Another on reported a few years back:. .. .A USAF C130 at the holding point at EDDF notices that the Lufthansa 747 in the holding bay in front still has the gear pins in place.. .. ."DLH xxx, Reach XXX, come up on 123.45". .. ."Ve are german professional pilots and ve do not exchange chit chat on unauthorised frequencies". .. ."Tower, Reach XXX, tell the professional pilot in the big jet that he's still got his landing gear pins in"

From Singapore / Changi(WSSS). .. .Recently .... .. .Arrival frequency, aicraft 15 miles from touchdown. Aircraft calls Arrivals.. .. .SQ193 : Can you see this !. .. .ARR : What's that ?. .. .SQ193 : You got to see this !. .. .ARR : For your information, I'm working in an enclosed area.. .. .SQ193 : My apologies, by the way the weather is building up at our 5 O'Clock. . .. .ARR : You could have told me to look at my Weather Radar. Cleared for the ILS Approach 02R, call when establish. .. .SQ193 : Thought, you were not equipped with this features. Cleared ILS Approach 02R, call when established.. .. .ARR : ..... .. .3mins later.... .. .SQ193 : Established localizer 02R.. .. .ARR : Continue approach, contact tower 118.6 (Irritated Voice). .. .--------------------------------------------------. .. .Quite hilarious actually ... . .. .Cheers,. .Herman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="cool.gif" />

Heard about this one many years ago.., when the ATIS was not computerised and a human voice was required. I don't know if it really did happen but I'd like to think it did;. ."Aberdeen Approach this is DANAIR F**king 154". ."Station calling, say again!". ."Aberdeen this is DANAIR F**king 154". ."DANAIR 154, Aberdeen, use standard R/T phraseology, pass your message". ."I will when you do - listen to the ATIS". .Atco listens to the atis, while the weather is being broadcast and in the background, clear as a bell, you can hear "Where's the F**king DAN154?". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" />

Here's another one for you:

DLH123: ***RDR, DLH123 requesting higher
***RDR: [stressed] DLH123, Shut up break break EWG155 contact APP...

... it was only in the sim though!

...and another
 

The Pilots of a PanAm 747 listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt Ground and a British Airways 747:

Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.

Ground: " Guten morgen. Taxi to your gate" The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
G: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
SP:"Standyby ground, Im looking up the gate location now."
G: (with typical German impatience) "Speedbird 206, have you never been to Frankfurt before?"
SP: (Coolly) "Yes, in 1944, but I didnt stop."

Nothing personal, just funny.

Regards all.

Hear say
 

A mate told me this one the other day.

It must have been some years ago. A real yankie flying a freighter into some German airport for the first time.

He recieves a rather long and complicated taxi clearance by a very busy famale controller.

Reply: " Uhhh sorry mam could you say again?"

TWR: Repeats the clearance followed by: "What´s the matter havn´t you been here before?"

Reply " Well mam... I was here twice in ´45... didn´t land though"...

Another one (extremely recent) from the world of computerised aircraft and student ATCOs...

***123, Traffic is a 737 crossing right to left, descending, he'll pass about 1/2 mile in front of you, but that's OK because I'm not being assessed on separation yet!

WX Man..

..and there's plenty more from where that came from :D :D :D

Fire away...

Boston Center: UA Air 555, enter hold Fall River NDB, southwest at 11 thousand, expect further clearance at 55.

No Reply...

Center: USAir 555, did you copy?

Another pause

US Air 555: Uh, neither of us know how to do that!

ok WXMan...

"Tug 3 downwind"

"G-xxxx continue approach, vehicle on touch-and-go"

"golf-whisky-taxi, tango to holding point echo 2"


:D :D :D

XXXXX you're identified, the Yarmouth regional is (realised just at that moment that the a/c isn't in fact in the yarmouth ASR) immaterial, however the Humber regional is XXXX


Cue delay in readback from crew for obvious reasons

Liverpool, 1980's.

US Military had some sort of operation at Burtonwood - just off to the NorthEast of the zone....... arriving for an ILS app runway 27, in a King Air, with the callsign "Lord xxx".

Cessna 172 (G-MALK was downwind in the visual circuit, doing touch and go's). Instructor in Cessna was monitoring Approach frequency in headset - whilst student and same instructor were working tower on loudspeaker....

Twr: "G-LK, ILS traffic at 5 miles, report traffic in sight."

G-LK: "Wilco, G-LK"

Pause.

G-LK "Hallelujah"

Twr: "G-LK, say again???????????"

G-LK "I have seen the Lord!!!"

(edited to put Burtonwood in the correct quadrant)

And also at Liverpool, in the sixties, the following came from within the curtain around the radar position;

"Roger golfxxxx, you are identified; what's your position ?"

Took a while to live that one down..................................... :D

The reply wasn't
5 foot 7 and sitting in the left hand seat, by any chance?:D :D
we aim to please, it keeps the cleaners happy