A few years ago when arriving back from the US to LHR, the Captain made his farewell announcement as we were taxi-ing back on stand, and I am sure that it was a dare ...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls. It has been a particular pleasure to have you all on board, and I have a special message from the cabin crew - you all came on board as passengers but you are leaving as dear friends. Thank you for flying XYZ"

.....reach for the sick bag

Apocryphal and not original, but....

'....and there is a whistle for attracting passing sailors.'

'Welcome to Belfast. Please turn your watches back 300 years...'


oops!

Old one this . . .

A small UK airline was operating a charter for oil rig workers returning from the rigs. One guy boarded the aircraft at Aberdeen with a bucket of shellfish he had caught off the rig. Obviously they would not fit in the overhead locker so the air hostess stowed them at the front of the aircraft.

As they were taxiing on to stand she could not remember which passenger had given her the bucket. So, she made the following PA:

"Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Aberdeen please press his call button!"

Beat that . . .

".. and a lifejacket is located under your seat. As this is a flight from Heathrow to Manchester, if you need a lifejacket something has gone horribly wrong."

"...please, sit back, enjoy the flight, keep your feet off the seats and remember the coffee is for the crew."

...... not my own
 

Oldie but a goodie...................

"Ladies and Gentlemen, your seat belt works similarly to every other seatbelt you will ever encounter in life and if you are unable to operate it you should not be allowed out unsupervised":E

I like the "This is the captain, talking to you from the Flight Deck..."

Well where else would they be???

Chris21

Would that have been Fiona ??

H

Do any of the BA cabin Crews on the B734 remember the captain who used to fly short haul Europe and UK domestic, and he was a historian who wrote several books??

This guy was classic. I recall one evening paxing LGW or LHR (can't remember) to EDI. The captain had the perfect voice for radio and was the plummiest ever. He loved the PA mic. He spent most of the short flight on the PA, giving us a history lesson on almost everything we flew over - from the Thames, to the Houses of Parliament, to Hadrians Wall, and using the most delectable and "posh" and "difficult" words that the English language has ever known.

The cabin crew all loved him and referred to him as a lovable fatherly type guy. He would just finish a lengthy PA and they would all breathe a sigh of relief as they continued with the service. Then they would all burst out laughing again a few minutes later when he would start the next lesson!!!

It made the flight pass by quickly and I have to say, all passengers thoroughly enjoyed his speeches.

Better than some of the short and boring announcements on hears nowadays.

I was once on a flight into LHR; whilst flying over the Thames at Westminster, the CSD announced:-

"Ladies and Gentlemen, if you care to look out of the right-hand side of the aircraft, you will see Bob Ayling's erection"

On Swissair a few years back, end of boarding: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board this flight [from JFK] to GVA. Our Captain, M. XX, would now like to say goodbye to you..." (she started over, laughing).