Interesting Radio Calls!!!!
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Interesting Radio Calls!!!!
Found these on another website...but hey, they are great for a laugh...
..."I am not the most experienced pilot out there, in fact, I am wet behind my years. So I don't portray to be an ace or anything. And I too have made my fair share of stupid things said (and will continue to do so for years to come.) But this one I heard yesterday is up there with I D I O T I C, and just plain ignorant.
Atlanta App: yadda yadda how much fuel do you have left.
Redneck Hick: (Use your best southern 60 year old drawl) Well, I got about fifteen to twenty gallons left, I suppose.
Atlanta App: Well, how much fuel do you burn per hour?
Idiot: I suppose about 15 or so gallons per hour
Atlanta: Well I'm showing you about 25 minutes from your destination, would you like to stop at any one of the 20 airports you're flying over for fuel.
Idiot: Ahhh, no, I think I should be fine, this happens all the time,I just wanted you to know so that I don't get vectored all around and then have to shoot the approach and maybe not make it."
Also heard on the BOS ground frequency during the push, "Lufthansa XXX heavy, Boston ground."
"Ja, Lufthansa XXX heavy -- go ahead."
"Yeah, uh, we need you to pull off there on Charlie and contact your ops. It seems you're missing a couple of passengers."
Smart ass response in fake German accent, "Ja, uhh ok, veel check zie ovens."
Complete silence for at least 30 seconds followed.
i heard a great one by a single-engine cessna filed I.F.R. while flying through colorado springs approach:
controller: "cessna xyz, i seemed to have lost you on radar...verify your level at 5 thousand and please recycle transponder."
cessna: "oh yeah, sorry about that sir - i accidentally gained over five hundred feet out here and shut my transponder off so you hopefully wouldn't notice."
And from Chicago Centre...
“AmTram 726, sorry about that…center thought you were a Midway arrival…just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies and we’ll get you to MKE”
“Approach…what’s our sequence?”
“Calling for sequence…I missed you call sign…but if I find out what it is…you’re last.”
“Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy…but there’ll be a United Tri-Jet between you and him”
“Approach…Southwest 436…you want us to turn right to 090???” “No, I want your brother to turn…just do it and don’t argue.”
“Approach United 525…What’s this aircraft doing at my altitude?” “United 525…what makes you think it’s your altitude?”
“Air Force 45…it appears your engine has…oh…disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”
“How far behind the traffic are we?” “3 Miles” “That doesn’t look like 3 miles to us” “Well you’re a mile and a half from him…and he’s a mile and a half from you…that’s 3 miles.”
One day at JAX, not long after 9/11..
"JAX APP CAP flight XYZ 15 miles out to pick our clearance"
"Roger CAP flight, I dont have anything on you, did you file a flight plan?"
"Yes, do you not have it?"
"Nothing here, you might want to call flight service, but I would make it fast becuase the F-15's are scrambling"
"Yes sir, we will go back to the airport and land!"
He wasnt kidding, the National Guard F-15's were just turning the engines as we pulled out onto the runway for takeoff.
I was in San Antonio for a year flying 152s and Grumman Cougars. Needless to say, when it is 112 degrees outside and you've been flying for nine hours....you aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
We're on final for the right side with a 737 hauling up our arse. I told the controller we could sidestep to the other side if it would help.
"I *SAID* 'CLEARED TO LAND, NINER *RIGHT*!'" the controller replied.
"Roger, cleared to land niner right, Cessna 12345."
I then proceeded to mutter to my student, "Gawd a m n what an a$$hole. I don't know what crawled up his a$$ and died, I was only trying to be helpful. Sheesh." *pause* "He didn't have to be such a d*ck about it." Long silence during which time I begin to suspect a stuck mike. I tried to gracefully exit. "Well...actually, he's just trying to do his job. He's not the d*ckhead, I am." *Click* (Sound of me unsticking mike.)
"Cessna 12345, you guys need to pay attention to your equipment. You've had a stuck mike for about thirty seconds."
WOOPS...............
Before switching to ground I managed to say, "Great job sir, previous comments notwithstanding."
When express I (before Pinnacle) started flying into Detroit, this call was made be the FO flying with a friends of mine. Keep in mind, we parked at the G gates at DTW and taxied to the Spots at MSP. This is what happened when the two got mixed....
DTW Ground (Male): Flagship XXXX where are you parking today.
Flagship XXXX: Um...(pause)....Um...(pause) we are going to the G spot. (The new fo from Memphis was franticly looking for the gate information) Apperently the CA, a friend of mine about fell out of his seat after his FO made the comment. He was doing OE
After about 20 seconds of silence a FEMALE controler came back.
