off the end.

30 minutes into the lesson you are in the middle-of-nowhere. There are no diversion airfields. Then you vomit. But when you vomit, rather than using the sickbag the instructor has just managed to provide you with you end up doing a scene from The Exorcist. And even better... leave the headset boom where it is just to:

a) Assist Exorcist-style spraying motion.
b) Allow Instructor to hear Exorcist-style vomit session in glorious stereo.

Then say...I don't normally get air sick.

"but so and so told me to do that !" (e.g. 45deg AOB in climbing turns !)

Also being a know it all ! - nobody likes a smart arse.

Turn up in your powder blue Ferrari 355 Spyder for flying lessons and repeatedly fail to either lend it briefly to your instructor, or even take him for a blast in it, despite numerous heavy handed and increasingly unsubtle hints.

Then try and hide a GPS in your bag on a solo navex.

Its a rum life being an instructor thats for sure.

Cheers

WWW

What a cool job...
 

Wondered why my hair was falling out.... :ooh:

Kerms

101...Its your well earned day off


You reach in your pocket and find you have the key to the most popular aircraft in the fleet and its booked at 9am!

Students who keep making wise cracks and one liners during a briefing......

students who argue the toss about what is written in the legislation......

Students who arrive with 30 year old copies of Campbell, or Thom, and refuse to buy new editions because "Its all the same stuff."

Students who crirticise other instructors (My friends and colleagues!) to my face but behind their backs.....

The list could go on......

This one could run!

Blueskies!

How about telling you that they have there future totally mapped out all they need is the license, the airline jobs already fixed up by Dad.

Announce that you may not be able to make next weeks lesson due personal circumstances, but will definitely phone well beforehand.

Don't phone, don't turn up....

Nice round trip for me , only 80 miles, for nothing! :mad:

As you are flying along supposedly straight and level.

Gently drift off the heading and lose a bit of height.
Keep repeating the exercise in loss of hgt and heading despite gentle reminders.
Wait until the instructor changes colour and then consider the exercise in Anger management complete.

It works best if you are receiving some type of ATC service where your instructor has promised you maintain hgt & hdg. Also try and arrange some cloud with other A/C in the vicinity, maintain your own composure and smile as if you are listening:E :E

:E

The day after your CPL-IR license is granted walk into the office of the multi-engine charter operator your instructor has been sucking up to for months, because you need to use the bathroom, and get offered a job because a guy just quit:mad: :{

Forgetting the hood on an IR sortie.

Did that a few times earlier this year (I was the student).

Just remember about the hood after we had closed doors, strapped in and just about to start the engine.

The worst part about it is my instructor had to go and get the hood as we were in a Piper.

I think I annoyed her with that a couple of times.

Despite careful briefing and repeated positive acknowledgment of "do you understand?", the student steadfastly refuses to enter into their part of the "you have control"/"I have control" business.

Trial lesson students who try to overpower you on the controls whilst you have control (see above).

Think lookout is my job alone.

Assume I'm obviously lying when advising that staring at the instruments in a steep turn is not a great idea.

Dodge the shower and soap and toothbrush in the morning. Find first navex a bit of a sweaty experience due to increased workload/sudden inability to fly straight and level/(insert other excuse here). Return next day to repeat exercise in same clothes have dodged the shower yet again. Repeat the next day, and the next....:yuk:

Instructing was a blast, I was priveleged to teach for over two years. Most student transgressions didn't really bother me much, but there are a few that really raised my hackles, specifically;

"But that's not the way my previous instructor taught me how to do that!" (Which is why you havn't soloed after 30 hours of dual.)

"My last instructor didn't charge me for ground instruction, why do I have to pay with you?"

The student who NEVER does the assigned reading, then complains that we're doing too much expensive ground instruction.

Primary student with 3 or 4 hours who makes a simple 3-4 hour student mistake, then gets emotional jet lag. (Situational awareness remains at the geographic coordinates of last mistake.) All efforts to explain to the student that their mistake is just part of the learning process fall on the deaf ears of a perfectionist whose carefully constructed plan to go from primary student to Concorde Captain in three years is now in serious jeapardy! Dude, RELAX!

And my favorite, the chap who shows up in his CE172 for a flight review. As we're strapping in he asks: "Did you want me to use the checklist?" (No, let's see how complacent and sloppy you've become.....YES I want you to use it!)

In all fairness to those learning to fly, let's include a few ways instructors annoy students:

Instructor shows up for lesson asking "What did we cover last time?"

Instructor whose pre-fligtht briefing is "Did you preflight the airplane?" This same individuals idea of a thorough postflight debriefing is whatever gets discussed while taxiing in.

