The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time
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The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time
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The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time | Celebrity Net Worth
The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight Of All Time | Celebrity Net Worth
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I know a story (happened many, many moons ago) where that lonely, embarrassed person on the loo wore 4 stripes and was a doing a single-hand flown charter from the coast of Normandy (where he had eaten some seafood) back to Germany.
The autopilot did a good job, the guy told me.... he thought that this was probably the worst story of his life...
The autopilot did a good job, the guy told me.... he thought that this was probably the worst story of his life...
Ah, yes......had to use the toilet in anger myself of a Citation CJ a few years ago coming back from IBZ......sudden onset of stomach cramp, no choice but to go (or fill my boxers in situ!). Anyway, luckily we had no passengers, but still not a pleasant feeling to have to go back, secure a poly-vinyl sheet with poppers, raise the seat (which then props on your back as you vacate your bowels) and let nature release it's fury - the relief was a joy to behold, but that passes once the delicate scent of an upset stomach pervades the cabin ("wasn't me, didn't do it" - that ain't gonna work here my friends!). Anyway, job finished and then comes the contortionist act that is the finale of the whole act (*drum roll).....anyone ever tried to wipe their behind, trousers round ankles, in the equivalent of your wardrobe, almost as dark, and propping the seat lid open with one hand, reaching for toilet roll with the other?? - and then "wipe"! it's an art worthy of a Chinese acrobat, and the whole experience is compounded if you have an episode akin to giving a baby a warm chocolate bar to eat 
Glad I could share that with you all.....
F/o
Glad I could share that with you all.....
F/o
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Oh lord... Lord... That has made my morning... Absolutely hilarious...!
However, if someone could provide me with a list of aircraft that have this sort of "arrangement", for bathroom (I use that term loosely!) facilities, I would be very grateful, so I may avoid them at all cost...
However, if someone could provide me with a list of aircraft that have this sort of "arrangement", for bathroom (I use that term loosely!) facilities, I would be very grateful, so I may avoid them at all cost...
Ah, Tray Surfer....the CJ is on your list then?! lol.....I do love the CJ though....I did forget to mention the bit at the end of the flight where I had to hand over a "fully laden" cartridge of my mornings efforts to the portable honey wagon operative to empty....and those cartridges fill up fairly quickly if they hadn't been emptied on a previous flight - if your familiar with these cartridge-style receptacles, then you know that before your remove them from their "stowages", you have to pull a slide handle across first to seal the unit......and if it's kinda full, it is a little like cropping the tip of the mountain off Everest (that image work for anyone?!). As I handed over the cartridge for emptying (in Italy as I recall) to the honey wagon guy, all I could muster in my defence was (*shrug of shoulder at same time as saying) "euughhh passengers eh?".....nothing worse than knowing it's your own DNA that someone else has now got to deal with....I felt bad.
F/o
F/o
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Thankfully, it would appear the CJ is way to small to employ the likes of me in the cabin...
I was curious to the original story, which is still making ma laugh, as to them having a CC on such a small aircraft... :-/
I was curious to the original story, which is still making ma laugh, as to them having a CC on such a small aircraft... :-/
Ah, yes...it is unusual to have CC on such a small aircraft, but guess it does happen on occasion....not on any CJ flight I've ever operated, other than the fact as F/O, you do act as Pilot and CC in one ;-).
F/o
F/o
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Not a bizz jet, but if I may continue the theme!
Had to enter the hold at BINAS in Libreville many years ago to relieve the discomfort into a bin liner while the FO flew. The perils of a no bog ATR freighter and a dodgy west African buffet the night before.
Almost home but not quite!
Current bizz jet ride is a bit more comfy!
Had to enter the hold at BINAS in Libreville many years ago to relieve the discomfort into a bin liner while the FO flew. The perils of a no bog ATR freighter and a dodgy west African buffet the night before.
Almost home but not quite!
Current bizz jet ride is a bit more comfy!