DTW Ground (Female): Ok flagship..taxi to the G-spot, do you boys need help finding that today?
According to my buddy, every aircraft that checked in during his taxi could barely get a word out from laughing so hard.
Northwest 747 freighter and ANG C-5 taxiing out in ANC at the same time about 8 years ago or so....
ANC GND tells the C-5 to follow Northwest, and the C-5 guy decides to get cute about it....
"Sure, we'll follow the little guy..."
"Hey Northwest, that's a cute airplane, did you make it yourself?"
etc, etc, etc...... All the while, the 747 crew is getting more and more fed up.....
Finally, the C-5 guy says, "Hey, what's that little guy gross out at, anyway?"
One of the NW guys grabs the mic and says, "About 250,000 dollars a year last time I checked.... And yourself??"
Predictable silence from the C-5
Right after they built the new runways and the midfield terminal in ATL, the controllers hadn't quite gotten into their rhythm about when to launch and when to cross aircraft that had landed. Anyway, there was one particularly crusty old Eastern captain from back in the DC-3 era who was bumping up against retirement and he had been waiting quite a while to cross the inboard. Conversation goes like this.....
EAL: "Hey, were you going to let Eastern 123 cross anytime this week?"
ATL: "Tell you what, Eastern... you worry about holding the brakes, and I'll worry about getting you to the gate. Sound fair?"
EAL: "Tell you what, Tower... why don't I come up there and kick your ass across the ramp?"
ATL: "Um.. yeah.. ok, you're cleared to cross 27R."
Ahh, the good old days.
CLE Center: United 256, Slow to minimum speed. They're holding for Chicago.
United 256: How slow do you want us to go?
CLE Center: Slow down until you get scared. That'll be slow enough.
Actually overheard on SAN tracon many moons ago:
A Centurion was being vectored for a downwind to Lindberg field from the northwest and was having trouble finding it.
Appch: Centurion, airport 12 o'clock and 8 miles report in sight
Centurion: Looking
Appch: Centurion, airport 12 o'clock and 5 miles
Centurion: Looking. (accidentally keeps mike keyed and says) Where the F*** is that G.D. airport. (unkeyes mike)
Appch: Well, Centurion, since you asked, its now 12 o'clock and 3 miles.
Centurion: (Nervous laughter) Oh, o.k. I have it in sight.
Appch: Contact tower, good day.
Oh well, hope they give you all a giggle!!!!!
..."I am not the most experienced pilot out there, in fact, I am wet behind my years. So I don't portray to be an ace or anything. And I too have made my fair share of stupid things said (and will continue to do so for years to come.) But this one I heard yesterday is up there with I D I O T I C, and just plain ignorant.
Atlanta App: yadda yadda how much fuel do you have left.
Redneck Hick: (Use your best southern 60 year old drawl) Well, I got about fifteen to twenty gallons left, I suppose.
Atlanta App: Well, how much fuel do you burn per hour?
Idiot: I suppose about 15 or so gallons per hour
Atlanta: Well I'm showing you about 25 minutes from your destination, would you like to stop at any one of the 20 airports you're flying over for fuel.
Idiot: Ahhh, no, I think I should be fine, this happens all the time,I just wanted you to know so that I don't get vectored all around and then have to shoot the approach and maybe not make it."
Also heard on the BOS ground frequency during the push, "Lufthansa XXX heavy, Boston ground."
"Ja, Lufthansa XXX heavy -- go ahead."
"Yeah, uh, we need you to pull off there on Charlie and contact your ops. It seems you're missing a couple of passengers."
Smart ass response in fake German accent, "Ja, uhh ok, veel check zie ovens."
Complete silence for at least 30 seconds followed.
i heard a great one by a single-engine cessna filed I.F.R. while flying through colorado springs approach:
controller: "cessna xyz, i seemed to have lost you on radar...verify your level at 5 thousand and please recycle transponder."
cessna: "oh yeah, sorry about that sir - i accidentally gained over five hundred feet out here and shut my transponder off so you hopefully wouldn't notice."
And from Chicago Centre...
“AmTram 726, sorry about that…center thought you were a Midway arrival…just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies and we’ll get you to MKE”
“Approach…what’s our sequence?”
“Calling for sequence…I missed you call sign…but if I find out what it is…you’re last.”
“Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy…but there’ll be a United Tri-Jet between you and him”
“Approach…Southwest 436…you want us to turn right to 090???” “No, I want your brother to turn…just do it and don’t argue.”
