Tonk-a-pom
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Tonk-a-pom
Tonk-a-pom
Not sure what else to add-
5 to zip for the Ashes
Twenty 20 - SENSATIONAL
Bring on the 1 dayers
Last nights game....... I havent laughed so hard for ages
Thanks lads!!
Not sure what else to add-
5 to zip for the Ashes
Twenty 20 - SENSATIONAL
Bring on the 1 dayers
Last nights game....... I havent laughed so hard for ages
Thanks lads!!
England's Cricketers
Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An all-rounder.
Q. What advantage do Kevin Pietersen, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped. (or Losers Being Walloped)
Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. Why do Australian girls like English cricketers?
A. They stay on top for four days and still come last.
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.
Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was an Englishman?
A. An all-rounder.
Q. What advantage do Kevin Pietersen, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped. (or Losers Being Walloped)
Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.
Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. Why do Australian girls like English cricketers?
A. They stay on top for four days and still come last.
When you live....
Just in case the mods bin this thread due to the lack of an aviation theme:
Q: How do you know when a 747-load of poms has arrived in Sydney?
A: The engines stop but the whining continues.
My personal favorite was Kerry O'Keefe during the second test - when asked if the Englishmen's problem was nerves his response was along the lines of "No, it's like if I meet a supermodel in a bar and she turns me down - it's not nerves, it's because I'm not bloody good enough."
Sing while you're winning,
UTR.
Q: How do you know when a 747-load of poms has arrived in Sydney?
A: The engines stop but the whining continues.
My personal favorite was Kerry O'Keefe during the second test - when asked if the Englishmen's problem was nerves his response was along the lines of "No, it's like if I meet a supermodel in a bar and she turns me down - it's not nerves, it's because I'm not bloody good enough."
Sing while you're winning,
UTR.
Seeing "The Ego" (Pietersen) get laughed and abused by the entire Members stand last night was priceless.
The display he put on to the crowd after the dropped catch and later the dismay shown when he was given out by the third umpire only go to show what spanker he is.
Time to get on Speedbird and go home! Or is that Springbok? I don't think he even knows!
The display he put on to the crowd after the dropped catch and later the dismay shown when he was given out by the third umpire only go to show what spanker he is.
Time to get on Speedbird and go home! Or is that Springbok? I don't think he even knows!
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Such very, very short memories you ozmates have... I seem to remember a thorough thrashing of the colonials the last time the Ashes was played...
Still, we should let you have your victory. It may be the last in quite a while.
There is no doubt that this Aussie team is really a sight to behold... majestic and imperious. Not sure they are quite as convincing without the retirees though.
Having said that, the Brits were hapless in the extreme.
Still, we should let you have your victory. It may be the last in quite a while.
There is no doubt that this Aussie team is really a sight to behold... majestic and imperious. Not sure they are quite as convincing without the retirees though.
Having said that, the Brits were hapless in the extreme.
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remoak,
I hardly think you could call the 2005 ashes series:
The series was won by the POMS 2-1 with 2 drawn games and one of those English victories by a massive 2 whole runs. Probably the most the best series of cricket I have ever watched, but hardly a thrashing.
BTW, I didn't see too many retirees in that 20twenty game last night...but I know it's not the same as a test
I hardly think you could call the 2005 ashes series:
a thorough thrashing of the colonials the last time the Ashes was played
BTW, I didn't see too many retirees in that 20twenty game last night...but I know it's not the same as a test
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Ha ha ha... you can accuse me of many things, but being a Brit isn't one of them! So remember for as long as you like.
I'll just sit back and remember the ritual humiliation of the Wallabies... soon to be repeated at the World Cup. The look on Gregan's face after each defeat was quite something.
...in the same way that the English just did. Ozmates? Balanced? Yeah, right!
The first post says it all, really. No grace in victory... none in defeat either. Just can't help yourselves, can you...
I'll just sit back and remember the ritual humiliation of the Wallabies... soon to be repeated at the World Cup. The look on Gregan's face after each defeat was quite something.
"England did not win the 2005 Ashes, Australia just lost them"
The first post says it all, really. No grace in victory... none in defeat either. Just can't help yourselves, can you...
Who are the Wallabies...and Gregan? 
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Many times I've seen an Aussie crying after thier team loses.........
The first post?
Sportsmanship? Not likely
Wallabies? Sucessful? Hahaahaaaaa
The All Blacks are the best.
The first post?
Sportsmanship? Not likely
Wallabies? Sucessful? Hahaahaaaaa
The All Blacks are the best.
All blacks the best. UH HUH. I seem to remember that Australia has won TWO Worlds Cups in Union. All Blacks 1 
. It would seem that the Kiwi's should have won last time but they gassed it up. The only thing left for Australia to conquer is the Soccer World Cup.
On the Tonkapom, the funny thing is that the campaign was thought up by an Englishmen. I think he knew what was coming.
. It would seem that the Kiwi's should have won last time but they gassed it up. The only thing left for Australia to conquer is the Soccer World Cup. On the Tonkapom, the funny thing is that the campaign was thought up by an Englishmen. I think he knew what was coming.
Win by 277 runs, win by 6 wickets, win by 206 runs, win by an innings and 99 runs & win by 10 wickets is slightly more of a thrashing than loss by 239 runs, win by 2 runs, draw, win by 3 wickets and a draw.
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not being a member of either race, i can only offer few suggestion to the poms:
1. go and play more cricket with countries like Namibia, Canada, Scotland (the non test playing nations) and improve on the stats.
2. might learn a few tricks from bangladesh which has 90% members under the age of 25. mind you, paul nixon made his Intl debut the other night at the age of 37
3. grab yourself an aussie coach. he Will definitely teach a few new tricks to play the new balls.
4. stop winging for once, which my pommy neighbor fails to do so every NIGHT!!!!!!
Richie
1. go and play more cricket with countries like Namibia, Canada, Scotland (the non test playing nations) and improve on the stats.
2. might learn a few tricks from bangladesh which has 90% members under the age of 25. mind you, paul nixon made his Intl debut the other night at the age of 37
3. grab yourself an aussie coach. he Will definitely teach a few new tricks to play the new balls.
4. stop winging for once, which my pommy neighbor fails to do so every NIGHT!!!!!!
Richie
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We're not allowed to celebrate a convincing victory eh?
And the Wallabies are a very successful rugby team, they'll do ok at the world cup, may not win it, but hey, win some, lose some.
I suppose it is way too much to expect an Aussie to show grace and humility in victory... not part of the national psyche. Offensive when winning, nothing but excuses when losing. That's the spirit!
Nice tourism ads on TV though, do all those tasty places really exist?