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The old Kingairs had those pee-tubes with a funnel attached at the top, remember? Great for catching flies with in the cruise, too. Top of descent into some-or-other war-torn African paradise years ago, and my stomach lets me know it's now or never. Just made it to the back in time. 10 pairs of local eyes watched the unexpected comedy-show with great and undisguised interest (no cubicle, curtain or anything of the sort) as the Umlungu captain dropped his britches in anguish and splutteringly vacated his bowels into the tiny hissing funnel in the back of the bucking aircraft. Aah, happy days... 
Seen much, much more interesting/hilarious/outrageous in the bizjet-world, sometimes involving very well-known personalities, but those stories shall remain resoundingly untold, discretion being a large part of the job these days
Seen much, much more interesting/hilarious/outrageous in the bizjet-world, sometimes involving very well-known personalities, but those stories shall remain resoundingly untold, discretion being a large part of the job these days
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Almost crapped myself laughing reading that! Reminds me of going away with a new g/f many years ago for a DW in Durban. Our hotel room had an ensuite toilet/shower but it lacked any privacy, not even what one might call a 'modesty curtain' and I'll leave the details to your imagination. We both suffered the after effects of a particularly virulent curry, it was son et lumiere et odeur de rotten guts! I suppose if either of us had enjoyed the perversion, the name of which I forget, where people take pleasure in being the object of another's bodily excretions, we might have both enjoyed it more. As it was, it killed the relationship before it really started. Probably just as well considered how she ended up but that is another story.
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More years than i care to remember i flew DHC2 Beavers which had a P tube attached on the back of the pilots seat.If required you had to trim the A/C ,unstrap and kneel facing rearwards,no A/P,no co pilot.the ground crews favorite trick was to turn the exhaust tube to face into the airflow, which was behind the left main wheel as they removed the chocks.On one flight i had a couple of senior officers in the back and one of our G/crew in the front left seat,about half way i looked over to see said G/crew laughing,he pointed over my shoulder.One of the officers was trying to use the P tube to comunicate with me,must have seen to many Biggles films
I could tell you a story about an airship, an action packer (plastic box) and a black bin liner. Contents (a kind of H/R, I'll leave it up to your imagination) of said bin liner were 'dropped off' (bombed) from fairly low level 'towards' the ground crew... Explosive results!
Back when flying those craft, we used to do some long duration flights. The ground crew will never steal a bottle of 'apple juice' again...
Back when flying those craft, we used to do some long duration flights. The ground crew will never steal a bottle of 'apple juice' again...
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I know of a Swedish royal, a learjet and just a curtain for the privacy.... To make it the perfect bar story: the curtain had not returned from the drycleaners... haha You finish that picture yourselves 
I watched a guy do a header out of a 30-Series Lear onto the ramp in Washington one day, with his pants around his ankles. The Lear had one of those upper/lower clam shell doors with the biffy directly opposite the door. The bottom half of the door obviously hadn't been secured properly and fell open at the most inopportune minute. The guy made a lunge after the door but it was too late, the door fell open and he followed it headfirst out onto the ramp.
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Okay, if you can't beat them...
My CPT a few years ago drank copious amounts of coffee at breakfast prior to a 3.5 hour flight home on the CJ. Nature spoke to his bladder and soon we were trying to figure out how he could de-fuel.
A large plastic empty drinks bottle was procured and discusssions followed as to how this could be engineered to fit Mr Wiggly into it whilst I averted my gaze. In the confines of the CJ cockpit it just couldn't be done.
So CPT does the walk of shame, past the pax who could bearly restrain their mirth and the curtain closed, etc etc. I think one of the Pax jnrs beat him to it and left his friend Richard behind.
My CPT a few years ago drank copious amounts of coffee at breakfast prior to a 3.5 hour flight home on the CJ. Nature spoke to his bladder and soon we were trying to figure out how he could de-fuel.
A large plastic empty drinks bottle was procured and discusssions followed as to how this could be engineered to fit Mr Wiggly into it whilst I averted my gaze. In the confines of the CJ cockpit it just couldn't be done.
So CPT does the walk of shame, past the pax who could bearly restrain their mirth and the curtain closed, etc etc. I think one of the Pax jnrs beat him to it and left his friend Richard behind.