Xmas, Oz style!
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Xmas, Oz style!
From the Australian Bureau of Statistics:
* 31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
* 19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas decorations they believed were chocolate.
* Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker-pulling incidents.
* 101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
* 18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
* 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth or eye socket.
* 5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of control scalextric cars.
* 3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.
* 142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.
* 58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
* 8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep (passing out) while throwing up in the toilet.
* 31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
* 19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas decorations they believed were chocolate.
* Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker-pulling incidents.
* 101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
* 18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
* 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth or eye socket.
* 5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of control scalextric cars.
* 3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.
* 142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.
* 58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
* 8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep (passing out) while throwing up in the toilet.
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Join Date: Jul 1999
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Onya slasher been a bit quiet lately
Sorta puts our local Gestapos efforts in perspective.
They have just lowered the speed limit in some areas by 10kmh and claim a saving of 50 Australian lives in the next 10 years.
What puzzles me is why they did not claim 500 lives over the next 100 years
Much more impressive.
It seems that we are fairly inventive in finding ways of killing ourselves
I got Multnovaed the other day for 65kmh coming out of an 100 zone into a 60 zone. Dead set crinimal I are.
Trouble is nobody takes any notice of the fines now.
Have a good 'Nam Xmas mate.
Sorta puts our local Gestapos efforts in perspective.
They have just lowered the speed limit in some areas by 10kmh and claim a saving of 50 Australian lives in the next 10 years.
What puzzles me is why they did not claim 500 lives over the next 100 years
Much more impressive.
It seems that we are fairly inventive in finding ways of killing ourselves
I got Multnovaed the other day for 65kmh coming out of an 100 zone into a 60 zone. Dead set crinimal I are.
Trouble is nobody takes any notice of the fines now.
Have a good 'Nam Xmas mate.
Join Date: Sep 1999
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Slasher,
The statistics are quite true but what they don’t tell you is that the investigations into these deaths and injuries were conducted by government officials who found that pilot error occurred in just twelve per cent of the reported accidents. Other factors, both internal and external, played an important role on the ultimate demise or injury of the participants.
In twenty-one percent of the incidents, the handling notes were written in ‘Anglo-Chinese’ and led to a loss of situational awareness by the operators.
A further seventeen per cent were attributed to the Australian, having only recently obtained refugee status, failing to understand the English language sufficiently to interpret the safety warnings.
Sixteen per cent resulted from the operator being adversely affected by alcohol to such a degree as to render him/her incapable of operating the contrivance having due regard to the well being of him/herself and those within the immediate vicinity.
Fourteen per cent of the operators failed to heed the advice of a teenager or other knowledgeable person within the household when such advice was freely offered.
Twenty per cent of the accidents were caused by a variety of factors including poor maintenance, bad management and structural fatigue.
On the other hand 19,976,331 Australians survived!
The statistics are quite true but what they don’t tell you is that the investigations into these deaths and injuries were conducted by government officials who found that pilot error occurred in just twelve per cent of the reported accidents. Other factors, both internal and external, played an important role on the ultimate demise or injury of the participants.
In twenty-one percent of the incidents, the handling notes were written in ‘Anglo-Chinese’ and led to a loss of situational awareness by the operators.
A further seventeen per cent were attributed to the Australian, having only recently obtained refugee status, failing to understand the English language sufficiently to interpret the safety warnings.
Sixteen per cent resulted from the operator being adversely affected by alcohol to such a degree as to render him/her incapable of operating the contrivance having due regard to the well being of him/herself and those within the immediate vicinity.
Fourteen per cent of the operators failed to heed the advice of a teenager or other knowledgeable person within the household when such advice was freely offered.
Twenty per cent of the accidents were caused by a variety of factors including poor maintenance, bad management and structural fatigue.
On the other hand 19,976,331 Australians survived!
Moderate, Modest & Mild.
Ah yes, Xmas in Oz - 36 degrees in the family home, no breeze, cicadas occasionally whirring outside, and Mother slaving away over a hot stove, preparing the traditional roast turkey/chicken/pork/lamb/beef, served with hot baked vegies, and followed by a hot plum pudding with brandy sauce! All preceded by a feast of King prawns and crabs (Q'ld muddies, of course!), then washed down with copious amounts of lubricant.
After lunch, everyone will sit/lie around complaining that they've eaten too much, and comment that the year is almost over, as they start nibbling on the (grossly overpriced) cherries and nuts!
Xmas in Oz, followed by New Year - the reason why 90% of Aussies put on 2 or 3 kgs every January...it's all a plot by the clothing stores!!
Have a "Good one" y'all!
Shoot (edit) - I forgot the FLIES!!
What would a good Ozzie Xmas dinner be without the hordes of flies!
[ 01 December 2001: Message edited by: Kaptin M ]
After lunch, everyone will sit/lie around complaining that they've eaten too much, and comment that the year is almost over, as they start nibbling on the (grossly overpriced) cherries and nuts!
Xmas in Oz, followed by New Year - the reason why 90% of Aussies put on 2 or 3 kgs every January...it's all a plot by the clothing stores!!
Have a "Good one" y'all!
Shoot (edit) - I forgot the FLIES!!
What would a good Ozzie Xmas dinner be without the hordes of flies!
[ 01 December 2001: Message edited by: Kaptin M ]
Join Date: Mar 2001
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HAyou should be made to have Xmas with all those bloody long grassers you bring into town.
If you care to publish your home addy I,ll send the Geranium Street mob over for plum pud.
If you care to publish your home addy I,ll send the Geranium Street mob over for plum pud.
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Capt Vege,
It been dat hoose neer dat mango twee in da middle of dat Minmiwama... how bout you come on oba 4 cwissy dinna, he brudda you bwing da KFC..........
It been dat hoose neer dat mango twee in da middle of dat Minmiwama... how bout you come on oba 4 cwissy dinna, he brudda you bwing da KFC..........
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HA...hang on my hoos near a mango tree,we must be lated?
Da bruddas an cuddins all be dere fer sure.
drive careful this xmas
Da bruddas an cuddins all be dere fer sure.
drive careful this xmas
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Hmmm, Now if I can remember how another one goes (of around the same vintage)....They're not gonna catch us.....
Elwood, would you kindly step out of the car.....
SCMODS
[ 03 December 2001: Message edited by: 429 CJ ]
Elwood, would you kindly step out of the car.....
SCMODS
[ 03 December 2001: Message edited by: 429 CJ ]
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Slasher,
What about Christmas Saigon Style?
The year I was there we all spent most of Christmas Day on (at) the Floating Hotel. Don't know if it is still there even, used to be on the river near The Dragon Inn?
Anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you up there now...
Best regards,
"lame"
What about Christmas Saigon Style?
The year I was there we all spent most of Christmas Day on (at) the Floating Hotel. Don't know if it is still there even, used to be on the river near The Dragon Inn?
Anyway MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you up there now...
Best regards,
"lame"