“Approach United 525…What’s this aircraft doing at my altitude?” “United 525…what makes you think it’s your altitude?”
“Air Force 45…it appears your engine has…oh…disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”
“How far behind the traffic are we?” “3 Miles” “That doesn’t look like 3 miles to us” “Well you’re a mile and a half from him…and he’s a mile and a half from you…that’s 3 miles.”
One day at JAX, not long after 9/11..
"JAX APP CAP flight XYZ 15 miles out to pick our clearance"
"Roger CAP flight, I dont have anything on you, did you file a flight plan?"
"Yes, do you not have it?"
"Nothing here, you might want to call flight service, but I would make it fast becuase the F-15's are scrambling"
"Yes sir, we will go back to the airport and land!"
He wasnt kidding, the National Guard F-15's were just turning the engines as we pulled out onto the runway for takeoff.
I was in San Antonio for a year flying 152s and Grumman Cougars. Needless to say, when it is 112 degrees outside and you've been flying for nine hours....you aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
We're on final for the right side with a 737 hauling up our arse. I told the controller we could sidestep to the other side if it would help.
"I *SAID* 'CLEARED TO LAND, NINER *RIGHT*!'" the controller replied.
"Roger, cleared to land niner right, Cessna 12345."
I then proceeded to mutter to my student, "Gawd a m n what an a$$hole. I don't know what crawled up his a$$ and died, I was only trying to be helpful. Sheesh." *pause* "He didn't have to be such a d*ck about it." Long silence during which time I begin to suspect a stuck mike. I tried to gracefully exit. "Well...actually, he's just trying to do his job. He's not the d*ckhead, I am." *Click* (Sound of me unsticking mike.)
"Cessna 12345, you guys need to pay attention to your equipment. You've had a stuck mike for about thirty seconds."
WOOPS...............
Before switching to ground I managed to say, "Great job sir, previous comments notwithstanding."
When express I (before Pinnacle) started flying into Detroit, this call was made be the FO flying with a friends of mine. Keep in mind, we parked at the G gates at DTW and taxied to the Spots at MSP. This is what happened when the two got mixed....
DTW Ground (Male): Flagship XXXX where are you parking today.
Flagship XXXX: Um...(pause)....Um...(pause) we are going to the G spot. (The new fo from Memphis was franticly looking for the gate information) Apperently the CA, a friend of mine about fell out of his seat after his FO made the comment. He was doing OE
After about 20 seconds of silence a FEMALE controler came back.
DTW Ground (Female): Ok flagship..taxi to the G-spot, do you boys need help finding that today?
According to my buddy, every aircraft that checked in during his taxi could barely get a word out from laughing so hard.
Northwest 747 freighter and ANG C-5 taxiing out in ANC at the same time about 8 years ago or so....
ANC GND tells the C-5 to follow Northwest, and the C-5 guy decides to get cute about it....
"Sure, we'll follow the little guy..."
"Hey Northwest, that's a cute airplane, did you make it yourself?"
etc, etc, etc...... All the while, the 747 crew is getting more and more fed up.....
Finally, the C-5 guy says, "Hey, what's that little guy gross out at, anyway?"
One of the NW guys grabs the mic and says, "About 250,000 dollars a year last time I checked.... And yourself??"
Predictable silence from the C-5
Right after they built the new runways and the midfield terminal in ATL, the controllers hadn't quite gotten into their rhythm about when to launch and when to cross aircraft that had landed. Anyway, there was one particularly crusty old Eastern captain from back in the DC-3 era who was bumping up against retirement and he had been waiting quite a while to cross the inboard. Conversation goes like this.....
EAL: "Hey, were you going to let Eastern 123 cross anytime this week?"
ATL: "Tell you what, Eastern... you worry about holding the brakes, and I'll worry about getting you to the gate. Sound fair?"
EAL: "Tell you what, Tower... why don't I come up there and kick your ass across the ramp?"
ATL: "Um.. yeah.. ok, you're cleared to cross 27R."
Ahh, the good old days.
CLE Center: United 256, Slow to minimum speed. They're holding for Chicago.
United 256: How slow do you want us to go?
CLE Center: Slow down until you get scared. That'll be slow enough.
Actually overheard on SAN tracon many moons ago:
A Centurion was being vectored for a downwind to Lindberg field from the northwest and was having trouble finding it.
Appch: Centurion, airport 12 o'clock and 8 miles report in sight
Centurion: Looking
Appch: Centurion, airport 12 o'clock and 5 miles
Centurion: Looking. (accidentally keeps mike keyed and says) Where the F*** is that G.D. airport. (unkeyes mike)
Appch: Well, Centurion, since you asked, its now 12 o'clock and 3 miles.