Instructor who cannot keep his/her hands off the controls due to: Incompetence, inexperience, lack of confidence in their own abilities or greed. (choose one)

ANY CFI/QFI who makes a comment along the lines of: "I'm just building time for the airlines." or "I can't wait till I get a REAL flying job." These dolts should be taken outback and flogged.

Cheers,
LJDRVR

LJDRVR,

Re things instructors do that annoy students, you took the words out of my mouth. I haven't been instructing long enough for students to annoy me - at the moment, they still mean I get paid to fly. :) But some more annoying things instructors do:

Complain vehemently that you keep doing something wrong, when it wasn't you; they've just mixed you up with someone else.

Stare distractedly and hungrily at young blondes while you're taxiing (doing it well for a change), then turn back to you looking as though spending the next hour with you is the most boring thing on earth. They might at least pretend!

Start a long and complicated explanation to distract you when you're just about to round out, when you've rarely yet managed a decent landing, but when this one looks like it's going to be perfect.

Criticise everything you do, just in case by some chance you should be over-confident.

On the other hand, tell you you're doing brilliantly when you've just quite obviously cocked everything up, and when you ask about your mistakes, say nothing more useful than that it'll get better with practice. This usually after many hours of practice that aren't working.

Or 101 ways to annoy a student... ;)

- complain at least once a lesson about how OATS told you you'd be flying a 737 by now. Double slot? Complain twice.

- complain about pay at least once a lesson.

- complain about pay at least once a lesson while wearing a Breitling, new DNC headset and pair of Oakleys.

- tell everyone you're a qualified airline pilot but you have to 'do this' until you get a real job.

- call the student 'stupid boy' every time they make a mistake, however minor. "The DI is off by two degrees. Stupid Boy"

- only know one cr@p joke. Tell it every lesson.

- teach lesson despite bl**dy awful weather.

- claim that you earn so little that you cannot afford to buy personal hygiene products :yuk:

- teach one lesson every six months as a break from your 747 job. Know nothing about the aeroplane you are teaching on. Complain when student flies at POH speeds. "Stupid Boy".

- Teach nightschool without knowing anything about the subject. Look it up in Trevor Thom while class sits there. Claim that it is ok that you know nothing about this private flying stuff because you're a qualified professional pilot. Moan about OATS.

- Claim that the last landing would have killed you if you were flying a Tiger Moth/Harvard/737

- Take control all the time

- Try to spin a PA-28

- Have no idea what you did last lesson.

- Have no idea what you're doing this lesson either.

- Forget students name. Call him something else. If that fails, call him "stupid boy" instead.

- Tell student to prepare navex. Next week, decide on different route without telling student. Complain that student has plogged the wrong route.

- Tell student to prepare navex through a TRA.

...and i'm sure there are more ;)

Why stop at 101?

1. Turn up for BFR with expired medical....

' no worries mate- I'll get it done next week and ask the Doc to back-date it!!'



2. Turn up for BFR with last logbook entry the one you put in there for his BFR only 24 months ago.......

.' no worries, mate - I'll just leave a page or two and you can whack it just here!!'



3. After many dire warnings, (1st t/w brief), about loss of directional control with taildragger, first time up student, (usually a PPL,CPL, or Instr3,) says.............

Jeez, the ASI is hard to see, how will I know if I'm going the right speed for take-off!!'..................OR WORSE,

'What speed does this thingie fly at!!


4. Frequently heard on tailwheel and low level training work............

' this bloody ball thingie must be u/s, no matter what I do-it won't stay in the middle!!'



I have to stop there, or I'll use up all the good stuff before getting to the bar.............

cheers,

Garlic Breath
 

Student/ Instructor eats very garlicky meal the night before a lesson....works both ways!

:yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

Evo

Sounds like you are writing from experience :O

I could add a few:

Fly any walk-in trial lesson before students who have booked weeks previously.

Teach the night rating in a plane quite different from the one the student has been flying all along, because you've got only the one plane on which the blown light bulbs have ever been replaced.

When training the IMC Rating, make the student do some flights in one plane (which has ADF but no DME), others in a different plane (which has DME but no ADF) and apart from the six main dials everything is in different places between the two.

When he's got his IMC Rating, and is renting the only available plane in which a few things work, allow him to run up 50 hours' worth of self fly hire in it at £120/hr before he realises that anything that breaks will never be fixed because the owner (from whom the school rents it) has refused to spend any money on it for the last two years (but you knew all along).

Train the student for his IMCR in an unusual plane which you dispose of the day after his Rating arrives in the post (but you knew all along)

When a student's asks for your view on him spending £10k to purchase a share in a syndicate (of which you were once a member) operating a PRIVATE CofA plane, to do an IMC Rating in it as well as obviously fly afterwards, you offer a favourable opinion .....

When a student asks why the checklist asks for the avionics master switch to be turned off before the engine shutdown, tell him it is because the checklist was approved by the CAA and so he has to do what it says.

Insructor Therapy
 

Right here goes:

Turning up late cosistently and asking "have I got time for a cup of cofee" or asking after buying the said cup of coffee.

Not turning up at all!

Turning up unplanned for a nav trip despite being thoroughly briefed to de ready after last lesson.

Stabbing me in the leg with a razor sharp pencil pesistently when changing power settings.

Turning the volume up full on the radio and then checking the Squelch:eek:

Not having any money or cards to pay the landing fee on a land away.

Pushing so much negative G on a stall recovery that I hit my head on the ceiling and my headset falls off.

Losing or not getting the landing certificate signed for the qualifying cross country.

Avoiding doing any of the exams despite constant pleading from the instructor.

Saying "I was just about to do that" after the accident.

Leaving the dipstick unsrewed "In case I wanted to check it"
and then not telling me until we get airborne and the oils spraying all over the window.

Argueing about my decision not to send the student on a solo nav when theres CB'S, TS and Strong winds in the forcast.

Going home with the aircraft keys in the middle of a busy days flying.

And finaly the top way to P**S me off;
" Didn't you want to be a proper pilot on the big planes".

What the F**K over.
That one has me opening the door and undoing my seatbelt.

I feel so much better now.


:mad:

Your Mums your Dad!

Evo Too far gone with PPL to cancel, but IO540 have just cancelled Night qualification and IMC rating. (only joking?) ;)

Calls in at 0930 to cancel the important 1030 lesson the instructor had cancelled a visit to see his girlfriend to fly. Probably genuinely not his fault, but still :mad:

1) Gorillaring the oil dipstick despite numerous briefings, demonstrations and stickers on the inside of the access flap saying DO NOT OVERTIGHTEN.

2) Consistently fail to turn up for a double slot first thing on a Saturday morning, when rung about this wife answers and says "I don't want to wake him as he was out with the boys and got home steaming at 3 this morning." :mad: :mad:

3) Refuse to hand over control of the a/c despite instructor saying "I have control" repeatedly as you career all over the place with the end of the runway coming up fast.

4) Moan about bruised hands and ego after instuctor had to forceably remove student from the controls, citing but I was in control despite the fact you plainly weren't. see 3 above.

5) make excuses about every mistake, nothing was ever your fault obviously.

6) Wonder why the turbulance disappears when the instructor takes over, but moan that it's all due to thermals and air movement not flying skills.

7) Turn up at flying club with entire family in tow, say "I haven't flown for five weeks I just need a circuit to get checked out." Grumble when instructor asks to see log book, grumble more when instructor sees that is actually 6 months since the last flight and states that it may need a bit more than one circuit to knock the rust off. Threaten to complain to the CFI because said instructor won't authorise a flight because of the appaling standard of lying(sic) demonstrated. Instructor then laughs hard as CFI tears strips off aforementioned PPL and says he's not welcome there anymore due to his attitude.

That'll do for the moment I think.:rolleyes:

Be told as a student - you need to block book 4 hours or so - mid week should do it. Say two in the morning and then two in the afternoon.

09:15 Turn up cheerfully for 09:30 lesson

09:30 Office locked. Wait. Get a cup of coffee. Wait.

10:30 Instructor turns up - tells you to pre-flight plane. Wonder round with your checklist in hand doing everything by the book.

11:00 Instructor walks out with "drop in" student for half hour experience flight.

12:00 Lunch-time rush. Sorry YWIW these chaps are on a tight scheudle.

13:30 Buy instructor lunch.

14:00 Get first flight of the day, circuits only as clouds coming in.

15:00 Having bounced six or so times around the circuit and down the run-way, be told to gas plane, and clean the screen.

15:30 Afternoon air experience drop in's happen.

16:15 Time for one more session maybe

16:45 Land, close the office for instructor as he's busy and has to go back to Elstree for 17:00

Hmmm well colour me hacked off.

YWIW
 

Jesus, If your school/instructor is realy that bad show them the birdy:mad: and take your cash elswhere.

I dare say there are some pretty nasty little places out there selling themselves as good schools but don't put up with rubbish like that dude.

:O

lol they are hilarious! mainly because i can remember doing half of them whilst i was training.

last flight with an instructor he cut the power and said 'what are u going to do'

i just said 'put the power back on' and did,

took me a minute to realise he was doing a PFL

i feel sorry for instructors - it must be so exasperating

If you get exasperated with students your in the wrong job.

And I always found that taking the piss was alot better than giving a bollocking. When I did have to give a bollocking they were so much more effective because I don't normally give bollockings and never shout.

And using the system of treat others how you would like treated yourself seems to work pretty good as well.

MJ