Centurion: (Nervous laughter) Oh, o.k. I have it in sight.
Appch: Contact tower, good day.
Oh well, hope they give you all a giggle!!!!!
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I know this is not in the spirit of the thread but....
I do the ATC bizzo thingy and I once saw a paint maintaining 8500 for ages the slip up to 9500 (base 8500. 3 or so years ago around YPMQ pre E days but ) and challenged the FIS officer on nthe day to broadcast... suddenly the paint disappeared. Same thing with the Singelton firing range r532a 0-4000 h24. Often a paint is challenged and the blip disappears (we have coverage down to 1000-1200 feet). I wonder if this is just coincidence or do the offenders just flick off the transponder?
cessna: "oh yeah, sorry about that sir - i accidentally gained over five hundred feet out here and shut my transponder off so you hopefully wouldn't notice."
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Geez, Bindook, you are a classic. Just like your band of irresponsible bugsmashing mates.
Speedbird 10 has just landed at Frankfurt and needs taxi guidance:
Speedbird 10: "Request taxi guidance to the gate".
F Tower: "Speedbird 10, haf you not bin here before?"
Speedbird 10: "Yes, old chap, 50 years ago, but I didn't stop".
Speedbird 10 has just landed at Frankfurt and needs taxi guidance:
Speedbird 10: "Request taxi guidance to the gate".
F Tower: "Speedbird 10, haf you not bin here before?"
Speedbird 10: "Yes, old chap, 50 years ago, but I didn't stop".
These two are probably apocryphal but:-
A really rough day at altitude. Various heavy jets are on the frequency asking for higher or lower flight levels to avoid turbulence. Basically, it's as rough as guts up there.
Earwigging is a Navy F/A-18, cruising along at max altitude. He gets on the mike and says "Hornet 26; hey you guys, the ride is real smooth here at FL540."
A moments silence, then an unknown voice replies "How's the pay-cheque, Hornet 26?"
Nothing further heard from the F/A-18.
Second one is a USAF SR-71, callsign "Habu 21". He gets on the radio and asks a controller, who obviously doesn't know what aircraft he is dealing with, for clearance to FL680.
"Centre, Habu 21, request flight level six eight zero"
"Habu 21, Centre....sir....if you think you can make it, you're cleared to flight level six eight zero...and advise when reaching."
"Centre, Habu 21. Roger, descending to flight level six eight zero and will advise."
A really rough day at altitude. Various heavy jets are on the frequency asking for higher or lower flight levels to avoid turbulence. Basically, it's as rough as guts up there.
Earwigging is a Navy F/A-18, cruising along at max altitude. He gets on the mike and says "Hornet 26; hey you guys, the ride is real smooth here at FL540."
A moments silence, then an unknown voice replies "How's the pay-cheque, Hornet 26?"
Nothing further heard from the F/A-18.
Second one is a USAF SR-71, callsign "Habu 21". He gets on the radio and asks a controller, who obviously doesn't know what aircraft he is dealing with, for clearance to FL680.
"Centre, Habu 21, request flight level six eight zero"
"Habu 21, Centre....sir....if you think you can make it, you're cleared to flight level six eight zero...and advise when reaching."
"Centre, Habu 21. Roger, descending to flight level six eight zero and will advise."
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Many years ago it was common for an aircraft transferring from a low level controller to the high to be told to squawk standby, to free up a code for the low controller. Think they stopped it after Zagreb...
Back to radio calls, overhead in the Great Australian Bight, a very mellow female voice:
"OK ladies and gentlemen, we are going to have a little competition now. If you all..."
The replies:
Whiney voice, "Oh! I wanted to play."
Lascivious voice, "What's the prize??"
Many moons ago on HF in the NW:
FS to RFDS aircraft, "Can you divert to Balgo Hills Mission to pick up a patient with an infected circumcision scar?"
Unknown voice (possibly THREE PILOTS from NWN) interjects, "What, the sharp stone had a bit of dogsh*t on it eh?"
Back to radio calls, overhead in the Great Australian Bight, a very mellow female voice:
"OK ladies and gentlemen, we are going to have a little competition now. If you all..."
The replies:
Whiney voice, "Oh! I wanted to play."
Lascivious voice, "What's the prize??"
Many moons ago on HF in the NW:
FS to RFDS aircraft, "Can you divert to Balgo Hills Mission to pick up a patient with an infected circumcision scar?"
Unknown voice (possibly THREE PILOTS from NWN) interjects, "What, the sharp stone had a bit of dogsh*t on it eh?"
